I am sorry this happened to you… that this was your experience. Thank you for being courageous enough to share it here. Please don’t let this experience dissuade you from future participation. And don’t let anyone gaslight you and try to excuse what happened.
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Maybe tell them this story & at least get a laugh?
I took my completely non-horsey BFF from HS to watch a friend show my horse at Lamplight in the early 90s.
This venue was then a Midwest Mecca for H/Js.
As we walked over to the ring, he said - in his very, best Outside Voice:
Where do I bet on these things?
The creaking of Hunter Princess necks was matched only by the deer-in-headlights stares.
Part of me wanted to sink into the ground, but the better part laughed 
Maybe someone in your family has the same NQR sense of humor?
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He obviously isn’t familiar with the rural south and Texas. 
There are plenty of black people on their horses! But I will say that they are not always typical in what I’ve just learned are “white” spaces. Now that I think about it, they do tend to be in their own space.
Plus there is a podcast “Black in the Saddle”.
Plus there is an entire black cowboy rodeo circuit.
Plus some of the recent top-ranked performers in open-entry national rodeo competitions are black.
And there are some “white space” show circuits where diversity is definitely growing. I’ve mentioned before on COTH that a stable I’m close to now has a range of colors and languages riding horses. Nothing strange about it, it’s normal here.
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I just guffawed!
OP - that sucks. Not gonna try & tart it up. I suspect it was the usual hanging out with those you already know, but honestly, would it have killed anyone there to at least smile & wave?
Sheesh.
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Nope, this was 15+ years ago in Ohio. That’s what lack of representation, and cherry-picked history lessons, creates. Black cowboy history is certainly not taught in most of the country.
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I’ve experienced the same at hunter/jumper shows when I attend by myself as a spectator. People tend to stick to their “group”-- whether it’s barnmates or family. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone strike up a conversation with me or sit particularly close to me. (I will occasionally make a point to compliment someone’s horse and start a conversation that way…)
I’m just a slightly-past-middle age lady so I don’t think I’m that off-putting. 
Maybe this should be an impetus to all of us to reach out to the person who appears to be on their own, at least with a friendly smile and “hello.”
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I’m glad that you’ve spoken up. Even if it makes just one more person more aware and inclusive, that’s huge.
I don’t know if this is right (I say this because I don’t want anyone to think I’m looking at you like some sort of novelty), but part of me would happy to see you there. The sport lacks diversity for sure, and I can only imagine how difficult it would be to walk into a predominantly “white sport” as a Black woman. So I’d appreciate that and would try to be positive and social with you.
Whilst I don’t like crowds, I do like making people feel more comfortable, so I likely would’ve sat by you. I’d also try to stir up some chatter when appropriate if you were interested.
I’m glad that you won’t stop because of this.
Even with race and skin color aside, the horse world can be cliquey and ostracizing at times. So I can only imagine adding other factors into it such as race, skin color, and even gender. I went to a small competition last year and it was clear that almost everyone knew each other (a lot of them knew the judge quite well too). It was a weird vibe. I’m not from the area, and it was the first time I’d ventured out. I felt a bit like an outsider. Granted, I later met someone else that felt the same way and isn’t inclined to return this year. That made me a bit sad, really. Maybe we were being too sensitive, and shouldn’t let our experience stop us, but still.
So on the whole, we could probably do better with new faces and inclusion in general.
While no one “has to” make anyone comfortable, it’s not a hard thing to do. Especially when our sport is seemingly so fragile. You don’t need to be friends with everyone and their mother, but I don’t think it’d kill us to be a bit more aware and inclusive.
I get that sometimes people just want to do their own thing and be left to it, which is fair, but small gestures can go a long way when it comes to the health of this sport.
I will say that I’m a member of 2 local dressage orgs and they’re doing their best to be inclusive and welcoming. Which, makes sense when you need money and volunteers to keep things going. You best be fostering a good strong community if you want to stay afloat.
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I think this is an excellent idea and reminder.
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Without knowing the motivations of individuals, I prefer to think the best of people. In my opinion, without talking to someone about the situation, there are two ways you can look at any situation:
Nefarious - makes you feel bad because someone was doing something to be mean to you
Unintential/Coincidence/Benevolent - well, they weren’t trying to be mean so all good.
So, in the circumstance of them sitting at one set of bleachers while you at another, since the individuals were not asked, I would assume it was just circumstance - groups came in, one or more in the group saw someone they knew so entire group sat near friend from another group already sitting there. Hence the crowded bleachers.
I will give you a personal example of my philosophy:
In my military life there was someone new in the Squadron and we were friendly. Then she started seeming to ignore me when I said “hi” to her in the morning.
Now, I could take this two ways - that she was just tired/didn’t hear me/whatever…or that she for some reason was mad at me/didn’t like me. Well, I went blissfully unaware for a few years that this individual decided she didn’t like me for some unknown reason. We ended up on a trip together and she decided she did like me. I only know she didn’t like me because I mentioned to someone else how she was suddenly attached at my hip and he laughed because he said she used to complain/gripe about me until that trip when she decided I am cool.
The point is - I could have also spent those years fretting about this issue and causing myself emotional distress over it, unnecessarily expending energy.
I understand it can be tough when you feel or know something is happening for nefarious reasons in other situations and find yourself in a situation that feels very familiar. I have walked into many a military scenario reminding myself “this” crowd is not “previous” crowd.
