Is it time?

[Fence.Hopper]

Ugh. I feel guilty just writing this out but this thought/ feeling has been gnawing at me for a while now and I just really need a gut check, or maybe just to vent or put my thoughts down on paper. I’m sorry this will probably be long.

My senior horse has been lame since late spring/ early summer, nearly 6 months. We’ve had several vet visits between two different clinics and have had 2-3 diagnosis’s and no change in the lameness. We don’t seem to have a definitive answer as the lameness has yet to improve, it’s not like it’s getting better then we are re-injuring rather it seems like we have yet to find the correct diagnosis. So far we have tried a few different shoeing set ups, hoof balance rads, shockwave, bute, Previcoxx and joint injections (slight improvement but still lame). Rads are unremarkable other than some small changes made to shoeing months ago. Leg blocked out below the knee so we ultrasounded and didn’t see much besides some arthritis which was treated with shockwave and IA injection. I don’t have the cash to do an MRI. Vet(s) are perplexed as we can’t seem to find anything clinically wrong in the area it blocks to that would explain the level of lameness. I’ve spent a couple grand on this already with no answers. Am I a terrible, terrible person for considering euthanasia?

This horse has been with me a very long time and is incredibly special to me. While he isn’t 1000% miserable, the lameness is evident at the walk/ in the small turnout/ in the stall. He’s eating fine, thankfully doesn’t seem overly stressed, and otherwise seems healthy, though he does have Cushings, and relatively happy. He is older and has had off and on lameness issues for the past 4? years now. We’ve always been able to resolve the other lameness rather quickly with joint injections or other treatment with rads or ultrasound first, but I’m wondering if maybe there is some larger underlying problem we aren’t seeing that may be finally coming to a head. I won’t lie, I’m emotionally, and a bit financially, exhausted at this point. This horse deserves the absolute world and I feel terrible that he’s been lame for this long. I have 0 expectations for him other than living out life with on retirement or pasture board, but I don’t see how that’s feasible with the lameness as it stands. Several years ago, I boarded at a barn with an old decrepit gelding that could barely move due to previous founder that the owner kept around with a crap ton of maintenance and the horse was still very unhappy and I alway swore I wouldn’t ever do that to any animal of mine. I don’t think my guy is to that point but am starting to question myself, obviously. I find I’m avoiding the barn as I hate to see him like this and feel like I’ve let him down since I haven’t been able to fix it.

[3PonyFarm]

You are not a terrible person! If the pain is not easily managed, a conversation with your Vet is appropriate. It is very sad to watch an animal you love get to a point where you are wondering about the quality of life for them. Many hugs to you.

[phantomhorse]

If you are thinking about it, it is time.

The final act of love is taking their pain and making it our own.

[Horsecrazy3]

You have not let him down. You have tried to find the cause of his lameness and sometimes we are unable to find the reason even if a MRI is used. If he’s lame at the walk pasture board would not be an option for me as he would more than likely be low man on the pecking order. Listen to your gut. You are already questioning your choices to mitigate his pain or being able to find an answer to correct his lameness. Horses are prey animals and hide their problems from us. If we see the problem, the horse is very aware that they are not safe, even though they are in our minds, and their bodies are put into a constant state of stress. I’m in the camp that believes a day too early is better then waiting until the horse has a total breakdown. If you keep the horse’s welfare above your needs, you will come to a decision that is right for both of you.

[MNDressage]

I’m sorry. I’ve seen a couple horses like you describe that were kept alive much longer than they should have and don’t want to do that to my senior when it’s his time so I understand how you feel. You’ve done so much for him and know him best. It can be the right decision but it doesn’t make it easy.

[GraceLikeRain]

Lame at the walk is a very fair benchmark for questioning quality of life and finding a way to ensure a peaceful transition. Horses hide a lot and six months of lame at the walk has likely taken a large toll. I don’t think it’s too soon.

[widge]

I’m sorry about your old friend OP. I think you are right to be considering this, especially if you are in a location that gets snow/ice/otherwise bad winter weather. He may be getting around okay enough during the warm months, but it could be more challenging to deal with the addition of winter.

[Critter]

I’ve found that if I come to COTH to ask that question (and I have written the same type of post before)…then I’ve already realized it was time. Because if it wasn’t time, the thought of euthanasia would have never even crossed my mind. I am sure the first time you dealt with the lameness, you didn’t even think of putting him down…nope, you thought time to get the vet out, get some imaging, do some treatment. So if you get to the point you are at now…then it is time.

I went through a bad founder with a 26 yo gelding who was my heart horse. I expected to put him down the first night as he was so painful and I couldn’t bear to see him that way. My vet said not yet. We then tried to get him comfortable for a month. I finally said enough…he didn’t need to be in that much pain, especially at that age. Could we have tried a bit longer and maybe gotten him through the worst of it…maybe, but for what end? The decision and process was far harder on me than on him, and while I would have loved more time with him, I wouldn’t have wanted it with him in pain like he was.

