Losing an older litter mate - any suggestions for helping my poor boy cope?

[KnKShowmom]

I haven’t posted on coth for some time but would still appreciate words of wisdom for a sad situation -

When we took DD to pick out her first puppy, we ended up bringing home two from the same litter - big, beautiful black labs which have been the most wonderful dogs we could ever have hoped for - smart, kind, well behaved and due the sibling dynamics, more entertaining than I ever could have imagined.

Our dear Maggie was diagnosed with Lyme disease 3 months ago and treated but since then there have been some other health issues which I had hoped were related to the Lyme but yesterday’s vet appointment revealed cancer and she will only have a couple more weeks.

I have pain meds to keep her comfortable for the short time before we will have to let her go and I have already talked to the vet about coming to the farm to put her down. My experience with the horses has been that they understand death and accept it better sometimes than we do so I am hoping if Smokey is there that he will understand better than if I put her in the car and don’t bring her back.

What I am most worried about is Smokey after she is gone - they have been together their whole lives and he has never been home alone. I would greatly appreciate any words of wisdom or experiences to help me get a plan together. I really don’t want to let Smokey go too as he is in great condition but he is super sensitive so I just don’t know how he will handle being without his sister. We do have a cat and they are very close (ie go for walks together and sleep on the same bed), but not sure she will be enough company for him.

I have to tell DD tonight that her dog is dying and that will be hard but there is no way to explain it to Smokey and that is what really sucks.

Thank you in advance for any help you can provide.

[Nootka]

I don’t have any help but wanted to offer my condolences. I am so sorry

[horsenut_8700]

I am so sorry. I have had good luck with thundershirts and Adaptil products to ease anxiety.

[Nezzy]

i strongly suggest the healthier dog see and smell the other afterwards. i have been told by someone that this is very helpful to allow them to accept what has happened and move on. there is still grief, but i would do whatever helps the survivor to heal. I am so sorry for what you are going thru.

[gothedistance]

I had the same thing happen with my two sibling blue merle Shelties. They had been together all of their 13 years together. Brother was diagnosed with lung cancer at age 13, and when we put him down and buried him in our little graveyard, his sister seemed lost without him. For a few months I was hoping she’d bounce back, but she maintained a quiet sadness that I could only classify as depression at his loss. She was old, and missing her dear sweet loving brother. And she needed a doggie friend to fill that spot, but she’d always been alpha and not particularly fond of other dogs at all. A puppy was out - too rambunctious for an elderly lady dog, so I decided to talk to breeders to see if any had an adult Sheltie that had lived with other dogs in a pack/household, and was sweet and kind.

As it turns out the following year I stumbled by accident across two 3 year old purebred rough collies just turned into our local animal shelter. I went to see them (they are also siblings) and chose to adopt because of their dispositions, and being extremely familiar with the rough collie breed as being very accepting to other dogs. Turns out they were so sweet and so loving and so gentle to my old girl that she had no problem accepting them as her new doggie family. It DID make a huge difference in her happiness and spirit - she bounced back to the happy dog she’d been before. Still top dog, still first. She died quietly at age 15 - 2 years, 3 days, and 4 hours to the day her brother died. They are buried side by side, sharing the same blanket, chocolate bar, and steak (her “half” of the later two I’d kept in the freezer for 2 years, waiting for her day to come)

Their eulogy

So giving my old girl a loving set of friends after the loss of her brother was the ticket to pulling her out of her loneliness. It made her happy again, and she remained happy to the end of her days.

So think about a companion that is an adult and very friendly. Hopefully the same breed, if you can, or one that is similar in outlook and expectations.
[URL=“http://aurigafarm.com/ourdogs.html”]

[KnKShowmom]

Nezzy, I agree and plan to have the vet come to the house. When I have had horses pts it has always been better for the others to view the body - there is usually a quiet depression for a few days which is better than the pacing and calling when their barn mate just disappears.

[KnKShowmom]

gothedistance - your eulogy was beautiful, thank you for posting it. I hope to not have to get another dog only because I need to have surgery and have been holding out until after these two were gone, just didn’t think it would be this soon. I work about 4 miles from home and come home at lunch anyway to check on the horses and feed lunch so I am leaning towards bringing Smokey with me to the office in the morning and bringing work home in the afternoons in the beginning. Then I hope to be able to increase the amount of time he is home alone in the afternoon.

