Losing Confidence on New Horse

[chukkerchild]

@Moonstone721

Hi OP and everyone else,

After the initial scary ride, I figured there was no shame in just gradually getting back on and getting back into it…but the problem is, it’s not getting better. With each ride, it’s almost getting worse. It’s even crossed my mind to sell him and look for something potentially a little older and/or slower, or at least a little more push-button, but hubby says no, this is the horse we bought, so this is the horse you ride. Now I have to laugh thinking about how badly I’d been wanting to canter…at this point I’d just like to WALK. Lol. This is certainly no fun for me right now, and it’s hard for me to picture not feeling like this. I feel like I’ve lost so much in such a short amount of time.

It’s interesting to see people saying horses get a little kooky in the spring, although we don’t have grass pastures in my region. Like I mentioned, he just had his teeth done after being overdue. He’s also 100% on alfalfa now (last place he was on a mix of alfalfa and oat). Same supplements, but

Anyway, I wanted to reach out and see if anyone would like to be e-mail penpals and help each other talk through some of these things. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone, though I’m sorry anyone else is also feeling like this. All I have right now is my husband (who doesn’t get it) and my barnmates…I honestly could just really use a friend. If anyone is interested, please send me a private message and we’ll get it started. If more than one person is interested, maybe we could make a group e-mail chain. If this is too much of a hi-jack of the OP, please let me know and I can delete and move it somewhere else. Thanks everyone, if you made it this far!

(Yes, I tend to get a little long winded. Sorry! I used to be a writer, but don’t get to do so very much anymore, and sometimes when I get started I just can’t stop. facepalm)

Hey! I wanted to quote you specifically but also want to offer some advice to the OP since I think they are similar issues.

So I have ridden my whole life (I’m no great shakes or anything), but a few years ago I had an episode that really crashed my confidence. I was riding a very familiar trustworthy mare and we were going for an easy canter. She overstepped and caught herself and flipped on top of me. We were both thankfully fine, I cracked a couple of ribs but was otherwise unharmed and she just twisted her shoe.

Anyway, after that my confidence was AWFUL. I went from being keen to move up in jumping and playing polo to feeling nervous to canter. Every time the horse took a misstep I felt like they were going to fall on me.

Here’s what really helped me. Confidence is a muscle. It’s really not that much different mentally from coming back from a physical injury. If you’ve broken a leg, you don’t blast out the door the next day and feel dismayed that you can’t run 10km like you did yesterday. You start with easy exercises, then you do a light jog, you might increase pace or distance slowly. But you always push yourself a little farther than you did the day before. And soon your leg is strong again.

For your confidence, do the same thing. If you’re afraid to canter right now but feel okay at walk and trot, tell yourself: today I will do one circle of canter. A really specific goal. Do your one circle of canter and that’s all you have to do that day to push yourself. The next day, you might try two circles and a lead change. Or maybe you go and ride in the outdoor ring. Don’t combine these goals or make any of them too daunting on their own. But DO THEM. One tiny push every time you ride. Here’s another key part – you might do the circle of canter and it goes great and you’re tempted to do more, but don’t. Save it for tomorrow. Foster that sense of “Aww, that was easy, I could do more.” And if there’s a day where you’ve gotten on with the intent to ride a canter circle but your horse is very up and spooky, you modify the goal a little – say okay, he’s giving me his own challenge so instead of the canter circle it will be a forward trot where I bend him away from the spooky corner.

This sounds a little trite or obvious maybe but it really helps me. You take baby steps, but you take them. With all due respect I don’t think that getting an easier or quieter horse or going back to walk will help. That’s moving in the wrong direction. Just take tiny steps forward every day. If you’re really scared, they can be even more tiny. The first day you walk a circle. The next day you walk it in two point. Then you pick up a trot. Remember, you are slowly building strength. You won’t even feel how much stronger you’ve gotten. Then you’ll be nervously wondering if you can gallop down to that 1.2m single and you’ll realize two months ago you were scared to canter a circle but somehow that changed.

Good luck!! You really really can do it!

”‹”‹

[SuzieQNutter]

@chukkerchild

Hey! I wanted to quote you specifically but also want to offer some advice to the OP since I think they are similar issues.

So I have ridden my whole life (I’m no great shakes or anything), but a few years ago I had an episode that really crashed my confidence. I was riding a very familiar trustworthy mare and we were going for an easy canter. She overstepped and caught herself and flipped on top of me. We were both thankfully fine, I cracked a couple of ribs but was otherwise unharmed and she just twisted her shoe.

