I need serious advice - divorce pending, reducing herd

[2horseygirls]

[QUOTE=Trakehner;7237203]
I’m so sorry about your brother…at least you got to say goodbye.

Took the antique furniture? That is really not a guy thing to do (yeah, I know, stereotyping…but it’s true.) I’m a guy and I can tell the difference between Jacobian and Georgian but I sure wouldn’t be going into my abandoned wife’s house to steal antique furniture…there is a girl (boy?) in his life.

Phew! To paraphrase Sun Tzu, “When your enemy is destroying himself, get out of the way” Got to admit, he is giving you so much ammunition to make him look like a self-centred ass.

Funny how he didn’t take one of the dogs…hmmmm, girlfriend.

I ran into my sister one day, she had a black eye. Being an older brother I asked her how that happened. She finally admitted her husband did it (but if she didn’t make him mad etc. etc. etc.). I got my biggest and meanest looking black friend, and off we went to visit Don while my sister was elsewhere. Amazing how the threat of what would happen if my sister ever had an injury (and a minor application of pain…OK, a major application). Don left the next day, he just couldn’t stand the idea of not being able to hit her under the threat of S.S.S. She did ask me if I said anything to him…“Nope, not a word” I said. I can’t stand bullies and nobody hits my sister.

OP…you have a big brother? :mad:[/QUOTE]

AMEN!

[hundredacres]

Trak, I lost my big brother over the weekend. He never knew what was happening, but it surely would have pissed him off.

I think he took the antiques (edited)… I could care less about them - I have mouths to feed and I would not have had to sell off the furniture to do it - they are family heirlooms, on his side, but they are also my daughter’s family heirlooms.

[trubandloki]

I sure hope you told your lawyer about him taking the things he took.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7237215]
Trak, I lost my big brother over the weekend. He never knew what was happening, but it surely would have pissed him off.

I think he took the antiques. I could care less about them - I have mouths to feed and I would not have had to sell off the furniture to do it - they are family heirlooms, on his side, but they are also my daughter’s family heirlooms. The man is a complete ass.[/QUOTE]

Many hugs to you.
I am sure we ca round you up some big brothers. Meanwhile we will be invoking ED on STBEH…the explosive Diarrhea curse, combined with the other ED (at one point we had a 3rd ED curse handy, but I forgot) Yeah, the plague to him! I hope his thing falls off!

So sorry about your brother.

[hundredacres]

(edited)

Do send explosive craps, to come out of his ears, nose and mouth. For the next year.

[HorsefaceDee]

[QUOTE=Trakehner;7237203]
I’m so sorry about your brother…at least you got to say goodbye.

Took the antique furniture? That is really not a guy thing to do (yeah, I know, stereotyping…but it’s true.) I’m a guy and I can tell the difference between Jacobian and Georgian but I sure wouldn’t be going into my abandoned wife’s house to steal antique furniture…there is a girl (boy?) in his life.

Phew! To paraphrase Sun Tzu, “When your enemy is destroying himself, get out of the way” Got to admit, he is giving you so much ammunition to make him look like a self-centred ass.

Funny how he didn’t take one of the dogs…hmmmm, girlfriend.

I ran into my sister one day, she had a black eye. Being an older brother I asked her how that happened. She finally admitted her husband did it (but if she didn’t make him mad etc. etc. etc.). I got my biggest and meanest looking black friend, and off we went to visit Don while my sister was elsewhere. Amazing how the threat of what would happen if my sister ever had an injury (and a minor application of pain…OK, a major application). Don left the next day, he just couldn’t stand the idea of not being able to hit her under the threat of S.S.S. She did ask me if I said anything to him…“Nope, not a word” I said. I can’t stand bullies and nobody hits my sister.

OP…you have a big brother? :mad:[/QUOTE]

THIS! Trakehner, I wish you were my brother…

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7237237]
Yep, the attorney is filing a restraining order to keep him from doing anything like that again. He also threatened to take the keys to the farm equipment - he was mad because the tractor had a flat tire and he saw it (while he was pillaging, rather than supporting our daughter in the most important day of her year). It’s been leaking for TWO years. I had my attorney call his attorney on that one. He didn’t take the keys.[/QUOTE]

Flying fruit bats! The farm equipment, too?!
He should recycle his gonads…they are brass ones, and epic sized! Should have him set for life!

