Interesting article on rider confidence - nerves vs fear

[dmveventer]

I know there have been a lot of discussions on nerves and confidence on other threads but I wasn’t sure where to put this, and thought the article was worth a discussion:

“No, You Don’t Have To ‘Push Through Your Fear’ In Order To Get Over It”
https://www.chronofhorse.com/article/no-you-dont-have-to-push-through-your-fear-in-order-to-get-over-it/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR3-xVSXBiPmTU_E-4q4NDjglXM2yPmF5PLrfHfwvcfxs2-OWiucTRF-cjk_aem_U8cj4OItU5SJXj0K-tlApw

Basically the author argues that there are two main causes of rider confidence issues: performance anxiety and fear of getting hurt. Performance anxiety is something that can be pushed through and reasoned with, but trying to push through when the root cause is fear of injury (or worse) is counterproductive.

I found it really refreshing to have a professional acknowledge that some fear is actually healthy and normal, not a sign of weakness, and then provide actual strategies for managing that type of fear. I’m someone that doesn’t get performance anxiety, I’m the same at shows as I am at home, but I’m definitely not the bravest rider out there in general. It’s something I struggle with and would like to improve on, but I have a hard time finding advice that doesn’t revolve around trying to convince myself that my fear is illogical - horses are dangerous, my fear is entirely logical. That’s my problem. If it was emotional I could override it, but I really can’t argue with the part of my brain that says “hey this feels dangerous” because… fair point. I just want to do it anyway and struggle to reconcile those two realities.

Anyone else relate? Any strategies that have worked for managing the logical risk-averse part of your brain? At this point I’m mainly trying the acceptance route - I can’t get rid of the fear entirely so I just try to remind myself that it’s rational and work within it. I have a trainer I trust not to point me at something I’m not capable of, who is accepting and non-judgmental of my risk-averse ways. I try to be smart about when and how I push myself out of my comfort zone and when I let myself back off. I know it’s a lot easier to destroy confidence than to build it back up, but it’s still frustrating when I know I could accomplish a lot more if I could just find a way to be braver.

[LakeEffect]

Couple things:

1. You’re certain it’s not performance anxiety? Does this happen when you are entirely (or as reasonably safe to be) alone?

2. I’ve found it very helpful to match my mount to my physical capabilities (limitations). I didn’t realize how much my big-boned 16.2+ was making me nervous until I sat on an overgrown pony with just the right amount of athleticism. You don’t need to ride a certain “look,” you need to ride a mount that makes you feel safe and have fun.

[dmveventer]

@LakeEffect

You’re certain it’s not performance anxiety?

Honestly this kind of response is exactly my point and why I appreciated the article so much. There’s this weird refusal among riders to acknowledge any kind of fear related to what we’re doing so any nerves must be from something frivolous like fear of embarrassment instead. I’m not sure if it’s a cognitive dissonance thing or what but it makes it hard to get useful advice.

So yes, as I said, I’m sure it’s not performance anxiety. I have no issues making mistakes or getting a bad show result, it doesn’t matter who’s watching or what the stakes are. Failure is how we learn. As long as I feel physically safe I have no problem trying new things or putting myself out there or potentially looking like an idiot. My horse isn’t too big for me, I’m not trying to “ride the look” at the expense of common sense. This has always been a thing for me across different horses and disciplines (and non-equestrian sports). The things I’m concerned about at shows are the same things I’m concerned about when no one is watching - falling off and getting seriously hurt.

[LakeEffect]

Noted, my apologies. Another suggestion may be to consider a vest - those sometimes make me feel safer. Hopefully others will have some further insight!

[atr]

I understand exactly what you mean. It has nothing to do with performance anxiety, or " butterflies" or whatever. It’s that "lizard brain " at work. It’s job is to protect us from doing stupid things. I think some of us were blessed with a larger portion of it than others.

And yet we persist.

[Willesdon]

My fear level goes up and down.

As a child I became fearful because I was consistently over-horsed, riding under-worked, over-fed creatures who also, in one particular case, didn’t like children. Explosions were common and frequently dramatic. Some ponies and horses are very kind, others less so. My fear disappeared and confidence vastly improved when I moved to a different barn where the horses were both better schooled and did more work and I received structured lessons that built skills.

