You sound like you want to improve and eventually show. I imagine lesson horse programs are not thick on the ground in SoCal, but there are some. You could take a lesson every single day, at as many different barns as you want for half that money. You would be able to assess the various barns in your area, the teachers and trainers at those barns and the care and show situations they offer. Get to know what is out there without rushing into a lease situation until you know what it is you want.
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A 100K lease riding at a barn where no one else shows at the level you’re showing at, with a trainer who is more experienced teaching what sounds like lower-level students (2’6" and a string of lame lesson horses–I too am leery of the horsemanship being shown here, I’ll note) just doesn’t make sense. If you want to jump the big sticks and have the finances to play at a certain level, that means getting a trainer who is well-acquainted with the show scene. It’s not just that I personally never could pay that much for a horse (I couldn’t), but if you can and want to, there are so many nuances about showing at that level that it doesn’t sound like your trainer is likely to have. Even if you’re riding jumpers, not hunters, you want to be with a trainer that knows the ropes, and have a supportive barn family around you who also feels comfortable in that environment. It’s not a perfect analogy for sure, but it’s a bit like buying a high-end sportscar when you live in an apartment without a garage and have to park it on the side of the road every night in all weathers.
If you don’t have access to show barns, maybe a lower-fee lease might be preferable, and going to less costly shows, getting more experience, and saving the money for later, when you find a different trainer who can take you were you want to go. (Delicate question–but is this your money or your parent’s money–I know sometimes young people feel pressure to go to big shows their final years of their parents footing the bill?)
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The 100k would be her total horse expenses for the year, not just the lease fee. Breaking out the math she’s estimating a $30k lease fee, $36k for board/care/lessons, and another $30k-40k in show costs to get to that number. Still expensive, but the lease and care costs are actually pretty reasonable. It’s the shows that are causing the problem. If the goal is to show she needs a different program, but at a different barn she might not be able to afford to show as frequently as she wants. Ideally she’d be able to find something that’s a step up from where she’s at now without going full high-end show barn, where she can get some experience on the local circuits until she’s ready to move up, but I’m not familiar with her region so not sure if that’s available.
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Bull Shyte.
You mean she lacks the network to find them and/or other trainers are not interested in doing business with her…and the reason you keep getting recommendations for the same type trainer is that is you are stuck at that level. You are at the wrong barn with the wrong trainer.
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Pretty sure OP is a man btw. Agree with the rest of the advice. Especially finding an eventing trainer.
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Yes, I am a man haha.
This is all my own money, not my parents so there is no pressure 
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I agree - you may want to find another barn/program.
$30k to lease the right (for you) horse might be very reasonable - I leased my packer out for about that 10 years ago. But it sounds like you might be better served by being able to jump around a 2’ course on a lesson horse, or half-lease something for much less. The fact that the lesson horses at your current trainer’s barn all have soundness issues does not bode well.
The price of horse shows depends somewhat on what level you’re showing, though here in San Diego, even the local shows wind up being spendy. And, of course, if you’re the only one showing, you’re going to wind up paying all the fees that are usually split - tack stall, pretty setup (if there is one), trainer’s expenses, and night watch. It all does add up.
Going to a local show and seeing who else is out there with clients at your level might be a really good idea. Do not get talked into buying a horse at this point.
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OP, I would 100% look for an eventing program. With your dressage background you are going to be familiar with 1/3 of the phases already, and you may end up finding the more DIY vibe most eventers have a lot more appealing than the controlling model in H/J-land.
The costs of events are certainly increasing, but it does tend to be substantially cheaper overall. I do jumpers but ride and board with eventers and I do not see myself ever going back to a H/J barn. Riding with UL eventers is an incredible education. My horses and I are NOT cross-country people (none of us are bred for it, lol), but doing that cross training has been really valuable, and you may end up finding yourself addicted to XC, like all of my crazy friends.
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If I recall OP correctly, they described themselves as somewhat of an adventurer, likes adrenaline… yeah, XC might be right up your alley!
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When I said 100K, I meant that the lease would cost the OP at the end of the day, all expenses included. It’s still steep by normal person standards, even if “normal” in the h/j world–and I just felt that if he was going to pay that, it might as well be in the context of a barn that has a show-related focus, and trainers experienced regularly going to the caliber of shows he’s aiming at.
I agree the OP should look into eventing for all the reasons cited above! Also, I don’t know if it matters, but while most horse sports are dominated by women at the lower levels, I definitely see more men eventing than women at h/j shows in my area.
