Loss of a lifetime horse ~ How long did you grieve?

[Diamondindykin]

I lost two lifetime horses two weeks apart in March of this year.

The first one, Peppy had to be put down suddenly due to torsion colic. He was an amazing horse and lived a long wonderful life. He was loved by everyone who ever knew him. I was able to get over losing him fairly quick (in my mind).

The second one was my beloved home bred gelding, Whiskey and he was only 6 years old when he had to be put down due to laminitis. We had battled laminitis for 3 1/2 months when the coffin bone sunk and went through the bottom of his foot. I made the heartwrenching decision to put an end to his suffering. We blocked both front feet so he could make the 5 minute trailer trip home, he got to say goodbye to him mom and quietly passed away with a mouthful of grass. I am at peace with my decision and with the fact that he died happy and painfree. I have no regrets.

The problem is that I have not been able stop grieving for him and I don’t feel like it has gotten much better. He died a little over 5 months ago I think of him non-stop and cry everyday. I still cannot look at pictures of him without breaking down. I bought a new horse that I love and just started leasing a wonderful show horse but I can’t seem to let go of Whiskey

Am I being too hard on myself or should I be getting over his loss at least a little by now?

[arabhorse2]

Diamond, if it had been 5 years I’d say you might need grief counseling, but 5 months? You’re barely into your mourning period.

I cried every day for Conny for a very long time. It was at least a year before I could even say his name without bursting into tears.

It’s been a little over 3 years since he’s been gone, and I’m now able to look back on our time together and smile at the memories. It took me almost 2 1/2 years before I really felt as if I could let go of the pain.

I will always miss him but the heavy, life-sucking grief is gone. I sometimes shed a tear or two for him, but nothing like the first year.

Grief is a part of life and it takes as long as it takes. I don’t have a timetable for you, because I only know how long it took for me. Everyone’s different, but I do know that you will get through it and come out the other side. I promise.

[ddashaq]

One of my dear friends lost her heart horse almost exactly 5 years ago and it took her until 3 months ago to have any interest in riding or being around horses. She rides a couple of times a week now and is feeling better all the time, but it was very hard for her for a very long time. Just take whatever time you need-- there is no time line that you have to follow.

I lost a very special mare a number of years ago and it took 2 years before I could put her pictures up. They made me cry for the longest time, but now they make me smile. Eventually, you will get there, too.

[TBJumper514]

I can understand. I lost my horse of a lifetime in 2008 when he was 12. I think of him almost every day, but I remember all the good times we had. I have always had other horses, but he was so special to me. I also had to put down in 2008 a 30-something y/o that I took in when he was dumped on me. He was worth his weight in gold, but age was being hard on him so I let him go. Then this January I got a 5 year old stallion from the track, Summer Ballad. I kept him at the Fair Grounds in a friend’s barn until the end of the meet in March. I had him gelded and brought him to a small barn. He had a couple months to just be a horse, then I started lunging him and my friend started riding him for me. We were on our way to training my future hunter. Last week on Tuesday, I got a phone call that the barn owner went to feed and he was dead in his stall. 5 years old, just dropped dead after being totally normal the night before. I was crushed. Vet seems to suspect a seizure or other neuro event that would bring on a seizure after seeing that he was foaming at the mouth and severely thrashing around. I still cry about him, but it was only a little over a week ago. I just try to appreciate the small amount of time that I did have him, and count myself lucky that I had that. He was a wonderful horse with tons of personality, but I guess it was not meant to be.

So, my advice is to think about the good times you had, think about the positive things that you did with them. Appreciate the time you did have with them and be happy that you were lucky enough to have had them in your life. I’m sure they were lucky to have had you too. Grief is something everyone deals with differently, and I like to think of the good things and throw myself into another project. I still have a couple other horses, but only my mare is that “special” to me. So, I think I will take on another OTTB soon as a project…just gotta keep plugging along. Good luck, I know it’s hard, especially when it is far too early.

[SmartAlex]

[QUOTE=ddashaq;5091327]
One of my dear friends lost her heart horse almost exactly 5 years ago and it took her until 3 months ago to have any interest in riding or being around horses. [/QUOTE]

Heck, I sold one and it took me five years to get over it. :sadsmile:

[birdsong]

My heart horse was gently let go for the same very reason 2 months ago. The grief continues to pass in unexpected waves.

I have immersed myself in incredible mind boggling, muscle aching projects to keep my mind busy. I know they are all excuses not to think.

5 months is not unexpected. Big hugs to you…all I can say is to stay active and keep your mind busy with other things as much as possible.

I could throw up just writing this.

[Couture_TB]

When my childhood pony had to be put down (we were together from when I was 4yrs old to when I was 20) I really don’t remember that first week. I didn’t take it well and drank way to much. Even now 7 years later I still tear up thinking about him.

I gave away my other once in a lifetime horse to a friend since he wouldn’t hold up for eventing if I continued to ride him at the UL. That was 6 years ago, I can still go see him and ride him if I wanted, and everytime I see him I get teary and sad thinking about what could have been.

Now I’m sad

[Bogie]

Give yourself more time to grieve. Five months really isn’t very long.

I lost my wonderful Trakehner two years ago from a blood clot in his poll. It was very sudden and I was devastated. I was tearing up unexpectedly until very recently if I thought of him and even now it makes me sad.

My husband went out to Tufts and got me some of his tail and I still cannot bring myself to open the box and look at it. I know I’ll just start to sob.

