@staceymc Love it, I have to do similar when mine has uninstalled her brain :lol:
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Thank you so much to everyone for the advice. I really appreciate the support. Answering some questions here;
-Yes, I have an instructor and she is lovely! She has been working with both my horse and me, and is doing a stellar job. I am merely looking for some more tips and advice, and to see other perspectives of improving my mental game and becoming more confident, while also learning to not push myself or my horse too hard, and enjoying the process.
-Yes, there are plenty other spring variables that couldāve caused his freshness. Grass, workload, cool air, etc. can all be factors causing it. I am well aware of these, and have just grouped them into one category of āspringtime.āĀ The amount of feed and hay change seasonally, but it has always been the same brands. Iām sorry if I answered the question the wrong way hah! He has routine vet checks, teeth checks, and has had a few chiro appointments, so I am almost positive it has just been those overall spring factors and my old ammy behavior causing loss of confidence. (We donāt bounce back as much as we used to!) :lol:
-My health, both mental and physical, are doing alright! Considering what is going on in the world right now, I have been finding myself becoming a little stressed, but these are crazy times. I probably need to relax and not let my mind think too much about the outside world while at the barn.
I am planning to ride tomorrow and I will take it slow. It is supposed to be a sudden chilly and rainy day, so I may just groom him and enjoy his lovely company. If I do feel alright to get on, depending on how he is, I will have a little ride around. Maybe lunge him, make him focus with lots of transitions and circles to keep him thinking, or maybe even just walking around with him. Who knows- it seems like everything is a waiting game. But I think I am okay with waiting now. 
Thank you everyone! Have a nice week.
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Hey welcome to my world. I started as a kid super afraid for my safety (or, at least, control) and grew up to be an adult afraid of disappointingā¦ wellā¦ I guess just me. So, yeah, the adult issues are 10X worse when itās my own horse rather than someone elseās.
I also know the very frustrating feeling of knowing full well thereās another way to feel and yet feeling crappy. In horses and life. Itās almost as bad as feeling bad. But I try to use it to remind me that the better feeling will come back.
In this case, maybe you can have a COVID silver lining. It sounds like you were riding and not kept out of your barnā¦ but, well, it would actually be pretty easy and understandable if some of your moving up, accomplishing X goals went poof. I mean, that should be allowed anytime (as an amateur thatās your perogative!) but itās just really, really easy to explain away right now.
Do what you feel confident about (whether thatās low jumps or ground work or anything in between). If you find yourself tense and worried about something, try to cipher out whether itās because of real, unconquerable (at this moment) fear or just the nattering worry-wart voice. If itās the latter, see if you can appease her with only committing to small pushes of the boundaries. (eg. āOk not sure I want to canter, so letās just try one 20 metre circleā, āYeah, Iām on the fence about getting on today. So Iāll tack up, watch him on the lunge and if heās good, maybe get on to cool out.ā) Personally, when I do this, most times I do more than I told myself I would. I just need to convince myself to get over that initial hump.
Good luck. Smile. Remember, your horse wants you to be good, but he doesnāt care if youāre perfect.
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You might need to admit you donāt have the mental attitude it takes to ride up and fresh horses. Thatās ok. It is a very unique quality in a rider who can kick a horse forward when they seem like they want to explode already.
Spooking and bucking are normal for every horse and we riders have to accept that it will happen while we ride them.
The ability to relax and let go while riding a horse that is loosing its shit is a skill that has been lost only to be replaced by breeding less reactive horses.
Itās ok to admit you donāt have that ability. Very few riders do anymore. But if you want to get the confidence to ride through this, you are going to need to get comfortable with feeling out of control, giving compete trust to your horse, and let yourself be willing to hit the ground. Itās the nature of the game when pushing up the capabilities of horse and rider.
Just the other day on the gallops my horse exploded under me when the others moved off. I focused on my heels down, legs down and around him and kicked him forward into the gallop. When he found the front door, he relaxed, opened his stride and we had a great time. My helmet cam recorded me laughing the whole time.
Body tension does more to ruin a riderās confidence than the horse can ever do. And the more we try to control the spook or buck the worse a horse will get.
