So true!!
Subject: Men & Women = Communication…Yeah Right!
TRANSLATING WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain about what you are doing
Sure…go ahead = I don’t want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You’re so…manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like
-----TRANSLATING MEN’S ENGLISH:
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
I love you = Let’s have sex now
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
What’s wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I love you, too = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes.
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
That’s good…you just brought the single smile of this lousy day to my face. 
“Throw your heart over the fence and your horse will follow.”
If a women that speaks her mind is a “bitch”…then what is a guy who speaks his ??? 
I never remember meeting these people that write these things. Where they over last weekend??
Lord knows we can always use a translator at our house.
“The older I get, the better I used to be.”
Just print it off and carry it with you for quick reference!!
Itch [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]Soon to lose his ‘priveledges’
rotfl…
that made me feel a little less depressed about the current guy situation.
-Amanda
You have a point there !!!
ItchIt seems to simplify relationships! But I always thought there was more to me as a man?? Maybe I’m wrong!! Oh well I better get with the program!!!
Itch
Itch-- well, that all depends on his delivery. There are 2 types of men who say exactly what they think–the whiny kind and the matter of fact kind.
The whiny kind can better be described as “single for life.” However, the matter of fact kind is in good shape because he will get lucky, but only with the best kind of women–the bitchy kind.
Whenever I read stuff like this I become even more convinced that I am the ideal woman Sure, some may think that my habit of saying exactly what I think is bitchy, but it sure cuts down on confusion!
So much to learn …I have to be the most fortunate guy around!! It’s like have a dating resourse at my finger tips!!! Bring on the women who “speak their mind” !! However I would "clearly " be no match for Some!!! A guy must know when to say when!! That’s in the male user mannual. Wouldn’t want lose any “points”!!
Itch [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_cool.gif[/img]Subject: Men & Women = Communication…Yeah Right!
TRANSLATING WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain about what you are doing
Sure…go ahead = I don’t want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You’re so…manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like
-----TRANSLATING MEN’S ENGLISH:
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
I love you = Let’s have sex now
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
What’s wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I love you, too = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes.
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
That’s about right… 
thanks for the laugh!
I totally agree, I’m considered a bitch most of the time, but ya know what, no one ever has to worry about where they stand with me, I shoot straight, and tell it like it is. And if they don’t like it, tuff.
I’ve always accepted that descriptor as a compliment - it indicates that the person knows what they want, how to get it, and doesn’t suffer fools.
A male friend and I had a rather heated argument a while back and the next day he apologized. I responded, “you see now, I guess, that I’m always right”. He now ends every conversation with, “whatever, but you’re always right, Heidi”. Now that’s what I call communicatin’!!
FirstCry, fear you and I may cancel each other out whence you venture to Toronto. Either that or Hans will run screaming from the house.
“Mommy, does it really matter?” - Sumo toddler, age 3