Hugs to you for losing two wonderful friends. Give yourself more time and know that you will never forget them; you will just learn to accept the good times you had together.

[loshad]

Grief is so individual (as all the above posts attest) that I don’t think any one of us could say that yours is excessive, just right, or not enough. You lost two horses in a very short period of time – one who was very young – and that will take something out of even the strongest of us.

You know yourself best – do you think there’s a problem? For myself, I would be a bit worried if I were still so upset about a death (human or animal) that I was crying daily after five months. However, I’m very much a product of my WASP background, so YMMV.

Of course, I’m also the person who insisted on having my beloved Aussie cremated alone when she died while we were overseas so that we could bring her back home because NO WAY was I going to leave her there. She’s still in her cookie tin in my closet because I can’t bring myself to bury her yet. This was five years ago.

[chance2jump]

I lost my gelding of a lifetime 4 yrs ago this year to an unexpected and very traumatic accident, and I still choke up thinking about him. He was only 11yrs old at the time. Sometimes burst into tears when I come across a long lost / packed away picture of the good ol’ days. He’s always on my mind, and I feel an empty place in my heart and soul without him, but it does get easier. My current mare and pony are absolutely nothing like him, and I am finding that I truly enjoy their company tremendously. I have not gotten back in the saddle to ride regularly since losing him, but I’m trying. It takes a long time.

[DressageGeek_Ribbon]

Big hugs to you. And be kind to yourself. There is no “right” answer here.

[FrenchFrytheEqHorse]

Sigh…

French Fry was hit by a car one week ago and killed. Still not really dealing with it, or thinking about it. I don’t know how long it will take. It probably never gets that much better. I guess it’s a good sign that I was able to get out of bed this morning, which is a little better than last weekend.

Grieving for animals is so much different than grieving for people…

[tradewind]

It took me two years and a little…It got a little better each month. Hugs to you.

[HPFarmette]

I’m sorry these horrible things happened to you…two at once. I lost my darling boy King Tut that I’d had for 19 years ( he was 24) in November 2001 and I still miss him. But the sharp pain you feel now, which makes total sense, will soften as the years go by. You will always miss those dear animals, but you can take pride in knowing you gave them good lives and the best medical care, and you did the right thing in freeing them from pain.

[UnoIsMyHorse]

As much time as you need

There really is no ‘set’ time for how long you will grieve. I’m still mourning my OTTB, and it will be two years in December. It doesn’t hurt as constantly now, but I still have moments when I think of him and it takes my breath away because it hurts so bad.

Part of my problem is the manner in which I lost him. I always thought I’d be strong about making the decision for him when he got old and I’d let him go when it was a gift, to end his pain.

I lost him in a barn fire and I didn’t get to make any decision at all.

I went to grief counseling for a few months, because I couldn’t sleep (every time I closed my eyes, I imagined those 15 horses locked in the burning barn and it tortured me) and I couldn’t sleep and I couldn’t listen to music because I’d just cry and cry.

I just lived every day one at a time and when every time I started to focus on his terrible ending, I forced my self to also focus on something positive about Uno. One good thought for every bad one. It helped alot. It does get easier. It takes time. Other horses may help, but not till you’re ready.

And if you do decide on another horse? Get a completely different color, breed, etc, than the one you lost. My first horse after Uno was also a tall chestnut TB and I was always angry at him for not being Uno.

Now I have a short, fat Fjord and I love him to pieces.

[Zu_Zu]

Jingles for you and your heart ~

Jingles for you ~ no timetable on grief ~ be kind to yourself ~ your heart will heal ~ I am still grieving the loss of my beloved cats, O.J. & Hillary it has been one year RIP O.J. (5-94 - 4-18-2009) & RIP Hillary (5-94 - 8-22-2009). I placed a vase of one dozen red roses on their graves on the dates.

[BoysNightOut]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I lost my forever horse in February to a freak accident, which led to a broken leg from being cast 2 days later. I didn’t start even riding again until August, just taking a lesson once a week. I just bought a new horse, but I still sob looking at pictures of Vinnie. I still cry thinking about him, and our time together. Heck, I just got a new horse today who I’m so excited over and really love, but still cried tonight thinking about Vinnie and how he’s not coming back.

There’s no timetable, and 5 months is not that long. Let yourself grieve, and don’t think it’s weird to still be upset after this long…it really isn’t a long time. Still feels like yesterday for me.

Big hugs to you!

[MunchkinsMom]

My heart goes out to you and all that have posted of their loss and experience. It is an individual thing, and even the circumstances around the loss will have an effect on how long or hard you will mourn the loss.

I lost a 2-year old gelding to a broken leg, and I do my best not to think about that horrible day, and it took months before I could look at his pictures. 5 years later I lost the 6-year old gelding that I bought to fill the hole in my heart to kidney disease. I’m still sad sometimes when I think of them both, lost so young. With the second horse, I had time to come to terms with his death, as we fought the good fight to save him for several weeks before I put him to rest.

[Couture_TB]

Big hugs to both you and FrenchFry

[NeedsAdvil]

It took me about 2 years before I stopped seeing him in random fields and having a near daily cry when thinking about him. To this day I cannot tell the story of his last day without crying, and it’s been 8 years. There is no right amount of time, and nothing will fill that hole until you are ready. I am lucky to now have 2 very wonderful, very special horses who are both priceless to me. But the depth of my love for them is not what it was for him. I don’t know if I will every be able to allow myself to feel that deeply for a horse again. It almost undid me.

Major hugs to all who have experienced this type of loss. :no::no: