Interesting article on rider confidence - nerves vs fear

[dmveventer]

@RedHorses

This is the other common dismissal of fear that I’ve seen. “Oh, it’s just your riding skills aren’t good enough. Improve your skills and the fear will go away.”

YES. I couldn’t really put my finger on this so thank you for articulating it. I know I’m a solid rider and I’m more than capable of doing the things that give me pause, so it’s hard to reconcile the confidence in my abilities with the fear. I definitely relate to the pressure others have raised about feeling like they “should” be fine something.

I do agree with @AnastasiaBeaverhousen that fitness can be important - if I don’t feel secure in the saddle my threshold is lower to start with so it’s something I stay on top of, but it’s not a solution. I event so dressage lessons, hill work, no stirrups, etc are all part of our routine and I workout regularly off the horse as well. It helps but doesn’t eliminate the issue.

@AnastasiaBeaverhousen

I believe part of your dilemma is that deep down inside you just plain don’t want to have to deal with too much back chat from your horse.

I’m sure this is a factor for some people but it’s not for me. Not to say the horse can’t impact confidence - I’m not going to push as hard when the horse is having an off day - but it has nothing to do with not wanting “back chat” from the horse. I do like for my horse to think for themselves and express their opinions, and I’m confident in my ability to sit a buck or a spook so those things really don’t bother me. I wouldn’t get on something that turned into a rodeo bronc over every minor inconvenience but I can deal with attitude as long as the horse isn’t fundamentally dangerous. I have a green horse now that I enjoy working with (purchased specifically with temperament in mind as my first real project) and I’d like to be able to take on even younger/more challenging horses in the future once I’m more confident in my skillset on that front.

I don’t want to not pursue those goals just because part of me finds them risky because I know I’m capable of achieving them, so it’s more about figuring out how to balance both sides of the equation and move forward. I don’t want the fear to win but I also know that pushing myself the wrong way will only backfire which leaves me struggling along in the middle somewhere.

[axl]

Let’s take this beyond horses for a moment and explore ‘lizard brain’ in other areas.

I fractured a vertebrae when I was 17, was diagnosed incorrectly, and have a crookedly-healed T-7 that has given me knife-in-the-back pain intermittently for 30+ years. It sucks. I deal with it.

At 23, while on active duty, I herniated 3 disks in my lower back. Cue multiple ER visits for back spasms that are indescribable.

Upper back pain is pain. Lower back pain makes me fear being naked on the bathroom floor for 2 hours trying to crawl to my cell phone when every move instigates another spasm because BTDT.

Lizard brain exists for a reason. When my lower back is even wonky, I am careful with every step, every movement. And I haven’t had a bad lower back incident for 20 years, but probably my cautiousness has contributed to that.

Sorry for the segue. I guess it doesn’t really contribute to the discussion about overcoming fears.

[dmveventer]

@quietann

I wasn’t scared of him at all, because the fall wasn’t his fault. I wasn’t as scared to ride, either.

Oh I relate to this too. I’ve had incidents that should have shaken my confidence but didn’t, and then worry about things that have never happened but I feel are more likely. It all really comes down to logic and rationalization for me. My horse bucked me off last year and even though I hit the ground pretty hard it didn’t phase me at all. It was out of character for him, I know exactly what caused it and I’m not worried about that happening again, so it’s not something that bothers me. Meanwhile, I’ve never been hurt on XC but there’s a good chance I could be and I don’t have a good counterargument for that. Of course part of why I’ve never had a bad crash XC is because I don’t take as many risks, and I can feel my lizard brain now going “see I told you it’s a good strategy…”

@FromTheGalaxy

And just slowing putting good deposits back in the confidence bank.

We sound pretty similar, XC is also where I’m the least confident. It’s so much fun but man there are so many ways to potentially get hurt. The confidence bank is a great metaphor. Nothing feels better than doing something you feel iffy about and then succeeding! I’m pretty much going about it the same way - building difficulty gradually and in a smart way and letting those confidence boosts accumulate over time. And also picking my battles to give myself the best odds of success (with “success” in some cases just meaning “we didn’t die and now we have that in our pocket for next time”).

@chocolate_chip_in

I would probably put myself in the category of riders she mentions that are one bad crash away from quitting. I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing we’re allowed to admit in public.

