I need serious advice - divorce pending, reducing herd

[JWB]

Wow - I’ve never added anyone to my ignore list but tonight was a first.

OP - First of all hugs to you. Sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I agree that the horse with cancer should probably be euthanized now rather than later.

I would give the useful ones a bit before you make any knee-jerk reactions. I was able to place one such mare in an excellent home with references. I did not turn over ownership of her for two years… Yes, life is still a risk, because there are no certainties, but I know in her case (a navicular and slightly high strung pony) I was able to find her perfect match for the time being. Her new owners came with excellent references from other horse folks and vets, and I had to sift through a LOT of really poor applicants…

If no suitable home can be found, then yes, euthanasia is probably the best option.

[DressageFancy]

Try looking into New Vocations for the Standardbred mare. They do an excellent job re-homeing.

[candysgirl]

If any of the horses would be good for therapy programs, both Agape and Morning Dove down here in Indy are good places. A friend works at Morning Dove and I used to volunteer at Agape. The horses are basically on a free lease. They pay the bills while they use them. When the horses can’t do the job anymore, they go back to their owners.

If the Haffie can walk around pulling a cart not lame, Agape has carts and drive as part of their program. I work for a carriage company and a couple of our horses have gone to them after being retired from downtown. They loved the attention and enjoyed having a job for a few more years with kids stuffing them full of treats before ‘real’ retirement back in their old field. Certainly worth a shot asking them.

They may not be interested in the Appendix since she needs supplements, but its worth a shot asking.

[Effie1221]

Hang tight and take it one day at a time. An attorney can help split the expenses amicably, including re-homing and equine medical expenses.

One day at a time. Breath. Relax. Repeat.

[cutter99]

Hundredacres- Try getting in touch with the Standardbred Retirement Foundation. They do an incredible job of taking care of “their breed”. I have a close friend, who had a horse she boarded that was abandoned by the owner’s family when the owner died, and the Standardbred Retirement Foundation paid his bills until he died.

http://www.adoptahorse.org

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Standardbred-Retirement-Foundation-Adoptahorseorg/135624493378

On a personal note, I know first hand what you are going through. It is tough, but you’ll come through it better off.

And you are setting a great example for your daughter by looking out for your animal’s sake, even if you have to euthanize. It’s a tough lesson to learn, especially as a child, but sometimes what doing best for the animal is what pains the human the most.

Prayers for you from Pennsylvania!!!

[RubyTuesday]

[QUOTE=hundredacres;7226337]
I forgot to mention that I’ve contacted the previous owner of the Appendix - I bought her because she was in college and couldn’t afford her anymore. In the meantime she’s gotten married and she may be able to take her back to live out her days there. This will give me SUCH a relief, because I only bought her to keep her from ending up with a stranger (I knew this horse for many years). Please jingle for this to work out - that will be 2 serious worries of my mind. Her old owner always imagined her growing old with her, and was heartbroken to part with her but relieved she came here. Please, some jingles.[/QUOTE]

Jingles on the way!

[minnie]

I haven’t any good advice to contribute, but offer cyber hugs and lots of jingles. I’ve had to make those tough decisions and it’s not easy, but you do what you have to do and you survive. Your daughter’s probably stronger than you think, but do give her time to adjust to whatever the decision turns out to be. I’m just terribly terribly sorry you have to go through this.

[minnie]

And Wendy, did no one ever tell you if you can’t say anything nice it’s best not to say anything at all? Your opinion is neither wanted nor needed.

[2horseygirls]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]

Wendy, how wonderful that you’ve been able to sustain your animals on your own! Perhaps sharing your methods (how you have financially managed and planned for your animals, how you found a new property or boarding for them when your relationship status changed, what you would do differently if you could, etc.) would provide some hard data and avenues for exploration for OP, and ultimately help her towards a solution.

It’s hard to imagine being in another’s shoes in the best of situations, much less the worst, but also recalling how you may have felt in a situation that you were blindsided in (perhaps an unexpected firing, or a friendship that went inexplicably south, or even a put-on-the-spot impromptu public speaking event) would provide an opportunity for a basis for empathy.

[danceronice]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]

Alagirl and others already responded as is best, except I wanted to add: horses are not your dependents unless you are doing something highly illegal on your 1040, in which case I’m sure the IRS would be fascinated to take a look. They’re property. You buy them, you sell them, you can legally do a whole lot of things that you cannot do with children and they will never be self-sufficient. And (as the fact I own the house I’m sitting in demonstrates) funny things happen to property in a divorce–like neither of you gets to keep the house, the animals that have a market value, the bank accounts, etc.