[Bluey]

[QUOTE=KnKShowmom;8474071]
gothedistance - your eulogy was beautiful, thank you for posting it. I hope to not have to get another dog only because I need to have surgery and have been holding out until after these two were gone, just didn’t think it would be this soon. I work about 4 miles from home and come home at lunch anyway to check on the horses and feed lunch so I am leaning towards bringing Smokey with me to the office in the morning and bringing work home in the afternoons in the beginning. Then I hope to be able to increase the amount of time he is home alone in the afternoon.[/QUOTE]

Giving him of your time is wonderful, he will miss her, but move on with his life just fine.

Hugs to all of you in this hard time.

[KnKShowmom]

Well, just told DD about her sweet Maggie - she is devastated and there is nothing I can do to make this better - it is breaking my heart because Smokey is upset that DD is upset - it is going to be a long night. Thank goodness DH is out of town because he does not deal with this too well.

To hope that tomorrow is a better day would be an understatement. Thank you for all of your kind words, as it was when we had to put Nicky down a few years ago.

[crosscreeksh]

I have had this situation several times over the years. I agree with what others say, but would add my 2 cents…a dog who has always had a companion will not be happy as a lone dog…cats don’t count. In the remaining time…I would be finding an appropriate companion…you will know if a puppy, youngster or older rescue would make the best match AFTER the one dog passes. A new pet in the house might also make the transition easier on your daughter as well as the remaining dog. JMO Good luck in this difficult time.

[Zu_Zu]

[I]
Just sending ((hugs)) laced with strength and patience for ALL ~ two legged and four legged ~

I’m sorry [/I]:sadsmile: ~

[toady123]

I am so sorry you are going through this. We adopted a pair that, while not siblings, had been raised together (younger, surviving dog had been brought home to the older dog so was with her from day 1). The older of the two had to be put down this fall.

She (the surviving dog) actually did pretty well. The fact that they were not siblings could have been part of it, but she also has a pretty laid back personality. We just tried to spend a lot of time with her, and to ensure she had a lot of stimulation. The hardest thing was just keeping her occupied. She would walk outside and then turn around and stare at the door wondering why she was alone. Or she would go to run around and realize nobody was chasing her and just kinda stand there. So, it was hard to keep her stimulated as she didn’t have a buddy to run and explore with, and was less willing to go it on her own.

We ended up getting another adult dog within a few months. I don’t know if she is ‘happier’ (she’s a pretty low key dog) but she is definitely getting the stimulation that she needs to stay healthy.

I think it comes down to the individual. You’ll just need to see how he does. Honestly I think ours would have been OK on our own. We felt worse about it then she did. So it really depends on how they react to the situation.

[Foxtrot_s]

You showed your love through your post … Sorry to hear that.

We had a similar thing this summer - mother and son. The son is also gone now, but he really did miss his mother who he had never been without. I stayed with him constantly in the beginning, and if I was not there, my husband was (we work from home). He seemed to get over it, but it was very apparent he missed her.

From what we read, it seems a good idea to let the other dog see and sniff his buddy.

But I don’t think dogs process like we do. He will do ok.

When foals are weaned, it helps the boding process if a person is there when they feel vulnerable.

[KnKShowmom]

Thank you again for your thoughts and ideas and comfort - after last night, today has been much better and I actually made it through the work day and talked to a coworker without completely losing it. DD has been home all day alone with the dogs which I was a bit concerned about but she seems okay and Maggie has had a quiet day so that is good.

Too soon to discuss this yet but I think I am going to encourage her to let the vet come next Friday. The forecast next week is warmer and dry so DH will be able to prep the site and the week- 10 days after that is cold and wet - really don’t think we can expect Maggie to hold on for too much longer after that.

As for Smokey, my boss and coworkers are fine with him coming to work so we are going to give that a try. Will explore an older lab rescue dog if need be but really don’t want to add another dog right now for many reasons. At 3 am I had the grand idea of calling their breeder to see when the next litter was due - thankfully this morning that idea doesn’t seem so wonderful anymore.