Anyway, after that my confidence was AWFUL. I went from being keen to move up in jumping and playing polo to feeling nervous to canter. Every time the horse took a misstep I felt like they were going to fall on me.

Here’s what really helped me. Confidence is a muscle. It’s really not that much different mentally from coming back from a physical injury. If you’ve broken a leg, you don’t blast out the door the next day and feel dismayed that you can’t run 10km like you did yesterday. You start with easy exercises, then you do a light jog, you might increase pace or distance slowly. But you always push yourself a little farther than you did the day before. And soon your leg is strong again.

For your confidence, do the same thing. If you’re afraid to canter right now but feel okay at walk and trot, tell yourself: today I will do one circle of canter. A really specific goal. Do your one circle of canter and that’s all you have to do that day to push yourself. The next day, you might try two circles and a lead change. Or maybe you go and ride in the outdoor ring. Don’t combine these goals or make any of them too daunting on their own. But DO THEM. One tiny push every time you ride. Here’s another key part – you might do the circle of canter and it goes great and you’re tempted to do more, but don’t. Save it for tomorrow. Foster that sense of “Aww, that was easy, I could do more.” And if there’s a day where you’ve gotten on with the intent to ride a canter circle but your horse is very up and spooky, you modify the goal a little – say okay, he’s giving me his own challenge so instead of the canter circle it will be a forward trot where I bend him away from the spooky corner.

This sounds a little trite or obvious maybe but it really helps me. You take baby steps, but you take them. With all due respect I don’t think that getting an easier or quieter horse or going back to walk will help. That’s moving in the wrong direction. Just take tiny steps forward every day. If you’re really scared, they can be even more tiny. The first day you walk a circle. The next day you walk it in two point. Then you pick up a trot. Remember, you are slowly building strength. You won’t even feel how much stronger you’ve gotten. Then you’ll be nervously wondering if you can gallop down to that 1.2m single and you’ll realize two months ago you were scared to canter a circle but somehow that changed.

Good luck!! You really really can do it!

”‹”‹

You can lose your confidence without falling off.

I am very experienced, but I stopped riding when I lost 2 horses in 2 days. One to old age. One to snake bite.

A year later, I went back to a riding school and rode Steady Eddie’s. I stayed in walk for ages. Just going to trot in the last half of the lesson and not cantering always.

I got better. Once a week it took me 6 months to hop on and trot after warming up in walk and canter without worrying.

[Moonstone721]

@IPEsq

Moonstone, not sure how many times the trainer is already working with the horse per week or what your training budget is but could you swap some of the training rides for ground lessons? Learn better skills so that you are productive when you interact with your horse on your own. This doesn’t have to be lunging…you can go farther back to basics than that since a young fresh one can get a little wild on the lunge if you don’t know how to nip that behavior. I mean very basic yield to pressure exercises and controlling the feet.

Then I think you need to get on more. And it’s 100% fine to do this with your trainer attached via lead or lunge line. Learn to just go with your horse (trainer won’t let him get away). Learn how to feel safe on a horse with his own motor. Because “my horse scooted and wouldn’t stop) does not mean forward canter to B and 3/4 of a circle. Won’t stop is like run the horse into the fence or get taken for laps around the arena behavior. Get on the lunge line and put a grab strap on your saddle and take it one step at a time from walk up to forward canter.

There is also no shame in selling this horse and getting something more of a kick along type but horses will be horses and even the kick along ones could have a moment so these skills are things you should work on at some point.

I am with a trainer 4-5x per week, and yes! We have been working on lunging, ground manners/how to correct behaviors I don’t want on the ground, etc.

And you’re right…I had one of those “horse won’t stop/run it into the fence” rides when I was about 15 and it was a much different situation. Maybe 2 laps around? Although now in my mid-30’s, something like this hits just as hard. LOL. But we’ve been doing exactly that – me riding on the lunge line when I’m feeling up to it. We started with a couple literal pony rides, and I’ve gotten up to a trot so far. So your suggestions have been spot on – thank you!

[Momateur]

I’m in a somewhat similar situation. There was a serious incident and now I simply don’t trust this horse. I don’t even like being in the stall with him. I’m selling him. That might not be the answer for you, but for me, I hate the anxiety. I want the barn to be my happy place again.

[IPEsq]

@Moonstone721

I am with a trainer 4-5x per week, and yes! We have been working on lunging, ground manners/how to correct behaviors I don’t want on the ground, etc.

And you’re right…I had one of those “horse won’t stop/run it into the fence” rides when I was about 15 and it was a much different situation. Maybe 2 laps around? Although now in my mid-30’s, something like this hits just as hard. LOL. But we’ve been doing exactly that – me riding on the lunge line when I’m feeling up to it. We started with a couple literal pony rides, and I’ve gotten up to a trot so far. So your suggestions have been spot on – thank you!

I totally get it. I’m nowhere near as brave as I used to be and have gone through my own confidence issues being in the same age range as you. But it does not sound like this horse is a dangerous ride doing dirty stuff. He does sound like he’s a bit dangerous on the ground if you can’t keep his attention on you on the longe, but this is a skill not everyone focuses on. And to be honest I didn’t used to either but I would just get on most of the time—I only longed one that was super broke on the longe. But I feel too old for that now and don’t ride enough horses a day anymore and so I learned how to handle a lot of things from the ground.

You can’t help feeling more fragile as you get older. Even if it’s not about being scared of being physically hurt, you have more responsibilities than you did at 15. You’ve got to work and take care of your house and drive yourself places and if you have kids, you are responsible for them too.

But since this horse doesn’t sound like a dangerous horse to ride just a bit more horse than you are used to, I think you can learn some skills with him that will help you a lot in the long run. It will be a slower process than if you were a teen. Use all those trainer contacts to help you as well as the horse

[Atlas_Shrugged]

Young horses need us to be brave for them, which is easier said than done. I have trained most of the horses I have owned from green-broke to indoors. I am 61 and training a beautiful, athletic 18hh wb who just turned 7 last week. Sometimes I don’t look forward to all the nonsense, but I now school in full-seat breeches and spray “glue” on my legs and go for it. I am experienced, and have good survival skills, but sometimes I wish I could just relax on him. He has to “look” at jumps first, which is challenging at the A shows, but I pick venues that have lots relaxed schooling schedules and empty schooling rings to ride him down a bit. By the third day he gets it. Then covid came along. Now it will be back to square 1. I try to take him to friend’s farms for a change of scenery (yikes!) and sometimes give him a touch of Ace if I am not planning on jumping. It simply takes time, and bravery, and glue and a good helmet! And keep em tired, as the cowboys like to say. Eventually they reach an age where they seem to relax. It just takes time and patience and safety measures. Stay safe and good luck and be brave.

[AAHunterGal]

So I joined the Noelle Floyd Masterclass series about 4 months ago, and the latest one they put out is AMAZING and such an amazing resource for ALL of the things mentioned in this thread. It’s by Dr. Jenny Susser, and it’s called How to Control Fear and Anxiety.

I think that one thing that’s a part of it is that we’re not really talking about confidence, I think that fear is the main emotional response in a lot of these situations, which is a much more fight/flight, basic emotional response. Confidence is more of a way of carrying yourself, and less of an actual emotion. When you are confident, you feel, X,Y, and Z. When you are scared, or nervous, or anxious, it’s impossible to feel confident.

Anyone who has felt overfaced by a horse, scared that a horse will buck/spook/spin, had a bad experience on the ground with a horse, or has a fear of any kind, this course really help you understand the physiological side of it and change your reactions and behavior. I actually found it more useful for some bike riding issues that I’ve developed in the past three or four years, and I can’t wait to get back to riding on gravel and dirt roads like I used to with ease!

Unsure if you can join just for one masterclass, but even if you can’t I think that the membership is more than worth it for all of the other amazing courses that they offer. Sorry if this sounds like a plug, but I’ve been digging into it more during quarantine and have some away with some great tips and tricks and insight into all areas of horsemanship!

[doctordarling]

I’m in the same boat as OP and Moonstone. So the ‘Chrono collective wisdom’ has been really useful.

Nine months ago I bought a exceptionally quiet and kind rising six wb/tb mare. I was looking for something older, but eight months of intense searching turned up thirty odd horses in my price range with either major conformational issues, or behavioral ones. I had just retired my senior PSG schoolmaster had I’d had and competed up to Advanced on for 8 years. I have a wonderful coach who I’ve had for years, and who knows old and new horse well.

Just pre-Covid I had a fall off her. I let her get wobbly and out of balance in right canter [her stiffer side] when the arena was busy with several other horses, the hay cart going out, and dogs bolting around in the field beside the arena. Boumph! a spin, a couple of broncs, and I was over the rooftops. Landed on my bum. Got up and thought ‘hmm’ more ‘stimulus stacking’ going on around us than I’d realised. Got back on and rode walk quietly around in walk uneventfully.

I didn’t want to canter her after that – but with coach’s support and practice, and ‘doing the homework’ we got over that (she has such a lovely canter!) Then came lockdown – we had barn access but I think both the mare and I got a bit arena sour.