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Trust me, walking my big horse is anything but boring! And no, heās got a home for life - itās the journey, not the destination.
I have learned so much from this horse, and the fact that heās not easy has made me a much better rider. The challenge is figuring out why the horse reacts the way it does, and how (in this case) to give him confidence. I need to be one step ahead (which can be mentally exhausting), but there are moments of true joy when it all comes together.
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So let me say thisā¦
SELL HIM
Now assess your HONEST gut reaction to this.
IF your mind said āOh screw you, you stupid eventer chick. You donāt know me and what I can or canāt ride!ā Then you have your answer. Buckle down in your training and find the way back to the confidence that you have had before.
IF your mind said āFINALLY! Someone else sees it might be best if I walk awayā Then you have your answer also.
This is a sport we do for fun. Psychological and mental growth comes with it but ultimately you should be getting off your horse everyday and seeing more positive than negatives. EVEN when youāre building on a challenge and learning.
Em
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Why not spend the spring and summer hacking out more often so that you get to know your horse better?
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I have been where you are. Nothing really had happened but my confidence dropped to nothing. No reason. Then of course the overthinking about overthinking and the anxiety about having anxiety. Sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
I think stacymc had a lot of great points. If you are directing your attention towards a million transitions, it definitely helps.
List all the reasons that you are a good rider.
Go back and do some ground work - long line, find poles and obstacles. Build your relationship.Take some time and cut yourself some slack.
I am better now for sure, but still mindful.
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Hi OP and everyone else,
I logged in to make a very specific postā¦I wasnāt quite sure where to put it, but I saw this thread and after reading the original post and responses, I hope you donāt mind that I join you here.
I am in a very similar situation, although Iām more on the beginner side and I ride dressage. I purchased a young, greener horse last year after a few years of āre-riderā lessons, fulfilling my lifelong dream of owning a horse. I fell in love fast, and felt comfortable on a greener horse as I worked closely with my trainer. Occasionally weād have our off-weeks, so Iād get on the school horse while my horse got more training rides. But even in the off-weeks, I never felt unsafeā¦my horse didnāt spook or do anything bad, heād just have his squirrelly baby moments, so I took full advantage of my trainerās services! He was a bit more forward than the typical schoolie/kick-rides Iād gotten used to, but I was able to adjust over time. The one downside to all of this was my horse was significantly low muscled to begin with, so as he built up muscle and balance, I stuck to walk/trot rides on him. As Iām still pretty green myself, my trainer didnāt want him pulling and leaning on me, so we decided to wait to canter. There went my dream of cantering off into the sunset on a horse of my own. LOL. But it was all good. We managed to go offsite to a couple shows and got good scores and experience, and at the beginning of the year, I was even able to start cantering him a bit! He and I formed a great bond through all of this, and I was looking forward to the future.
This spring, I decided for numerous reasons to switch barns and trainers. Right before the switch, my boy got his teeth done (heād been overdue since I bought him). We made the move, and he did quite well at first. Our new trainer is great, my horse seems to like her, and she likes him too. I got going in my lessons again and was making fast progress, I imagined Iād be back cantering him in no time!
One day, I was nearing the end of a productive lesson. On one of the neighboring properties, a horse kicked the barrier fence which naturally made a loud noise. My horse scooted, and would not stop. He started when we were just coming out of the corner. I managed to turn him onto a circle at B, and finally when we were about 3/4 finished with the circle he stopped. We finished the lesson working on one-rein stops at the walk (Iād learned them as a kid, but hadnāt revisited them in a while), but I was SHOOK. The reality is ā all he did was a very forward canter. He didnāt throw any bucks. I stayed seated, didnāt loose a stirrupā¦actually wasnāt even anywhere close to coming off. But thinking about those things doesnāt seem to help ā my confidence is destroyed, and Iāve completely lost my nerve.
