Inclusion

[luv2ride113]

What in the Twilight Zone did I just witness on Saturday, February 22nd?

I attended the Young Riders clinic with Anna Buffini at PEC, and I’m still struggling to process how I was treated. I’ve gone back and forth on whether I should say something, but since it’s still Black History Month, I’ve decided to speak up.

I was thrilled to see Anna Buffini, especially since I missed getting a picture with her at the FEI World Cup in Omaha. When I arrived for the first ride, I noticed two sets of bleachers for auditors and sat where there was available seating. After the first break, I realized I was sitting alone, while everyone else was crammed together on the other bleacher. I don’t want to sound childish, complaining that no one sat with me—but it was impossible not to notice, especially with the mirror right in front of me.

I’d like to believe people were just sitting with their trainers or barnmates, but the experience shook me. I used to ride at Pacific Equestrian Center, and I’ve never felt so unwelcome there before. The irony was striking—everyone was fawning over Anna, who has a Black mother, while completely ignoring the only other brown face in the crowd.

I won’t stop riding because of this, but it left a sour taste in my mouth—so much so that I left at lunch and didn’t return. I don’t know what could have been done differently, and I acknowledge that it’s not the responsibility of others to make me feel welcome. But I do want to stress that walking into these spaces as a Black woman is already difficult.

The clinic was about the young riders, and it was a joy to watch them and their beautiful horses. My intent isn’t to take away from that. I simply ask that adults be more aware of how isolating these environments can be for people like me.

I couldn’t even bring myself to tell some of my friends what happened, because I knew they’d just admonish me for being in a “white” space in the first place. But I love this sport, and I refuse to let moments like this push me away.

Thanks for reading.

[mmeqcenter]

I’m so sorry. Even if done “innocently” with no racial motivation and it was just pure happenstance (big “if”), in today’s climate especially and frankly, this industry in general, I completely understand why you felt ostracized.

@luv2ride113

I couldn’t even bring myself to tell some of my friends what happened, because I knew they’d just admonish me for being in a “white” space in the first place.

Sorry not sorry, if that’s legit something your “friends” would say to you, please know they are not your “friends.”

[RedHorses]

That’s awful. I’m sorry you had to experience that.

[onthebit]

I am so very sorry you had to experience that. Thank you for sharing your experience here, and reminding all of us that if we want our sport to be viewed as inclusive, we indeed have to act in that way. I sincerely hope your next experience is better.

[SillyHorse]

I cannot imagine how alone and distressed you must have felt.

[Training_Cupid]

I’m so sorry this happened.
For what its worth, a few years ago I (white, at the time late 30s) attended the new test demonstration at SV I went by myself, sat alone, and tried to be friendly but no one really engaged with me. Not saying this to discount your experience, but hopefully as you say maybe most people just go with their existing barn families and don’t really think about us loners.
It sounds like I’m near-ish to you and happy to be a buddy if we are at the same event in the future!

[OverandOnward]

@luv2ride113

After the first break, I realized I was sitting alone, while everyone else was crammed together on the other bleacher.
…
—but it was impossible not to notice, especially with the mirror right in front of me.

That is – odd, for sure. Especially with a mirror in front of you to see it.

I can understand why this would bother you, why it is hard to think of reasons why this separation would be the result of coincidence.

Glad you shared it here. Hope this is at least somewhat relieving for you. And helps lift it from your thoughts.

And yes, hopefully your reminder to people generally will have some impact. That awareness is a good thing, that friendliness to someone sitting alone is a positive character trait. Being aware to not let this happen. We can hope that the message sticks, with at least some people, anyway.

@luv2ride113

I couldn’t even bring myself to tell some of my friends what happened, because I knew they’d just admonish me for being in a “white” space in the first place.

I may be out of touch with the culture, or the younger culture, or the dressage culture … but what is wrong with anyone being in a “white” space that someone would admonish you? That’s almost more odd. To me, anyway.

I hope your feelings of being welcome anywhere are restored, soon. No one should have to feel the way this experience left you.

[barnesthenoble]

I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve found horse events–dressage events, even moreso–can be incredibly isolating if you go solo. It’s not a particularly welcoming group. Even so, this seems exceptionally unpleasant, even from a group not known for being outgoing or super welcoming.

