Looking for advice

[Mittenkitten]

Hey all, looking for feedback on how to move forward I feel so burnt out. I purchased a wonderful horse and then got hurt while importing (not horse related) which has really prevented me from riding and at this point I have not date where the injury will be resolved (it impacts my balance)…

When the horse was imported I fell in love and debated selling but ultimately decided to not sell. Now comes the issues… I originally was with a trainer who was very good but the barn care wasn’t great - lack of turnout and hay quality. I made the hard decision to move the horse after 6 months - completely heartbroken… Said trainer never said anything bad about the horse when it was in training and mostly shared how perfect they were and was actually very upset with me when I moved.

I then was at a barn that was over a hour away - beautiful place but ended up being a little bait and switch they said care was one way and it wasn’t … I felt like I couldn’t miss a day going to the barn due to the lack of care… Trainer was ok - always told me how perfect and how much they loved my horse - offered to buy etc. after 8 months I had decided to move my horse as it was very expensive there and far plus again ended up being something different than i thought I would be getting for the money I was paying to be there.

At this point I am starting to think I am the problem as why can’t I figure out a way to be happy at any of these barns… my heart is completely broken but again I feel responsible for the horse and really really love the horse. So back on my search for the right place to fit in.

Up till then I have ridden the horse a couple times and every ride was lovely - the horse is young just turned 7.

I found my current barn - definitely doesn’t have the same experience as the other two trainers but 90% of my care boxes are checked… Moved there 3 months ago… care has been wonderful - besides a couple over cautious short turnout days and a smaller stall I can not complain in the care department.

Now the issue the trainer appears to be a bit of an alarmist potentially … and now I think is scared of horse. When I first came she said she was going to take things slow which doesn’t bother me at all… for the first two months just walked and trotted … then after horse had 4 days of no riding/work and 3 days of only a couple hours indoor turnout due to weather the trainer was having a good ride and decided to canter and actually choose the weaker lead… horse took the canter no issues but then did buck after a couple strides and the trainer got bucked off - horse bucked one or twice and then after rider came off just stopped… now the trainer thinks something is wrong with the horse … has told me the other trainers lied that the horse was perfect … we had a vet out because I always believe in ruling out pain … vet has said the horse is a young horse and maybe is unbalanced in the canter which is probably why it bucked and made a comment that the trainer tends to sit heavier in the saddle.

Now fast forward to now the trainer had a body/energy worker ‘communicate’ with horse and now I am being told horse has a blockage in the back from some mistreatment… I believe in some energy and work but I have heard not great things about the person that said this … so I am super on the fence on these comments.

I have no clue what to do … I am completely heartbroken - I don’t want to hurt this trainer but I am questioning if they are a right fit… but there are not many more barns that have the care this one does.

Debating pulling the horse from training and doing the minimum lesson a month to board there and just doing ground lessons until my body can work again…

Any advice - even if it’s you are the problem… I am just completely burnt out - this shouldn’t be this hard the only positive is spending time with the horse does truly make me happy it is just all this other drama and crap I don’t know if I can take anymore. Maybe I am being over sensitive.

[RhythmNCruise]

I don’t think the problem is you, I think the problem is that the situation overall isn’t ideal. Because of your accident, you cannot ride your horse. It sounds like the horse needs to be in consistent work/training? Is that accurate? If so, you have to ask yourself whether you and the horse are both better off parting ways. If the horse DOESN’T actually NEED to be in a program and you really enjoy the horse’s company and want to hang onto him for when you’re able to start riding more consistently again, I’d suggest looking for a boarding situation that allows him to be out 24/7 with adequate shelter and friends and a good feeding protocol (separating horses when giving hard feed, supplements, etc. but otherwise allowing them to be out as much as they please). This is not only the healthiest option for the horse, it could seriously reduce his need to be in a consistent riding program. It’ll be easier on your bank account and you’ll still get to spend as much time with him as you want.

Of course, that all goes down the drain if it’s not feasible for this horse. If there is no 24/7 turnout option, or if he’s the type that simply cannot be maintained successfully without consistent work (I’ve heard of such horses, never met one in my 36 years in horses), then you probably need to consider letting this horse go and looking for one that is a little less high-maintenance that you can enjoy and hop on whenever you get a notion. My gelding can go months without being ridden and he’s the same quiet dude the next time I drag the saddle out and toss it on him. He’s rusty, of course, but no buck or shenanigans, perfectly happy to oblige me as best he can. He lives out 24/7 with access to a nice run-in barn.