Then last month out of the blue, my Dad nearly died of a blood clot - was rushed to emergency surgery, which didn’t work, and the next step was a brutal amputation. He’s 84 and I’m 56 and we are incredibly close.

The anxiety of this, the loss of income from my cultural tour business due to venues closing because of the pandemic, bitter winter [yes, even down here] has meant really hard to get rid of anxiety symptoms before riding. Butterflies, racing heart, sick feeling, etc.

I’m not usually a nervous rider but I am a cautious one. Rode from primary school to Uni, had a long break and got back to it ten years ago. I liked what one poster said, ‘it takes a unique kind of rider to kick forward a horse that feels like its already exploding’. That’s not me when I first get on, but as I warm up, I am pretty okay with knowing when I’m being tested about whether I’m being ‘serious’ and knowing when I’m getting an honest response.

I’m just running on ‘empty’ atm and of all areas in my life that would start to give I didn’t expect this. But when they get their latches into you, nerves are hard to deal with. My coach doesn’t think I’m over-horsed. The mare herself has no vices, will ‘have a look’ or a scoot but will settle and has certainly never been ‘squirrelly’.

I like the notion of confidence being like a muscle. Each successful positive ride helps. I’m out on the mare four or five times a week. I also read somewhere that the fear centre of the brain, the amagdyla, calms down with oxcytocin, which is triggered by trust; in your own skills and in your horse. Breathing is good. So is realising all the thousands of rides that have gone well. And hey, at least we’re not, like that Western Australian girl I read about today, surfing a wave ‘The Right’ so huge and dangerous only a handful of surfers around the world can tackle it. That’s a dangerous sport. ddx

[BITSA]

I bought a 4 yo dutch warmblood almost 4 years ago. My trainer would only help me buy him (I bought him off video from Europe…I know…) if I could keep my steady eddie a year, which I did. He was about 163 when i bought him and is now 17.2. The first year I started riding him in earnest was when he was 5 close to turning 6. I cannot tell you how many rides i cried after and actually had a panic attack at a show and had to get off and lay down and breathe. he wasn’t being naughty, he was just a big young horse. He actually has an amazing brain but that didn’t mean it felt good or that i wasn’t scared sometimes. There was a lot of 1 step forward and 2 steps back. As one of the posters above said I had to really readjust my expectations, both of him, of me, and of us. I needed my trainer to ride him a little more and just to focus on mastering basic things. When he got close to turning 7 we finally started to sometimes be on the same page, and by the end of last year we were working together as a team. It is still hard. There are still days and weeks nothing goes well, but I know that those moments of harmony are possible. I don’t know if you have a trainer who can help you through this, I hope you do. I also recommend doing some groundwork with him, we did a clinic with melanie Taylor Smith that had a day and a half of groundwork and it made a huge difference. Good luck, I empathize.

[Ubu_Goober]

@WildLittleWren

I have been following Warwick Schiller, he has some fabulous videos on focus, connection, and relaxation. Some of his wife’s videos touch on anxiety in people, and they tie it all together nicely. You might look into it. A lot of the work is like watching paint dry, but it REALLY makes you be present, focused, and relaxed, as well as it makes your horse be more present, focused, and relaxed. Just a thought, throwing it out there. He has a video subscription which I subscribe to, but there are also other videos out there, even other clinicians and trainers that have different methods and good ideas on how to get you, and your horse, to relax.

Good luck OP!

He also has a LOT of information in the videos that are available for free on You Tube if the subscription isn’t an option. You can get a really good feel for how he currently approaches things in the recent videos (last 3-4 years). He had a clinic at his place in Hollister, CA this past weekend. They elected not to have auditors, but live-streamed the clinic on FB. Both days are currently up on You Tube, but I think are eventually going to be archived in the video subscription. You can watch the paint dry in real time and see how he shapes the horses and trains owners.

He also has a video titled “Helping horses and their humans go outside their comfort zones” that is worth a look.

Most of these stories seem to involve horses in the 5-7 age range and at least a couple seemed to go awry at the one year mark. I think a lot of horses don’t really come out of their shell with a new owner for a year or more and also at this age I think they are starting to make that transition from a “gee ok, sure” personality to one that is more expressive. Their tool chest for expression has gotten larger and they are likely better muscled and balanced. They might not even intend to have that bigger canter (for example) but their muscling and balance changes their way of going and the bigger step is the natural byproduct.

[doctordarling]

Also to follow up, I did check out Warwick Schiller - I’ve watched his YouTube channel before and he never fails to come up with great effective tools. Jane Pike has a ‘confidence program’ but I like more horse/technical, riding-focused things.