Last week was possibly the worst of my life. Not sure why I’m posting here, maybe just to find some clarity from people outside of the situation. This is going to be long, so apologies in advance.
To start, my dad has early onset Alzheimer’s, diagnosed in 2021. I found out last week that after a follow up with the neurologist that some of his skills are now at a 3 out of 30. He’s not able to bathe himself and feeding himself is hit or miss. The neurologist said that he is at a point where he should not be left alone and my mom should be seeking professional memory care help. My parents made the decision early on that that my dad would not take meds to slow the decline, so everything feels like it is happening fast and it’s hard to process.
Now onto the second issue last week. We’ve been planning for my mom to come live with us under the assumption that she will outlive my dad. Well I get a text last week that I need to pick her up and take her to the hospital for heart issues. Thankfully, the issues themselves are not major but do put her at risk of stroke. Honestly, it scared me quite a bit thinking about her possibly passing before my dad or having a stroke at home with no one to call 911 with my dad’s current state.
So onto part three. We found out my MIL has stage four colon cancer. She’s not even 60 yet. Trying not to get into my head about this one, but looking up statistics online it seems grim.
And now onto part four - as part of my MIL’s testing we found out there’s a genetic component that predisposes you to cancer (something like a 70% chance of colon cancer). My husband had testicular cancer at 26 and because of this, it seems highly likely he has this same genetic condition but he will need to get tested, along with my 18 month son. Having gone through the chemo process with him before, I don’t even know how to process this one.
We have our own farm and are in the final stages of building a house and moving. I am stressed beyond belief right now. The thought of my husband passing prematurely is absolutely terrifying to me (I am in my early 30s). I will not be able to financially or physically care for the farm by myself, which is made harder by the fact that it is on his parent’s land.
I’m sure I’m jumping the gun, but part of me feels like I need to somehow prepare for the future. We have ten horses, three are pasture puffs, two have known issues that make them light riding only, and two more seem likely that they are light riding only but we haven’t done enough diagnostics to know their real limitations. The other three are OTTBs (all came off the track within the last 15 months). They have “jewelry” but two are quite capable jumpers, just not very marketable in my area. One is an anxious horse that would need a specific person and I get nervous thinking about selling her. These are my main riding horses and the thought of selling them on right now with everything going on makes me incredibly sad.
Looking at the future, it seems like 1) I’m not even sure how much time I’ll have to ride with both sets of parents needing help in the upcoming year and 2) I’m kind of in panic mode thinking about what would even happen if I lost my husband.
I think I just need a third party to come in and speak some logic into my life because I am definitely reeling from all of this.