This is really hard for me to write, but I’m sitting here with big tears rolling down my eyes after my first ride on my new beautiful horse (a birthday present from my husband). I was in a really bad riding accident in 2011. I actually had two bad ones around that time - the first resulted in a concussion and broken sacrum, but I was back to my old riding self within 2 months. The second was a different story. I ended up with a severe concussion, complete amnesia for 10 hours, a broken shoulder blade, broken pelvis and every joint of my ribcage was sprained. The concussion was so severe that I had a hard time reading, my personality changed and I was a mess for almost 6 months after.
Horses are my absolute passion so I made it my goal to get back to riding at that same level as soon as I could. I rode my Dad’s old bombproof horse every weekend and would literally shake and cry because I had such severe PTSD, but all I wanted to do was ride. The doctor’s said it would be harder to recover because I don’t have any memory of the accident, so I can’t make sense of it. The fear comes out of nowhere and is a natural reaction to riding.
I slowly regained most of my confidence and learned how to control my nerves when I felt them creeping up, but today I just couldn’t. My first ride on my new horse and he got a little huffy going down a hill and I was completely terrified. I’ve never wanted off a horse so bad in my life. I used to train problem trail horses (which resulted in my accident eventually) but I can hold my own. I’m so disappointed that after my first ride I feel like he’s too much horse for me, but I’m also worried every horse will feel that way.
Am I ever going to get back to how I was before the accident? Being a great rider has been my dream and passion since I was 3 years old. Now I have the horse I’ve always wanted and I’m scared of him. I can’t explain how heartbreaking it is to be afraid of the thing you want most, but I am. Can anyone relate? How did you over come this?