Kicking the shoulder to teach leg yield?!

[Equkelly]

I feel for you because I’ve found myself in this situation as well and thought bad training > no training. WRONG!

For one, it’s dangerous to be on a green horse and taking advice from someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Two, it’ll destroy your confidence because you’ll feel like you’re not good at whatever crap she’s pitching. Three, those bad habits can stick with you for years and be very difficult to get rid of. I’ve worked really hard to rid myself of crap habits from crap trainers years after I’ve left and often I still see those habits pop up in my rides today.

[Atlas_Shrugged]

I know a western trainer who uses his spur to kick em in the shoulder so not sure they are necessarily any kinder as a whole?

[lenapesadie]

Certainly there are good and less good trainers in every discipline!

[buck22]

OP what you describe is awful horsemanship from the ‘trainer’, you are not mistaken. And you are in a tough spot – wanting to continue your equestrian pursuits with limited options.

Let me preface the remainder of this post by saying that what I’m offering is quite possibly a phenomenally bad idea, that will likely lead down a frustrating road, if it leads anywhere at all. Having said that…

Reading your story, putting myself in your shoes, and only having your words and my imagination to go on, I personally would consider going back, but not exactly for lessons.

If it were me – and if I felt that I could be successful with this mare if given half a chance – I would consider going back and requesting another lesson on the mare to try again. I would tell the trainer that I’d been thinking about this mare, maybe make up a story that I once rode a horse like this and ‘with patience and time’ was able to make headway. I’d pretty much say anything to buy myself an opportunity to ask the trainer to give me the first 30 minutes of the lesson to ‘try things my way’ and see if anything came of it. Of course still paying her for her time, etc. I wouldn’t expect to pay a dime less.

I’d be friendly with the trainer, chat amicably, and cross my fingers and toes that in 30 minutes of quiet, gentle riding, I could coax the mare to loosen her stiffness a bit. Try a few options to encourage a shoulder in, some spirals, etc. ANYTHING convincing of progress.

My goal would be to demonstrate a better way of working with the mare.

Then, if I were successful, I would hope that the trainer is a big enough person to accept an outsiders opinion. If all of those stars and moons aligned… and that’s a big ask of the universe… I would see if this opens the door to riding her school horses regularly, for an hour, the first 30 minutes being mine alone with the horse, the second 30 minutes instructions from the trainer.

If the trainer had any scruples, she’d connect the dots, do the math, and see that she was getting way more for her money than just a few dollars in her pocket and would encourage my returning to tune up her horses. In return, I’d be getting saddle time, and a chance to foster a relationship that could extend to a future kinder, gentler hand with the horses in her charge.

If, in time, I proved to be of value to the trainer, it could work out to a light-fee, or entirely free, opportunity to come out and ride her schoolies to keep them honest. That would possibly free up funds to venture out once or twice a month for quality instruction somewhere far away.

Sounds all very Disney movie-like I’m sure, and perhaps that’s just how my brain is wired, but I personally am Pollyannaish enough and stubborn enough to try to pull a stunt like this off.

It all could go very very badly though, so again, let me be the first to suggest this is quite possibly, almost positively, awful advice.

Good luck!

[Clover5]

I would run far, far away.

A few years ago I was with a trainer who had some really weird horse ‘training’ ideas. One of which was randomly throwing rocks against the arena walls during lessons to make a loud noise and ‘desensitize’ the hotter/spookier horses. She did it quite a few times with my mom’s horse - luckily he never dumped her. After we left apparently she did it during a jumping lesson with an athletic warmblood mare who was known to be hot and reactive. She bucked so hard that, according to a witness, her rider went flying 10’ through the air and broke her pelvis. Looking back we should have left that trainer a long, long time before we did, and we were seriously lucky that she didn’t send either of us to the ER.

It would be lovely to turn this trainer around and teach her kinder ways, but if she’s screaming and chasing a green horse and knocking over cavaletti to scare her into doing what she wants? Leave and never look back. You could end up seriously injured, even permanently disabled if you’re riding a horse and she does something insane that flips a switch in their brain and makes them do something drastic.

