Life without horses

[Dressage8812]

I would appreciate your thoughts about life without horses. I have been riding most of my life and have currently two horses which I board. I am retired (early retirement) and the riding has been my main focus und routine. I love my horses and riding but am also always worrying about something about the horses or the barn.

Most of you know what it’s like to board and while being grateful to not have to carry the burden of owning a barn, there are many things that one would do differently. Also, other options in our area are extremely limited and none better. Some of the worrying is my own doing and while I love riding it also ties us down time and money wise.

Given the forced break due to a barn closure amongst the CV panic, it is time to reassess having horses. For me it’s an all or nothing thing and I feel tremendously responsible for my horses and am admittedly overprotective. Have any of you considered given up horses? What was life like afterwards? Does the passion ever go away? What other hobbies or activities did you pick up to create a fulfilling life? I love the physical part of it and I already do yoga but would need additional low impact sport suggestions. I would love to get a dog again. We didn’t replace our last ones as we had moved and my husband preferred not to as I was “always“ at the barn.

I welcome thoughts and suggestions. It would break my heart not having my boys and as much time and heartache it took finding them to begin with, I know I couldn’t just get back into it. But I also spend a good part of my life on trying to get everything right for them which takes a lot of joy away and some items that are not good are beyond my control.

[goodhors]

Was only horse less for about a year, with 2 horses boarded at friend’s farm. It was not close, we were fixing a house up after a full gut remodel. Plus working full-time and pregnant. I was miserable, but probably because there was so much going on, not just missing my horses.

You can only control so much if they are not at home. They had good pasture turnout, horse friends, no work, good eyes on them daily, were happy. It was satisfactory to me.

If you don’t like their situation, then you move or figure out how to bring them home. Mine came home when the little barn was fixed up, fences were in. I do have a high standard, but am not obsessed by what is not possible here. We have a nice working barn and farm, not a showplace. Practical, with as easy of upkeep as we can manage, so there is time to ENJOY the horses. Raising the care standards so high you can never meet them, will just give you an ulcer! Ours lead a reasonable life of work and being out with their friends daily. Winters are mostly for goofing off, too cold to play outside most years.

We tend to do a variety of things with the horses, they like seeing different things, going places. We attend a couple driving competitions a year, horse gatherings, clinics, but don’t show otherwise. Not drilling to be perfect all the time, though they are “well-tuned”, light in the bridle, responsive when working, fun to use.

Relaxing may take some effort, sounds like you need other things to focus on, distract from a horse only mindset. Horses are great, just can’t always fill all your mental needs. I would get a dog, look around to see what else is available to join in with. With the dog you could attend training classes to make it a good dog citizen, obedient, pleasant to have around. Do you craft or have skills? I enjoy gardening, love picking the flowers, watching my local birds aND sEason al changes. Also am in the Garden Club for socializing monthly, hearing speakers, demonstrations, visiting other gardens. There is a second, less organized group, knitters, crochet or any fiber craft, that meets monthly. We help each other figure out stitches, patterns to make, knit hats for the poor, admire finshed projects. And yeah, we gossip a lot too! Those ladies know everyone and everything happening in two towns! Would your husband enjoy going dancing? Lots of dance groups for all kinds of couple dancing. Trying to get my husband to do that. Find something that interests you and go join them!

[Jackie_Cochran]

When I got diagnosed with MS I quit buying horses, and gradually my elderly horses died.

I was too weak to prepare my horses to ride each time, months apart. The few times I got to ride the horses went “Mommy, lets PLAY!” Part of me was dying inside because it was just too hard for me to ride safely.

Then I decided that it was necessary for me to find a way to ride. After much thought I figured out which seat would give me the security I wanted while protecting the horse from some of my physical problems, that was easy as I had been riding Forward Seat on the flat so I was all set up. Then I decided that the best way for me to find the quieter riding horses was at a lesson barn where the horse might be ridden regularly, and one that was sort of used to uncoordinated klutzes.

The first stable I found, the owner had just 2 OTTBs in their early 20s, and she put me on one of them. It was wonderful, whatever problems this mare gave other riders she went just fine for me. I got her reaching for the bit, striding out at the walk and trot, and I worked on halting, one of her weak points. The mare improved. Then the lady lost her partial lease on a barn, moved and did not keep in contact. Oh well.

Another place the lady was practicing about maybe doing handicapped riding. She had donated to her some really good horses who had burnt out by being leased to wannabe eventers. I got to ride some good horses, school them, please their owner, and I still ride there.

Then I found a hunt seat stable nearby which has lesson horses. I called, the lady said to come out the morning I wanted to ride, she talked with me some and put me on the best horse I’ve ever ridden, a Russian bred Arabian gelding. I was in hog heaven. This horse had caused problems for her regular lesson kids except for the born riders, but I had retrained a very hot reactive part Arab mare so my riding teacher knew that at least I had dealt with that hot temperament before. I’ve been riding there over a decade, that wonderful gelding went back to his breeder who had searched him out, then I got to ride several Arabs and some other horses that were challenging for the regular students.

I love it. I am having fun riding. I can’t do much because of my MS but usually I can get horses to cooperate and the ladies I ride for like how I ride their horses.

I still miss owning a horse. I have my own land and I look out the window remembering my horses, but I just cannot physically take care of one anymore.

At least I am still riding. That is what keeps me going in spite of my MS, otherwise I’d probably give up and become completely useless. Besides, lesson horses DESERVE getting good rides occasionally, though some of them really do not want to work hard. The ones who will work hard are often worth the ride.

I still get stuff for these often thrown away horses, BOT stuff, bits, Micklem bridle, my riding teacher and I just split the cost of a Guardian horse mask for the horse I ride who has moon-blindness, and I got a saddle–Pegasus Butterfly that adjusts to the horse and a six pocket pad with shims. I still use some stuff from when I owned horses, decent tack and bits can last well. My riding teacher appreciates having access to my bit collection. I have moved on a one of my old saddles to her students who needed a particular size.

I am happy.

[Moon_River]

I lost my two horses last September, one being my young horse the other my old retired guy and losing the youngster was so heartbreaking that I could not face looking at another horse for months. The decision not to have any more at this time once I was clear of them was fairly easy to make as the board options in my area are terrible, and my health means that income and time are limited which makes boarding at the nicer barns further away very difficult. The price of property with a small acreage is outside of the scope of all but the highest earners here, so, after the best part of 30 years, no horses.

I do have a young dog bought with a sporty pedigree so that I could “do things” with him and took in person classes last year with a local trainer then discovered some absolutely brilliant online training that is leagues ahead of the local trainers I know of (Fenzi Dog Sports Academy if anyone wants to look them up). Absorbing dog training to bring me up to a level I am vaguely happy with has filled up a lot of time and we have the basics of many skills now!

Plans include being able to go away from home both on vacation and day trips as this was incredibly difficult with horses on self care and no competent back up available at the barn (did I mention how bad the local boarding barns are?) but our first week away was to be next week and now we are on lockdown.

I have bought a sewing machine and started to remember how much I enjoyed craft projects as a younger person, plan to get the house straight this summer and the garden back in shape, and just enjoy life more and be able to take up options that open up to me instead of saying I can’t because of the horses…

I am so much happier than I have been in a long time without all the stress, have met much nicer people than I was having to spend time with before and physically am much healthier with less stress effects and less extreme physical activity than the daily grind at the barn.

[Dressage8812]

Thank you for the thoughtful replies. We have thought about our own place many times but are realistic enough that we are not up to the task of maintaining a farm and we are in a climate where an indoor is a must. Winters are long and cold and the financial and time commitment would be maxing me and be way too much for my non horsey husband.

I had a break in riding between high school and starting to work after college. I was very busy with school and learning a job and did ok without horses. But once I got back into it, it’s been a great passion. I won’t make any hasty decisions, but going through more intense worry about the horses during the lockdown has brought the lingering thought back to mind. I know horses don’t need constant attention and concern, but my nature is to feel super responsible for them.

[walktrot]

Sounds like you have a double dilemma. You are retired, you love riding your horses and it’s an important part of your life now. Same for me. It sounds like they are at a good barn and getting good care but you worry about them. There are always things at the barn that boarders don’t agree with. Same for me, and I met the BO over 20 years ago. I almost always keep my mouth shut unless I see something I think could create a safety or liability issue. She has always taken good care of the horses and she always will. It is the best place for us for a number of reasons. Maybe do a cost/benefit analysis for your choices. No horses, one horse, another barn, how much riding, and so forth. If it’s a great passion and they are well cared for, maybe stick with this situation for the time being.

Since the shutdowns are to keep people apart it doesn’t affect the horses. It is highly unlikely that humans can transmit this virus to horses or dogs. Since this is a people problem the biggest worry about the horses is that someone taking care of them gets the virus. I assume there are enough others around that someone will step into that role. The horses won’t notice as long as they get their hay and grain on schedule and have plenty of water. How is the farm set up? Is the shutdown a “should” or a “must?” Can you get in the car and go see them, even if you can’t hang over the fence and visit with them? I’d stick with this situation also, because something will change. What and when is a total unknown. Maybe if you put it on the back burner you can work through the primary decision about having horses. When the coronavirus problem changes you can decide how it fits into the primary decision. It should be easier if you split it into two separate pieces so you aren’t overwhelmed.

Finally, what are you thinking about for the future? I’m loving retirement. I have a goal with 2 choices. 2021 is our Century Ride. Do I do it at the barn on my birthday when we turn 100? Or should I do it officially through the Dressage Foundation? I’m aiming for the Foundation with my “new” horse. He’s had a remake with Avanti shoes, Previcox, saddle refit and 40 lbs less of me to carry around. We are taking lessons again with an extremely competent instructor who has found some little fixes that have made a huge difference.

We are having a blast! Either choice, however, gets us a big party in the indoor! :lol::lol:

[Willesdon]

Well, after many years of riding and horse ownership, you are packed full of knowledge and skill. Volunteering? Becoming a judge? Taking on a role in a club or association?

I haven’t owned a horse for donkeys years: I ride at an excellent place in fantastic countryside and can hack out or take lessons just as I wish. No lameness, no vet bills. It is fascinating riding different horses and I believe I ride better because of it.

Does your husband ride? Maybe plan a Big Riding Trip in Europe or The Rockies (Europe is cheaper).

Alternatively, just take a break and see how much you miss the horses when walking the dog in the company of your husband.

Good luck

[FatDinah]

I went on a week trail ride with a woman who has given up owning a horse but instead goes on several horse outings each year. She seems very happy with that arrangement.

[Coanteen]

Part of why horses are do attractive to me is because I don’t have to worry about them/ actively care for them constantly, like with a house pet. But I got into horses in residency (never could afford it as a child or later, although I was horse crazy and read all the books), so not seeing the horse for weeks during away rotations was a pre-existing requirement.

I moved with my horse many times for work, and while each barn was different, they all had good care and she seemed happy in all. Any medical issues, including her one colic episode, were quickly noted by staff.

That is to say, can you work on your own anxiety when it comes to this worry about them? It sounds to me like the horses are a large part and really enrich your life, except for this part of it.