Imposing trainer

[roundere]

I recently bought a horse and boarded her where I always ride when I was in the lesson program. However, the trainer I had, who is actually very nice otherwise, always seem to impose on me and my horse.
Examples–

1. If I can’t come out and ride my horse, she will automatically assume that she will do a training ride on her, even though I ride 5 days a week!!! My mare does not really need an extra training ride!!!
2. Excessive emails about events. Seriously I occasionally like to go foxhunting but not crazy about it and I kept getting all these event notices every week.
3. I feel like I need permission to do a lot of things with my horse while I am somewhat in the darkness about his care–shoeing schedule etc.

It’s okay if I have endless funds to do all the things and lessons and training rides etc. but I don’t and a lot of the time I feel imposed on to spend my $$$

I’m switching barn anyways but does it happen to anyone else when your trainer forces lessons or training rides on you and your horse??? I’m looking for some insights to deal with these sticky situations.

[Night_Flight]

You should sit down with your trainer and have a discussion about your budget, your goals and whether or not you fit into her program.

Weekly e-mails to keep me updated in case I want to participate in activities doesn’t seem excessive to me, but if it’s really bothering you just ask to be taken off the list.

If you can’t afford certain add-ons, simply tell your trainer that you can’t afford them and do not want them. It’s possible that your horse would benefit from training rides even if you aren’t aware of it, but if you do not want them and trainer insists on them as part of her program then this program is not for you.

[2DogsFarm]

You are enabling this trainer.
Stop.

1. If you can’t afford training rides, say so.
   You may notice a difference in how the mare goes, even with your 5DW riding, then you can determine if trainer is doing anything to improve the horse.
   If not, tell her to dispense with rides unless you request one.
   You can then schedule rides according to your budget.

2. IIWM, I’d just delete the emails unless you are interested in what they may contain. Treat them like SPAM.

3. Why are you not involved in horse’s care?
   Even if you board you need to be aware of feed program, shoeing, vet, all aspects of care.
   If you cannot be present for the vet or shoer, and trainer oversees these, you still need to educate yourself so you can direct the care.
   Too easy to slough it off on the trainer.
   Ultimately your horse, your decisions.
   Step in & take over or don’t feel like you are being bypassed.

[mychestnutvalentine]

I bought my mare from a great lady and great trainer who I remain friends with to this day. However, I didn’t truly feel like the mare was mine until I moved her. I know how you feel. You either have to have a conversation with your trainer about respecting you and your decisions as a client or unfortunately have to start looking for a different program. I hope you are able to work things out.

[Wonders12]

Have you ever had a conversation with the trainer about these things?

This has miscommunication written all over it to me.

Tell her no training rides. Period. If you need them, you will discuss it with her directly, but you really want to do the training yourself with her assisting in lessons.

I don’t think once a week is excessive at all. If you don’t like it, either ask to be taken off the list, delete them, or make a separate inbox folder for her that you check sparingly.

Have you discussed how involved you want to be in your horse’s care? Not everyone is the same. There are plenty of horse people who prefer to just show up, ride, go home. They want everything taken care of and all of the decisions made for them.

Is this your first horse? Or first one in a long time? If you’ve been in this trainer’s lesson program for a long time and are just now moving into ownership, I could understand the trainer coddling you a bit and “helping” by doing training rides and taking care or shoeing. She could be trying to protect you from the overwhelming learning curve a lot of new owners have, or she could just feel like it’s easier to do it herself and the communication between you two isn’t great.

Really, I don’t see these as being problems at all. I think they could easily be solved in a 10 minute conversation, even at the beginning or end of a lesson if necessary.

[findeight]

Two possibilities.

1. Trainer does not have a crystal ball about exactly what you want them to do and is assuming what you want. You are assuming she knows you don’t want it.

2. What’s in the boarding contract? Is there a minimum of additional services, like lessons and training rides required on top of the basic board charges? Many barns are doing this to offset their increasing costs on the boarding and operational side.

Either way it does not sound like you and trainer are on the same page, thats never going to change without two way communication.

Know you are moving anyway, that’s fine. But take the time to really read your new contract and sit down and talk to new trainer about your goals and expectations. Otherwise, you’ll end up in a similar position as each of you guess at what the other thinks, wants or needs.

[Magicboy]

Personally, I do find it tough to say I can’t afford stuff but obviously it has to be done

[norcalammie]

Most barns I have been at have various packages for the clients. Training includes so many lessons or training rides per week or month. Review what the trainer offers and then select the program that works best for you and your horse. You may decide to add a training ride periodically but will probably pay more for it than had it been part of your package.

[BostonHJ]

I have found that being honest that your budget doesn’t allow for something goes really far with trainers. It is a much more black-and-white argument than “Dobbins doesn’t need an extra ride,” which most trainers would find subjective.

