[QUOTE=Coanteen;7227471]
Sure I would. I’d also sell my children once I grew out of them, lease them out to others for profit, and shoot them if they had health issues I couldn’t afford. I might even cook 'em up in a delicious stew. Because children are exactly like the livestock I own.[/QUOTE]
Swift’s A Modest Proposal, anyone? :lol:
Animals may not be children and may live for the moment. But they have a strong survival sense and want to live, just like we do.
I’d prefer to rehome all of them. That would give them at least a chance at life.
What about spousal support? Why can’t you keep the place where you live?
Should you not wait to make a decision until the dust settles and the shock has worn off?
[QUOTE=macmtn;7227713]
choke…(snort)
you can make a profit–off yer kids??? hot dam! share how please…
got a good recipe for kid stew too?[/QUOTE]
Is there a certain seasoning I’m not using? My kid stew is too gamey and incredibly expensive.
[QUOTE=BabyGreen;7227775]
What about spousal support? Why can’t you keep the place where you live?
Should you not wait to make a decision until the dust settles and the shock has worn off?[/QUOTE]
I agree with not making some decisions yet (some may be easy, such as if former owner steps up).
But OP mentioned going from 2 incomes to 1, meaning she works. Spousal support will at best, and that’s depending on jurisdiction and years of marriage, aim at equalizing income between spouses (so if OP makes 40k and OP’s husband makes 60k, having 1/2 the difference annually go to OP). Spousal support has been falling out of favor for a while, so it does heavily depend on jurisdiction as well as OP’s income and her income potential.
It’s not meant to let OP stay where she is, if she can’t afford it. If that home/lifestyle required 2 incomes, OP would be expected to downsize to a 1-income lifestyle, even with spousal support.
[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]
Under this logic, very few people should own horses (or have children.) None of us have any guarantee of perfect health, even if we had immense wealth and didn’t ever have the prospect of any financial concerns. Job loss/financial reversals and/or disability can happen to anyone.
The OP is being an adult and handling her responsibilities. It is simply not unreasonable to put down an aged/unsound animal with an uncertain future rather than try to pawn it off on someone else.
Met with the attorney today, she advised me not to make any decisions yet concerning the horses, based on finances. Of course I will follow her advice.
More than anything, I appreciate the support here. I’ve received many PM’s and the suggestions have been extremely helpful…thank you so much.
I do get what Wendy is saying, but it’s not the kind of world we live in. When you’re with someone for a number of years (in my case 17), things change - employment, children, health, goals, education - these thing change the structure of the relationship. Based on her stated morals, she would leave a SO if he/she became too sick to work and support himself, or if he lost a job, because there would be no comingling of finances. That’s not the kind of relationship most civilized people have.
And without giving too much personal information up - I had a horrible attorney tell me I’m losing everything. I have a new attorney who actually knows the law now. We don’t have spousal support in this state so that won’t be an option. My daughter is 14 so other support will only be until 19. The property in very, very complicated :(. Just jingle for us if you can.
[QUOTE=BabyGreen;7227775]
What about spousal support? Why can’t you keep the place where you live?[/QUOTE]
If assets are evenly divided that means that the spouse who wants to keep that home has to pay the departing spouse his/her half. So if you have a home worth $200,000, you have to buy out your spouse for $100,000.
Sure, you could negotiate that spouse gets the cars and the boat and doesn’t have to pay child support for X years to offset the buy-out cost, but then you have to make sure you can afford another car and don’t need the child support. Sometimes parties can work it out; sometimes they can’t.
[QUOTE=Anne FS;7227857]
Sure, you could negotiate that spouse gets the cars and the boat and doesn’t have to pay child support for X years to offset the buy-out cost, [/QUOTE]
You actually can’t negotiate child support away like that.
Or more precisely, you can as long as both parties are fine with it, and the child won’t require state aid (in which case the state will go after the support). But CS is not an asset of the marriage, so once the assets are divided and the divorce case closed, the spouse who “gave up” the CS in consideration for some other kind of marital asset can turn around and ask for CS. The divorce case won’t be reopened (so no re-division of assets), and the spouse will still be entitled to CS.
[QUOTE=Coanteen;7227877]
Or more precisely, you can as long as both parties are fine with it, [/QUOTE]
(lol) That’s what I said. You can both agree to do it.
[QUOTE=hundredacres;7227855]
Met with the attorney today, she advised me not to make any decisions yet concerning the horses, based on finances. Of course I will follow her advice. [/QUOTE]
Good for you for getting a better attorney and listening to her good advice.
Not that this will happen to you, but another reason for not doing anything sudden with the horses is you don’t want to get rid of anything that if the relationship sours even more, the other party can make things difficult.
No, old, ill horses are not worth money, but divorces can get tacky, if not downright ugly, and a spouse can say about the horses “they’re worth X dollars and I want half,” esp. if the animals are insured, but I’ve known it happen without, out of spite.
