Learning as an Adult/Feeling Inadequate

[Marcella2795]

I’ve been lurking COH for about a month now and have just been enjoying reading and learning from all of the posts. I’ve been kind of struggling with feelings of inadequacy recently and wanted to know how those that have been in the horse world much longer than I have have dealt with these feelings in the beginning of (and throughout) their riding journeys.

Background info:

I’m an adult (25 years old) and have been riding for about 12 months total. I took a couple months of lessons in the beginning of 2018 at a laid back therapy horse type barn–learned walk/trot/posting trot/and a small amount of cantering on a very lazy older horse. I then stopped riding until May 2019 where I started up lessons at a more established/show-type H/J barn which I’m currently riding at now. I’ve been riding once a week at this barn for the past 9-10 months. In this time I’ve been trotting and cantering cross rails/small verticals (up to 2’) and doing actual courses. I know for sure that I was, and am being, accelerated at this barn as an adult (my first lesson back in May 2019 I learned to properly ask for canter and was basically started on poles&cross rails in that same month). Usually at this barn, adults ride in the mornings, but due to my schedule I ride in the afternoons with kids that have been riding for years. All lessons are group lessons and so I kind of felt thrown in with more experienced novice riders and just kinda had to roll with it… which has both its positives and negatives… It pushes me to keep up and learn more in a shorter amount of time, but I also don’t feel like I have a strong foundation… In January 2020, I started riding at another barn to get another weekly lesson in while also leasing a warmblood for an extra practice day a week… He’s a huge horse with a big trot and canter and definitely tests me… so I’m kind of in the process of building a better foundation on the flat with him while also learning how to ride a much more difficult horse…Lessons with him are HARD but when we finally get something it’s the best feeling.

Basically, I guess riding with kids who have been riding much longer and also being on a more difficult horse has had me feeling pretty inadequate… I’ve always been very athletic my entire life and quick to pick up on new sports and activities but riding horses is an entirely new beast… Nothing has tested me more mentally/physically than riding. So to end, when you’re beginning and learning and struggling (which I guess will never end when it comes to riding cause we’re constantly learning), how do you pick yourself up and keep at it without giving in to those negative emotions of self-doubt and general feelings of not doing well enough? I’d love to hear from your own experiences, especially if you started as an adult and what that was like for you! Also any tips for seat improvement in any gait is very welcome!

I’m starting to realize more and more that becoming a good rider takes a VERY long time and I need to just enjoy every ride and have a ton of patience.

Thanks for reading

[dags]

Kids progress at the rate they do because they are just there to have fun. With no preconceptions & no demands on themselves to “succeed” in our oh-so Adult sense, they’re more open in their mind & muscles, and more perceptive to the animal. They’ve been steadily working on mastering balance their entire lives while we Adults stopped thinking of that long ago. They also have No Fear and bounce better :ambivalence: and that’s a stark mental contrast.

Athletic or not, no other sport uses the same muscles… which is all of them, all at once, all the time + wicked thigh strength. So someone used to picking up sports rather easily often gets a bit of a surprise once they’re in the saddle.

We’re all gonna tell you you’ve barely hit the first rung in this often uphill journey, so take solace that you are actually supposed to be struggling at this point. Relish in the realization that holy schnooks, this sport is hard & physical, so you can join the rest of us in sneering at those that accuse us of “just sitting there”.

Beyond that, a more adult-centric barn would probably do wonders as youthful immortality tends to leave one wanting. And it does sound like you’ve missed a plethora of basics that are perhaps making things harder than they need to be on the warmblood. You need to set your sights a year down the road - look how far you’ve come in this past year & envision how much further along you’ll be in 12 months. Then find someone that does lunge lessons so you can let go of the “control” aspect for a minute and just focus on feel.

[findeight]

Since you don’t own one yet, find a less intimidating horse that is more inclined to help you then argue and let you relax and just work on you. Yes you can learn more tougher horses but the flip side is that is tougher horses hinder the learning of intermediate riders by keeping them focused on horse issues instead if their riding. Tougher horses also frustrate the heck out of riders not riding 3 or 4 a day 5 days a week and taking 12 lessons a month.

