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It's Hard To Let Go

Hi All!

I’m an adult re-rider, trying to gain my confidence back after many years off and a bad first horse purchase.

I guess I just need to vent/say my piece out loud in hopes that it will fall on understanding ears (er…eyes?)

I bought a sweetheart 7yo OTTB mare, and long story short, we were not a perfect match. It absolutely broke my heart to sell her, and I was so certain that she was going to the perfect home. I disclosed all of her issues and was SO transparent about everything: She does have mild kissing spine, she’s very backsore because she (and I) don’t know how to get her to engage her behind, she can be really crabby, nervous about everything, snaps crossties, had white line disease in both fronts…you get the picture.

New owner has had her only a short while and has been putting kids on her, that she has thrown, and is taking her barefoot (which really makes me nervous) and is listing her for sale.

It’s hard. I know that she’s no longer mine, but I feel like I failed her. It’s hard to let go. But I can’t buy her back because ultimately it would be a disservice to both of us-- I need a steady teacher, and the same goes for her.

You have already said what is a fact… You cannot buy her back. you didn’t fail her, you did what you thought was best. What the next person does is beyond your control. You cannot control every outcome. You area good person for caring, but accept your limits in this situation.

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You might not be in the position to do this, but this is what I would do. I would buy her back. Re-evaluate the health situation and if there was no hope at all for her to be the horse you want or that someone else could rehab, have her PTS. That way you know for certain she had a humane ending and won’t be haunted by “what ifs”. If she dumped a kid and has all these health problems, it probably won’t end well for her. If you are not in the position to do this it’s understandable. I could (and did) as I have my own place and don’t have the expensive of boarding.

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I am sorry that the person you sold her to is failing her. That sounds so very frustrating. I totally understand why you are so upset.

It sounds like you are in a lose/lose situation.

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It’s a really tough situation. The horse is young, so it’s not like you could retire her inexpensively for a few years. She has a nervous, feisty temperament that isn’t beginner-safe, but with her physical issues, she’s not suitable for a sensitive, experienced rider who would want a more athletically talented horse. Don’t beat yourself up for your inability to get her to get herself off her forehand. She might not be really capable of it, even if a pro can “force” her to do it physically for a short while.

You could contact the seller in a very non-judgmental fashion to discuss doing what’s best for the horse in a mutual fashion. But it would have to be very nice, not “holy shit, you put kids on her,” but rather discussing other options than just selling her on.