If the Halflinger is sound for pulling I would think that either a therapeutic program who has participants that can’t ride but could drive might want him, or he might have some value as a sale, as driving ponies always seem to move around here (everybody loves the Halfies–my neighbor started out driving one, now he’s got two and is rebuilding his wagon for a double hitch. He’s older, so he’s not able/willing to chance riding, but driving keeps him active and involved with horses.)

[2DogsFarm]

Sorry, no solutions, just {hugs}

I do agree with your euthing those that have little chance of going to good homes.
It is what I have decided for any horses in my care should I become unable to afford them or place them safely.

Possibly your vet knows of someplace that might take a horse?
My pony came to me through my farrier who had placed him with another of his clients as a foster when he could not keep him.

Sorry you are going through this.

[Lori_B]

There are therapeutic riding programs that work with free leases. I know of at least one in MD that in fact prefers that arrangement, so please don’t make up your mind in advance of getting some information that there are no alternatives for your horses.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but do look around for therapy gigs for the horses who might thrive at that job. The places I know don’t mind horses that require maintenance if they have the right mind for the job.

I will get flamed for this, but I would want to be sure that your daughter does in fact know that any required euthanasias are due to her father’s withdrawing his support, if it comes to that. And I would let the father know that you plan to do so, if he stops acting civilized in the process. If her father wants to have a good relationship with his daughter, one place to start would be for him to help support the animals for at least a reasonable time.

[Coanteen]

[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? [/QUOTE]

Sure I would. I’d also sell my children once I grew out of them, lease them out to others for profit, and shoot them if they had health issues I couldn’t afford. I might even cook 'em up in a delicious stew. Because children are exactly like the livestock I own.

[HorsefaceDee]

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I hope you have a good group of friends and family that can help you. You are a responsible kind and caring horse owner. hugs

[skykingismybaby1]

OP you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart in your chest, I am confident you will find your way through this situation.

There is another side to the “right of first refusal” or free lease situation. I have seen at least a half dozen times, that when the horse is done in the program, tired, high maintenance etc. and the original owner is contacted…crickets. Or the response is “I don’t want the responsibility of putting him down, cant you retire him?” The result is that we no longer take, lame or high maintenance or potentially short term career horses. No one should make promises that they don’t keep.

Non profits are usually on a shoe string budget with no excess to retire or take care of high maintenance horses.

[Chief2]

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties, HundredAcres. I am wondering if it would be possible to do an on-site half lease of one or two of your riding horses, to help generate some income towards keeping the third horse? I agree with sitting it out and waiting a bit until the dust settles. If the compromised ones are bad off, then I would put them down while the ground is still soft, and then see where the rest of this goes. Otherwise, it may be best just to sit tight for a bit.

I wish you all the best in your trying situation, Chief2

[HorsefaceDee]

Quote Originally Posted by wendy View Post
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.

Wow. I have no words for this. A positively evil response.

[Finding_Serenity]

First off: Jingles to you and your ponies and kid. It’s a hard thing to go through, make sure your kid knows they can talk to you about anything. Counseling can be a big help (coming from a kid from a split family!).

Wendy: While I think your post is blunt and a little bitter, you do have some solid thoughts. Even my own mom has recommended that I have a joint and a separate bank account for myself when I get married.

However at this point I think positive advice on dealing with the situation, rather than backlash on past choices, is what is needed here. Talk about how you managed to keep your animals, what you did to manage your budget etc. with suggestions that may help hundredacres. Everyone has low points and you can’t prepare for everything.

[macmtn]

[QUOTE=Coanteen;7227471]
Sure I would. I’d also sell my children once I grew out of them, lease them out to others for profit, and shoot them if they had health issues I couldn’t afford. I might even cook 'em up in a delicious stew. Because children are exactly like the livestock I own.[/QUOTE]

choke…(snort)
you can make a profit–off yer kids??? hot dam! share how please…
got a good recipe for kid stew too?

[lovey1121]

[QUOTE=cutter99;7226572]
…you are setting a great example for your daughter by looking out for your animal’s sake, even if you have to euthanize. It’s a tough lesson to learn, especially as a child, but sometimes what doing best for the animal is what pains the human the most…[/QUOTE]

This can’t be overemphasized. Dumping animals who are likely to end up in a bad situation is irresponsible. Making decisions about animals based on the commitment that they will never know a moment’s suffering is the highest form of love. I know all of us here agree that animals are not disposable. With this deep commitment comes some very hard decisions, but we do what’s best for them because we are who we are. As said above, its a tough but important lesson to teach your kids.

God forbid a certain poster ever has a catastrophic event destroy her life, as micromanaged and planned out as she claims it is. As they say- MAN PLANS AND GOD LAUGHS.