Then I had a long period of riding only intermittently, on a variety of horses and in a variety of places. My level of fear was also variable: most horses I found were peaceful souls and I enjoyed myself but there were one or two who felt they wanted more excitement in their life than I wanted to allow. On one ride, I became fixated on being thankful I had on decent underwear as I really thought I might end up in hospital! All these years later and I can still recall that. As my age increased I found fears around riding increased because my adult brain cut in and the rash adolescent was firmly subdued.

I then returned to regular riding - and I recall being taken aback by how much fear I had around horses, even though I had kept some contact with them. They are large, often a bit clumsy around their handlers, can be grumpy, bite, kick, stand on one’s feet… This fear dissolved as I became familiar with horses again and my riding skills increased with excellent tuition by trainers who understood how to teach adults (it is a different skill set). One good thing about my adult experience: I always fully empathise with people who are fearful of riding, or of horses, and will try to work with them to help overcome their fears. It is too easy to dismiss something one hasn’t experienced oneself. However, a healthy caution is always a Very Good Thing around any horse, at any time. Too many accidents happen because someone takes a horse for granted.

Another time, despite riding and handling horses very regularly, I noticed fear was creeping into my mind when riding - for no decernable or logical reason. However, I was newly diagnosed with diabetes. Once my symptoms were under control I realised my fear had also gone. So I firmly believe our own physical condition plays into our emotions and reactions when around horses.

I’ve been off horses due to ill health for some years. I suspect I will have some healthy fear to overcome when building up my muscles again. For me, the joy always comes too.

[chocolate_chip_in]

I really appreciated that article too. I do get competition nerves in addition to “am I going to die today?” nerves, but I know how to handle the competition nerves—it’s the “is today the day my luck runs out?” anxiety that follows me wherever I am, whatever I’m doing. I have strategies to manage it (some of them she described in the article) but it’s exhausting sometimes. So yes, I very much relate.

I would probably put myself in the category of riders she mentions that are one bad crash away from quitting. I don’t know if that’s the kind of thing we’re allowed to admit in public.

[Texarkana]

I listen to a lot of Natalie Hummel sports psychology stuff and even did a session with her.

Something she says that has helped me is to recognize the feeling and identify where you feel it in your body, then to sit there with it for a bit. Then after allowing yourself to feel it, respond to yourself with kindness and remind yourself it’s just a feeling and you’re allowed to have feelings.

I ride a horse who was unpredictable in her younger years and did a number on my confidence. 99% of the time, that’s all behind us. But sometimes she reacts unexpectedly and I find myself getting nervous and defensive again. When that happens, pausing with the technique above helps me see the situation more clearly and help me identify if it’s a performance anxiety thing I can push through or truly a deep fear response that I need to approach differently.

[ghst13]

This article resonated with me as well. This type of fear also isn’t linear, it’s not a straight progression from being afraid to moving beyond the fear.

I had a scary accident this past spring. Fortunately I was completely unhurt and my horse was extremely fortunate to walk away from the incident with just a few scrapes when it could have been substantially worse. After giving him some time to recover from any soreness we went back out, schooled again without issue, competed successfully several times and it seemed like I had not only escaped physcial injury but mental impacts as well. And then about 4 months later we were schooling and he uncharacteristically started stopping at fences. I didn’t come off, he was stopping several strides away Called it a day, had the vet out, found a likely cause and treated, brought back to work. Went schooling again and suddenly that trauma from the spring reared its head and my lizard brain was sure we both would die approaching fences that were well within and below our previous capability.

I’d get about 7-8 strides out and my brain would be screaming at me not to continue. And this was a situation with just me and my very supportive trainer and no one else around. I think that visceral fear is very hard for people to understand if they’ve never experienced it. I scrapped the rest of the competition season and we just been working on going out and only doing what’s comfortable and rebuilding the fun and joy. It’s definitely getting better and while my lizard brain does speak up at times, it is slowly getting quieter and quieter.