Jingles sent your way.
[QUOTE=Anne FS;7227884]
(lol) That’s what I said. You can both agree to do it.[/QUOTE]
Right. I was pointing out that there is no legal way to “keep” one party to this kind of agreement if they change their mind. As soon as the divorce case is over, they can turn around and ask for CS, and the court won’t care that there was an agreement about the marital assets.
I am speaking from experience. When faced with divorce I was forced to sell most of my breeding stock. You know tb broodmares are a dime a dozen, especially if they are lame.
I had an oldenburg approved tb mare that I placed with what I thought was a good home. A paint breeder in Michigan. Her farm looked great, her horses looked great. She had her for a year and the mare died due to starvation and neglect. She won’t admit that is what she did. The mare was big, not the easiest keeper but not the worst. She was lean when she got her, but you could not see any ribs or bones on her. 4 years later a friend of mine got a starved paint mare off of her. I was facebook stalking and saw my mare I gave to her in horrible shape. 3 months after she had her she posted pics of an emaciated mare. She didn’t remember my name when I messaged her, but I asked about the mare. She said she died because she was thin when she got her. I would have much rather euthanized her then let her suffer for a year.
I never expect anyone to keep any animal for their life. Without 2 incomes I was not able to afford my horses and my house. It is just unreasonable to think someone is a forever home. Stuff happens that is beyond our control. A single parent should not be expected to feed horses, feed children, pay bills and keep a roof over their head with 1 income. No one should be trying to walk in your shoes and expect things out of you that are not possible. What it comes down to is that no one is walking in your shoes but you. You need to do what is best for you and your family.
Is the stb sound to ride? What about a lease? I know they are usually quiet.
I wish you the best through this tough time.
Jingles for you op. My heart goes out to you and your critters. I am glad that your atty advised you to let the dust settle before making rash and permanent decisions. I trust that you will make wise decisions with the best interest of your animals in mind.
[QUOTE=catherines;7226268]
Wendy
To put in nicely you are a self righteous , sanctimonious , souless , unsympathetic and nasty individual.
I hope life never deals you any unexpected blows and if it does , I hope you don’t look to others for sympathy , understanding or advice … As you probably won’t have much of a safety network given the above mentioned attributes.[/QUOTE]
Agreed!
Well, aren’t you just a perfect special snowflake. You must get a helluva nosebleed from that high horse you’re on.
[QUOTE=wendy;7226199]
well, I still don’t get it- I’m not stupid enough to let myself or my animals become financially dependent on some man. I’ve had one man walk out on me, and I walked out on one man, and I kept the animals, of course. If you had children, would you put them to death because some man walked out? of course not. Why would you set yourself up for mass killing of your dependents because your man walked out? it’s very predictable- more than 50% of relationships fail, and men are notorious for failing to provide for dependents. You plan for the worst. If you can’t support the animal on your own, sans SO, you don’t accept it’s care in the first place.
You’re an adult. Accept responsibility. Killing or dumping your dependents is the height of irresponsibility.
As is becoming financially dependent on other people. That’s what children do. Not adults. If you can’t stand on your own feet, you have no business acquiring or birthing dependents.[/QUOTE]
Ouch. What an awful place to find yourself in, kids, horses and property aside. And no one wants to have to play God when it comes to animals. Doing the right thing sometimes feels so wrong.
FWIW, this will eventually pass and life will be good again. Hopefully better.
I’m so sorry to see this thread and what is happening in your life. (((hugs))) I agree that euthanizing these horses might be the best path unless someone truly responsible is willing to take them on.
No advice, just jingles
[QUOTE=Anne FS;7227857]
If assets are evenly divided that means that the spouse who wants to keep that home has to pay the departing spouse his/her half. So if you have a home worth $200,000, you have to buy out your spouse for $100,000.
Sure, you could negotiate that spouse gets the cars and the boat and doesn’t have to pay child support for X years to offset the buy-out cost, but then you have to make sure you can afford another car and don’t need the child support. Sometimes parties can work it out; sometimes they can’t.[/QUOTE]
Except it usually isn’t the ‘market value’ of the property, but only the existing equilty above the mortgage, which can be rather low in the current market: that $400,000 horse property may have an equity of less than $40,000 to be split.
If the horses are going to be considered assets in the divorce, I would keep expense records for monthly upkeep and have them appraised by your vet. I’m sure a money devouring no-value ‘asset’ would be easy to have assigned to you in a divorce…heck it would cost more to truck them to a forced auction than one would recover from the sale. GET THAT IN WRITING from an expert (vet) and give to your lawyer.
If your or your daughter’s health care coverage is under your husband, be sure to include that in your divorce settlement negotiation.
Best wishes to you, I hope you have other supportive family and local friends to keep your spirits up.
I’m sending jingles and positive thoughts your way, hundredacres. And please don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for the decisions you are making to take care of you and your daughter and the horses.
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