It’s TOUGH to find a place that checks off all the boxes. I had my own barn for 20 years and sold it back in 2019. I went through two other barns before landing where I am now, which is honestly perfect for me (set-up mentioned above plus it’s self-care, which suits me perfectly). At the other two barns, I was worried that my horse was going to lose his mind. He was not a happy camper at all at the first barn and was only slightly improved at the second. He’s “home” now (and so am I) with our lovely self-care barn.

He probably wants me to hurry up and get out there to feed breakfast, actually, LOL.

So, my suggestion is to be honest with yourself about what YOU need and what your horse needs. It may be that your idea of just doing the lesson a week to stay at that barn is the best route for now. At least until a better option becomes apparent.

[Posting_Trot]

I think I would take the word of the vet over the word of a “body/energy” reader on why the horse was bucking. The horse is young and hasn’t cantered in a while under saddle, so it seems very plausible that the buck was an attempt to re-balance itself. I’d be wary of suggestions that the horse has been abused in the past based on one bucking episode.

Based on your description, it does sound as though the current trainer is at least intimidated by the horse if not actually scared.

It sounds like you might have some difficulty finding another boarding situation that provides the kind of care you want for the horse. Would the horse be alright with just one lesson (a week? a month? It wasn’t clear from the post) and doing groundwork for the rest of the time? Or, alternatively, would it be possible for you to hire another trainer to work with the horse at this facility? At least some of the time?

If not, and if you can’t ride (and aren’t sure when you’ll be able to ride consistently again), then you might consider moving the horse again. Maybe the first barn where you had the horse might work at least for several months while you look for something else.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Edited to add: be careful of leaving the horse with a trainer that may be scared of the horse. A scared trainer/rider will probably not train the horse well, and may use inappropriately strong methods because they’re afraid of being hurt by the horse.

[Scribbler]

Any person who gets bucked off will understandably be cautious about the horse going forward, and a trainer may be inclined to blame the horse to save face. Has the horse never bucked or popped up behind with any other rider?

I agree the problem is that you can’t ride and maintaining a pricey horse while you are grounded is no fun at all. If your recovery is uncertain or prolonged I would sell the horse before he loses all his value with crap trainers and care.

[LiveTheDream]

You mentioned that you can’t ride and are burnt out, so maybe your horse doesn’t need to stay within daily driving distance? In that case, consider expanding your search radius. Finding the “right place” will alleviate stress and give you more time to focus on healing.

Signed been there, done that, and still wearing that t-shirt.

[Warmblood1]

It is a red flag to me that the current trainer did not canter a 7 year old horse for months. That is not appropriate for a sound horse in training without reason behind not cantering IMO and it would make me question the trainer. I’d also go with the advice of the vet instead of the “abuse” theory. To me, it sounds like the trainer is trying to justify their shortcomings with this horse. This particular trainer may be on the “woo woo” side where they actually take very good care of the horse but aren’t the most realistic (and therefore, capable) horse trainer.

Can you bring in an outside trainer? If not, can the current trainer work this horse in hand until you can ride this horse consistently? Then you could potentially trailer off the property consistently for lessons and develop the horse yourself.

And please, do not beat yourself up over the circumstances. I boarded horses for 25 years - I never once found the perfect boarding situation. Even with the most incredible facilities - there was always at least one thing I had to adjust to and settle with. Boarding is not for the faint of heart but the again, neither is having your own facility with horses at home.

ETA: if I were in OP’s shoes, I would send this horse out to a very reputable trainer even if in another state while I relaxed and recovered.

[LCDR]

I read through all of your previous posts and the threads you started since becoming a horse owner. Based on them, you seem to be a worrier, perhaps overly critical, and what we refer to where I live as a “barn nomad.” By that, a person who arrives, finds that a barn doesn’t quite live up to her expectations, and moves on, over and over.

Granted, you have not found your perfect oasis yet, to use the nomad analogy, but if there is shade, date trees and clean fresh water you need to consider staying on a bit longer and enjoy whatever fruits (and knowledge) each oasis has to offer.