Far as comparing yourself with kids…it’s not a level playing field. Mommy doesn’t drive you to lessons, keep a roof over your head, food in your belly and do most of your laundry any more. Your riding has to fit around your adult life, and budget and very limited riding time.

Remember you take lessons to to learn what you don’t know, not to have trainer tell you are doing great, good job while Mom is there telling you how great you are doing.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. Forget about the kids. And find an easier horse to lease for lessons. You should not be on a more difficult horse at this point.

Seriously, might look for another trainer here, you shouldn’t be pushed as a once or twice a week rider who started less then a year ago… You can’t train your body at one or two hours a week, especially on a difficult horse. And the possibility of you getting hurt is greatly increased by combining inexperience, maybe…what? 40-50 hours of total saddle time in almost a year and a difficult horse.

Think about it. That’s what’s frustrating you.

[BrownMareDon_tCare]

I have been riding for about thirty years and I STILL can feel the way you described above! (Especially when I am surrounded by rock star pony kids who are able to kick and go and lay down fantastic trips without even batting an eye!).

I have to be very careful not to compare myself to anyone else- which granted is very hard to do. I try to remember that I am on my own journey with riding and just because Susie Q is kicking butt at a higher level or her amazing horse does not mean that I am a terrible rider, I am just in a different place from Susie and working on different things. I have found that we adult riders tend, as a group, to be incredibly hard on ourselves. I will mentally kick myself over a missed jump for weeks if I let myself, so I really have to make a conscious decision that I am going to have fun, that I am going to ride the best I can on that day and that I am going to forgive myself for making mistakes. Because frankly, as an adult, I am going to make a lot of mistakes.

I give you a ton of credit as I think riding is a very difficult sport to pick up as an adult. And frankly, you are doing amazingly well based on the length of time you have been riding and the amount of time you ride. You should be really proud of yourself and make sure to give yourself credit!

[pony_grandma]

Why kids (used to!) start out on a doing horse (does it’s job) riding bareback in the back field. They are relaxed and loose, they learn balance and feel first. Huge with big gaits is too much. Have you ever been allowed to ride bareback and fool around?

[NancyM]

You’ve already had great advice here! I just wanted to say, “good on ya”. Yes, it is work. Yes, it is a bit tough to acquire some of the skills. But, as the skills and experience start to get installed, it will get easier. Things start to click, especially when you pair up with the right mount, and the right coaching. Things that are “easier” to acquire the skills don’t have the pay offs that horse riding does. Unlike you, I’ve been doing it actively for 55 years LOL. And started on an unbroke 2 yr old shetland cross pony that my mother purchased for the purpose, and attempted to break, herself, with a neighbour, and a local teenager as test pilot, none of which had ever broke a horse of any sort before. It didn’t go well. So, take heart! Your situation is far improved over other possibilities.

And I also wanted to say… you are still a kid. Riding horses is something that takes some time and practice (and some innate talent) to get good at, BUT it is something that will last you all your life, and something that you can do all your life. You are still just a pup. Keep that in mind! You can do this.

[spacytracy]

Kids can do most things so much more easily

• They’re young and full of energy, no aches and pains, no soreness
• They have no concept of getting hurt so they’re more bold (no job to miss, no worries about insurance co-pays)
• They don’t get inside their heads, they either do it or don’t do it.
• They play on their horses just as much as “serious” riding, which is super beneficial (as pony grandma said, bareback helps so much!)

Cut yourself some slack. This is you against you. Not you comparing to others. Its a slower process as an adult. It just is.

Maybe find a barn with adult weekend warriors, trail riders, etc. I have a group that rides that we all have our various issues - adult scaredies, busy moms, working women, etc etc. It makes it A. Far more fun and B. no one is comparing to eachother because we are all on different paths/goals.

[merrygoround]

Another thought!

You are riding at two barns, with undoubtedly two different instructors, which at this point in time is not helpful. Every instructor has a different approach, Some are similar, but still not helpful, when putting things together.

