Mental aspect of disabilities

[CHT]

Need help adjusting to my different mentality as a result of my progressive neuropathy. I find I am starting to over think things, and get nervous about getting hurt much more readily.

For example, today I was working on loading some horses that were either young, inexperienced, or had had bad experiences.

The horses were fine and all seemed to be on the same page as me, but for some reason the idea of getting the horse in the trailer, angled for the gate to be closed, and tied up, seemed to be a daunting task fraught with risks. (we only worked on walking in, having the big door shut, eating for a while, then openning the big door and walking out.)

There are other instances where I just find that things seem to be going at lightening speed around me and what I used to do intuitively with no worries, now seems overwhelming.

HELP!

I get that with reduced feeling/use of my legs/feet and hands I need to make concessions, but the mental aspect seems to be the most daunting one of all; my anxiety/fear button seems way too close to the surface, and I see danger everywhere, even though the horses aren’t at all acting dangerous.

[draftdriver]

Although I don’t have any particular mobility issues (I have some strength and stamina issues), I do get caught up in the “what if” loop. It can keep me from doing things for days, weeks. And then when I finally get started, I’m terrified. I just go really slowly, and the confidence builds. Then there are those days when I just can’t force myself to do something, out of fear, and I end up in tears, feeling frustrated and angry at myself.

Not much help, I know, but misery loves company. :yes: Just celebrate your successes, however small they might be.

[wateryglen]

just sayin’!

Yes, I agree. Often the mental aspects are the hardest part. Many of us sympathize and have been there. This is just my own opinion, mind you, but maybe dealing with your fear separately would be good. Set it aside, define it, break it down into parts you can handle instead. Sometimes we instinctively overwhelm ourselves with exagerrations of what might happen…like…“I might die!” instead of “I might get hurt” instead of “I might get injured but it’ll hurt for awhile and I’ll get better and get back to doing what I want to do”. Sometimes knowing ones prognosis can be a curse too that inhibits us from doing what we CAN do NOW!! Live in the moment, today! Not next year or 5 years from now.

There’s a lot of literature to read on fear & anxiety related to horses and I encourage you to seek it out. But your fears are based on reality! You know getting hurt HURTS! You don’t wanna get hurt! Of course hurt should be avoided in life. But we can’t live in a bubble all our lives or wrapped in bubble wrap so we have to go forward and face maybe getting hurt. It’s all about risk. Do you want to risk? Some days we do, somedays not. Don’t worry about it. Go with it. It’s OK. There’s no right or wrong here! We’re each allowed to face our fear and take/not take risks as WE want. Don’t let others values give you stress.

Oh well, just sayin’!!

[red_mares]

Baby steps.

I don’t have any neuropathy, but I have repeatedly aggravated &/ reinjured an old neck injury. The hardest part is getting back to doing stuff after healing up. There is that little voice, that won’t shut up, that keeps saying “don’t do that you’ll mess things up” After the last time I screwed things up, it took me about a year to get off the couch and really do things again. It was part physical (I had no upper body strength) and part mental (I liked not hurting & wanted to keep it that way).

After 6-9 months, I started going back to the gym, lifting less weight than the grey hairs in pink sweat suits. After 6 months of that I found a really good “semi-personal” trainer, and after about a year, I was strong enough to ride decently and start getting serious about putting forth the effort/exercise needed to lose the pounds I had packed on. Then I sprained/broke my ankle:rolleyes:… may be I’m not the best example!

The other thing is to look at what your friends and family are saying. They mean well, but are they helping? I realized one of my biggest problems was my mother’s constant harping about I don’t need to get hurt by my horse and get laid up and not be able to work. i.e. don’t fall off and break a leg. Of course, somehow she was oblivious to my day to day chronic pain issues, I had to figure how to tune her out/ cut her off/shut her up and that helped A LOT. She is fantastic at planting the seeds of doubt in one’s subconcious.

