Losing connection.. what's going wrong?

[impressive_gunner92]

Hi everyone! Im having some issues with my gelding but I’m going to post a bit of backstory first. I have an older gelding that I’ve had for almost a year now. About 4 months ago we switched boarding stables, and he is looking much healthier and happier. My issue is that he seems to be losing interest in me, and is loving me less. I know horses aren’t dogs, but he used to whinny at me when he saw my car, come cantering to the fence, give me kisses, and follow me everywhere. Now he won’t walk up to me, and isn’t wanting the attention anymore. He isn’t being disrespectful. He doesn’t turn his butt to me and will let me put a halter on him without any issues, but he isn’t “lovey” anymore.

The only things that have changed are the stables (where he is now getting much better care and food), he is competing a little more, and I am no longer letting him get away with disrespectful behavior.

What could cause this drastic of a personality change? How can I get the “lovey” horse I had back?

Thanks so much!

[Scribbler]

Is it something as simple as you aren’t the one feeding him anymore? Or you are arriving after he is fed?

My horse acknowledges me when I arrive. But the summer I had her at a different place with 24/7 turnout in a drylot she was frantic when she saw me drive up, running the fence line. When I took her home to her own stall at the end of summer she was much less demonstrative but also calmer and happier.

I felt like she didn’t really love living on the dry lot and wanted me to get her out of there.

[CanteringCarrot]

If you are exercising more discipline with him, he may be more apt to stay out of your space. That is not a bad thing! There may be more of a boundary for him now, and less “affectionate” behaviors.

He may also be content with his surroundings so he is more relaxed and less clingy.

If he doesn’t seem in pain, or outright grumpy, I wouldn’t be too concerned.

Do you do much ground work with him? I feel like that helps strengthen the bond even though I’ll never be one that gets “kissy” and super affectionate with my horses, but we have a connection nonetheless.

Maybe explore new things with him? I just try to keep my horses interested with varying forms of exercise and activities.

Some days my horse voluntarily comes to me in the field, some days he doesn’t. He never runs or anything, but I imagine it depends on his mood and what he’s doing at the time.

[Abbie.S]

You are doing what is called “anthropomorphizing”, or ascribing human understanding of emotion to an animal. And in a way, it sounds a bit unhealthy: you are/were relying on this animal to show you what you considered affection…but horses are horses, first and foremost. A very wise horseman once said to a group of us “folks, if you’re going to the barn to seek solace, love or attention, well, you’re doing it all wrong”.

Horses do not “love” the way we think they do, nor do they come to love someone the way we come to love someone. Horses desire two things above all else: food and safety. If you can show the horse he is safest with you above all other places, you bet he’ll desire to be wth you. If you feed him, you bet he knows you’re his caretaker and he’ll acknowledge that.

But it honestly sounds like what you thought was there never was, or the horse was not in as good of a place mentally and relied too much on you. Now he is healthier, better cared for, has a herd (from the sounds of it), and you’ve instituted some rules for your interactions. These are all positives; what you described previous doesn’t actually sound positive. It sounds like an insecure horse who wasn’t being well cared for and knew you were solace. That’s a bad set up for the horse.

Perhaps try changing your perspective on what this change means to the horse, because in the long run it is better for you, too. You said the horse is now “happier and healthier”, but you also state YOU now have this “issue”, that you know horses aren’t dogs “but”… think about that for a bit, because it sounds like it’s reflecting a lot more about you than the horse.

Go find a cowboy type who can help set you right on how horses work, how they think and how you can help a horse along to getting really confident in you. Then you can begin to build an authentic relationship with your animal.

[S1969]

This is your problem:

@impressive_gunner92

My issue is that he seems to be losing interest in me, and is loving me less.

And this is your answer:

@impressive_gunner92

About 4 months ago we switched boarding stables, and he is looking much healthier and happier.

He’s a horse being a horse, and not solely dependent on you to feel content. Which is how it should be. If your horse is running to you when you arrive, it probably means they weren’t content…or just hungry.

[gumtree]

“He may also be content with his surroundings so he is more relaxed and less clingy”

This is the concise version of what others are saying with a bit more detail.

I just moved a young filly into another paddock with 5 other mares because he paddock mate was sold. She has always been a sweet filly but not clingy when in the paddock with her long time friend. She shared a fence line with the horses she is now turned out with. But horses being horses she is very low man on the totem pole. She’s “allowed” to hang with the group but not allowed in their inner circle. When I’m in the paddock with her now she wants to climb in my back pocket.

I have a gelding that’s always been a lovey dovey, loves to be pet and cuddled with. Sit on the fence and he will lay his head in your lap and hang there as long as you pet him. Pretty much like a dog. But he will do that with anyone sitting on the fence line. These are horses that I breed and raised. But they are pretty much the same with anyone that walks on the farm.

[danacat]

@impressive_gunner92

… he isn’t “lovey” anymore. How can I get the “lovey” horse I had back?

I know what you’re feeling…and asking. I totally get it – no criticism! Just be happy your horse is "getting much better care and food." That’s the love you are giving him. So smile!

… and read this – might actually be true:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/feb/10/horses-can-recognise-human-emotion-new-study-shows

[Scribbler]

My mare is much clingier when she is ill.

[Palm_Beach]

"He may also be content with his surroundings so he is more relaxed and less clingy. "

This ^^^. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your horse - you don’t want to be “mommy” and have him try to climb in your lap every time he gets anxious about something, cuz that’s when you get stepped on and run over. Since you are no longer allowing disrespectful behavior - he is respecting you and staying out of your space. That is a very good thing and goes a very long way in keeping you safe and injury free when you are around him.