It sounds like I’m also in your general area as well (I’m about 45 mins from PEC), and I would be more than happy to be a buddy at a future event.

[McGurk]

I don’t doubt your interpretation of events at all and I’m sorry you experienced that.

I have heard lots of stories from Black horsepeople that are similar and worse. (An instructor friend of mine ALWAYS wore breeches and boots in the barn and was always impeccably dressed/turned out. I asked why, and she said if she wasn’t, people assumed she was a groom.)

Please don’t let this keep you from participating, keep showing up. The sport desperately needs diversity and you should be able to take up your own space in the sport.

[BrownDerby]

At Starr Vaughn? That’s Black owned. Wild.

[2DogsFarm]

OP, please realize I’m not trying to discount your experience.
As said upthread, these clinics can be very cliquish.
I’ve attended several where I was the outlier, even when I’d taken a clinic in the past, with the same clinician, same group of participants.
A few would make conversation, but at breaks, distance themselves from me.
I’m on the introverted side, so didn’t push to be part of the group.

Let me give you an example from my Life:
I’m Jewish (by upbringing, not practicing) but don’t “look” like the stereotype.
I cannot count how many times I’ve had antisemitic insults spoken to my face.
If I’m in a 1-on-1 situation, I’ll gently let the other party know my religion.
In a group, unless the slur is truly egregious, I might, to my shame, remain silent.

I hope you can move forward & continue to enjoy your love of Dressage.

[millerra]

I am sorry that you experienced this. Thank you for the reminder that someone like me (white) needs to always be aware and inclusive.

[Mondo]

@luv2ride113

I couldn’t even bring myself to tell some of my friends what happened, because I knew they’d just admonish me for being in a “white” space in the first place.

What??? I have a close friend who is a Black horsewoman and I would never DREAM of saying something like that to her. I think you could use some new friends, OP. Jeez.

[SillyHorse]

I understood it as @luv2ride113’s friends who might admonish her are Black. I certainly could be wrong. It would be bad enough if the friends are Black, horrific if the friends are white.

[Red_Dust]

So say it upfront: I am so white, I glow in the dark.
When the Arbery murder happened I talked with a young black gentleman.
His stance was very much of ‘he went where he didn’t belong’ and then he listed a bunch of stuff he did not do out of self preservation, similar to a woman’s anti-rape doctrine: Don’t hold hands with his white girlfriend don’t go certain places etc. This is a rather educated man, community activist, etc.

Seems there are spaces were dark faces are not welcome. We pale faces just don’t notice.

@luv2ride113 : I would probably have plunked myself down near you.
For one I hate crowds, and then I am dreadfully nosy! I want to know people. Interesting people. Mold breakers if you will.
So, ride on! Not too long ago women were not welcomed in the sport. Maybe in time we can see a shift in our society, current regress not withstanding.

[beowulf]

I am dismayed to read this. I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience, and I hope it helps serve as a reminder to others that these spaces are incredibly difficult to navigate. I sincerely hope your future experiences are a 180 from this.

Take those COTHers up on their offers, they’re good people.

[luv2ride113]

This attitude is unfortunately still prevalent in my generation (I’m 60) and among my family. I can’t even get them to go to shows with me because “those spaces aren’t for them”.

[luv2ride113]

I would love to buddy up if we’re at the same event. I used to ride at SV, too.

[luv2ride113]

Unfortunately, the attitude that Black people aren’t welcome in certain spaces is still prevalent in the Black community. I’m 60, and I have yet to persuade my family to attend a show with me because there won’t be any other people of color there and they won’t feel comfortable. (Their words.)

[mmeqcenter]

That is incredibly sad and I’m very sorry they still feel that that is the case. My high school/college boyfriend was confused when I asked if he wanted to ride my horse, saying “black people don’t ride horses.” I was flabbergasted.

It is painful to see such ludicrous stereotypes perpetuated by many different groups in society. But not surprising from your generation and the older ones. Far too many deep-seated wounds remain unhealed. Representation matters, as does inclusion of course. Horse sports are swiftly declining (for many reasons), with lack of inclusion being a key factor IMO.

Wish I could help you get involved with a better group of horse people. Alas, I’m in Georgia, and my bestie is in Ohio.