Learning as an Adult/Feeling Inadequate

[Scribbler]

I had my own horse as a kid and was a good self taught rider mostly western. I took a break in college and returned in my 40s. I went into hunter jumper lessons twice a week. Between what I had never done quite right and what I had forgotten and lack of strength, I had to relearn almost everything except sitting a big spook.

I definitely had to suck up my pride and my “I used to be a contender” regrets.

I decided that it was absolutely fantastic that I was able to ride at all as an adult. I know that l learn physical skills at my own pace and I don’t respond well to the kind of peer pressure common in kiddie sport programs. I am however super motivated and a self starter and it turns out still obsessed with horses.

Twelve years later I have not become a jumper but I am a decent lower level dressage rider, I can school lateral work on a green horse, and I can make myself quite useful with green or unbroke horses on the ground doing inhand and groundwork. I have my own truck and trailer and love trail riding back country and horse camping (not packing in at least not yet). I keep my horse at an affordable self board place in the suburbs that I never knew existed and we do trick demonstrations for kids. I found a trainer who is now a mentor and a friend. I have a close circle of adult rider friends.

I could not have predicted any of this when I signed up for my first lessons. I just let things take me along and followed what I enjoyed. The 5 years of h/j lessons were a great foundation but I drifted away from that.

Kids have energy and bounce. Adults on the other hand can read and watch videos and go to clinics and chart their own course.

I have learned so much also about how care has changed (or not) in nutrition, hoof trimming, vets and diagnostics, body work, genetics, saddle fit, ground work, etc. I’ve gone out and self educated on all of this to the point I at least know what I don’t know and who to call as an expert.

Obviously I am always looking around me and evaluating everyone else but I decided at the start that comparison was pointless. I also realized that most adult ammies don’t get that far in competing in most disciplines unless they drop money on a made horse and go into a full time training program and that I don’t want to sink that much cash and expectations into one narrow aspect of horses. Also I’m not that competitive, I can’t see focusing my entire riding life on competition. Obviously other people love that and find it motivating.

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[Marcella2795]

@Scribbler - You are basically living what I am striving for. I don’t have big showing/competing goals at all (if any). If anything I’d do lowkey shows just for the experience. Honestly, I just want to learn as much as I can and be able to have my own horse down the road with truck/trailer just to be able to do a lot of things… I don’t have the desire to jump super high, just to be able to take some jumping lessons, trail ride, camp, maybe dabble in some dressage, have sufficient knowledge in care to where I can be proactive and reactive with any changes in my horse’s health, etc etc etc. I just wanna dabble in as much as I can and enjoy riding and overall horsemanship. I guess sometimes when you’re at these barns for a certain discipline it kinda feels like trainer’s responses are “well… if you’re not going to show/compete… why are you doing this?” When all I wanna do is improve and learn just for myself! I guess that isn’t the norm! :lol:

@Foxglove - just wanted to say that Mounted Archery is something that I have to try and get into at some point in my lifetime. That’s something I’ve always dreamt of doing!! So awesome that you do that!

[Scribbler]

@Marcella2795

@Scribbler - You are basically living what I am striving for. I don’t have big showing/competing goals at all (if any). If anything I’d do lowkey shows just for the experience. Honestly, I just want to learn as much as I can and be able to have my own horse down the road with truck/trailer just to be able to do a lot of things… I don’t have the desire to jump super high, just to be able to take some jumping lessons, trail ride, camp, maybe dabble in some dressage, have sufficient knowledge in care to where I can be proactive and reactive with any changes in my horse’s health, etc etc etc. I just wanna dabble in as much as I can and enjoy riding and overall horsemanship. I guess sometimes when you’re at these barns for a certain discipline it kinda feels like trainer’s responses are “well… if you’re not going to show/compete… why are you doing this?” When all I wanna do is improve and learn just for myself! I guess that isn’t the norm! :lol:

@Foxglove - just wanted to say that Mounted Archery is something that I have to try and get into at some point in my lifetime. That’s something I’ve always dreamt of doing!! So awesome that you do that!

You will probably be happier long term in a general interest barn where people do a variety of things with their horses. A h/j barn focussed on teen lessons is likely pretty focused on at least lower level competition and there’s not much room for trail riding or ground work.

On the other hand if the lessons are good you will get a great foundation that you might not acquire just moseying around with a bunch of walk trot and roundpen adult ammies! These lessons may be good for you now if you can take what you can from them and not envy the children’s ease too much!

I did not stay on at the h/j lesson barn because it was landlocked and had no direct access to trails, and that was a deal breaker for me.

