I need serious advice - divorce pending, reducing herd

[wendy]

Really ? How about the massive financial changes that occur? I hope you never find yourself facing the choice between food and shelter for your human family and buying hay for a horse.

well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.

[NorthwoodsRider]

Definitely try a therapeutic riding association for the Standardbred. My trainer runs a TRA and she loves standardbreds for the program, mostly because they tend to be narrower through the ribcage than other breeds, which makes it easier to put children on them. They have also been handled extensively throughout their training, and retraining as riding horses, so work really well in the program. If the first program you try doesn’t accept that one, try some more around you - I’m sure one of them will be thrilled.

[poltroon]

If you have a good riding school in the area, you may be able to place your #2 and #3 horses with them, either permanently or as a long term free lease. I know some people don’t like riding schools, but in a good one the horses get regular work and lots of attention. It may not be a fit, but it may be worth a try. The #1 horse that is not in pain and can drive might find a home too.

I think the advice to wait until the legal situation is more clear is probably wise.

I would also try the giveaways here and to just see what might be out there as options for them, options where they would be useful horses to someone. In your particular situation, don’t overlook the free lease as an option to remove some of the bills while ensuring that they are getting the care they need. You can always euthanize them later.

I’m not against euthanizing them if no homes can be found. If I were you… I would consider not telling my daughter I had euthanized the marginally useful ones if I could help it. Her relationship with her dad doesn’t need that kind of burden.

[Alagirl]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]

There but by the Grace of God…
There are a few things going through my mind right now, but like the OP I am not going to put them down.
Self-righteousness is really not an attractive look this fall.

[poltroon]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]

I’m going to say this nicely, in case you’re actually confused as to the reality of the situation.

Children are in a whole different category in the law than horses. All residential properties are zoned for children. The ex will be financially responsible for their care and feeding. As a last resort, there are government programs to help you feed, shelter, and medicate them. It is not legal to sell them. They also become financially their own entities at age 18, which means that in theory they are not financial burdens forever.

OP has horses at home, and she may not be getting to keep that home. You can’t move the horses in with you to an apartment for some reason that I’ve never fully accepted.

And as for your “irresponsibility” comment - which is incredibly mean and inappropriate - it appears that a few of these horses came to her not because she sought them out, but because she gave them a soft place to land. If her soft place was only a few years instead of forever, the horses are still far better off.

OP is being very responsible and is looking after all her charges with the resources she can muster. I don’t know why you think your mean words will help anyone in this situation.

I’m sorry you’re so jaded about men but there are lots of ways one’s income can be brutally and immediately cut. Shit happens to the best of us.

[wendy]

agree life likes to kick you in the butt, but becoming financially dependent on some other person is just stupid, and the current culture encourages women to enter into dependent relationships. Try not to do that. I urge you. Seen too many people and animals suffer. DON’T DO IT.
Hope the OP gets past it without too many avoidable deaths.

[hundredacres]

I’ve read every response but Wendy’s…thanks everyone.

I’m not going to euth anyone tomorrow. I’m trying to get my brain around it and planning for the worst case scenario, just in case. I will talk to my attorney about all of this and I won’t make any decisions until I know what the settlement is. But I have to have a plan.

The fostered mare is taken care of, as I spoke with her owner/organization this evening. They discussed options for the others and I feel better - it still includes euthing the ones at risk since they have health issues… they support me in that it’s the safest thing for them. I cannot in good conscience, place any of these horses anywhere else. I will hold on to the STB, the Arab, the TB…and the foster will be here with their financial support, which will help the mare since she’s aged and we don’t want her to make any changes, and it will help me emotionally because I am very attached to her, as are my other mares.

But I may need some help from you all when that day comes. If any cothers are close by and can keep me from jumping in the hole myself, I could use the physical restraint.

[catherines]

Wendy
To put in nicely you are a self righteous , sanctimonious , souless , unsympathetic and nasty individual.

I hope life never deals you any unexpected blows and if it does , I hope you don’t look to others for sympathy , understanding or advice … As you probably won’t have much of a safety network given the above mentioned attributes.