[OverandOnward]

Re just the barn care situation: There are multiple threads on COTH about the hidden problems with barn care that there is no way to know until after being there for a time. Unless you have insider info from someone who boards there and who will share.

Can’t find it, but there was one within the last few months about the shortest time at a new barn before the owner decided a move was necessary, due to care problems.

[LCDR]

It is informative that Mittenkitten has been a horse owner for nine months and has already been at three different barns, and is now looking for barn number four.

[luvmyhackney]

Find a top-end trainer that provides excellent care and send the horse off.

FYI: I’m in a “highly” rated program and have to tell you, its a lot of giving up control. The communication is sometimes hinky and they don’t notice all the tiny little things especially if they utilize working students. But, my horse is going amazingly and making fantastic progress.

[Mittenkitten]

I have actually owned this horse for over a year and owned horses for several years prior… I may be a worrier so you are not wrong there but I never said I was looking for a new barn in this post that was your assumption. I was trying to figure out if I am the problem… and get advice from other people. I do appreciate you taking the time to comment your advice. Thanks.

[fivestrideline]

I agree.

OP, it sounds like this horse needs a consistent riding program with a competent trainer. If there is no timeline on your return to riding, and this horse does not sound ready to help you get back in the saddle when that time comes, it may be best for him, you, and your wallet to sell. Personally I’d find a reputable trainer, do a few months there, and then consign to sell (either with that trainer or a dedicated sale barn).

7 isn’t old, but it’s not unusual to sit a horse for a bit and wake up to a 12 year old who hasn’t done more than occasional groundwork and needs a complete restart. Selling him then will be difficult and you may not be in a position to restart him yourself. If you are happy to support a pasture pet (and can find a place to do so) that’s entirely fine! But right now he is very likely to find a great home, and you can get back into riding when you’re ready.

[LCDR]

Releasing pertinent information in dribs and drabs after asking questions leads to faulty conclusions and advice. So you are an experienced horsewoman, and this is not your first owned horse. Anything else to share to help out your readers?

[candyappy]

@LCDR

Anything else to share to help out your readers?

I think the OP has given the info needed?

Imported a wonderful horse but was hurt and unable to ride before/ after the horse came.

Tried 2 barns where the trainers were good but the care was not.

Currently the care is good but the so called trainer is not a good fit and basically afraid of the horse.

My advice to @Mittenkitten try and find a place with a good trainer AND good care until you are cleared to ride. Not easy to do but ask the vet / farrier and they may know of something.

It isn’t you.

[jvanrens]

@LCDR

It is informative that Mittenkitten has been a horse owner for nine months and has already been at three different barns, and is now looking for barn number four.

The nerve of her to expect her horse to be taken care of like they said they would, or to expect a “trainer” to not be afraid to canter her horse for months. Instead of making assumptions about the OP, maybe ask a couple questions next time. I didn’t get the impression she was a brand new horse owner from her post.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

I don’t think it’s you. As someone else said, it’s just a less-than-ideal situation all the way around.

But it might be time to ask yourself some serious questions.

How long until you’ll be cleared to ride again? Will your riding ability be permanently impacted by the injury you sustained, and if so, will this horse still be the right partner for you?

What are your goals for this horse? To have a safe ammy horse, or to really compete at the higher levels (I don’t know what your discipline is, sorry!)? Will those goals be achievable with this horse when you recover?

Could you lease this horse out while you’re recovering? Maybe reach out to Trainer #1 and see if they or someone they know would be interested? Does he need to be in constant work, or could he take a year off and putz around a pasture? If you liked Trainer #1, what would it take for you to go back to that barn? What would need to change? And is that a possibility?

Either way, if this was my horse, I don’t think I’d let Trainer #3 ride him ever again. Who knows what bad habits they’ll teach him? Or what ‘training methods’ they might be using when you’re not there?

[hallie2]

It’s not you. Barns are like private schools: they sound great when you’re visiting but you don’t know it’s a fit until your kid (or horse) has been there for a while.

I like your idea of doing a single monthly training ride and staying where you are for now, if the care is good. I think you need some relatively stress-free time to look at other barns/trainers in a deliberate way. You do have options but it’s hard to see them when you feel pressured.