[SLW]

((Hugs)) and please know you have been a Top Tier steward of your sweet horse.

You don’t mention where you live but with an unknown reason, yet obvious mobility issue, winter can be cruel for an infirm horse. Lack of mobility can lead to issues that result in an emergency- like impaction colic.

I would be concerned about him creating an issue in his good front leg as he compensates for the bad front leg.

((Hugs)) as you navigate making an informed, humane and compassionate decision.

[Demerara_Stables]

You’re not a terrible person. The thing that really got me about your post was that you’re avoiding going to see him because you feel so bad - I can’t imagine how hard it is to see him in pain and it sounds like you know that it might be time.

I understand being emotionally and financially exhausted by diagnostics, but it were me (and it is right now with my dog), I would throw everything I have left at it. Maybe that means putting some of his x-rays or photos out to the hive mind here (but I would totally not blame you if you didn’t want to - it can be brutal to open up in a place like this). I also would have a conversation with your vet about trying some other pain medications, even if they aren’t meant to be used forever. If you really want to keep him around and pain is the only thing that is making that difficult, maybe there is a way to eliminate the pain so he can stay around a bit longer. Again, it is totally a personal decision and for sure quality of life has to be considered - it sounds like his quality of life is good otherwise so maybe finding a different type of pain medication will be a solution.

Lastly, I have used a horse communicator many times and have found it very useful for both physical and emotional problems with horses. Maybe you are a skeptic about this type of thing, but at this point it would be a last ditch effort to talk to him and see if you can either find out what is going on or maybe he will tell you that he is ready to go.

[Meg617]

I’m going through a similar thought process right now with my elderly gelding. I live in Canada and winters can be hard. You can tell you love him by your post. Trust your instincts and I know whatever you decide will be the right choice.

[walktrot]

I had a Paint gelding I put down on 7/20/2022 at age 28. He had a lump on his left knee that had no effect on soundness from the day I bought him in 2001 through 3/31/2020. It developed arthritis and was gradually losing flexion but he was ridden 5-6 days a week. When the pandemic started the BO locked everyone out of the farm for a month even though state regulations permitted horse owners daily access to provide care. Standing around for 30 days on pasture board provoked recurrent bouts of lameness and I had to retire him from riding. Our vet since day one retired after 50 years in practice. The BO was not providing the care she said he needed: more to eat and a quiet environment. I moved him to another barn where he was pampered back to perfect condition in nice stall open 100% to an oversize runout plus all-day turnout.

We had an excellent vet who x -rayed the knee and both hooves every couple of months and we went to a 4-week shoeing schedule. He was on Equioxx; I had rejected trying to maintain him on knee injections. He did exceptionally well with perfectly balanced feet, according to the lameness specialist. He was comfortable, energetic, and his amazing personality remained on full display. After his initial evaluation by the lameness specialist, our vet asked me to make a deal with her: when she said it was time I would put him down. I agreed. I probably could have spent a bundle on joint injections, various drugs, and body management. But I had promised him years ago I would never allow him to turn into an old man. He was still a bundle of energy, his amazing personality continued to shine, he was as handsome as ever, and he continued to garner plenty of attention in the barn.

She told me on 7/12/22 that it was time. I was sure she was jumping the gun but set the date. He had no problems getting up from his nap. 3-4 days later I saw the minute changes when someone else walked him. The flexion was gone. His knee couldn’t control his hoof when he took a step. Sometimes he dragged the toe. Both knees were dirty. Then he refused to walk out to his favorite hand grazing area. But that bundle of energy was better than ever. He was well known in the area in part because I loaned him to our barn’s therapy and lesson programs for years. A few dozen people came to help me say goodbye. He headed for the bridge without his mane and tail.

We did our Century Ride in 2021. At age 76 I have had no desire to get another horse. The best thing I did was to have him composted. I got a couple of buckets last spring and planted a huge Korean dogwood tree (deer resistant!). It flowered all summer and had red leaves for a month in the fall. It is like I buried him in the back yard. I’m still having a rough time, but I look out the bay window every morning and say “Hi Sweetie.”

I bump into longtime friends regularly who knew him well. They always reassure me that I did what was best for him. They all remember him as young, handsome, and loads of fun. They remined me about his purple bathrobe and licking the back of my winter jacket on the way to turnout. His Portrait is hanging in the local Blue Seal store. He stayed with me behind my left shoulder for 18 months, and still stops by. I know because all of a sudden I get these urges to look into his eyes on his portrait while I’m watching TV. We’ll be reuniting at the bridge.

[Texarkana]

You’re not a terrible person at all. You are a wonderful owner. Hugs.

I just went through this with a beloved horse who was only 20. It’s never easy.

[SharonA1]

"I’m emotionally, and a bit financially, exhausted at this point."

That is a totally valid and reasonable data point in favor of letting a beloved but aged and unsound horse, and the associated stress and anxiety, go.

"This horse deserves the absolute world"

Then give it to him. Give him a world without pain or anxiety or confusion.

Many hugs. So many of us have been in these same shoes. It’s hard.