I also trying to be more open and honest when an exercise does raise my anxiety and working past the internal pressure I put on myself that “I should be able to do this” and speaking up when I feel the fear emerging. My trainer and I will then talk it through and either modify the exercise or I’ll determine if I’m comfortable enough to push my feat boundary. I very thankful that both my trainers have zero judgment and have experienced their own setbacks along the way where they recognize the need to step down to what you can do at that point in time.

[chocolate_chip_in]

Yes, having a trainer who gets it has been…well I don’t want to say it’s been a game changer, because I’m still stuck in the same game lol, but it’s been so helpful after a lifetime of trainers whose only response was to yell at me to get on with it or put the fences up when I had my back to them.

I know my trainer won’t judge me if I say I’m having a bad brain day and need to stay inside my comfort zone for a lesson. Of course she does push me, but she also respects it when I put my foot down and doesn’t judge me for wanting to do less than I “should” be able to do. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted an instructor as much as I trust her.

[AnastasiaBeaverhousen]

OP
2 things going on.

1. A lack of confidence in your ability to physically handle unexpected reactions from your horse.

The best remedy for this is to maybe invest in some dressage lessons that focus on developing a secure seat. Do lots of lunge work with no reins and no stirrups.

Then do some hill work if you can with no stirrups. You’d be surprised on how much we riders tend to rely on the stirrup instead of developing the muscles and balance needed for a secure seat.

2. I believe part of your dilemma is that deep down inside you just plain don’t want to have to deal with too much back chat from your horse.

Some people are adrenaline junkies and like their horse to give them a roller coaster ride. The more ornery the better .

But most us, especially as we age, understand the risks. It’s easy as a younger rider to blow off injuries , even if they are painful.

But someone else is paying the bills.

When you are responsible for yourself and there is no one else, it changes one’s perception of risk completely.

Something else to consider.
If you feel anxious before you ride, contemplate on whether it is riding, or something else that is bothering you.

Some breathing exercises and other calming techniques can be useful here .
And also take the time while you are grooming your horse to see how it is feeling.
Sometimes our minds are so focused on an upcoming lesson, or our goals for the ride that we completely miss what is going on with the horse .

Hope this helps.

[xQHDQ]

I just want to add that fear/nervousness/timidness, whatever you want to call it is not really cerebral - it’s more an autonomic response that you have little control of in the moment. Meaning, you can’t rationalize your way out of it when you’re feeling it. I used to be a VERY timid rider. I did a lot of work to get over my fear which set me up for the event that resulted in my fear disappearing. The exact moment was when my horse was being particularly naughty and my trainer talked me through it (do this, now this, now this…). I got through it, realized that was the worst my horse would ever be, and it was like a switch - the fear was gone! It was a chemical shift in my brain, albeit one that I don’t think would have happened without all the prep work I had done up until then (visualization, working on why I was afraid, etc - the cerebral part). Thankfully, the fear has not returned in the 5 years since that singular ride.

[RedHorses]

@AnastasiaBeaverhousen

A lack of confidence in your ability to physically handle unexpected reactions from your horse.

This is the other common dismissal of fear that I’ve seen. “Oh, it’s just your riding skills aren’t good enough. Improve your skills and the fear will go away.”

This isn’t true for the sort of fear that I understand the OP is talking about. I’ve had that sort of fear myself, and unfortunately it’s not skills based.

Retraining the subconscious is a different thing.

I’m not picking on you AnastasiaBeaverhousen, it’s something I’ve heard from a number of people over the years.

[trubandloki]

@chocolate_chip_in

I know my trainer won’t judge me if I say I’m having a bad brain day and need to stay inside my comfort zone for a lesson. Of course she does push me, but she also respects it when I put my foot down and doesn’t judge me for wanting to do less than I “should” be able to do. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted an instructor as much as I trust her.

Totally love this! A trainer you can trust is so important and finding one that is willing to work within our needs for the day is just amazing.

I think it is hard for some people (as this thread proves) to understand what dealing with fear is like.
I realize that no one here is trying to be insulting, because to them it is so simple to not be afraid, just try to understand that some of us are not wired like you (general) are and even though horses can be scary to us, we still want to enjoy riding. (Because that is the other thing people say - if you are scared why are you riding)

[AnastasiaBeaverhousen]

It isn’t meant to be dismissive. Nor did I mean to imply that the OP doesn’t have skills or is not a good rider .
It may be that the OP doesn’t think she has the skills. That is a completely different thing.

My personal experience:
I was a timid rider for a very long time.
I took lessons and I did improve, but I was always a little nervous even with the old schoolies.

After I started taking some dressage lessons from an instructor who was very strict about rider position I found that I improved not only in my physical riding skills, but I was more confident mentally.

[mika0116]

@ghst13 & @chocolate_chip_in - 100% of everything all you both have said

fear / confidence is never ever linear - even pro’s who have won the top GPs etc have episodes of fear /anxiety.

the only difference with them is that they have so much statistical experience of being okay & high rates of exposure (1 GP class a week or more on different horses) that they are able to deploy their massive tool sets (therapy, sports coaching, somatic exercises, pharmacological help – many pro athletes are on mental health drugs like SSRIs and some have gotten TUEs for ADHD meds etc.)

A good trainer as both of you have mentioned AND the right horse for you at YOUR point in the journey makes all the difference. I lease (don’t own) and I have the luxury of having an animal to meet me “where I am at as a rider”.

After a bad accident FLATTING warming up to jump last January (in 2024) that had me in the ER with a concussion and a level 3 separated AC - bless MIPS . I began riding a hunter / eq kick ride after staunchly preferring a “drag me to the fence and leave strides out and go Mach 20 24/7 so I never have to think about much besides woah” type of hot jumper / eventer.

I am having a great time with current trainer and said horse and I have been convinced that if I were ever to buy … I want something that can “meet me where I am at even on my bleh / fearful days” and also “step up to the plate and get stuff done”.

this dude checks in with me and goes “hm you seem a little off today - let me shift to stay under you when you lean too much into that outside iron” or “im gonna be a little ploddy today bc it doesn’t seem like youre really committed to not the add step”. When I am on it - he goes “here’s the exact lead change you wanted for the counter canter fence” “here’s the gorgeous hunter float and cute knees over the solid gate that will make you smile so hard”, “extend the canter out of the corner, yes, I got ya”, “here’s my fancy float trot for those no irons exercises where you feel like we can dabble in level 3 dressage for cross training”

as a former dressage princess pre jumping days… I went on a ROAD HACK with said horse! I typically am not confident outside of an arena due to years on spooky spooky horses. On tarmac! Walking up and down hills with barking neighbor dogs and inflatable Christmas decorations 2x the size of the horses and I HAD FUN - the only thing he did was eat a kumquat off a tree and walked me into the branches a little - no spooking no jigging no arguments with buddy horse, no reactions to her snorty behavior…

I’m lucky - my trainer comes from a pro community where one week they (the pro) retire from a GP after fence 4 bc horse and rider weren’t feeling confident - vibes were off. And then 4 weeks later win a jackpot GP because horse and rider felt confident. They get it because they continuously grow as professionals and also experience it themselves.

[FromTheGalaxy]

I’ve never been a super confident rider, but after spending a couple years riding green/naughty horses, and being away from cross country for over 2 years, I was petrified the first time I went back out on the xc course. It’s absolutely a fear of getting hurt: I picture my horse bolting/bucking/spinning me off and landing hard in the dirt, crashing into a fence and rotating, all the awful things that can go wrong jumping solid fences out in the open. Thankfully I have a trainer who has been great about meeting me where I’m at, and a saintly mare who takes care of me even when I am clutching the reins and not helping her out at all. We always start off slowly with easy exercises and focus on those until I’m feeling more confident to move on. Every session we have to start back at the very basics, but usually by the end I am feeling much more confident than I started.

I have found that keeping one or two things to focus on and repeating those to myself as I go around helps me to have something else to think about rather than omg I’m going to die! “Look up, hands forward, keep the canter, etc” Sometimes I will sing to myself to try to keep myself breathing and not tensing up too much.

And I agree with the bit in the article that says “That’s why practicing getting “perfect” distances is counterproductive—a rider has to know that she can manage the inevitable imperfect one because that’s the one she’s thinking about as she nervously canters down a line.” I find that my confidence grows more when things go just slightly sideways and I get through it. Of course I don’t want things to be so bad that I come off as that would be counter productive, but if we find an ugly distance but still make it over, if my horse has a little spook but I can get her back under control, I get jumped loose in the tack but am able to regain my position; these are all situations that help me be more confident that I have the skills to handle things going a bit wrong.

In the end I think the only solution is time. Finding the right trainer and horse to help you slowly grow your confidence and quiet the fear. Knowing that progress will not be linear and you will have set backs, and to not beat yourself up when you’re having a particularly bad day. Recognizing when to call it quits and try something easier that day. And just slowing putting good deposits back in the confidence bank.

[Ajierene]

@dmveventer

There’s this weird refusal among riders to acknowledge any kind of fear related to what we’re doing so any nerves must be from something frivolous like fear of embarrassment instead

As someone who is experienced perceived indifference to your issues, I would caution you against using dismissive language such as “frivolous” when speaking of someone else’s issues. Diagnosed anxiety is not a frivolous thing, no matter if it is fear of falling off/getting hurt specifically or performance anxiety.

And the result can be similar. If the individual is advised to go to that AA show because they just have “show nerves” and will be fine but then end up getting so tied up in their anxiety they give their horse a bad ride and have a bad fall with severe injuries, the result is not better than if the issue is a direct causation of a bad fall.

For either or any anxiety, the trick is never to push to far. I think I disagree with the author just a little bit. I completely agree with not pushing to far or to fast and remaining at a level until you are “bored” (completely at ease with the level). But, if you want to move up (not that you HAVE to), you have to push yourself and the next step will be scary at first. That doesn’t mean you should go from walking around to cantering the next ride after you are completely comfortable, or even that you must start trotting around consistently rather than just 5 steps and stop.

But that’s the thing - the first time you do those 5 steps of a trot when you are breaking through that fear, there will be nerves/nervousness/anxiety/fear. Stop before it gets overwhelming and remind yourself of the success.

It also is not linear - one day you go from trotting 5 to 10 to 20 then for reasons you either know or don’t, you only feel comfortable trotting 10 paces again, then back up and up to half the arena, then back down to 20 paces - the old age of 3 steps forward 2 steps back but hey, you are still one step more forward than when you started the journey and that’s what you should focus on.

That being said - something happens you never want to do more than walk on a horse again - that is your right and your privilege and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise or Imma have to have words with them!

[Ajierene]

@RedHorses

This is the other common dismissal of fear that I’ve seen. “Oh, it’s just your riding skills aren’t good enough. Improve your skills and the fear will go away.”

I know Anastasiabearvehousen did reply but I wanted to offer a similar, clarifying statement. The lack of confidence in physical ability has potentially nothing to do with skill and does not need to be read that skill=physical ability.

I could be the best rider out there but I don’t have depth perception so I lack the confidence that I am physically capable of picking the best spot to jump from. Luckily my mare is very willing to take lead on that one but it also means I am limited with height because the higher jumps leave less room for error and it makes me uncomfortable.

Other, seen or (more often) unseen issues can lead to the same confidence issues, such as the poster that commented about her diabetes diagnosis or Courtney King Dye’s TBI, or metabolism/muscular/balance changes due to age, post-childbirth or post-injury fitness issues, etc.

[quietann]

I’m kind of your classic fearful, timid rider - yet I love a horse with some go and a big personality. I am a permanent advanced beginner rider, but am broad across the beam (hips) and have good balance, so I rarely come off.

When I was a tween, I got dumped at a jump by a naughty, young, green pony. Yeah, he wasn’t quite ready to be a lesson horse. I was then terrified to canter or jump. My instructor thought this was ridiculous but went along with it anyway. So one day she took us on a trail ride, and there was a place where we always cantered… and we did, and I forgot to be afraid! I’m pretty sure that I was riding that same pony! After that I was fine with cantering and jumping. And that pony became one of my favorites, and I cried when he was sold to a hunter show home a couple of years later.

Another instance of non-fear. As many of you know, I had a bad fall in 2008 when I fainted while going at a fairly brisk pace in between 2 jumps that were part of a course set up on a slope. After I had surgery to put my collarbone back together, I started riding again. The second horse I rode was the one I’d fallen from. I wasn’t scared of him at all, because the fall wasn’t his fault. I wasn’t as scared to ride, either.

More to come…