[MzCarol]

Someone said it, and it’s the bottom line - forget about the kids. This is about YOUR journey and yours is different from theirs.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Well, not to be funny, but at age 25, I have a feeling many posters would consider you a kid, and not in a bad way! I was much fitter at 25 than I was at 15. But I didn’t start seriously riding until my late 30s. I did some riding as a kid, but was never particularly competent or athletic.

Since you are still very young, I wouldn’t consider your learning progress at the basics to be indicative of how skilled you will become as a rider. I will say that based on my own experience, riding a horse you feel comfortable riding and is fun for you is very important. A horse with a gait that’s too difficult to sit or a very uncomfortable jump can be counterproductive for learning and really kill your confidence if you’re struggling with those skills. Yes, challenge can be great, but you need the tools to cope with those challenges first.

For me, I really don’t feel I learned to ride until I took and got very into dressage. As an adult, it was the only way I acquired any feel for the horse, which I lacked before.

I don’t know what your current barn is like, but if you’re not satisfied with your progress or feel uncomfortable, it’s important to ask yourself if you feel like you’re being taught to ride or taught to show. In other words, are you being given the skills to cope with riding a horse, or are you being taught how to perform well aesthetically over a specific height and types of course to show in a particular division at a particular level. We can’t answer those questions, of course, since we aren’t there, watching the lessons, but some barns (for economic reasons) are interested in getting people showing as quickly as possible. If that’s the sense you’re getting, it might be worth looking elsewhere.

[Twisting]

You did pick the most kid dominated version of the sport, though I am sure you didn’t know that at the time.

As an adult who did the hunter scene as a kid, and then got back into it, I found it wasn’t nearly as fun for me as an adult. So I diversified. Dressage, western, just being able to canter again because a poor horse choice left me battling serious fear issues, that sort of thing. I’ve moved into driving now. There was a ceiling for me as an adult (with shallow pockets) in the hunter world that wasn’t there in other disciplines. If you are more interested in being around horses than in competing in hunters I would look at the other disciplines out there. You may find they suit you better, and they also attract an older crowd.

[bornfreenowexpensive]

Honestly…I’d move away from the show barn and either stay more at Barn 2 or another place. I would look at investing in a truck and trailer…and then a lease or buy a horse that isn’t tied to a farm. Board with a trainer to help you progress as a rider. Not be focused on a discipline. At least around where I am…there are good general barns or eventing barns that’s are more all rounders. It really is getting with a good horseman running the barn who teaches beginners. Because a solid foundation is what you need now…and that really is NOT discipline specific. I don’t compete much myself anymore…but when I’m starting a young horse, I don’t really train them any differently if they are going to be a hunter, jumper, dressage horse or eventer. The basics are the basics (no matter what people tell you). And if your goals are not competing…you want to learn a good balanced seat and be safe…then go try different things. You need yourself a nice honest and generous horse…not a fancy show horse. And in most places, you can find that type of horse affordably…but it may not be at either farm that you are currently riding at… Good luck! But regardless…you will keep learning even in a group lesson with kids. Watch them…listen to what the trainer tells them…and just keep getting as many hours in the saddle as you can!

[centaursam]

As always, great advice from everyone in the thread thus far. I’ll share my experience with riding (as well as my corresponding feelings of inadequacy) in the hopes that it can help you.

I, like you, first learned to ride at a therapy barn when I was 25. At the time I just wanted to learn to ride and was completely unaware that I would fall in love with the sport. Unfortunately, it was all downhill from there in terms of proper training: I progressed quickly for someone who had never been on a horse so I let ego get in my way and I completely lacked direction with respect to what I wanted to accomplish in riding. To make matters worse, the therapy barn I was riding at had a multitude of different trainers so there was no consistency in who was teaching me. In hindsight, none of these trainers were individuals who were capable of making you a good rider and the other students I was riding with were there just to learn to put around on a horse.

I started out with only dressage and then after seeing Longines, I was completely obsessed with jumping and was determined to pursue that side of riding. Sadly, I kept making bad choices. I stuck with a trainer from the therapy barn who was a great dressage rider and who purportedly is a great trainer but once again, hindsight revealed that she was a lackluster jumping instructor. I trained a few times a week with her for a few years and other than continually being pressured to lease her horses, she basically taught me how to jump a horse over things (and not correctly). There was no lesson structure, we never went over the mechanics of a proper seat, never once spoke of counting strides, never once addressed body position and how to release over a jump, etc. Basic things that we should have been going over from day 1 were never addressed.