After that, I figured Iād leave the riding to my trainer for a bit, while I spent some time working with him on the ground, so I did some free lunging (which Iād done before and enjoyed). I did it twice, and both times, right at the beginning, all he wanted to do was haul ass. So not only did I deal with the bolt under saddle, now heās running around me like a bat out of hell and I am now scared to free lunge. Another day, I tried lunging him on the line (which is a new-to-me skill Iāve been working on with my trainer), and he kept spooking at everything (dog barking, car starting, etc.). I got on him once at the walk and cried. I got on another day, and managed to do walk/trot with no tears, but I was still afraid the entire time. Today I got on after his training ride to cool him outā¦I literally had a pony ride with my trainer walking next to us on a lunge line, but I was still terrified. Horse also pulled back in the cross ties on one of the days, and has even been a bit spooky just walking around the property.
So, here I am. I am afraid to ride, afraid to lunge, and am now losing confidence just handling him on the ground. Iāve made a pretty embarrassing first impression on my new trainer and all of my new barn mates, although theyāve all been very kind to me, even though they probably think Iām the biggest weenie ever. One lady was actually surprised to hear we had a couple of shows under our belt, as sheās only seen me nervous to get on and walk. Which is both funny and sad.
It doesnāt help that weāre in the middle of a global pandemic, and Iāve lost my job as a result. So itās not like I can just go to work and focus on something else for a bit and get my mind off of it. Horses are pretty much all I have to do right now, and I donāt even want to do it. The few times I have sat on him, I feel so relieved when itās time to be done.
After the initial scary ride, I figured there was no shame in just gradually getting back on and getting back into itā¦but the problem is, itās not getting better. With each ride, itās almost getting worse. Itās even crossed my mind to sell him and look for something potentially a little older and/or slower, or at least a little more push-button, but hubby says no, this is the horse we bought, so this is the horse you ride. Now I have to laugh thinking about how badly Iād been wanting to canterā¦at this point Iād just like to WALK. Lol. This is certainly no fun for me right now, and itās hard for me to picture not feeling like this. I feel like Iāve lost so much in such a short amount of time.
Itās interesting to see people saying horses get a little kooky in the spring, although we donāt have grass pastures in my region. Like I mentioned, he just had his teeth done after being overdue. Heās also 100% on alfalfa now (last place he was on a mix of alfalfa and oat). Same supplements, but new facility. To give you an idea of what has changed.
Anyway, I wanted to reach out and see if anyone would like to be e-mail penpals and help each other talk through some of these things. Iām glad to hear Iām not alone, though Iām sorry anyone else is also feeling like this. All I have right now is my husband (who doesnāt get it) and my barnmatesā¦I honestly could just really use a friend. If anyone is interested, please send me a private message and weāll get it started. If more than one person is interested, maybe we could make a group e-mail chain. If this is too much of a hi-jack of the OP, please let me know and I can delete and move it somewhere else. Thanks everyone, if you made it this far!
(Yes, I tend to get a little long winded. Sorry! I used to be a writer, but donāt get to do so very much anymore, and sometimes when I get started I just canāt stop. facepalm)
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@Moonstone721 - Iām sorry. If youāre done with this horse (and thatās fine!), ask your husband if heād rather be waiting on you hand and foot after youād fallen off and (hevern forbid!) broken something. I really canāt even imagine that attitudeā¦
That said - new barn, different feed (and 100% alfalfa - thatās a bit much), new trainer; all are potential behavioral change triggers. Your horse may be feeling better (and stronger) and meanwhile, youāre dealing with all sorts of non-horse-related stress. Time for you to take a breath.
Maybe itās your time to just groom him. Work up to hand walking him, and then (but only when youāre ready!) lunging. Slowly, carefully, in control. Do not pay attention to what anyone else is doing, or what you āshouldā be doing with the horse - focus on where youāre comfortable. And if youāre not comfortable, sell him, and get something that brings you joy.
If your husband would rather see you stressed or hurt than sell the horse, Iām afraid youāve got bigger problems. 
Feel free to PM me.
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Yes Moonstone. Send me your email address and I would love to be your penpal. I feel I can help you.
Suzie Q
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My condolences to you Moonstone, thatās tough.
Umā¦ Does hubby ride this horse? Unless the answer is āyes, we share him equally and hubby adores himā, hubby does NOT get to dictate or control what horse is best for you or the one you ride or the one you own. Jeesh. I hope you make it very clear that, as mentioned above, your safety and well-being (physical AND mental) are the highest priority and if this horse does not promote that, he gets the boot. Maybe hubby needs the same threat too. (Iām mostly kidding)
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I am north of 30 now, and really have no desire to prove myself on anything truly difficult. As I got older, I really had to be honest with myself about what I was willing to deal with, and that included selling squirrely horses, yes.