[Soaponarope]

[QUOTE=roundere;8399482]
I recently bought a horse and boarded her where I always ride when I was in the lesson program. However, the trainer I had, who is actually very nice otherwise, always seem to impose on me and my horse.
Examples–

1. If I can’t come out and ride my horse, she will automatically assume that she will do a training ride on her, even though I ride 5 days a week!!! My mare does not really need an extra training ride!!!
2. Excessive emails about events. Seriously I occasionally like to go foxhunting but not crazy about it and I kept getting all these event notices every week.
3. I feel like I need permission to do a lot of things with my horse while I am somewhat in the darkness about his care–shoeing schedule etc.

It’s okay if I have endless funds to do all the things and lessons and training rides etc. but I don’t and a lot of the time I feel imposed on to spend my $$$

I’m switching barn anyways but does it happen to anyone else when your trainer forces lessons or training rides on you and your horse??? I’m looking for some insights to deal with these sticky situations.[/QUOTE]

Hmmm, I would look on the bright side with this situation and just set a few limits.

The only one that raises a red flag is number 3. Can you elaborate a bit on that?

For the other issues I would just tell her nicely that you can’t afford the training rides. As for emails, oh lawd, just ignore them. As you say she is very nice otherwise and care is good. Those are huge two pluses in my opinion.

[Atlas_Shrugged]

This

[QUOTE=findeight;8399631]
Two possibilities.

1. Trainer does not have a crystal ball about exactly what you want them to do and is assuming what you want. You are assuming she knows you don’t want it.

2. What’s in the boarding contract? Is there a minimum of additional services, like lessons and training rides required on top of the basic board charges? Many barns are doing this to offset their increasing costs on the boarding and operational side.

Either way it does not sound like you and trainer are on the same page, thats never going to change without two way communication.

Know you are moving anyway, that’s fine. But take the time to really read your new contract and sit down and talk to new trainer about your goals and expectations. Otherwise, you’ll end up in a similar position as each of you guess at what the other thinks, wants or needs.[/QUOTE]

[babecakes]

I remember a thread where someone felt left out and not included because they were not given notice of events and happenings. So QYB and ignore the thoughtful inclusion emails.

Is the trainer part of the board contract? Communication is key, what do you need permission to do with your horse? It just festers if you don’t speak up.

[roundere]

They send out individual text messages asking if I want to join their events on the weekends and honestly I feel awkward to say no every single time but they just keep asking.
The #3 issue is that when I ask what kind of shoes, when the farriers come,feeding schedule and stuff, they just blow it off by saying “Don’t worry it is all taken care of.” and because we’re actually pretty close and she helped me with this horse purchase, I don’t want to be up in her face and keep asking.

[rockonxox]

[QUOTE=roundere;8401046]
They send out individual text messages asking if I want to join their events on the weekends and honestly I feel awkward to say no every single time but they just keep asking.
The #3 issue is that when I ask what kind of shoes, when the farriers come,feeding schedule and stuff, they just blow it off by saying “Don’t worry it is all taken care of.” and because we’re actually pretty close and she helped me with this horse purchase, I don’t want to be up in her face and keep asking.[/QUOTE]

Nothing wrong with “No thank you”. It is polite and direct.

Being up in someones face and/or pushy is very different than being informed. You should always know what is happening with your horse regardless of how close you are with the barn owner/trainer/vet/etc. When they say “don’t worry it is all taken care of” just say you would like to know details.

[rennyben]

For #3 - what I do, is say, “I wish I knew more about “shoeing” or “feeding” etc… do you have time to talk to me about why my horse has this kind of shoe, etc… or gets this feed? You’ve helped me so much in my riding and buying this horse but there’s so much I still want to learn to become a better horseman.” I have found that when you ask humbly but show sincere interest – you usually get a great response and will learn a lot.

I used to have this issue with a vet. He just always blew me off when I asked a question. Then one day I just said, “Look, I’d really like to know what’s going on. I think this stuff is really interesting and just want to learn more about my horse.” He turned and said, “Oh? Ok!” and from then on I got a little mini lesson every time he came.

Another reason you might be getting blown off is time. Maybe schedule a horsemanship lesson – so she can block off time to answer your questions, take you into the feed room etc…

[luvdogz72]

god, I’m glad my horses are at home.

But if you don’t have horse property OR are into a certain discipline seriously, I see the great value of being at a barn… and all the things you have to put up with.

What about laughing, and saying, “no really, I want to know these details about my horses’ care - I love to learn and want to know all that my horse is experiencing.” Can you just be there when he is being shod? Shoes can be jerks though - LOL. You might be better off not knowing.

[Boo]

This would drive me crazy - my horses are my horses and i want the final say on what happens to them and who/when rides them.

I’m not known for diplomacy so i’d try Rennybens approach or similar