[Aggie4Bar]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7237020]
Changing locks today - I had to ask the attorney if that was okay. I never thought he would do this. Then again, I also thought he was faithful.[/QUOTE]

Never underestimate peoples’ actions in a divorce. And don’t think changing the locks will solve the problem. It will help, certainly, but when someone wants something and feels entitled to it, there’s no stopping them. Be prepared.

I know four people whose exes cleaned them out. One returned home from overseas to find everything gone, the bank accounts empty, and all utilities turned off. Two had changed the locks and had their homes broken into and pilfered. One (the only woman of the bunch) simply didn’t imagine her ex would ever do such a thing and had essentially the same scenario as you - went about her daily business and came home to empty house.

None of those were cases of dividing his/hers. It was revenge. Because the behavior is consistent across genders, I suspect it has to do with the cheating ex resenting being caught or judged, blaming the innocent spouse, and feeling entitled to make that spouse pay. That is what those thieving exes had in common with your STBEH: adultery and initiating the divorce while playing house with the new fling on the side.

[D_BaldStockings]

If you haven’t done it yet, make a photo inventory of EVERYTHING, with titles, any purchase receipts, VIN numbers, etc.

I would move all titles, etc. to a safety deposit box.
Turn your list over to your lawyer; whether he bought it, you bought it, it is your minor daughter’s. Stuff has value and is part of the property to be divided. No party has the right to ‘take and go’ with any of it.

On that note, I would do a descriptive list of ALL that has been removed so far, adding pictures, etc. if you have them. Turn that over to your lawyer, too.

If the antiques turn up sold before the divorce finalizes, (and someone should be monitoring e-bay, local dealers and CL for that) then they are being cashed out, not treated as heirlooms. As your daughter’s inheritance, not his to sell for cash -yet.

Will the restraining order keep him off the property and out of the house until after the divorce is finalized?

Anything else goes missing? Police report and point them in his direction.

[pinkpony321]

What a cowardly, terrible thing to do, to come in to your home and take things when he knew you weren’t there! Chicken sh!t, horrible person.

At least youve made progress rehoming the horses. By the time the court stuff rolls around, you’ll have your stuff sorted, looking like and smelling like a bunch of roses, while his personality continues to shine through and make him look like the giant turd he is.

Guh. I don’t know you and I am livid for you!!

[Trakehner]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7237215]
Trak, I lost my big brother over the weekend. He never knew what was happening, but it surely would have pissed him off.
I think he took the antiques because his mother told him to.[/QUOTE]

Sounds like your brother was in the service? I know his fellow troops would not put up with his little sister being abused…spread the word to his fellows.

His mommie told him to steal the furniture? OMG, just how planned was this crap that he pulled? How long had he been thinking of this? Phew, talk about bad faith.

Sorry I’m not a bit closer…big brothers can also be an honourary position. Get your guy friends around you…give them a chance to show how disgusted they are. Guys really do hate this sort of cowardice.

[CVPeg]

So sorry you’re going through all of this Hundred. And condolences on the loss of your brother.

Glad you have found a home for the TB.

Hope you have completed any forms, provided financial info, etc. to your atty, so he can get you to court ASAP to request interim child and spousal support. You may be going down to one income, but - in NY State at least - you should be able to advise what your living situation was while married, do a budget based on every-little-thing-needed to make that happen - you HAD 4 horses - and the cost to pay for all of them should be included - do not settle for his proportionately supporting the lowest level you feel you have to go to, especially to raise your children in the manner in which they were accustomed. Of course, this may not happen in real life, but that is the starting point, not a level you will eventually accept.

I can see the family heirlooms having to return to his famn damily - but what a scumbag to yank them out on this weekend with no discussion of what to replace them with - and with your daughter’s event, your brother’s illness. What a scumbag.

[Pennywell_Bay]

HA, I’m not too far from you. If you or your daughter need anything, let me know. If you need a place to stash something- that’s ok. If you need a dresser - please PM me. I have an extra. I also have a beautiful dining room table and chairs. The offer for stashing items you don’t want him to take includes household or barn stuff, equipment , whatever you need.