[RubyTuesday]

[QUOTE=yourcolorfuladdiction;7225943]
You could always have a “first right of refusal” if the horses don’t fit in or give it to them on free lease with the agreement that they’ll send the horse back if it’s not a good fit or when the horse has outlived its usefulness.[/QUOTE]

No, we all know how that often works out…not.

[ciscolark]

HundredAcres, I think your thoughts about what to do in this situation are very sound. I am sorry that both you and your daughter have to face this on top of everything else, but I think I would most likely make the same decision in your situation. I agree that horses live in the moment and a day or may days too soon is much preferable to a day too late or risking a terrible situation.

That said, I feel like I am a bit of a walking contradiction. I am lucky enough to be the recipient of a “problem” horse who was scheduled to be euthanized if I did not take him. He is sound but has a lot of emotional baggage and some medical complications that made him unsuitable for rehoming in most situations. His owners were vaguely familiar with me and knew my attachment to this horse, but they still took a huge risk by allowing me to take him. I am forever grateful for that, and he is such an important part of my life. He is old, old now and has been in my life for the past 9 years. He will always have the best care I can offer, but I would not feel comfortable rehoming him if it came to that. So while I would lean heavily towards euthanasia in your situation, especially with the expense that it takes to take care of horses well these days (making it harder to find a good home), in the meantime don’t write off that there may be a tiny silver of a chance that one of your horses could be the perfect match for someone. Good luck and best wishes during this difficult time.

[hundredacres]

I forgot to mention that I’ve contacted the previous owner of the Appendix - I bought her because she was in college and couldn’t afford her anymore. In the meantime she’s gotten married and she may be able to take her back to live out her days there. This will give me SUCH a relief, because I only bought her to keep her from ending up with a stranger (I knew this horse for many years). Please jingle for this to work out - that will be 2 serious worries of my mind. Her old owner always imagined her growing old with her, and was heartbroken to part with her but relieved she came here. Please, some jingles.

[NorthwoodsRider]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7226337]
Please, some jingles.[/QUOTE]

Jingles that the Appendix goes back to her original owner… that would be great!

[Hannahsmom]

Jingles the appendix’s former owner can take her. Hugs to you and the fact that you have given several horses a good home. As the person looking out for them you know best if there are viable homes off them or not. Forever homes are few and far between. You’ll do right by them. So sorry you have to go thru this.

[LauraKY]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]

Lucky for you, you can’t be voted off the island. Karma can be a b!tch…hope it doesn’t bite you in the butt.

[ellebeaux]

Wendy, just go away. You are not adding anything helpful to this thread.

Hundredacres, I’m sorry for this bad news. Sounds like a smart move to brainstorm and gather information right now and not make any quick decisions.

[RedMare01]

Jingling for you. Whatever the outcome, you’ve given them wonderful lives thus far. They’re lucky horses.

Wendy, :no:. Really? I understand not being fully dependent on another person, and I’m usually in full agreement with that sentiment, but when you’re in a 14/15+ year (I understand the OP’s daughter is 14, so I assume the marriage is a least that old?) relationship, things are a bit different. It’s a MARRIAGE. Depending on the other person in some way, shape, or form is kind of the point. Otherwise why bother? It’s not typically a “this is mine, that is yours, all finances are kept separate” kind of endeavor, KWIM?

[poltroon]

OP, so glad to hear that some of the networking is paying off for you. I’ll think good thoughts that solutions can be found for you just as you were once a solution for them.

[poltroon]

Wendy, you know that it’s not always the man who goes away or loses his job or gets injured or dies, right?

You’re not helping here.

[Trakehner]

The common suggestion during a breakup seems to be…do nothing initially, just relax a little bit and make your decision after a bit…talk to a good lawyer first though and listen to he/she or it.

[macmtn]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]

WOW. Just…wow. Someone piss in your wheaties this morning?
The best laid life plans can and do go south without warning…leaving a divorced mother of kids with horses to deal with the wreckage. I am sure everyone here is glad you would never find yourself in that position and are thus able to judge us all from your lofty height…