I spent an hour cry/riding today and now I'm just really embarassed

[TMares]

If he’s riding a reiner, I’ll say this. Andrea Fappani has won over 5 million dollars showing reiners. And he gets into the schooling arena at 3AM or earlier at shows to ride so he’s schooling when it’s not a zoo. Think about that. There are few hard and fast rules. Anyone looking for good rules when it comes to western shows and arenas, hahhahahahahaaaa!

He could have TOLD you what he was doing and honestly, if he’s doing reining, what the heck is he doing on the rail anyway? He’s a jerk, you have post-baby jangly hormones. Also, he’s a jerk.

[Willesdon]

You felt like crying: no shame there. You wanted peace to get back into practice: good idea. You met a man who was arrogant, oblivious then rude, overbearing and an all round bastard: I’m sure you’ve met them before, we all have! Be kind to yourself. You are still settling into motherhood - something he will never manage - and riding should be some happy “me time”. Talk to the BM about rules, quiet times, and say that you were upset by this individual (you may find that you are the only one he has upset). Then put on your game face and next time you see him just ignore him. Life is too short to get upset by bad manners.

[HungarianHippo]

OMG I just want to reach through the screen and give you a hug. It’ll be ok. The crying is probably an aggregated response to everything that’s happening–personal, political, pandemic. It’s all too much for most of us, and I think most of us are crying more and more intensely at stuff that wouldn’t normally merit that response. Combine that with an inconsiderate guy whose instinct is to assume bad motivations in others, and who feels the need to dominate / gain upper hand, rather than react to your emotion with empathy and generosity. And in the spirit of generosity, he maybe feeling a similar degree of high emotions at what’s going on in our world, and maybe this behavior is out of character for him. Guys tend to have fewer “acceptable” means to display emotion. I walked in on my husband with tears on his cheeks last week. He looked bewildered and embarrassed to be crying, as he put it, “over nothing. It’s just everything in the world sucks right now.”

[DawgLady]

Hims was a dick. The end.

[HPFarmette]

I am sorry this happened to you. But good on ya for getting on your horse!

[babecakes]

Reining patterns can’t be broken up as easily as dressage. You can’t just go oh oops - 10m circle, do a little half pass.And they involve speed. But in his ‘perfect German manners’ he should have asked your permission first. He’s smart enough that he should have recognized you as an unfamiliar, to him, rider. I would discuss sharing the arena with management. Especially if you are a long term boarder. I thoroughly understand your desire for a relaxed quiet time to return to riding.

[atr]

With Dawglady here.

[rockymouse]

I had an unexpected long hard cry last week too, though mine wasn’t during riding. Listen - you’re a new mom, it’s a pandemic, there’s unrest and unhappiness in the world, along with uncertainty. So you cried…that’s okay. A lot of us are crying these days. This guy was a jackass to you. Don’t give him two more seconds of thought. Honestly. When you see him at school, nod and say HI very brightly and keep on truckin. Same when you see him at the barn. HI, and keep on truckin. You do you. Act like this dumb scolding never happened.

The scolding is not what’s important. What’s important is you having riding time on your horse again. That’s great!

[meupatdoes]

Dude, SOMEONE at this barn who controls what goes on there should have stuck up for you.

Ring rules are fine, but nobody gets to terrorize or bully the other clients.

WTF kind of remotely professional operation do they think they are running???

And yes, I have ridden in several German barns. Human decency and basic behavioral standards are not a foreign concept there, and there is an understanding of how to SHARE the gd arena.

The German you are looking for is “Hör mal, was soll dass denn eigentlich mit dieser Arschlocherei, hat wohl keiner ihnen beigebracht wie mann eine Manege teilt und wie mann such überhaupt ausserhaus benimmt?!”

I feel like GFY is also pretty much international shorthand, so…

[WoodsRun]

Please do not apologize to him. As an adult human being he could have communicated his plan with you. Good grief. Just common curtesy. His mother must not have taught him how to share.

[endlessclimb]

Whoever said it upthread, yes to: the experienced rider yields to the green horse/green rider.

I can’t imagine ENFORCING the rules to anyone. I will mention “hey left to left” if I almost run someone over a few times due to wishy washy behavior.

