Thank you all so much for your replies and kind, thoughtful, empathetic and sympathetic words. I’m sorry I didn’t come back to reply sooner; for one thing, the first day of school for my boys was Monday so we had that craziness to contend with, but for another, it’s been a bit hard to come back and face this difficult emotion and situation.
Your words resonated with me so much, though. I hesitate to quote anyone because I don’t want the others of you to feel your words did not have as much impact–man, they did. And I am grateful. I’m hanging in there and feeling it all alongside you. Thank you so much.
Yesterday I went to the barn to determined to shaved down my mini with the brand new Andis clippers I’d bought months ago. The girl is already shedding her summer coat and growing her winter one–her DNA does not recognize this is hot, hot, HOT Southern California and not the Shetland Isles–and it’s in the high 90s/101ish all this week. My barn time yesterday was the first in a long time where I spent hours alone there–summer is so hectic with both boys and my teacher-husband home–so it’s harder to get away. I groomed her, bathed her (gotta protect those new blades!), and sat in a chair and rested as she ate her breakfast and dried before I put those clippers to use.
And she was so good, so good, the whole time. The bending and reaching and whatnot is quite ridiculous when clipping these little guys, and she just patiently stood there as I did everything. Despite being off work all summer and mostly ignored beyond feeding and turnout (with one-on-one attention maybe once a week or so), she was patient and respectful. When I went to clip her face, she dropped her itchy head down so I could easily clip all the little areas without protest. Thinking about how sweet this little red-headed pony mare (strike 1, 2, 3, heh–attitude triple threat!) was during those three hours made me tear up later. It’s like I don’t remember how much I need this, and how good it is for my soul, until I go back after a long hiatus like this.
That said, the acrobatics involved in bathing and clipping combined with the heat wrecked me the rest of the day. I was weak and fatigued and I had that weird “body humming” feeling I’ve described before. I now just take it to mean I did too much–take drugs, go to bed early, and don’t do that much again the next day seems to be the main treatment. I’m bummed such simple grooming on such a little pony would wear me out like this–it affirms that trying to do so with a full-sized horse would have absolutely wrecked me–but I’m still glad I was able to do it.
I hope to take her for a drive this week, although tomorrow is the hottest day of the week so…eff that. 
Might have to wait until next week as we’re supposed to have below average temps then.
And because posting about bathing and clipping an adorable pony is useless without pics, here you go. 
Post-curry-combing, pre-brushing-and-bathing pic to show off just how much she’s shedding. Ri-dic-u-lous.
“I’m wet. There better be peppermints involved.”
Post-clipping: “I’m clean shaven and cute. Peppermint me.” FTR, I left her legs unclipped for fly protection.
So, wonderful COTHers, that was my morning with the mini being a mini-horsewoman.
I love the idea of riding a horse somewhere around here–like others have shared, grooming, tacking up, and schooling (such as lunging, if needed) pre-ride are what’s so overwhelming and exhausting and unmanageable. But a pleasant ride on a mellow horse happy to walk-only is a lovely thought.
I have credit with a local Arabian trainer for 3 lessons–I hope I do still, at least, it’s been a while–so maybe when the seasons start to change and it’s not stupid hot, I can head over there for something simple and casual on one of hers. My one thing is my health and medication put 25lbs on me and I feel, to put it bluntly, too fat to ride her Arabs. But, partially motivated by this, I voluntarily adjusted my eating habits to try and get some control back over my body. That took tremendous mental effort just to take that step forward as I’ve recognized I don’t have a whole lot of control over a lot of how my body behaves–that weight flew on me faster than when I was 3rd trimester pregnant when I first started that med. Of course, coming off the med resulted in me losing maybe 5lbs. Woo. But we’ll see. In the meantime–and, if my body stubbornly holds on to the weight–maybe my trainer-friend has a larger bodied horse that can manage me. I’m overweight, but not huge…I’m only 15lbs above my upper limit healthy-range BMI number. It just would be nice to look at the world through the ears of a horse again.
Thank you all again so much. Truly. Hugs and warm fuzzies and mushy stuff and crap like that.