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When your trainer says that there are not 1/2 leases or shorter term leases available, AND you report that many of the lesson horses are lame, I know either or both of the below are true:
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People do not want to send their horses to her management.
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She does not have a good network.
IME, good lease horses are found by word of mouth, not someone pinning up a flyer at a horse show or dropping a message in their local FB group.
No, Susie calls Wanda and says I have a good client looking for a step-up packer to do the 2’9" - 3" this year. Do you have anything? And Wanda says, no, not just now, but I hear Kay’s good horse Dobbin will be available next month if you want to give her a call. Oh, and let me check with Joe for you. I don’t think you know him, but if he has anything I’ll have him get in touch.
I know this was touched on upthread, but I thought it would be helpful to have a pretty solid example of how these things happen. AND, this is a huge benefit of being in a barn that regularly competes at the level in which you want to compete. ‘Your’ Susie probably doesn’t have Wanda or Kay’s number, and they would not know her well enough to recommend her program to a third person - even if they would send one of their horses to her.
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All this. Exactly.
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If your trainer is using lame horses for lessons, I would not be able to continue to ride with such a person.
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Thank you all again for chiming in.
I definitely don’t want to buy a horse right now. I think I mentioned that briefly just because the total cost of everything is basically equal to buying a horse, but that is not on the radar right now.
I don’t know what the eventing scene here is like but I’m open to all options right now. There is a polo school close to where I ride so maybe I’ll give that a try, who knows. I just want my riding to have a purpose, rather than just showing up every week doing endless circles.
Commuting is tough here in SoCal. Everything is relatively close in terms of distance but it’s the traffic that kills. I live about 15mins from the Hansen Dam area so the barns in that area are very close, even coming in from work. The Paddock I think will be a challenge to get to during the week after work just because that’s traffic time but on the weekends, it shouldn’t be a problem.
I love Moorpark and Thousand Oaks but they’re about 40 mins from where I live without traffic. During the week, from work, they’re well over an hour. I’m trying to minimize my driving as I do a lot of it for work and people here are horrid drivers 
Middle Ranch is close to where I currently ride but they won’t even look at you unless you have your own horse. I rode at Hansen Dam years ago and had the most horrible experience with a trainer there so I’d rather not ever go back to that place.
I’m open to barn suggestions if any of you know of some that I’m not aware of.
@BAC She’s not using them for lessons, they’re not being used until they recover so she’s very short on lesson horses right now.
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I’m glad to hear that but still it seems to be a red flag that you say “many” of her school horses are lame, that just doesn’t sound right to me.
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Polo is super fun, and there is often a team/social aspect to it as well.
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I took a couple of polo lessons earlier this year, and it was SO fun. If you have any interest that might be worth a shot, especially if you like an adrenaline rush. I think I remember an earlier thread and it sounded like you’ve had a rough go of finding the right situation, it might be worth doing a shakeup and going in a different direction for a bit. I agree with all the other advice you’ve gotten that your current program doesn’t sound like a fit for your goals.
When I was getting back into riding and trying to find a new barn, I wish I’d known to go to local shows–the kind of shows you think you might want to do–to watch classes and the warmup ring. Watching trainers coach is very telling.
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Echoing the red flag with the lame horses.
I vote for trying out polo!!
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A friend I grew up riding with as teenagers took up polo in college, she’s still doing it at 72! There is definitely a social aspect to it, her daughter plays too and they have taken many polo vacations in several countries over the years.
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It has been rough finding the right situation but it’s my fault. I’ve given trainers the benefit of the doubt waaaaay too long before walking away. I should have just walked away as soon as my gut was telling me things are going wrong.
But I’m still appalled as to how many horrible trainers there are in this industry and how many of them will do whatever it takes to keep you even when they know they’re not doing things right. Years ago, I left a jumping trainer after I posted some videos of my riding on here and people telling me that I needed to leave ASAP.
I told her I wanted to go back to dressage and work on my flat work, hence my departure. To this day, I remember what she texted me in reply: “You know, going back and watching your videos I see that your jumping has improved but your overall riding has gotten much worse so I understand why you want to go back to dressage.”
Who says that to a student?!?! She then proceeded to tell me I’m not living the equestrian lifestyle where I need to be immersed in riding to improve (I was taking jumping lessons with her 3 times a week).
I have so many stories of bad trainers so I just don’t trust anyone anymore. But this place has been very helpful.
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