I have to say, the reiner at my barn is really hard to ride with. He will go from rundowns to 5m circles at a jog without a seconds notice, and does those 5m circles right in middle of god and everything which makes it hard to do any other figure work. He probably gets really annoyed with me putting poles out though, so there’s that. Just gotta work with each other, I keep my pole set ups on the quarterline and don’t make them too long without gaps.

Walk like you mean it, keep your eyes up, and don’t let him just run you over. Say something if he’s constantly right up next to you.

[anon38350891]

I’m proud of you for riding again with everything else going on, and baby at home. Every minute you spend with your horse, whether or not you ride, is money in the bank. Don’t hold yourself to anybody else’s standard of how you should be progressing. You are doing perfectly in all ways.

Professor A$$hole can go straight out to sea with his western dressage and bullying tactics.

Please promise that you will NOT apologize to him!!! And as for asking his advice: Tell him that a test of a skilled rider is being able NOT to mow people down in an arena. He lacks skills and should try harder to develop them.

[Cally0826]

I ride super early or in the evening to avoid the arena hogs and the people who love to give unsolicited advice. You were in the arena first. He should have said something about what his plans were for riding patterns or called out lines. He can’t expect people to be mind readers. I hope you feel better and get back in the saddle soon!

[RedHorses]

One other consideration - if you are trying too hard to stay out of the other rider’s way you become unpredictable yourself and make it harder for the other rider to avoid you. You said he was in fifteen places at once - he probably felt you were too. I have ridden with people who tried to stay out of the way and it’s difficult and frustrating.

This still doesn’t give that other rider cause to berate you in the way you described. And he’s wrong about the “international rules” thing.

Ride your own ride. When you encounter another rider tell them where you’re going using “inside” and “outside”. Any list of arena rules will have exceptions - like the one that states pass left to left except someone doing lateral work keeps the rail.

I’m with Hungarian Hippo - your tears are likely a stress reaction from everything you’re dealing with these days. His reaction may have similar roots. You will see over time if that’s the case or not.

(((hugs)))

[Fellbutbackup]

Confront him and have a talk. There could be a serious misunderstanding somewhere.

[atl_hunter]

@smm20

Logged in here for the first time in years because I needed to tell some people who would “get” it. I haven’t ridden much at all in the two years since having a baby, and this month I decided to just finally get back in the saddle already. This was my fifth ride. I went into the empty arena to start and someone came in behind me. I just wanted to trot for 30 minutes, and it started out fine. He was trotting too. Then cantering. Then doing the western reining equivalent of a Grand Prix dressage test. Somehow the guy was suddenly using 150% of a gigantic arena. He was literally 15 places all at once. And I was just trying to stay out of his way.

So the rules are 1) walking horses stay on the inside, and 2) pass on the left. Great. Except four times my horse started walking when I was trying to trot, so I inadvertently wound up on the rail a few times at a walk. Also the guy was in 15 places all at once, so there was one time where he was doing flying changes straight at me, and I just tucked myself into the nearest corner to get out of the way. Now I’m not only not passing on the left, but I’m halting on the rail.

At the end of it, I decide to walk at the corner leading into the short side and he was all the way at the other end of the arena. Great. I kept walking towards the other corner of the short side, and all of a sudden the guy was right there. He got really mad and stopped and proceeded to explain all of the rules to me. He pointed out all of the times I had broken the rules. He noted that these were “International” rules (I’m an immigrant) and again told me the rules. And again wanted to reiterate in detail each time I had broken one. I apologized. He told me again the rules and that they were “International.” I said I had seen he was doing a complicated exercise and that I was just trying to keep out of his way. Then I started crying. I just couldn’t stop crying.

I kept walking (not on the rail) and crying. I was too embarrassed to get off. His trainer came in and schooled him on the changes. He left. I cried harder. Then he came back in on a different horse. And proceeded to continue some sort of lesson. I hid at the far end of the arena and walked in a circle down there. I walk/rode/cried for a full hour.

Then, since I can’t just get off the horse, and crawl into a hole and die, I had to untack, walk all over the barn, feed, clean tack…etc all with what was probably a puffy, ugly, tear stained face. I might have started crying a few more times too. People asked me if I was ok. I said yes, because I just don’t have the vocabulary in German for what I was feeling (which was some combination of two years of guilt for not riding/frustration with my inability to even trot properly/the feeling that I am always in someones way in this country/the confirmation that I am indeed in someone’s way and they were keeping track of it). And then I got in my car and cried some more.