Similar with feeling like no one is talking to you during the break, especially if they were focused on the clinician/clinic.
I’ve had something like what you experienced happen and it is one of the reasons I do not currently attend church. Went to a particular service in college because it had a pancake breakfast afterward and I was hoping to make friends. Well, after the service, everyone went downstairs, paired up, and I sat by myself in a crowd to eat pancakes and left without staying to long since no one talked to me and was feeling increasing awkward and out of place.
As far as what your friends told you - that is completely out of line, in my opinion, and part of the problem. It is a “community” phenomenon and I have studied it in psychology as well as observed it “in the wild” and is prevalent in a lot of cultures. You can see it in rural areas when individuals want to go to a “big fancy college”, or poor mining communities when someone discusses moving out of the community or consorting with people outside of the community. It is one of the primary reasons the Appalachian culture is so closed…
It is a shame because it is so limiting, but it is also a fact of life…so to speak.
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I do think that things change or are a bit different when race is injected into the situation though. I often don’t want to comment on it too much, because as a white woman, I can’t even begin to know the experiences of a black woman. Even though I have and had friends that are black, I’m not in their shoes on the daily. So while I hear of their experiences, I don’t experience them, if that makes sense.
It’s such a sensitive and real issue that I could see why one might think it’s about race, because some of the time (too much of the time) it can be.
I like to think of and see the best in people and not immediately jump to bad intentions and/or nefarious motivations, but sometimes the vibe is too strong and it isn’t good.
On the other hand though, so many people are just oblivious to various things and we all have our blind spots. So things can very well be unintentional.
I think it also depends on you (generally speaking). Some of us are far more sensitive, or maybe “better” at reading situations and/or intentions, and have a hard time ignoring what’s evident to us. Whether that’s good or bad.
It’s a mixed bag out there. It can depend on personal experiences, our levels of sensitivity, what we care about, and perhaps how jaded we are or aren’t.
It’s probably healthier to assume the best vs the worst in some ways, and people deserve some credit. Sometimes you may feel out of place in a group, but once you start interacting with them, you realize that they’re a great group and rather welcoming once you “crack the shell.” Sometimes people might think that someone wants to be alone, and they don’t want to disturb them. Who knows.
If you’re in a situation where there’s a strong common interest (such as horses) odds are the person that’s alone wouldn’t mind interacting a bit about that common interest or being sat next to. Worst case scenario is they they aren’t, and you just move on with life.
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Hollywood whitewashed it.
1/4 to 1/3 of the cowpokes were black. No telling about all the latinos and native guys.
There is one John Wayne movie that springs to mind, inspired by real people (Chissum perhaps?) one of the main cast was a POC in real life, cast as one of the good old boys.
(and never mind the black guy dying first in the movies)
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I think choosing between those two options is a matter of privilege.
I’m not saying your analysis is wrong, I’m saying that a POC in a primarily white space has to be on their guard, making your second option not a great one.
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I read your post a few times, and I have questions which will help me understand your experience even better. I’m not clear on who it was that treated you in a certain way. Was it a staff member, or clinic organizer ?
She’s an exceptionally talented rider. Are you saying they were fawning over her because of her race, and should have spoken to you as well ? I’m sure I misunderstood this.
It’s unfortunate that you didn’t feel comfortable there. May I suggest that you write to Anna
and let her know how it was for you.
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So, waiting this evening to go into the venue, a young women came up to me in the line and said “Do you mind if I stand with you? I’m feeling a bit nervous. I haven’t been out in the evening for some time”. “Of course you can” I said, then, remembering this thread, I added “and please sit with me and my friend too, when she gets here”. So @luv2ride113 your courage in speaking out has already made a tiny change in the world.
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Dressage people are… spoiler alert …snobby, snobby snobby. Especially in a higher end clinic environment.
I am a low income AA and know when I arrive to audit clinics, people treat you like you are a homeless person that is trespassing.
I learn more because I am not gossiping or yammering about my new imported warmblood.
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I sometimes attend clinics as an auditor if it is someone interesting. Depending on the clinician and the audience, I admit that I may gravitate toward the (few) folks I personally know if this is a “big name” individual outside of my usual circle. I’m waaaayyy small potatoes in my area and may only know a rider and one or two of their students/friends. If it is my tiny club hosting the clinician, I will certainly introduce myself to someone I don’t know and ask them questions about their horse/interests etc. I certainly hope this wasn’t intentional. We would certainly welcome you here in my tiny neck of the woods!
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So true. I went to a clinic at a training barn given by Juan Manuel Munoz who rode Fuego XII at WEG Kentucky 2010. Incredibly, the ladies in the gallery talked continually during each ride. Since we couldn’t hear him because of the talking, during a break a few of us moved to the side of the ring, where we could hear much better.
Never did figure out why people chat during a clinic ride.
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Maybe where you are, but this is not the case at all where I am.
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OP, I’m sorry you were treated in a way which hurt.
I’m also sorry for the posts on this thread which may be hurtful to you.
I hope for most of us this is a good reminder that if we are in the majority group of attendees, we should be extra welcoming to those who may feel less welcome. It was not your duty to exhibit behaviors to feel part of the group, it was the responsibility of the rest of the crowd. That’s why it’s called inclusion.
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It was not the crowd’s responsibility. It was the responsibility of the host/organizer.
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