You’re not alone, I’ve had this thought as well. It’s a lot harder to rebuild confidence than it is to destroy it, which is part of why I try not to beat myself up too much for taking the overly-cautious approach as long as I’m still moving forward overall. I’d just rather not put myself in that position if I can help it because I’m not totally sure what my response will be. I doubt I’d stop riding but if the day comes where I really just don’t want to go XC anymore, or even just don’t want to keep aiming for the next level, I don’t really see myself forcing the issue. This is supposed to be fun. I genuinely do have fun now even with the concerns about the risk and if that ever stopped being true I would re-evaluate. There are other disciplines and other ways to enjoy my horse.

[cmdrcltr]

I appreciate this thread. I am an experienced horse person (not a pro) and consider myself a strong intermediate in my mid-fifties. I have definite fear of getting hurt that is independent of my ability. I actually have added pilates and strength training to my routine in the last 7 months, and I am the most secure I ever remember being in the saddle. That said, my current horse is for sale because she has an occasional spook and spin or spook and go that triggers all my fears. The unpredictability wears at my confidence, even though she is stellar at other times. I will be looking for a horse that can deposit confidence into my bank account for the next little while.

Edited to move the parenthetical phrase.

[albytb]

I’m only 28, but I recently realized I was just making myself miserable trying to continue jumping. My horse was a saint but I still couldn’t shake that bone deep fear. Which is funny to me, because I’ve never had a bad jumping related fall. But it just didn’t make sense to keep trying and making zero progress with my fear. So I’ve decided to go back to just dressage, where I’m overall much happier! I try to have the mindset of “setting myself up for success” in that regard. Our minds are our greatest enemy in this sport… but at some point it is illogical to keep fighting it. Riding is supposed to be fun!

[Pico_Banana]

I had a bad fall in 2019 that resulted in a horrible concussion that kept me out of regular work for months. When I started riding again, I eventually bought myself an air vest. I know there is debate on whether they are reliable or not, but I have to admit one thing they reliably do for me is make me feel more confident. It’s maybe not the most rational thought, but it works for me.

[dmveventer]

I’ve thought about this. For me my body protector doesn’t really do much for me feeling more secure but other gear definitely does. I have safety stirrups and spent an absurd amount of money on an ARRO helmet last year since I liked the extra features they offered. It’s a little weird which things I do and don’t care about, I guess just based on which types of injuries seem more likely/more severe?

[Obsidian_Fire]

@axl

Lizard brain exists for a reason. When my lower back is even wonky, I am careful with every step, every movement. And I haven’t had a bad lower back incident for 20 years, but probably my cautiousness has contributed to that.

Sorry for the segue. I guess it doesn’t really contribute to the discussion about overcoming fears.

Yes, it does. I was your typical more or less fearless younger rider, and I had a terrible car accident when I was 22. Broken bones, etc. I think that was the first time in my life where I was well and truly hurt. Once I healed up enough to ride again, I was terrified of coming off. My mare was a quick, spooky, jumpy thing. Didn’t used to bother me, I’d just deal. Now? Holy sh*t. My brain had realized that yes, I really could be hurt, badly, and that it is painful to be hurt, and I didn’t want to do it again.

I ended up finding a barn with school ponies and taking lessons - beginner lessons, on the lunge. I eventually moved my mare to this barn and started lessons on her. Eventually the instructor said “put on your western saddle because today we ARE going to canter” and by golly we did and I didn’t die and eventually she taught us to jump. The mare never did get over being looky/spooky but I got a lot of my confidence back once I learned more ways to “ride” than just my backyard-seat-of-the-pants learning.

So yes, your comments matter. Fear of pain itself is a real thing.

[Incantation]

While I have a lifetime of experience and always had good stickability, I have had fear on and off throughout my riding career. I have had fear that I have been able to ride through, like fear of a particular cross country fence, or fear of riding a new horse. I have also had fear that almost paralyzed me. The paralyzing fear had more to do with confidence issues in the rest of my life and riding a slightly naughty horse just triggered it.
I have been under horsed or without a horse to ride for quite a few years. I have had a string of unsound horses, plus my reliable, older, 14.2h who does not keep me fit.
My fitness has taken a big hit, and that causes my confidence in handling naughty behavior to drop and increases fear. I plan on taking things very slow in starting my PSSM filly, and not putting myself in a position where I can’t physically ride through whatever she may through at me. She is a very sweet filly but can be opinionated, and has been explosive while long lining when she has muscle issues.