WRT my spine, my attitude has gotten to be “it’s going to hurt anyway, I may as well do it! That’s what the doc if for!” I have to admit though that the thought of walking (someday in the undetermined future) without the brace on my ankle scares the crap out of me, and running or riding are terrifying.

[sadlmakr]

I have arthritis and general body pain. Nothing helps but pain killers. Lots of Dr. talk about what it is. Then also I am getting old.
I feel the same as you do. I can’t take the risks I used to. I have to be careful about what horses I do ride. Since I have to live in this body for a while longer I have to do all I can to protect it.
Believe me you are not alone. It is wise to take care to avoid mishaps. You are not paranoid, just using wisdom.
I am slower than I was 20 years ago. So I have to use care around young horses. I do not have the agility I once had. At one time I would take on any horse that needed remedial training and make a good mount out of him. But those days are gone.
Hang in there and protect yourself from injury.
Kind regards, sadlmakr

[PalominoMorgan]

The mental aspect is the hardest in my opinion. It is a grieving process to lose the life you thought you had. It is a constant process as well because things are constanting changing. I also have neuropathy and progressive neuro deficits.

I agree with suggestions to look at what friends and family are saying. I have a few family members who probably mean well, but always said the wrong thing that was hurtful, demeaning, and undermining.

The other thing my PCP and I had to address at one point as well was that my brain WAS slowing down. I WAS thinking slower and not reacting as quickly in those situations which is why I was getting overwhelmed. For me it was because of a wide variety of reasons and we needed to address those in a variety of ways. So, in addition to managing situations don’t rule out that there might also be other medical issues for your feelings of being overwhelmed and as if you can’t quite think fast enough to stay out of trouble.

Jingles for you. This is a sucky club to be in, but you are far from alone.

[downen]

I can certainly relate… in the past 10 years, I have been diagnosed with MS, Addison’s disease, and Hashimoto’s, along with a number of secondary condition, like POTS. I am constantly trying to balance my meds to try to get back my life, but have finally come to grips with the fact that I will never be able to do what I did in my 20s. Muscle weakness, neuropathy, dizziness from fluctuating blood pressure/blood sugar are all things I have to deal with. What I won’t give up on are my horses and my riding. So I’ve got myself a relatively low drama QH and I’ve seriously dialed down my expectations, and I’ve surprised myself by having a blast! I understand what you’re saying about the fear, I have a good amount of that, too. However, that is just your common sense protecting you… listen to it. I’ve seen way too many people get hurt because they stubbornly want to prove something. You have nothing to prove, just enjoy the life you have.

[BackInTheSaddle74]

Bach’s Rescue Remedy

When I started riding again (panic time!) my youngest daughter gave me some Rescue Remedy lozenges to suck on. When I’d forget them she’d treat me with the RR spray she uses on her dogs at the shows. It actually calmed me without sedation and it’s now a permanent part of my riding gear.

Good luck.

[CHT]

I was put on Elavil to see if that helped with the Neuropathy…it did not, but really reduced my Anxiety/depression. This sounds like a good thing except now it is all that much harder to take it easy as I WANT to do more than lay in bed, but things like reading, typing, standing and so on make me feel worse the next day.

I have REALLY downsized my horses, so now I only have horses students can ride, retired horses, and one 3 year old that is mine to ride (injury as a 2 year old means she isn’t all that sellable…plus, I don’t think I could take selling her)…but then it hit me that I don’t have a show prospect unless the 3 year old can stay sound and do dressage…so am I giving up on my own riding?

Last weekend I took some students to a little 3 day show. I didn’t ride, but it meant a lot of time on my feet. By Saturday night I could hardly walk, and by Sunday morning I knew I couldn’t drive to the show; fortunately hubby was willing/able. Saw the Dr on Tuesday and got on new pills called Gabapentin, so hoping they work…but then I don’t want to get my hopes up again.

The show made my students realize the benefit and fun of showing over more than one day so want to do more multi-day shows…which is great…but can I keep up?

Yes, I know I am whining. It is cold and raining out, let me whine! (and yes, I also am having some cheese)