I have a trailer and can assist. Say the word. My ex took 2 of my dogs when I was hospitalized, and but for the sudden appearance of my big ass SWAT team brother and a few friends- would have taken my 2 old JRTs.

I’m sorry about your brother. If you need anything- let me know.

[fordtraktor]

I am only a few hours away as well. Once you have a chance to regroup, take inventory and let us know what you need, I have some extra household furnishings in excellent condition I am not using and can bring to you if you need them.

[Pennywell_Bay]

And- if you have something that means you are going to be away from the farm for a long period (and he may know) and have the RO- let me know. I don’t mind a stake out with my big ass retired police GSD and 21 year old barn helper whose all muscles (get your minds out of the gutter. He’s like a son ha ha). People walk through ROs all the time but my chubby fingers can call 911 pretty fast.

[cloudyandcallie]

Get the TRO instanter to prevent the soon to be ex from taking anything from your property or bank account or savings account etc. And have your lawyer give him a “notice of criminal trespass” so that if he does violate it and does enter onto your property, he can be arrested and prosecuted and put in jail. Divorce is hardball. You have to presume that the other party will do any and everything venial.

And you don’t have to have a man to instill fear in a man. BTDT for numerous male friends in Atlanta, including for “my” white male judge and for guys who should have been able to do it themselves. All you need is a woman with some authority, such as a female prosecutor. Check you list of friends and find someone who will back you up and instill the fear of jail into your husband. (I cannot count the times that men told me they knew people in power when I ran them off from my male friend’s houses at all hours of the day andnight, LOL. Duh, I worked for the most politically powerful man in Atlanta-Fulton.) So find someone in your friends or neighbors who has power, or works for someone in power. Go visit the sheriff, if you don’t know him already. I always make sure that the local cops know me and my horses. You’d be surprised how helpful cops are if you ask for them to patrol you residence or place of work or where you board your horses.

Expect the worse. And plan ahead. You don’t want to show anger or fear. But you do want to have access to people who can demonstrate that you aren’t a pushover.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=Pennywell Bay;7237348]
and 21 year old barn helper whose all muscles (get your minds out of the gutter. He’s like a son ha ha). [/QUOTE]

sorry, I know this is serious

[minnie]

As just a minor addition to the edc, I would wish for him a couple golf ball sized hemorrhoids, which will become raw, enflamed and very angry with the frequent, well you know, to remind him each and every minute of each and every day what a total asshole he is.

I hope you have a very good lawyer!

[LauraKY]

Good lawyers can be miracle workers. My neighbor’s daughter’s husband (with four kids under 12) had a fling, she threw him out, he wanted to come back, she said no way.

So he: cut off all her credit cards, including her debit card, and cleaned out all the bank accounts which she discovered at the gas station with no gas and a car full of kids. A friend came to the rescue. He fought every attempt at mediation and to come clean with his financial records, she got the meanest, baddest lawyer in town, hired a forensic accountant and got 99% of what she asked for when it finally got to mediation. She left him stuck with the house that needed upgrades to sell in exchange for a $$$$ lump sum settlement.

Here’s hoping that your lawyer can eviscerate your low life,no good, piece of manure as well.

Good luck. I’m so sorry for you and your children.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=D_BaldStockings;7237283]
Turn your list over to your lawyer; whether he bought it, you bought it, it is your minor daughter’s. Stuff has value and is part of the property to be divided. No party has the right to ‘take and go’ with any of it.[/QUOTE]

No party has the right to hide assets or sell them (and hide the cash, presumably), but this is a longterm marriage and these are their common assets.

It’s a jackass move certainly, but if these are family heirlooms from his side of the family and if OP’s guess about his mother telling him to take them is right, the dressers are probably safe (ie not sold off) - and had a good likelihood of ending up with him anyways, as long as OP got some other valued assets in compensation (unless they’re his inheritance pre-marriage, in which case they might be his period, and not marital property - intended as daughter’s inheritance, but not hers until he is deceased. That’s always possible).

Certainly I agree with cataloguing assets in case something else disappears, but I wouldn’t consider the soon-to-be-ex removing some furniture that are family heirlooms from his side of the family as the height of evil. I’d be more worried about any common accounts (or him running up debts which may become common debts).