I still like riding horses that are forward, so itās a fine balance.
What I have to do is really think. Am I riding a horse thatās forward or sensitive, but I trust this horse not to do anything stupid? I think thatās fine. Or do I feel truly unsafe? Is there a likely probability of me getting hurt? I donāt want to do that anymore.
I am leasing horses now that I am fine riding in the ring, but I wouldnāt want to trail ride. I just donāt have that confidence anymore. And you know what? Thatās fine, because I enjoy riding them. But if I was buying another horse? No way. Iād get something I can DO everything with. Why spend money on something you donāt enjoy- get something FUN. Life is too short!
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I have one who is fresh in the spring and becomes more horse than I want to handle, peaking in March/early April. Some of my strategies: I have a younger good rider who is willing to get on her occasionally; I have learned what set up she handles best when she is like this (she does better when all the horses are in the barn and she can working in the adjoining arena), and I stick with that instead of pushing ourselves; we do a ton of schooling figures and always walk a ton at the beginning so that she does not anticipate going right to work. Once she gets back to full grass and the weather warms up, she is generally quiet and good and we can expand what we do. The one advantage of the quarantine is that I have made myself ride her most days, and we are getting more consistent. But I am very sympathetic to how hard it is when you feel tense and they feel tense. If you can get some hours in with a true steady horse you might feel stronger/more equipped when you go back to the fresher horse. You might convince yourself that you would enjoy a steadier horse more, or you might convince yourself that by keeping your skills sharper on a dependable horse that you can get ready to handle the fresher horse and donāmind the challenge as much. FWIW, longeing does not help when this horse is freshāshe is more apt to do something explosive on the longe and I donāt need to see that in dealing with my confidence. Finally, the difference between partial day turn out on grass and full day turn out on grass can be amazing in some of our horsesāfrom fresh to completely steady/reliable. Try not to let March and April get you down!
Thanks so much. Yes, we think right now weāre starting to see the horse I bought āversion 2.0.ā He got his teeth done, heās in more consistent work, quality groceries, better farrierā¦heās probably feeling better than he ever has! Which of course is a good thing. Iām ultimately wanting something that can pack me around training level, and both our current and previous trainers have said that he has it in him, which is encouraging. But weāre coming up on a year of ownership, and I guess I just thought weād be there by nowā¦perhaps not packing around with scores in the 70ās, but I thought weād be a bit further along. I know itās a marathon, not a sprint, but geeze!
Trainer is not worried at all, she thinks heāll make a great horse for me, which is encouraging (but, has also said he will make a great horse for someone else too, if it turns out Iām just not feeling it). Weāve already discussed replacing a portion of the alfalfa, but trainer wants to give it to the end of the month and see how he does over the next few weeks. For now, weāre going to change the bit (just a lateral switch to a different material/thickness, not going stronger) and see if he likes that.
As for hubby, no, he is not too involved (he and my horse are best buddies when he does come out though!). And to clarify, heās not being a jerk about this at all ā kind of hard to convey on here. But basically, right now, he feels like we are paying a lot of money for someone else to ride my horse. And, I mean, technically heās not wrong, LOL. That person just happens to be a TRAINER who is riding him for MY benefit, which I think is where the disconnect is. Before lockdown, I was set to show someone elseās horse Training 1+2 so I could move up confidently, and hubby could not wrap his head around paying to show someone elseās horse. āYou show the horse we bought. Isnāt that why we bought a horse, so you could show it?ā LOL. Well, yes. But of course itās not so black and white.
Moonstone, not sure how many times the trainer is already working with the horse per week or what your training budget is but could you swap some of the training rides for ground lessons? Learn better skills so that you are productive when you interact with your horse on your own. This doesnāt have to be lungingā¦you can go farther back to basics than that since a young fresh one can get a little wild on the lunge if you donāt know how to nip that behavior. I mean very basic yield to pressure exercises and controlling the feet.
