I seem to have lost my Mojo

[Spudsmyguy]

A series of life changing experiences seems to have sucked the joy and desire to ride right out of me. I had knee surgery at the end of August and have been on my horse once since then. I did trail ride last weekend but my leg was in so much pain most of the time, I couldn’t enjoy it. Luckily, I have a wonderful 20 something year old woman riding my main horse Odin three or four days a week. She’s really done a fantastic job with him and she does it just for the saddle time as she’s horseless. Me, on the other hand, just have no motivation. By the time I’m done with work, it’s dark and cold and it just sucks the desire right out of me. I have so much stuff to do around the house since my husband is no longer around to share the load so every afternoon is busy.

I’m under constant stress on how I’m going to keep this going without losing the house until I’m ready to sell it. I have four more years before I can collect full social security and work the same number as hours but it’ll be touch and go until then.

I’m just venting but maybe I need to sell all the horses and get out of it altogether although I don’t know what I’d do with myself as horses have always been my passion in life. I don’t know what to do really.

[hybriseris]

Man…I can relate. It seems like all the sudden life is just one thing after another and on top of it I can’t seem to keep up with everything that needs to be done, let alone go ride.

What is the situation with your horses besides Odin? Are they suitable for a lease, or are you even open to that? It would lessen your expenses and you wouldn’t have to feel like you needed to get out to ride because someone else is. And then when your situation in life changes again and you have more time, they will still be there.

When I’m under a lot of stress, the first thing I want to do is drop everything, even the things that are best for me because I just want everything to STOP. I totally relate to your feelings, and I wish I had more for you than just empathy!

[TheJenners]

@Spudsmyguy

By the time I’m done with work, it’s dark and cold and it just sucks the desire right out of me. I have so much stuff to do around the house since my husband is no longer around to share the load so every afternoon is busy.

Huuuuugs. Doing it yourself is horrible, and anything you can afford to hire or trade out I highly recommend. I do all the daily stuff myself and my Dad helps with projects, but hiring someone to clean the house twice a month saved my sanity. Anything you can do to take away a chore, the better.

@Spudsmyguy

I’m just venting but maybe I need to sell all the horses and get out of it altogether although I don’t know what I’d do with myself as horses have always been my passion in life. I don’t know what to do really.

More hugs.

You’ve had a lot of hard hits recently and I don’t want you to make any big decisions right now when the weather is crappy and dreary and then regret them in the spring.

[Spudsmyguy]

Spud is very anxious and worried about everything to the point of being almost unrideable. However, he is very polite and gentlemanly on the ground and loves people and being fussed over. I would love to find him a companion home or a therapeutic situation like wounded warriors where they don’t ride but learn about care and basic ground handling techniques.

The other, Apache, is 22 going on 23 and while he’s a good trail horse, he’s not suitable for beginners as he knows he’s big and strong and tries to take advantage of that situation and has to be reminded constantly to mind his manners. We tried to sell him at one point but no one was interested so took him off the market.

[2DogsFarm]

Whether you’re widowed or divorced, Grief is involved in this sort of change.
You have to give yourself time to adapt to the New Real.

Even when I was married & working, horse expenses came right after mortgage.
The horses provided what I needed to keep going.
When I was widowed, I still needed what they gave me. I was 10+yrs from SSI & DH left no pension (self-employed).
I was able to collect part of his SSI as a survivor.
Retired & on a fixed income: Same.
I don’t ride or drive nearly as much as I have in the past, but just caring for the horses & having them home means a lot to me.

Odin’s rider seems to be a Win/Win for you both.
If you can find a therapy program for Spud that sounds like a good situation for him.
Apache might be the one you need to keep At All Cost.
For your sanity, if nothing else.

I hope you can get therapy for your knee & take that worry off your shoulders.
Just 4 months out from surgery may be too soon to go back to your normal routine.
Talk to your mortgage holder for solutions to getting the house sold, or means to keep it if you would prefer that.

& Come here to brainstorm.
Plenty of us BTDT!

[MunchingonHay]

Please give yourself pause.

You have been through a lot. Give yourself the time to recover, learn how to live in your new normal. It will take time to adjust.

See if Odin’s rider will pick up some barn chores for some cash. Haying, picking stalls, filling water etc. The chores that take time but can be done by most horse people.

I would look into seeing if their is a program Spud can join. Perhaps on a free lease sort of situation where you have some weight taken off of your shoulders.

Take one day at at time.

Lean on us, your crazy horse family.

[Simkie]

It’s OKAY to take some time off. It’s okay to enjoy your horses from the ground. It’s okay to let them get fat and hairy over the winter.

Something I feel is not very well explained is how anesthesia, pain, and the stress of recovery really impacts your brain. It’s really normal to feel beat up and worn out and pretty low after going through all that. Post anesthesia depression is a real thing. It’s not you–it’s what you’ve been through–and it does pass.

Give yourself some time, and grace. You’ve been through a lot. Be kind to yourself

[luvmyhackney]

You have had such a rough go at it lately. It’s ok to let the horses sit unused for a bit while you grieve. If money is the issue, try to free lease them out to give yourself a break.

Hugs and give yourself all the grace as you are so deserving.

[Scribbler]

@Spudsmyguy

A series of life changing experiences seems to have sucked the joy and desire to ride right out of me. I had knee surgery at the end of August and have been on my horse once since then. I did trail ride last weekend but my leg was in so much pain most of the time, I couldn’t enjoy it. Luckily, I have a wonderful 20 something year old woman riding my main horse Odin three or four days a week. She’s really done a fantastic job with him and she does it just for the saddle time as she’s horseless. Me, on the other hand, just have no motivation. By the time I’m done with work, it’s dark and cold and it just sucks the desire right out of me. I have so much stuff to do around the house since my husband is no longer around to share the load so every afternoon is busy.

I’m under constant stress on how I’m going to keep this going without losing the house until I’m ready to sell it. I have four more years before I can collect full social security and work the same number as hours but it’ll be touch and go until then.

I’m just venting but maybe I need to sell all the horses and get out of it altogether although I don’t know what I’d do with myself as horses have always been my passion in life. I don’t know what to do really.

Omg. You were just suddenly widowed in a horrible way. Give yourself some time to mourn. Let the horses sit on pasture until the Spring. Grief is real. Nothing you feel this year is a real test of how you will feel going forward.

[wsmoak]

Whatever you decide to do, we’ll support you. There is no “should” here. It sounds like money is an issue, and in that case if you truly can’t afford the horses in your new situation, then sell or find homes for them. While this will be sad and a huge lifestyle change, it will also remove a large source of stress. Keeping horses when you do not have help is not fun. I know everyone says wait a year after major events before making changes, but financially that is just not always possible.

This will be the first winter I do not have horses in… I can’t remember how long. Decades. There are still some tears. But also it was freezing this morning and I did not have to go outside. Neither of us is getting any younger and health issues are becoming more limiting. For me, it was time. And it’s okay. There are many, many ways to be involved with horses other than owning or keeping them at home as I was doing.

Only you can know what’s right for you. Talking to a counselor might help sort things out as a cross check that you are making rational decisions, and give you the confidence to make changes, if needed.

[anon40672407]

Winter itself is hard on people, let alone winter on top of major changes and physical challenges!

We support you. Please be kind to yourself. Don’t rush into anything, but once you have made up your mind to something, do it, and you will have checked a box. Even progress down a path you reverse later is progress, and you can remedy direction if need be. Just don’t rush out of anxiety.

[carman_liz]

Huuuggeee hugs!!! If you were near east tn your Spud could totally come live out retirement or for awhile with my unridable pony since I will be down to just him again next week!!

Echoing others, grief is real and it is hard, trying to keep horses during all the new situations, even harder. No solutions other than give yourself time to grieve and figure things out, even if it takes awhile. Again the hugest of hugs!!!

[lenapesadie]

You’ve had a hard road to walk. No advice, only love

[BrownDerby]

There is a Hope for Heroes veterans center in Yelm, WA. Perhaps check them out?

[Libby2563]

Spuds, I missed your other thread but I just caught up and I am so sorry that you lost your husband, and in an awful way too. Between that and your knee pain I would be shocked if you still had your mojo, especially going into winter. I have no advice other than to take care of yourself. Hugs!

[frugalannie]

I’m so sorry to read of the loss of your husband, the delayed/ incomplete/ whatever healing of your knee and the situation you’re in. Just a couple of thoughts:

It’s always OK to take a break from “having to” ride and waiting for “wanting to” ride to reappear. It probably will when the pain resolves, but your mind set may be different at that point, too. And part of what you’re feeling may be the transition to a different view of your priorities and how you want to order your life. That’s all OK. You may sort of be going through a reboot, and we all know that nothing much can happen while the spinning pinwheel is on the screen. It takes whatever time it takes.

In the meantime, maybe consider half leasing out your horses, charging half or more of the actual cost of horsekeeping* and so many days a month of doing some barn chores. That’ll get some cash flow offsetting the horse expenses and give you a physical break from doing chores. The young woman riding Odin would be a great place to start. And if she can’t afford any $, then she can do more chores. Another plus of doing this would be having the horses ready for you to ride when you want to and having a built in buyer for a horse if that’s what you decide to do.

There is no right way to approach any of this. That you’re able to share your situation is a huge plus. We’re all here for you.

• Cost of feed, hay and bedding. I don’t know if your horses are barefoot or if you want to include routine vet care. Those are considerations too.

[Larksmom]

Don’t know more of your situation, and I am so sorry about your husband. But one thing you might think about, maybe, maybe not, but if the mortgage is a burden, have you thought about reverse mortgage? I am thinking about it myself. Good luck whatever you do.

[moonlitoaksranch]

Do you have enough hay in for the winter? If you’re stocked up, it’d be best to wait until spring because the horse market in winter is hard. Spring is better for selling. Plus, you won’t do anything now that you might regret later. The horses will be fine with turnout and regular care. Let them be pets for a bit.

If your pain is post op pain, it should be getting better over time. If it’s beyond that time period, seriously consider signing up for physical therapy. I had given up on my knee and pt exercises improved it dramatically. Lots of folks in there with various issues and it seemed to be helping. Just tell them what your expectations are going in. If insurance is being difficult, you might need a diagnosis.

I’m very sorry you’re going through all this. It must feel like a nightmare sometimes. Prayers and hugs.

[2DogsFarm]

I have a Reverse & it solved a problem for me.
My Dad had one for 20+yrs & I knew the workings when I applied.
After more than 5yrs I owe less than 1/3 of my farm’s appraised value.
And that’s the City’s estimate for RE taxes, so a lowball for an actual sale. Even in the current market.
Like any mortgage, it can be refinanced, so keep that in mind too.

[Spudsmyguy]

Speaking of hay, about 8 people from my pony club pooled their money and I now have a $600 credit at the local hay supplier! I had no idea they were doing this and am so touched by their generosity. I got teary when I read the card that was sent.