Is someone a stalker if you don't know you've been stalked?

One of my projects as I recover from shoulder surgery and can’t ride has been to go through my two bins of freelance writing files --discard some, make new folders for other, try to locate all the articles and fiction I ever wrote in the 20 years I was freelancing (no idea why I am doing this, but just know if I don’t, it will never get done and the golden words that fell from my pen will be lost forever) —anyway . . .

I had a folder marked “fan mail” into which I put every card or letter where someone wrote to me that he or she liked what I wrote. After reading them once, I put them into the folder. Never looked at them again. Now, 15 years after my last story was published, as I am going through the articles and short stories, I decided to put said fan mail into the folder with whatever story it cited --much to my surprise I discovered that over the two decades, one man had been writing to compliment me on pretty much everything I wrote --nothing inappropriate --just “Saw your article in [any name of magazine] and liked what you wrote.” Sincerely Bob. Now the weird part to me is I actually KNOW this guy —he used to face off against my daughter in court all the time (and lost every time --daughter is a killer prosecutor). However, when he was writing to ME the kid would have been in grade school – FURTHER, to have read as many different articles and stories as he did, he had to be looking for my stuff --I wrote for EQUUS, Practical Horseman, Western Horseman, Horse Illustrate, Equine Image, The Sentinel, the local newspaper, and a few other newspapers in the area.

Anyway, without doing a lot of checking, I think he is no longer in the area --like me he would have passed retirement age a few years ago.

There was never anything inappropriate in his letters --longest one asked me to “inform him” should I have a book published (in my dreams).

Strangest of all is this fellow, to the best of my knowledge had NO CONNECTION to the horse world I live in --his kid was never in saddle club (unusual name so I’d remember it), his wife (he had 3 as I recall) didn’t show --they might have been casual horse owners --but still seems very, very odd to me.

Made me recall how Stephen King’s fictional writer was kidnaped by crazy Cathy Bates who called herself his : “Number One Fan.”

So have I been stalked if I never knew it? If a tree falls in the woods . . .

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that’s super weird. But seems to be over so I guess file it under things you’re glad you didn’t notice earlier. :grinning:

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Well, in retrospect it’s definitely odd. But I’m not sure it amounts to stalking. Maybe he wrote fan letters to many authors. Did he have any idea who you were IRL at the time or were you just a name in a newspaper? What was the first article he responded to, was it something more possibly compelling than “Five Signs of Colic” or “Town Christmas Tree Lights Up Dec 2”? Did some article catch his attention in some way? Did he see you at some civic event?

It’s not normal behavior but at this distance it’s hard to tell if he wanted to freak you out, or had some OCD thing going on, etc.

Have you seen the Netflix show Stalkers? It was fascinating but a lot more extreme of course.

Maybe he was really just a huge fan for whatever reason. It sounds harmless although definitely a little bit weird.

Two thoughts, both positive. Could you have had a high school or college job with him? Could he have been a classmate of yours in high school or college? Could he be a distant relative or family friend?

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@moonlitoaksranch: possibly --from what I recall of the few times I saw him v my daughter in court (again that would have been 15-20 years after the last letter was received) he was not the type of “classmate” who would have stood out —bright, clearly, a successful lawyer (except when he went against my daughter) --he was small for a man, heavy-set, and talked A LOT --kiddo said he only won cases because the judges got tired of hearing his voice.

So, yes, he could have been in my college classes at some point --my HS class was small enough that I pretty much knew everyone. Only other possibility is that we crossed paths socially at the (oh, so few) country club gatherings I attended (DH and are are NOT the country club set --but sometimes we would go with other couples).

I think I’ll just chalk it up to “Wow, that’s weird.”

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I would chalk it up in the “wow that’s a little strange, but sounds harmless” category.

It could be he genuinely was a fan of your writing. In which case, he’d look for wherever you published work. I don’t find that strange at all. There are artists that I follow (digitally) and have, at times, even joined different platforms or social media to follow their work. People do follow artists they love, and writing is a form of art.

The other thought could be, he very may well have had a crush on you.

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And if he had a crush, he was at least appropriate and kind.

You know, sometimes people correspond with fans. I don’t know what your status is, but maybe a thank you note from an office address would be nice.

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How bizarre. My first thought is similar to that of others: maybe you crossed paths socially and he recognized your name on a byline, then just kept an eye out for your work. :woman_shrugging:

Side note: I’d love to read some of your writing!

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Good material for a novel!

Just saying.

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While that’s somewhat odd, if that’s all the farther it went and everything sent was appropriate and kind I don’t think I’d consider it any kind of stalking. It’s not like he was driving past your house 10 times a day, constantly calling you and hanging up, and trying to crawl in the window at night. I personally have found particular actors/musicians/writers/whatever that I really like and I try to find and watch/read/listen to all of their work even if it’s about some topic where I wouldn’t otherwise have interest. Some I collected magazine articles about them and things like that. Does that make me a stalker? I think not, just a big fan.

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I think he’s just a fan. He apparently never contacted you except for this, and maybe he wrote to other people too. However, I wouldn’t ever contact him either.

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I don’t think this is stalker-y necessarily, bit odd but hey, it was also 15 or so years ago from what you say so not much you can do now anyway.

My big example of reader praise (newspaper reporter here as like, prob. half the forum knows, small-town weekly and no I will not share any actual anything w/my byline on it) that took me utterly by surprise was a couple months ago:

I’d written some candidate profiles for the local election and also covered the rotary club sheriff candidate forum. We had probably the most heated sheriff race I have ever seen. One candidate worked in the county prosecutor’s office as an investigator.

One evening I’d just barely sat down to dinner (something snacky, might’ve been chicken nuggets heated in the air fryer, my mom was out of the house at some work thing and would be home past dinner time so I didn’t bother to fix anything much) and my phone rings. I don’t recognize the number but it’s a local area code so I scarf the nugget down and pick up.

Guy on the other end asks if this is (Forfeit’s Real Name), I say yes, he introduces himself as So-n-so, (County Name) Prosecutor. I’m thinking to myself, “uh-oh, what did I DO??? I haven’t done anything?” He just wanted to thank me for my coverage of the sheriff race. :woman_facepalming: I think I said thanks and managed to rush him off the phone politely (I work remotely so do everything off my own phone and had interviewed the candidate who worked in that office as an investigator by phone call) so I could finish my food. Like dude you could at least not introduce yourself that way (our county prosecutor from much of what I’ve heard is kinda a jerk - I haven’t had to deal with him often but have heard him speak at a government meeting or two and haven’t much liked what he’s had to say on things. I don’t trust him further than I could throw him but I’m that way with every elected official.)

EDIT: Forgot to add prosecutor was also all, “let me know if I can be of service” like I don’t think you can be but…okey-dokey? :rofl: ‘Twas a lil’ weird. I’m just glad I didn’t answer the phone with my mouth full or something equally embarrassing/awkward.

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@Texarkana --not sure what I have electronically -most of my stuff is hard copy --but I’ll see what I can find – as to @moonlitoaksranch --status is married for 47 years to the most wonderful man ever who made every dream I ever had come true --most recently he’s fed and cared for my 4 horses (and me) when shoulder surgery 11/1 gave me only one good arm to work with. As I said, all this fan mail is at least 15 years old --suspect he has moved out of the area . . .

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@Texarkana --sent you a short story via Messages . .cheers!

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Not that she knows of :sweat_smile:

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