I sit here writing this watching Maggie sleep so peacefully but just have to keep reminding myself of the image of her chest x-ray which will forever burned in my head. This is when the day too soon vs. day too late saying keeps playing in my head - it sucks trying to be a good pet parent.

Here is a picture of the pups with DD many years ago: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1015152299428&set=t.100000214838897&type=3&theater

And Smokey and Maggie (red collar) together: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1232151056802044&set=a.157835424233618.34353.100000214838897&type=3&theater

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=407259879291170&set=a.407259872624504.114417.100000214838897&type=3&theater

[GraceLikeRain]

I’m sorry you are going through this. I just wanted to offer up some small encouragement. My parents had a sibling pair for 10 years. We very unexpectedly lost our boy. We all braced for the female to struggle but she didn’t. They absolutely adored each other but the female has adapted beautifully. In the end it was so much harder for the family than for her.

[KnKShowmom]

Thank you Grace for posting that - it helps me to have hope that this will work out. I have always thought if Smokey went first, Maggie would be fine - she is a bit more independent and no where near as sensitive.

[BellaLuna]

First off, my heart goes out to you. This part is so hard. We just went through it. While we knew in our heads that letting our beloved senior go was the right thing, our hearts are still so sad.

Our situation is very similar. Our two weren’t litter mates, but, had been together their entire lives. While our two were the bestest of buddies, the dog we lost was the one who enjoyed other dogs.

It’s been two weeks for us, today. We also had it done at home and she was with us. For the first few days, she was quiet, kinda keeping it to herself. Honestly, I think she was processing the whole thing. Since then, she has come back to her old ways. We just tried to have someone with her all the time in the beginning.The first time I left her alone, (well, with the two cats as company), I was so nervous. But when I got home, she greeted me at the door, tail wagging, happy face.

We discussed bringing another dog in for her, but, at this point, we are not going to. She is not a fan of other dogs and I want her “golden years” to be about her. We may change our minds if I see evidence of loneliness. I think another dog right now would be for us.

I agree that the pain in our children’s eyes hurts like %^&^. While we have put down cats and horses over the years, this was “their” dog. For us, being together, crying, laughing, and sharing memories has really helped.

I wish you peace now and after. Feel free to PM me. (hugs)

[Bluey]

[QUOTE=KnKShowmom;8476114]
Thank you Grace for posting that - it helps me to have hope that this will work out. I have always thought if Smokey went first, Maggie would be fine - she is a bit more independent and no where near as sensitive.[/QUOTE]

It is good to have several plans in mind, but if not getting another dog is best for you right now, don’t fret about it unless and until you just have to go that route.

The less you stress over it, the less everyone will stress all together.

There is just no way to avoid this time, so sorry you and yours are there now.

[KnKShowmom]

<<Hugs>> to you BellaLuna and thank you for sharing that during such a painful time - but it too is encouraging that maybe Smokey will be okay.

I am trying to schedule the vet for Friday so we will all be around him for the weekend and then he will be with me during the week - I really don’t know that another dog would be much help since they have never really been around any other dogs, just each other.

Their 13th birthdays are Feb 14th but since Maggie isn’t going to make it that long we are going to have a “party” on Thursday night - they always get banana bread for their birthdays and absolutely love it. Its the only time I make it and they arrive in the kitchen as soon as I start mixing it and don’t leave until they have had their piece.

At some point I suppose I will appreciate that we knew when her time was up and could make arrangements and spend extra time with her - it just hurts so much right now since she really isn’t that old, not like the 30 year old horses we have had to put down and you could say they had a good long life. If they were both old and failing then I would have no problem sending them off together, but Smokey is really sound and healthy so it just doesn’t seem right.

[fourfillies]

I lost my littermate Corgi boys about 2 years apart, at 13 and 15. We lost our first guy unexpectedly. Went to sleep at the foot of our bed his usual spunky self and never woke up. I think it was a lot harder on me than the surviving mate. We gave the surviving mate lots of extra attention during the first few weeks, as much for me as him. He did well, sulky for a few days but that was it. We eventually got an older rescue dog (lab) and they were instant chums. Quite the odd couple. It’s been almost 5 years and I still miss those boys. Hugs.