Then I think you need to get on more. And itās 100% fine to do this with your trainer attached via lead or lunge line. Learn to just go with your horse (trainer wonāt let him get away). Learn how to feel safe on a horse with his own motor. Because āmy horse scooted and wouldnāt stop) does not mean forward canter to B and 3/4 of a circle. Wonāt stop is like run the horse into the fence or get taken for laps around the arena behavior. Get on the lunge line and put a grab strap on your saddle and take it one step at a time from walk up to forward canter.
There is also no shame in selling this horse and getting something more of a kick along type but horses will be horses and even the kick along ones could have a moment so these skills are things you should work on at some point.
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@Moonstone721 My first piece of advice for you and anyone else dealing with a spooky horse is take your horse off alfalfa. Itās high in protein and makes them incredibly stupid, especially in the spring and fall. Switch to a grass hay like orchard or timothy or teff. I say this because Iāve been through the same thing with my horse as you and the OP. I found switching my horse to orchard made me not want to kill him when he decided to spook at EVERYTHING.
My story is a little similar but not the same. I got this wonderful horse in high school and my trainer at the time was schooling him much higher than I was making him a bit too much for me. Additionally he had a, āhold on, Iāve got this attitudeā which is great except when you feel like you canāt throw in a half halt or get him to stop. I spent a fair amount of time changing bits, schooling lower fences, trying a running martingale, using a kennington, and so on and so on. I always had to take him back down because when the fence got bigger, he would rush and ignore me. He was handy so I didnāt mind but I wasnāt a gutsy 17 year old who didnāt care, Iāve seen accidents and Iām not stupid enough to think it canāt happen to me. It was a long and frustrating process. It took YEARS to find what worked, what trainer worked, what methods worked, what feed worked, what supplements helped, and for me to get enough courage to go, āIām not comfortable but Iām okay.ā Sometimes you have to really work through the pain to get there. If you canāt deal with it, you need to let it go and find something your speed. It depends on your tenacity and willpower. I had a trainer once who made you get off and do sit ups or push ups if you started crying. There are all levels of riding and you need to find what your speed is and how far youāre willing to go. Itās not always easy but if it was it would be less fun and less of an accomplishment. I struggled through my frustrating days and Iām glad I found a solution that worked for me. Iāve had a successful relationship with my horse for 20 years but the first 3 (at least) were a struggle. And Iām not going to lie, there are still days I get mad when he spooks and jumps at literally nothing but thatās just his game.
Also, remember when you get a horse, youāre going to go through a testing phase. They will be great and then they want to see if you mean what you say and what they can get away with. This is when having a great trainer in your corner can really help. Donāt be afraid to take some time, practice on an older and more accomplished horse, let your trainer sort out your horse for a month or so and then come back. Take the time to practice basic lateral work, even if itās just at a walk. The more small successes you have the better you will feel.
Also, get them off of straight alfalfa!! Seriously. Also, look in to something called Focus by Immubiome. Itās a game changer.
Good luck!
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When I was young enough to be fit enough that months of walking would have bored me to death the spooks wouldnāt have phased me, so itās possible that the op is being pushed to do more by a trainer, or maybe doesnāt realize that ramping it down until the horse is calm enough is a perfectly good and sensible option?
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Haha, famous last words. A friend of mine bought what seemed like the perfect horse for an adult beginner (small, stout 20 year old kick ride, in work, that everyone swore was the perfect horse for her). Only trouble was that the horse was spooky, and something scared it and it took off and dumped the rider and dragged the trainer until she fell down and had to let go.
It wasnāt the first time the owner had come off, but after almost two years of regular lessons and hiring trainers to ride her that was the final straw and the horse was passed on to a better rider.
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I feel like theyāre fresh in the spring because blanekts get lighter and they get a ālittle more cool air on their chestsā, and then settle down in early summer because itās not fun anymore to eff around in 90F with bugs to battle all day.
Just my take, having seen it with my late mare who was never on grass and was an idiot for a month or two in the spring. Some rides, I just stuck her on a 10-15m circle for 30 minutes and quit. Lunging just wound her up tighter, being able to supple from the saddle was the only (small) hope I had of getting anywhere with her on those days.
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