[IPEsq]

I think that buck’s suggestion would be lovely in an ideal world with a trainer that is open to doing things the normal way. Doesn’t sound like this situation is it. And the poor mare is doing who knows what the other days of the week. Sounds like she’s already got a pain issue somewhere.

I have done the job of trying to tune up some fried, half broken school horses with minimal
Instruction (and was paying for PE credit for my college team for this “privilege”!), and I took myself out of that situation as fast as I could because the horses were not improving at all with 1 day a week off from crazy town. And there were better places for me to pick up some exercise rides. Not only is it unlikely to help the horses in the long run unless you buy one of them and take it somewhere else, but you are risking getting yourself hurt.

I took many years off due to lack of time and funds and while I missed it, it would be much better to save your pennies than continue with this program.

[Mander]

Oh buck, I love your positive attitude - don’t lose it! The thought really did cross my mind to do what you’re suggesting, and really it’s what my heart wants to do (that poor mare), but my brain knows better. I was admittedly warned that this woman is very “my way or the highway” before I ever rode there, and that was before I learned of her other shortcomings. In all honesty, I truly think that mare needs a vet and a highly skilled farrier before putting a saddle back on her, but I know that won’t happen.

In the meantime, I did go to the barn an hour away and I really do think it’ll be worth every dime and minute in the car. The trainer was just so nice, spent a lot of time talking to me, asked a lot of questions, spent time learning about my riding background and also let me watch a few of her lessons. She was encouraging at every turn, every positive thing was pointed out, and when the rider wasn’t quite getting something, she just had them stop and they talked about it for awhile, practicing it at a halt and then trying again. No shouting, no spooking the horse, no yelling the same thing over and over again as though they’d suddenly understand - actual, real, teaching. She also uses her personal horses for lessons instead of worn out school horses, and even has some horses she’s bringing along that she lets her more advanced riders learn on. Best of all, they all were happy, healthy and had shiny hair despite still having their winter coats.

Now I just have to figure out how I’m gonna “break up” with this other lady. Any tips are appreciated!

[Jackie_Cochran]

I am so very glad you found a better riding instructor!

[skydy]

@Mander

Oh buck, I love your positive attitude - don’t lose it! The thought really did cross my mind to do what you’re suggesting, and really it’s what my heart wants to do (that poor mare), but my brain knows better. I was admittedly warned that this woman is very “my way or the highway” before I ever rode there, and that was before I learned of her other shortcomings. In all honesty, I truly think that mare needs a vet and a highly skilled farrier before putting a saddle back on her, but I know that won’t happen.

In the meantime, I did go to the barn an hour away and I really do think it’ll be worth every dime and minute in the car. The trainer was just so nice, spent a lot of time talking to me, asked a lot of questions, spent time learning about my riding background and also let me watch a few of her lessons. She was encouraging at every turn, every positive thing was pointed out, and when the rider wasn’t quite getting something, she just had them stop and they talked about it for awhile, practicing it at a halt and then trying again. No shouting, no spooking the horse, no yelling the same thing over and over again as though they’d suddenly understand - actual, real, teaching. She also uses her personal horses for lessons instead of worn out school horses, and even has some horses she’s bringing along that she lets her more advanced riders learn on. Best of all, they all were happy, healthy and had shiny hair despite still having their winter coats.

Now I just have to figure out how I’m gonna “break up” with this other lady. Any tips are appreciated!

Don’t schedule another lesson with her and don’t go back. It’s a business relationship, not a love affair.

[SadieRidingHorses]

Oh my gosh, I had to “break up” with a similar-sounding trainer last fall, and it caused me so much anxiety. I rode with her for two months. I did not think the horse she put me on was happy/sound. I did not appreciate all her yelling. And yet, breaking up was so hard.

In the end, I did it by text. I thanked her for all she had taught me and said I was going to find a program where I could focus on rebuilding my confidence. She never responded. And I ended up finding a couple of GREAT programs in my area, and I’ve never regretted it.

So, I get it OP. The struggle is real. But you can do it!

[paw]

The horse world is small, so don’t just ghost the old trainer - send her a note/email saying thanks for the experience, but you’ve decided to move on. As @skydy says, it’s a business relationship, not an emotional one.

[Jenerationx]

I would run far, far away from this trainer. She sounds cuckoo for cocoa puffs.