I switched trainers nearly a year ago and unfortunately all of the above has slowly dawned on me over the past year. Nearly five years of riding and I’m nowhere close to where I should be in terms or riding ability and I’m so far from the goals I want to accomplish, it’s beyond frustrating. Yes I can jump, I’ve jumped nearly 3’, completed whole courses at 2’, etc. but I consistently struggle with my seat, I’m still largely uneducated in terms of horse behavior and psychology, and my progress is akin to an EKG reading with progression, regression, and plateaus all over the place.

I’m not one to blame people, although I’m not exactly fond of my previous instructor(s) at this point. I take full responsibility for where I am in my riding journey and my naiveté has cost me nearly 5 years of good riding experience where I could have had much better progress and instruction. I’m an incredibly competitive person and I’ve developed an obsession with jumping and I have the money, but given my past with riding, I’m simply not a good enough rider yet and, like you, struggle with feelings of inadequacy consistently (legitimately every day in terms of riding). Lost years and a long road towards what I want to accomplish don’t help either :mad:

In short (after a long story), we’re all going through what you’re experiencing. In life, you truly are your own worst enemy. Navigating this life and this sport requires knowing how to manage ourselves: our thoughts, goals, expectations, and scope with respect to how long it takes to accomplish those goals.

I’d say definitely define what you want to accomplish in riding ASAP. Having direction makes it much easier to make better decisions in terms of trainer, barn, horses, etc. Educate yourself on all things horses in your own time. Part of being a great rider means being an all-around good horseman/woman, not just being narrowly great at one discipline. And don’t be afraid to walk away from a trainer/barn who is not providing the best training for what you’re putting in (time and money).

[luckymaverick]

You’ve gotten a lot of great advice. As a re-rider, I struggle with self-doubt and compa
ring myself to the “youth set” at the barn and shows. Please feel free to join us on the re-rider thread- jump in any time. https://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/forum/discussion-forums/hunter-jumper/158559-can-we-have-an-adult-re-rider-support-group/page1059

At least one of our regular posters came to riding as an adult and she can share some great insights!

[BigBlackDog]

As you can see, you’re definitely not alone in this! It’s much harder riding, let alone starting, as an adult. We have jobs and bills and all kind of things that get in our heads. When kids fall off, worst case they break something and miss school and they recover much quicker mentally. When adults fall off and get hurt, it ripples through the rest of our lives, suddenly we miss work and it cuts into our paycheck, we just paid rent and now we have to dip into savings to cover the deductible and so on. Even the most minor things can spiral in our over-active adult brain. For instance, I had a no stirrups lesson a while back where the simple wish to not fall off spiraled into omg i’m going to catapult off and hit the rail and break my whole body! Admittedly this was mostly because I had been out of the saddle for a while and wasn’t as fit I would like, which was a real hit to my confidence.

I went to a clinic a while back where the instructor was blessedly and acutely aware of the brain of an adult and spoke at length about it. I felt so validated and respected, especially since my trainer at the time was not very encouraging and really didn’t care for teaching adults much. One of the best things about riding as an adult though is being self-aware. That we are so LUCKY! We get to ride and we understand the value of slowing down and enjoying our horses. It sounds like you are striving to be a true horsewoman and that is where we all need to be at the core. I sincerely hope you are able to click with this horse. Personally speaking, I really hit my stride in riding ability when I got my own horse because I felt like I was connected enough to really try and do things that would normally scare me (nothing crazy though, but stuff like jump a bit bigger or encourage a nice controlled gallop in the field). I hope to be able to experience that again one day.

[KnockedOut]

The barn that I rode at grouped everyone by ability regardless of age for the most part - of course while accommodating different schedule necessities. While I grew up riding, I can sympathize with what you are feelings. Even for those who grew up riding, the change in mentality between being a young, brave junior with no concept of what can go wrong to becoming a very aware, less brave, more anxious amateur can be a very hard transition. Particularly when grouped with the juniors who bomb around with less experience and “more success” than you are at the moment.

My recommendation is to have an honest talk with your trainer about areas where you are feeling deficient, but also to accept who you are as a rider at the moment. One of my own biggest regrets in the past few years was trying to chase/keep up with the juniors rather than just accepting what my own comfort zone was and being ok and happy with that.

One of my favorite things to watch was how excited and supportive the juniors were to the beginner amateur or older amateur that would join in on their lessons. Even if the amateur did a pole course after the junior were done with their big jumps, they would tell the amateur how great they did and clap or whoop for that pole course. I think owning who you are as a rider at that moment helps your own mental state, comfort level and fosters that community feeling during those lesson times.