I would find a barn where with one knowledgeable instructor you could ride several times a week, preferably an instructor who tells you how to fix problems, not just that there are problems.

[ridernc]

I rode off and on as a kid, but nothing really consistent. I just started consistently riding 2-3x a week at a lesson barn about 3 months ago. I am 29, and I get what you are feeling. My barn has mostly kids and some stellar adult riders. It can be hard not to compare to either and to be harder on myself about not performing where I think I “should” be. But I’ve been reading a lot lately (forums, books, blogs, etc.), and a recurring theme has emerged. Most (if not all) riders feel this way, no matter what level they are, and riding should be FUN. Yes, you should strive to improve, but it should also be fun, and you shouldn’t leave the barn feeling bad about yourself or your horse. Easier said than done, but that is a mentality I am really working on during and after my lessons. I have a journal that I keep to record things about my lesson, and I make sure to always focus on at least one positive thing.

I started re-riding at a “fancy” H/J barn when I was around 24-25, and they definitely pushed me too fast as an adult. In retrospect, I feel like I learned nothing usable in the months I was there; I cantered around and did some small jumps, which felt like progress, but I wasn’t really learning about using my seat, improving my balance, etc. Compared to where I am now, which is a less fancy barn, I feel like every hole in my riding is slowly being addressed. I only take private lessons right now (my choice), so if your barn doesn’t offer that, perhaps see if there is a local trainer who does? I appreciate the dedicated hour of time I get with a trainer and being able to work at my level and pace. It sounds like maybe they don’t have a group class at your level so they bumped you up into a more advanced class? Outside of lessons, it’s really helped me to read about and watch dressage videos. Jane Savoie’s Dressage 101 is excellent, even if you aren’t pursuing dressage.

As for the WB, it sounds like he might be a good horse to have in a lesson rotation, but if I were leasing, I’d want to have a horse who was a bit more forgiving when I was alone.

[NC001]

I’m twice your age so you are still on the kid side of things compared to me!

My kid (young teen) has been riding for several years now and leasing most of that time. This past year I was spending so much time at the barn I got myself the pony I always wanted as a kid that I never got from my parents and started riding. The reality is I will never be as good of a rider as my kid is now. And that’s ok with me. I’m having loads of fun even though I ride at the same time her and her friends take a lesson that I usually cant even understand. I enjoy the learning and improving and just being outside on a nice day with my pony.

If possible, ride a horse you feel good about and take some private lessons and/or lessons with other adults like you.

[IPEsq]

It’s hard to get better at anything doing it once a week. Good for you for finding more opportunities in the saddle. But perhaps those aren’t the best fit. Is the lease horse difficult in terms of attitude/tolerance or does he just have big gaits? If the latter, I might not give up so fast with him as others are suggesting. You might need to go to the gym too to develop the strength you need for that horse, but spending some time sitting trot without stirrups and struggling with his gaits on your own time might help push you more to developing your seat.

It is harder as an adult. Even for us who were Gumby-like carefree kids riding bareback and backwards in a halter and jumping with no reins and galloping out in the middle of nowhere (middle of nowhere not being so accessible anymore), and all the other things. Even those of us who took less time off or have fewer physical challenges as adults do have mental weight that just isn’t there for kids. We have more responsibilities. We are more fragile. At 25 you are only starting to get a taste of that. It takes a lot of saddle time to overcome these things and for working adults and working adults with families and/or challenging careers, it is hard to fit it in. And horses are less accessible so unless you can afford enough horseflesh if you can make the time, riding enough to accelerate at the speed of barn rat kid is impossible. But it’s ok! Adjust your expectations. Find instruction that fits your needs. Read about ways to improve your body off the horse if you can’t be on a horse enough days per week. Even the big pros go to the gym.

I think you should ask your one barn if you can schedule some private lessons so that you can focus on the things you want to improve to make you feel more secure in the group lessons. If they can’t / won’t, then you might need a different program.

[GatesRiverFarm]

This may not be any consolation to you, but TRUST that while no one can invalidate your feelings of inadequacy in that they are yours, KNOW that riding is one of the single most difficult sports on the planet, and everyone is on their very OWN journey with it! Whether you are a GP rider trying to make it around the course in Palm Beach without pulling a rail, a kid trying to make it to pony finals, or an adult learning to trot, don’t let ANYONE make you feel “less than” for where you are at in YOUR riding journey.

Riding is already a challenging sport, but its honestly made even more so by being bombarded by impossible standards that this community seems to quietly demand:

• Instagram feed: seemingly every other pic is of a horse draped in tri-colos at WEF
• Oh you’re “only” doing local shows?
• Oh you “only” have an OTTB? Good luck placing at the “A” shows…they only like to pin fancy warmbloods.
• By the way, you’re going to need a budget of at least “high 5s” to buy that fancy warmblood…
• Oh you “only” jump 2’ as an adult? Have fun competing against a bunch of kids in the long-stirrup division!

Its honestly no wonder people in this sport are often left feeing inadequate! I myself have been riding for over 30 years - now doing so as an adult ammy at a “fancy” h/j barn - but TRUST me when I tell you…I also still feel inadequate at times, and I know others are our barn do, too. Even for riding as long as I have been, and KNOWING full well the pressures of this sport, I can’t imagine how it must feel to just be starting out.

Its the unfortunate nature of this sport where everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is ALWAYS “bigger better best”. No one likes to talk about it, but its also a sport where often times - not always but often times - money trumps any talent someone may have. You could have someone who is just an “okay” rider with an endless budget sitting on a $100k push-button horse, winning against someone who busts their butt in training but only had a $15k budget to buy an OTTB who isn’t quite as fancy and slow-legged.

I say these things not to sound discouraging, but because I feel very strongly that while this is an incredible sport in which we are all remarkably fortunate to be able to partake, there is value in taking an HONEST look in the environment in which we are all operating - regardless of the level in which we are riding. This is how I keep myself grounded and constantly remembering that this is MY journey.

In short, my own riding journey was such that I began as a young child. Total barn rat who would do anything for time in the saddle. Competed my trainers horses on the rated circuit as a kid through children’s and juniors, jumping up to 3’6". Fast forward to now - after a very long break out of the saddle due to kids, marriage, school, life - I bought my dream horse a number of years ago. The “fancy imported warmblood” I had always wanted. Guess what I do with her? The LONG STIRRUP. Why? Because thats where I have the most FUN! I don’t care that everyone else is jumping 3’. I don’t care that I’m competing against kids a lot of the time. I don’t care that people probably wonder “why is she ONLY showing her horse at that level when she COULD be doing so much MORE??”

Remember…its YOUR journey. No one else’s, and you don’t have to “keep up” with ANYONE! Any day you can spend in the saddle is a great day, and any lesson you can walk away having improved just ONE little skill is a success.

Wishing you the very best of luck in your journey.

[TarheelJD]

Wow - reading all of these wise responses to your original post has been great for me, so thanks for posting! I rode casually as a kid - but I did not realize at the time that I had no idea what I was doing! I could jump around a course because I was brave (as all kids are) and the horses were saints that totally knew their job and just packed me around. I stopped riding as a freshman in college because, well you know, adult priorities took over (get good grades to get into grad school, then get good grades in grad school to get a good job, get the good job and work crazy hours to impress the partners, etc.)

I started riding again in the fall of 2008, and allowed myself to stay in a situation where I really made no progress for 10 years. I moved barns in May of 2018, retired the horse I bought in 2009 (who is really sweet but was never a great fit for me) and started leasing a wonderful, highly trained Warmblood who completely knows his job — and I have never looked back. My new barn has a great trainer, as well as an amazing, supportive group of riders of all ages - I’d say we are about 1/3 adults and 2/3 kids. I went from being scared to canter when I moved to my new barn in mid-2018 to starting to show cross rails in the summer of 2019, and schooling small 2’ courses at home to practice steering, distances and lead changes. I am planning to move to long stirrup this show season, when my trainer feels I am ready. And trust me, I am our barn’s “baby rider.” All of the other riders (with the exception of a couple of weekday lesson students I don’t ever really see) are far more advanced than I am.

