I'm terrified of my new horse and shouldn't be - help!

[Sport]

I had no major injuries but had a horse that had my number. He would go out and work all day with my part boarder but I was more tense and that led to him being more tense and misbehaving. I love this horse on the ground and still have him but he is now retired and I have a new horse.
Horse number 2 is the horse I should have had a long time ago. He is big but he is so well behaved. I am certain I could have a full blown panic attack on him and it would have no impact.

I got him in the winter, so indoor riding ring and everything was great. We got along well and I was starting to let go of my anxiety and doing things with him I hadn’t done in years. Fast forward a few months to spring and riding outdoors. I went to the mounting block in the indoor arena with plans of walking around and then heading outside. Suddenly I couldn’t even get on. I was on the mounting block in tears and unable to put my foot in the stirrup. Thankfully my coach who is also my brother was able to understand the pressures I was putting on myself and was able to talk me off my ledge. I finally got on. He led me around the indoor and then led me outside. He made me realize I had nothing to prove to anyone. That i am doing this for myself and my enjoyment and that if this is all I can do on that given day then that is fine.

The other thing that he said is that almost every adult amateur that he has coached has gone through this at some point in time. This was very eye opening as we think it is just us dealing with these issues.

Good luck and take it day by day and do what you are comfortable with. Somedays it might be a lot and then another day nothing.

[SLedbetter]

OP, I feel your frustration. I suffer with anxieties and fears, which didn’t become apparent until I got my first horse. I worked through them with the help of a trainer, and was riding regularly, and doing well. Two years ago, Jack was diagnosed with Cushings, and was in poor condition. Riding was no longer on the table for awhile. Last year he started showing neurological symptoms, we think due to the Cushings. I also started having some major back issues. So, I retired him. Hate to admit, but I was somewhat relieved, as I didn’t have to worry about feeling anxiety or fear. Being away from riding and working him regularly caused all those awful feelings to come back again. I’ve avoided doing much of anything with him except for the basics, medicating and grooming.
He’s doing much better now, and I know riding is not an option due to his neurological issues. He would do fine with groundwork, maybe some walking, but I’ve developed such an anxiety level that the thought of walking him, much less outside of his paddock, causes me extreme anxiety. I want to get him back into some work, as I think it would be good for him mentally, but most days it’s all I can do to get through grooming him without having a melt down.
This is a good horse. Not a mean bone in his body, more whoa then go, not spooky, just laid back. So, he’s perfect for me. But, it’s much easier sometimes to avoid the situations that cause anxiety/fear, rather than work through them.
I have decided I will work through this. My goal is to be able to walk my house outside his paddock, on our property.
I’ve set small goals, no time frame. Baby steps.
So, I admire you for continuing to ride. I can’t blame an accident on my fears, don’t know that I could do what you’re doing if I’d had an accident on a horse. So, I applaud your effort to keep going. I have the book Brain Training for Riders, and I think it’s a good resource to help a person understand why our brain does what it does. Understanding is the first step. I will be reading it again.
Keep your chin up, go at your own pace, and know that you’re already miles ahead of where some of us are in dealing with this. I’m rooting for you!

[Horsecare101]

@Equisis

When you stop seeing it as a personal failure and start addressing it as a psychological injury, you can start taking positive steps to get better. Best of luck to you.

This is an incredibly helpful and powerful statement I needed to hear. Thank you!

[Horsecare101]

@SLedbetter

Keep your chin up, go at your own pace, and know that you’re already miles ahead of where some of us are in dealing with this. I’m rooting for you!

Thank you! I just ordered the book since you’re the second person to recommend it.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this, but I admire your ability to do what feels best and recognize where you’re at mentally and emotionally. Fear is such a crazy thing, but hearing from others going through the same is such an eye opener. It’s a lot easier to go through it with someone else than alone. I’m rooting for you as well and wish you many happy walks with your sweet Jack!

[Haylter]

I say this as gently as I can…No you will never get back to the way you were before the accidents. Humans have a sense of self preservation. You may get less nervous than are now, but it is not fair to yourself to expect to be the same person you were before such severe physical and mental trauma. Baby steps each day.

[Horsecare101]

@KBC

After my ‘big one’ 6 years ago, the biggest problem I had was the old me keeping getting in my head, she was always comparing how I was, with how I am now. Seriously the best thing I did for me was take that bitch out for a drink, then shoved her off the cliff, has another drink to mourn her passing, and got on with reconstructing the new me.

