Men vs. Women??? Does it pay to be mechanical??

[Itch]

> Oil Change Instructions For Women:
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy-Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since
> the last oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> maintained vehicle.
>
> Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee 1.00 Total $21.00
>
>
> Oil Change Instructions For Men:
>
> 1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
> filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
> 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it
> back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in
> process.
> 12) Clean up mess.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Look for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
> 16) Beer.
> 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
> tomorrow.
> 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step #18.
> 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> 22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
> to gasket surface.
> 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 24) Remember drain plug from step #11.
> 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
> along with drain plug.
> 27) Drink beer.
> 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
> 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> 30) Drink beer.
> 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
> frame.
> 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step #31.
> 33) Begin cussing fit.
> 34) Throw wrench.
> 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
> (1992) in the left boob.
> 36) Beer.
> 37) Clean up hands! and forehead and bandage as required to stop
> blood flow.
> 38) Beer.
> 39) Beer.
> 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> 41) Beer.
> 42) Lower car from jack stands.
> 43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
> 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> during step #23.
> 45) Beer.
> 46) Test drive car.
> 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> 48) Car gets impounded.
> 49) Make bail.
> 50) Get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent: Parts$50.00 DUI 2,500.00 Impound fee 75.00
> Bail 1,500.00 Beer 25.00 Total-- $4,150.00

[GO-dog-GO]

Shall I post the “dressing to go out to dinner” equivalent?

[Brookes]

Thanks for the levity! Needed it. I always look at my husband, roll my eyes and ask him “is there such a thing as a five minute job?”. No way, everything takes two hours, geez.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!

[Flash44]

Yes!

F44 - Once a nerd, always a nerd.

[SLW]

snicker, snicker…

Happy Riding,
SLW

[Itch]

Yes I would love to see the differences going out to dinner! But are there any?

[Robby_Johnson]

OK, most everyone knows I drive a Ford F250, Powerstroke. A month or so ago my battery died at lunch. It was about 200 degrees in August and I felt so butch as I popped the hood and began to diagnose. Keep in mind that I’m usually quite clueless where mechanics are concerned. And I’m just enough of a know-it-all to not ask questions and act like I know what I’m doing.

So, I spend about 4 hours bumming rides to and fro and get my battery replaced. It never worked. Have truck towed next morning. Truck is fine upon arrival at shop. Feeling way cool as I saved a buttload of $$$.

Next week, same thing happens. Now I’m screwed, I think to myself. Have truck hauled into Ford shop. (Translation = beaucoups of $$$).

The problem? 2nd battery had died. I never knew I had 2 batteries in my truck!!

Robby

[marta]

but the funniest part is that as i’m reading this my man is outside, yes you guessed it, changing oil.
btw, he’s been out there for roughly 4 hours now…

[Brookes]

ROTFLMAO!! 2 batteries, geez pretty butch robby.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!!

[Itch]

You Know why he’s outside? Any suggestions?

[Cactuskate]

Driving on ice and snow in Central Oregon, push in clutch, new VW Beetle just keeps running at full throttle. Fun feeling on ice.

I go to the dealership the next day to describe what had happened. And I swear to you, the idiot mechanic said, “Well ma’am the next time that happens, just lift up the hood and you will probably find a snow ball on your carbuerator.”

EXCUSE me, do I really look that stupid or just FEMALE.

A week later they replaced the throttle that was sticking open. THANK YOU.

“The older I get, the better I used to be, but who the heck cares!”

[Winglet]

I don’t count, I don’t think… I do that for a living… (A meager living, mind you, but a living nonetheless… )

JoHn (WiNgLeT)

“A horse runs with his legs, competes with his heart, and performs with his soul.”
-Tesio
Look at my ultra cool site! www.geocities.com/winglet18

[Flash44]

Robby - POWERSTROKE!

F44 - Once a nerd, always a nerd.

[AAJumper]

I printed this out and showed it to my husband, who often changes the oil on some of the cars himself. He was laughing as he read it, constantly nodding his head in agreement! Too funny!!!

[FirstCry]

ROTFLMAO- this is sooooo true.

and laughing at you too Robby.

Member of the Baby Greenie Support Group of North America

“GOD BLESS AMERICA”

[Itch]

> Oil Change Instructions For Women:
>
> 1) Pull up to Jiffy-Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since
> the last oil change.
> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.
> 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly
> maintained vehicle.
>
> Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee 1.00 Total $21.00
>
>
> Oil Change Instructions For Men:
>
> 1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil,
> filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
> 2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it
> back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> 3) Open a beer and drink it.
> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> 5) Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
> 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> 7) Place drain pan under engine.
> 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
> 10) Unscrew drain plug.
> 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in
> process.
> 12) Clean up mess.
> 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> 14) Look for oil filter wrench.
> 15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
> 16) Beer.
> 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
> tomorrow.
> 18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step #18.
> 20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> 22) Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil
> to gasket surface.
> 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> 24) Remember drain plug from step #11.
> 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> 26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,
> along with drain plug.
> 27) Drink beer.
> 28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
> 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
> 30) Drink beer.
> 31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on
> frame.
> 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step #31.
> 33) Begin cussing fit.
> 34) Throw wrench.
> 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
> (1992) in the left boob.
> 36) Beer.
> 37) Clean up hands! and forehead and bandage as required to stop
> blood flow.
> 38) Beer.
> 39) Beer.
> 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> 41) Beer.
> 42) Lower car from jack stands.
> 43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
> 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled
> during step #23.
> 45) Beer.
> 46) Test drive car.
> 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> 48) Car gets impounded.
> 49) Make bail.
> 50) Get car from impound yard.
>
> Money spent: Parts$50.00 DUI 2,500.00 Impound fee 75.00
> Bail 1,500.00 Beer 25.00 Total-- $4,150.00

[gwen]

VERY TRUE!! ALL OF IT!!

Barb