I agree with the advice above that at the stage we are in, it is probably best to have the continuity of one trainer, if that is possible. I also think a mix of private and group lessons is ideal. I love private lessons for the detailed instruction, and I love group lessons because they push me. And it honestly doesn’t bother me if my group lessons are with adults or kids. I really like the kids at our barn - they are great riders and I can learn from them.

I generally only get to ride 2-3 times a week because of my work schedule - I know I would make more progress if I could ride more, but such is the lot of the adult rider.

Now, to the whole feelings of self-doubt, struggling to keep pushing through negative emotions, and the inevitable set backs – girl, do I hear you!!! Story of my riding life right now! I was humming right along, doing great, so proud of myself, then wham - after not falling off in FOREVER, I had 3 falls in 6 weeks (the last one at my first show of the year at the beginning of this month)! I am thinking “Why do I suck all of a sudden? I was doing so well, jumping 2’ and even the occasional 2’3”, and now I am falling off at cross rails like a crash test dummy? What happened"

So my trainer has had me take it down a few notches, rebuild my confidence, work back to not being tense to the jumps by doing courses of poles and small cross rails again. Focusing on sitting back when things go awry instead of crumbling forward into the fetal position (which we all intellectually know not to do, but somehow our body wants to betray us in the moment when we need to execute).

I have been watching to the Noelle Floyd Masterclasses on confidence building and riding consistently, which is helping me visualize what can go right about my rides instead of what might go wrong (to help with the post fall nerves).

And I remind myself every day how grateful I am for being able to do this sport. There truly is no other like it. When I keep an “attitude of gratitude” (I know that sounds kind of cheesy), it helps me not focus on the nerves and self-doubt.

But I will tell you I find the main key to getting through this so far has been the support of my barn family. All of the riders who are more advanced than I am have shared stories with me about the periods where they had to take steps back and rebuild. And this is from adult ammies who ride in hunter derbies to teenagers who are doing the 1.15 in the jumper ring. I am fortunate to have such an amazing group of riders around me.

Find a horse and trainer you trust 100% and then just stick with the process through the highs and the lows. Keep at it even when you feel you will never “get it” (some of my best rides came after some of my worst – when I was dreading my next lesson or hack because I felt like I had been doing so bad, and then “bam” there was a great ride with a breakthrough). Hear and believe more advanced riders when they tell us this is normal - that they have been through this, and that they still go through it.

We got this!!!

[Foxglove]

I’ve been riding for 55 years and I still feel inadequate when I watch kids ride in my disciplines --fox hunting and Mounted Archery. I only have one suggestion for you --because you seem to be making progress --you need to have more fun riding. I ride probably 25 days a month --my horses are at home and I am retired. True, many of those days I go out with a plan --work on transitions, work on leads, work on stops, work on this or that. But other days, I just ride my horse. He’s a wonderful horse --and I like to take him out on the back 3000 acres and admire the way his mane lies to the right nice and neat —the sun makes his roan coat sparkle, and listen to the birds singing. Right now it’s winter and snow covered, so on our “fun days” we look for tracks, try to make out what’s been hunting what in the woods around us. And on Sundays, we fox hunt with a group of people who enjoy their horses as much as I do. Some of them are professionals --boy do they make me feel inadequate --but at the same time, they are a wealth of encouragement. Hunting ends in April --my two archery horses and I will start practicing --we set targets around the farm, and have a course set up too —we shoot arrows, then spend a lot of time looking for the ones that missed the target. But again --this is fun --something the horse and I do together with no one telling us to “sit up” “heels down” --etc. Yes, I could probably benefit from lessons (not sure at almost 70 that I would), but I’d rather ride my horse. I do engage an instructor/trainer/coach when I run into something new --tried to teach my cutting sorting horse to jump -he learned well enough —but I needed someone on the ground so I “took lessons.” The instructor was excellent and I may continue this summer. Anyway --have more fun time with your horse.

[findeight]

Think you will find most on this board are not waving tri colors at WEF and those that do earn them don’t flaunt them in the “mine is better then your is” tradition. The truth about big wins is next week it’s just as likely to turn into a big, humiliating walk out of the ring behind your trainer leading your horse out as you spit out the contents of the flower box you landed in… It’s a humbling sport, real horsemen realize that, a sport that humbles kings.

And dont be afraid of more advanced riders on here. They are good because they learned and practiced and are on here because they want to share their journey and what they went through to get where they are. You miss a 4’ jump and fall off of a 6 figure horse in front of a crowd it feels just like missing a 2’ jump in front of your trainer and a stall mucker except the fall at 4’ hurts worse from higher going faster and you have longer on the way into the flower box to reflect on paying more then you spent on your last house on a horse that ran out and dumped you in front of the crowd. Or so I have been told by riders who I idolized and thought were immune to such feelings of not being good enough.

Its all relative, we all started somewhere and we all screw up. Some in front of more people on more expensive horses in more expensive tack and clothing but it’s the same mistake and same emotion and feeling of frustration as the other end of the spectrum rider. And no matter how great and well known, they still think somebody else is better and has better horses.

And, you known it’s fine to celebrate and share a big win, it is a horse show. Long as they remember Pride Goeth Before a Fall was penned for a reason.

[EVneo]

Remember that as adult ammys, we are doing this for fun This is how we choose to spend our hard-earned money and valuable time outside the office. It needs to be enjoyable for you. If you like the challenge of riding a warmblood with big gaits around kids, great. If not, have a chat with your trainer.

Part of what makes riding great is that you’re truly never done learning and there’s no age where you top out, like other sports. USDF has “Century Rides” where the horse and rider’s ages total 100. If you look at the teams for most countries, you’re seeing a lot of middle age faces - shoot, Mark Todd just retired from international sport (again) in his 60s. I think Japan even has a dressage rider in his 70s aiming for Tokyo. Another great part of horses is that riding is such a small part of it. Learn and soak in as much as you can on the horsemanship side of things. I know I’m not the strongest of riders out there, but I can make one hell of a groom! That self awareness and recognizing my strength is just part of self love, to me.

I also grew up competitively eventing but stepped away to lame (jk) dressage world during my college years and early 20s, since my heart horse was aging and not comfortable jumping. Flash forward to my late 20s, heart horse is retired (and teaching up downers, I want to cry with happiness), I have the funds for horse #2, a lovely ottb. We’re building on his jumping and I’m regaining my cajones to go fast at solid objects, so we just stuck with starter (2ft) our first year. Did I look goddamn ridiculous at our first few mini trials going against small children on ponies on a 16.2 ottb? Yeah. Did I care? No. In this sport, you just can’t have an ego and take yourself too seriously. A good sense of humor goes far in the horse world.

Quick plug - Come to the dark side. Dressage is almost entirely adults. I’m saying this in good humor, but as someone mentioned above, unless you’re absolutely in love with your trainer, are there more adult-friendly barns in the area? At least in our region, most of the show barns are geared towards kids and adults with $ who don’t work. We also have a ton of places with solid instructors, whose barns just don’t have the same glitz and glam as the show barns.

[bornfreenowexpensive]

This is a sport that takes a lifetime to master. You are doing great already. But stop comparing yourself to others. Kids learn by feel first…they do what they are told without understanding the why. They can do a lot of things without understanding why…Adults learn the why first. They will pick up concepts faster. You can accelerate this learning by READING. Watching clinics and videos on YouTube…but really pick up some of the masters. I still re-read some of the classic books on training and learn new things (or really gain better understanding). It will take you longer to develop feel as that just takes hours in the saddle. But you can and will pick up concepts and understand things faster than the kids around you.

[gottagrey]

I rode as a young kid and didn’t pick it up again until I was in my early 20’s much like the OP. I found the 1 x a week lesson fun but progressed slowly - partially due to me, and partially due to the whole school lesson scenario. I ended up getting into a class with another adult rider for bi-weekly lessons and this was where I started to really progress. I am a huge fan of semi-private over private and group lessons. I think 2-3 riders in a lesson are great as we often as you can see what the others are doing right/wrong and build up each other’s confidence. I then leased a horse where I was in adult lessons and then became interested in showing - which was me and then the kids on the show team. I honestly had a great time with them - and I’m friendly with several to this day - some 20 odd years later!

So my suggestion is see try to get more lessons in at the 2nd barn where you lease the horse and drop the first barn if that’s possible. The thing about riding is, unlike other sports, you have to form a partnership with this big animal that doesn’t speak but you learn to communicate with to become one. No other sport is really like this. Every one of us has had a lesson or a ride where we feel like why on earth am I doing this and then the next time you’re at the barn, you know why and have a great ride. The other thing about riding is you can learn a lot just by watching too, so if you have the time and the inclination stick around and watch other lessons, if some of the folks are going to show or competition, meet them there and watch for a bit.

[Marcella2795]

Thank you so much for the advice and the overall support, I really do appreciate it!! Just connecting with others and knowing that I’m not alone in this helps a lot.

1. In regards to the warmblood that I lease at the 2nd/newer barn, he’s kind of my only option at the moment. This barn is way more lowkey and super small and kind of just starting out (around 10-15 horses, most of which are ponies or horses meant for beginners only). I don’t even think there are any other leasing options for me at the moment and he’s also for sale, so not exactly sure how much longer he will be around… But I do agree with advice on being on a horse that is more forgiving that knows and does his job on a dime. My lease horse isn’t dangerous and I’m not scared of him, he’s huge at 17hh but he’s extremely chill. I don’t mind his bigger gaits even if it’s more difficult because it’s just more learning for me and if I can learn to sit a big gaited horse, other horses will seem easier. He doesn’t have a huge attitude to where I fear for my safety, it’s more so just the kickouts and the small temper tantrum when asking him to canter. Trainer says when she started riding him he would buck a lot, but now he doesn’t when she’s on him… so it’s probably a combination of us being new to each other, him testing me to see how much he can get away with, and my seat/aids:D. Other than that he is the sweetest thing on the ground and I really do have an appreciation for him, but ultimately probably not the greatest match.

2. Ideally, I would love to be at one barn and not bouncing back between two. My work schedule conflicts with the bigger H/J show barn and they don’t give lessons on most of my days off unless you lease one of their horses. Problem with that is their leasing prices are $$$$$. Not what I would like to spend. Barn 2 leasing is much more in my price range. I will consider leaving Barn 1 and doing 2 lessons/week at Barn 2 instead, however, if my lease horse sells, not sure what my prospects would be there for leasing. Would have to work on that part to find a new lease horse. I would also looooove to get into dressage also, I feel like that would truly help me build a strong foundation… Will look into that!

3. I appreciate a lot the comments from those of you about finding a better support group and sticking to what YOU want to do and your own goals/journey without being too influenced by what you “should” or “could” be doing by comparing yourself to others or even just listening too much to other people’s opinions. I am way too hard on myself (in all areas of my life… :lol:) and definitely need to focus on the gratitude portion of riding and really understanding that this is such a privilege, so I better do as much as I can to ENJOY it. Horses are supposed to be stress RELIEF… My money spent is not supposed to make me more stressed out. Hahaha. This is and always will be a hobby for me and sometimes it’s easy to get sucked into comparing myself to people that have goals that are nowhere near similar to my own goals…Makes no sense when you really think about it but you don’t realize it in the moment. I’ve got a lifetime (hopefully) ahead of me, so there is no rush! Just going to keep at it and always find something positive from my ride that day and also journal!

Thanks everyone <3

[MegBackInSaddle]

Great thread! Glad you’re finding some help/peace of mind here, OP.

My journey is different. My parents met in a stable, both worked in the industry in my youth, and I grew up in a saddle. However…I took a long break and got back into it a few years ago in my mid-30s.

I’m still constantly learning how much I don’t know!

I’m a huge fan of dressage training. I only got into it during the season just past, as I wanted to jump XC. Now, though, probably 7 out of 8 rides are in my dressage saddle on the flat, and mostly at a walk and trot. There’s SO much to learn and improve upon through dressage!

Wishing you the best in your journey.