You have been given a lot of great advice here, I’ll add my 2 cents, some might be repeats…

Haha you are awesome! Off the cliff she goes! My step-mom recommended the tapping years ago and I kind of forgot about it, but I used to do it all the time. Such a strange concept, but it was great. Thanks for the reminder! I also used to do yoga regularly, but between working full time, running our little ranch and making time to ride, it’s been hard to fit in my schedule. Maybe a short flow would help get me centered first. I’ve also found a glass of wine before a ride helps - a little liquid courage to calm the nerves.

[MsM]

When I returned to riding after a long break and much aging :winkgrin: I found I had a lot of anxiety. Not as difficult as many here, but still holding me back and keeping me from enjoying riding again.

What helped me was finding an instructor who was understanding but firm without bullying. Importantly, I explained my anxieties to her. She carefully and progressively got me through most of my fears. It was kind of amazing how having an instructor tell me to do something made it so much less scary. It actually took a while for me to be able to approach my level of accomplishment in lessons when I was riding without instruction.

I think having an instructor who can hop on and demonstrate something on your horse and then help occupy your brain cells with instruction can help a lot.

Fear is a funny thing. When I was teen I got a concussion and broke my arm pretty badly. Didnt have fear issues after that (Maybe partly because I cant remember the actual fall!) Had a few other minor injuries with no problems. The one that really messed me up for a while was when a horse unexpectedly flung its head up, hitting and breaking my nose before rearing repeatedly. I didnt come off but we never figured out what happened to cause that. I guess the unexplained and being hit in the face caused me more anxiety…

[Kirby_s_Keeper]

I know that this will sound totally off the wall but look into getting a Bowen Therapy practitioner to release your psoas muscles. The psoas is considered “the muscle of the soul”. Your psoas muscles connect to your lumbar spine then tread their way through your pelvic girdle and finally connect to the upper part of you femur. They are the muscles responsible for protecting your internal organs when there is danger by curling you into the fetal position. That “gut feeling” you get in certain situations is your psoas beginning to contract. When you have a fall they contract and can stay engaged even when you have healed causing increased cortisol levels (stress hormones) as well as shallower breathing and limiting the function of internal organs. Basically your body is always on alert and easily triggered. By having the psoas muscles released by the Bowenwork it not only allows the body to relax and function properly but also allows the brain to be quieter and deal with things better. Regular stretches are ok but won’t have the same deep effect of the Bowenwork.

I am a Bowen therapist and I am currently working with a man who has a traumatic brain injury and the psoas work along with the regular Bowenwork has greatly helped him function better and not be as easily triggered in situations that had been triggers.

[Horsecare101]

@Kirby's Keeper

I know that this will sound totally off the wall but look into getting a Bowen Therapy practitioner to release your psoas muscles. The psoas is considered “the muscle of the soul”. Your psoas muscles connect to your lumbar spine then tread their way through your pelvic girdle and finally connect to the upper part of you femur. They are the muscles responsible for protecting your internal organs when there is danger by curling you into the fetal position. That “gut feeling” you get in certain situations is your psoas beginning to contract. When you have a fall they contract and can stay engaged even when you have healed causing increased cortisol levels (stress hormones) as well as shallower breathing and limiting the function of internal organs. Basically your body is always on alert and easily triggered. By having the psoas muscles released by the Bowenwork it not only allows the body to relax and function properly but also allows the brain to be quieter and deal with things better. Regular stretches are ok but won’t have the same deep effect of the Bowenwork.

I am a Bowen therapist and I am currently working with a man who has a traumatic brain injury and the psoas work along with the regular Bowenwork has greatly helped him function better and not be as easily triggered in situations that had been triggers.

I’ve never heard of this, but it makes perfect sense! Where do you practice? I am in Southern CA.

[Kirby_s_Keeper]

Horsecare101 unfortunately I’m in Ontario, Canada. If you PM me with your location I can ask my colleagues on the Bowen Therapy FB group for a recommendation for you. It is very effective and non-intrusive. It is like hitting the body’s reset button.

I work on people and horses mainly but last night I worked on my first goat kid. Poor little guy had a very difficult birth 2 days ago and then suffered hypothermia. He couldn’t stand to suckle since he had no control over his hind legs. About 5 minutes after I did the work he gave a couple of huge full body stretches, a couple of yawns then got to his very wobbly feet and walked a bit. That was the first time he stood properly and he was able to stand to nurse. Such a great thing to see. Happy baby, happy nanny and happy owner!

[DarkBayUnicorn]

@Kirby’s Keeper you have a PM from me!

[Pico_Banana]

You’ve gotten a lot of great advice here. Fellow multiple concussion sufferer here. I want to throw out one thing that hasn’t been mentioned so far — consider wearing a protective vest when you ride. It might be false courage, but heck, when you’re dealing with irrational fear I think you’re entitled to go with whatever works. I used to wear both a Tipperary as well as an air vest over it. It made me feel much less defensive and more able to relax. I fully understand that vests can only do so much but the effect it had on me psychologically was the real value.

[Kirby_s_Keeper]

@DarkBayUnicorn I have answered your PM.

[SnazzysMom]

I haven’t gone through anything like you have, but I have major fear issues and always have trouble with new horses.

My suggestion is to take your time getting to know your new horse, from the ground. Do some round pen work, take your horse for walks in the woods, observe how he reacts to different things. On a beautiful day, bring a chair and sit in his field, bring a book. Let him get to know you too.

Before you know it, you’ll be able to slowly make the leap to go for a ride. Focus on small victories, walking 10 steps and dismounting, if need be. Take the time for the two of you to get to know and trust each other. Let each ride end on a good note, no matter how small the task was.

[Kirby_s_Keeper]

@DarkBayUnicorn You have a follow up pm.

[Magicboy]

A therapy called EMDR helped me after a big equine accident and severe PTSD. It’s been used for all types of PTSD, car accidents, assaults, etc. I hope you’ll do a google search and see if there’s a therapist near you that uses this

it uses eye movements to reset your brain, adrenaline, etc.

[Myout]

Energy tapping is amazing and sounds like it’s complete crap…find a recommended practitioner to guide you. Mary Wanless introduced it to a group of us at a seminar and I was sitting there thinking what a load of hooey. But I followed her instructions and went thru the tapping imagining the horse that was scaring me…and went home to ride him and discovered the fear was gone. I went from hating to ride that horse and struggling every day with it to giddy disbelief that riding him didn’t bother me AT ALL. He dumped me in front of the judge at LAEC, so I kid you not, this was a long running fight to deal with this horse. He was gorgeous, international quality KWPN, but he would get balky or bolt randomly.

[NeedsAdvil]

I am so sorry for your struggles! I think many of us have been there and it’s nice to read from others who can relate. I recently bought a new horse and he has never done anything to make me not trust him (I’ve been riding him for 6+ months now, 3-4 months before buying him), I still have those moments where I just don’t feel safe. I try to balance whether the threat I’m feeling is real or not and if it is, I can get off and ride again another day. Sometimes I just need to walk around the field a few times and call it a day. Like you said, it’s about baby steps!

[akdraft77]

I have been in your shoes. I have had a couple of bad horse accidents that caused some significant fear/anxiety about riding. It took me years after my first wreck to be able to relax and ride. I also love someone with severe PTSD, so I can speak from experience (though I won’t go into detail on a public forum) when I say don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t be ashamed to find some professional help. Progress will take time- think baby steps. Show yourself the same kindness you would show a dear friend in the same shoes. Learn to recognize when you are giving yourself the negative self talk, learn to focus on the positives, slow down. Don’t push yourself to the point you aren’t having fun. Take things one day at a time. Give yourself permission to take a break, just do ground work, or enjoy a grooming session for the day if you are too nervous to ride. It’s ok. Remember why you like to spend time with horses whether for the relaxation or the thrill. DON’T FORCE IT. It will come back to you in time.

Surround yourself with supportive people. My riding friends all accept that I still have some fear issues, and none are judgmental. We are all supportive of each other. No exceptions. My coach gets it, and knows when not to push.

I would look for a trauma therapist in your area that specializes in a therapy called EMDR.

https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/

Both myself and my loved one have done this therapy and found it to be tremendously helpful. It isn’t a quick fix (there is no such thing), but it does help you to gradually process trauma so that it no longer owns you. It has been lifesaving.

As far as your horses, make sure you are matched with the horse that is right for you right now. I realized that my horse was too much for me, so I didn’t ride for years. I was beyond terrified. Years later, I bought myself an amazing QH mare who had been used as a lesson/kids horse. She is patient, quiet and kind and the love of my life. I credit her with giving me my mojo back. Took YEARS to find her, but I knew she was the one in just minutes. When I did my test ride, the owner insisted I do bareback in the round pen and gave me a mini lesson. I was terrified. The mare tripped, and I started to lose my balance. She stepped under my weight, caught me, stopped, and even looked back at me as if she was checking on me. I have had her for about 6 years. I wish every day that I found her sooner.

You’ll get there. Just be kind to yourself.

[hut-ho78]

Just do what you feel comfortable with. No pressure. Groundwork. Getting on and off. Walking in little circles. Whatever small steps you can take are just fine. Been there. Gentle yourself as you would a horse that has had an accident. Slow and steady and back up when you need to.