Now I just feel really embarrassed about the whole thing. And I’m going to have to avoid this guy not only at the barn, but also at work because he is a Professor at the university that I work at. Ugh.

OMG I know this feeling, but with actual reiners. It was IMPOSSIBLE to stay out of their way on my 16.3H hunter and they were constantly sliding into other horses with no care in the world, expecting that everyone else would figure out how to stay out of their way. I saw a kid’s horse get t-boned with that nonsense, so I get what you mean when someone is hell-bent on getting their exercise/school in and is completely unwavering.

I also work with Germans, and as someone mentioned above, they are such sticklers for rules! So I can see why he was also quite miffed. So, I wouldn’t avoid him at all. The great thing about the German culture is that it’s quite direct. So, you could go to him, apologize, and explain that you truly were trying to stay out of his way. Then maybe ask where is the best place for you to position yourself when he’s in the ring. If he’s executing a test he’s going to be all over the place, and will likely be changing tracks which would further complicate things for you as it’s tricky to know all the test and to understand where he’s going next. You could also ask when he rides (I think someone mentioned that as well) but instead of saying it’s so you can stay out of his way, maybe just say that you recognize that he’s doing some advanced work and that he may need more ring real estate, that you understand that and would like to make sure you’re not interfering. He may appreciate that you appreciate what he is doing. Maybe you could even watch and learn a little? I wouldn’t move barns over this or even hide for that matter. The more you ride, the more connected you’ll become with your horse and you’ll be trotting and cantering along in no time. Hang in there, and try to enjoy the ride in the meantime.

[luckymaverick]

I, too, am proud of you for staying on. No one likes a bully. I’ve had a few come-aparts, the most spectacular at a dressage show.

[Postandrails]

I would find a quieter time to ride. No matter how you deal with this guy and his rude behaviour, sharing the arena with him is not going to be fun for you, and you will continue to be on edge. Once you have some of your confidence back, then you can work out how to share an arena with him if you need to.

Don’t feel bad for crying. I was brought up in a family that didn’t yell and, all these years later, I still don’t deal with it well and it makes me get emotional.

[CanteringCarrot]

While Germans are stickers for rules, they’re also quite direct, critical, and borderline rude. I also find that the older men have little respect for women. I don’t know if it’s where I live (been here a long time), or what. However, as someone also involved in academics, I don’t experience it so much in that realm. Professors should (should, but not always) also have a decent grasp of the English language, so there shouldn’t be a terrible language barrier.

Ya gotta give it back to him. What irks me is that while there is directness, when you give it back, suddenly it’s offensive. Um, it goes both ways, this isn’t a one way street! If he complains that you’re in his way, ask him, then where should I be? I’m trying to ride, you’re trying to ride, let’s make it work. He doesn’t own the arena. He is no more important than you.

I do know someone that left a semi-local stable because she couldn’t put up with the western riders anymore, so I don’t think you’re alone in this. So ultimately, you may have to adjust your ride times a bit if this can’t be sorted.

Now, the stable owner/manager should come in and assist you here, but that’s in an ideal world. Many I know would not want to be involved and are quite passive in an issue such as this. Is that right? No, but it’s reality, unfortunately.

I’ve had to get snappy before when someone told me to look where I was going (I was following the rules and they weren’t and are known for this behavior) and they effed off after that. So sometimes, you just have to stand up for yourself. Embrace your inner German, be direct with him and tell him that you are simply trying to ride by the rules but you’re not sure wtf he is doing.

[Xanthoria]

Agreed with the above: IMEX German culture values directness far FAR above tact. Tact and being very polite is actually seen as being wishy washy and weak. My ex husband took it to another level… :no:

OP that man was rude and unkind. Tell him to go micturate up a rope.

ETA I am normally the rider who tells other people you carry on, and I just ride around them and get out of the way. However, I recently took a lesson where the trainer and her student we’re doing upper level dressage using headphones. I’ve never experienced anything like it as the rider was everywhere at once and it was absolutely no way to predict it with the intricacy of their moves. I could not get a ride in and had to leave the arena eventually. A huge arena with just two riders in it. Impossible.