Mood Disorders and Riding

[MontysGal]

I am looking for experiences and perhaps ideas.

I have struggled for years with a mood disorder, primary symptoms being depression and irritability. It comes and goes in waves, and is generally overall well managed by working closely with GP & Counselors.

One thing that really helps is exercise, making spending time with my gelding even more precious when I’m feeling low.
When it works it’s glorious, and I can walk into the barn crying and leave smiling and feeling totally ‘reset’.

Unfortunately, it’s a balance. If I’m in a low & irritable mood, sometimes my horse can feed off that and I end up in an argument with him. I don’t feel like that’s fair to him, so I generally try to pick my battles on days like that: if it’s been a bad day at work, perhaps I won’t ride. Setting myself up for failure and all that jazz.
Without the riding I don’t really get the exercise (although mud season grooming is another story!), so I often leave feeling defeated and exhausted if I don’t ride.

But even working with an animal like that when you’re in a mood can be hard, regardless of how relaxed, patient and wonderful an animal it is – it’s still an animal with his own moods and preferences.

Does anyone have any suggestions, ideas, or experiences they’d be willing to share?

[btswass]

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder until they figured out it was my thyroid making things go awry. My best advice is to get on with an open mind. Something I still try to do today. Something everyone should do. Because yes horses have bad days too and if you get on expecting to do something specific or get a certain thing accomplished and your horse, or you, or both are having an off day, it can feel depressing when you “failed” to accomplish said task. Tuesday I got on my horse hoping for a nice ride and instead of his long low sweeping trot he had his head in the sky, taking fast pony steps, and we were both being inundated by flies. So we just worked on walk/trot transitions and walk/halt transitions. It was a short ride and by no means the most fun ride but I know those transitions will benefit him in the long run so I was pleased. Whether your feeling good or bad get on with an open mind. Find something you know you can accomplish. One day that might be jumping a tricky course and the next day walking a straight line. Those walking days are ok too. Just make it a positive ride and it will benefit both you and your horse

[mg]

I completely understand this! I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and have started medication which has helped a lot with my irritability. But there are still some days where I know it would be best to pass on riding. I am lucky in that I have my horses at home, so on those nights I put my energy into hardcore cleaning the barn, cleaning tack, painting jumps, etc. I find it gives me exercise, grounding, and I am able to leave the barn feeling like I accomplished something. Is your BO generally around when you’re at the barn? I have to imagine they would love the offer to help out with some chores around the barn!

[Foxglove6]

I’ve had severe depression since I was a kid. I’ve only had my horse for a year but I can already see improvement in my moods with regards to him. My husband is a great support and has also gone through CBT. He reminds me that not riding is okay but also asks if I will be more sad if I don’t go to the barn on a certain day. Trying to figure out where that tipping point is can be tough. But I generally think about it in terms of what will make me feel more accomplished afterwards: riding and maybe not accomplishing everything but still trying or staying home and not bothering at all. The answer is usually the former. Like the other poster above I try to set goals but be fluid if me or my horse cannot do that thing today. So goals might be short term and easily accomplished. Stand still for 10 seconds. Get 10 straight trot strides. Canter without stirrups for one lap. If I fulfill enough goals and we both still have energy, I just add new ones. If we can’t, then I’ve already accomplished something.

[bugsynskeeter]

I’ve battled depression for years and am currently doing ok on Zoloft. I find when I’m having an off day, its better just not to even ride. Go out, pat my colt, give him a treat, than walk away.

If I don’t ride, I try to go to the gym and at least walk on the treadmill. I have my days where I just need to crawl into bed and under the covers. It happens.

[MissAriel]

I have also dealt with depression for decades - a few years ago I got on citalopram and it has worked better than all the other meds for me.

I can relate to your struggle with bad days. When I was going through a particularly bad spell where I just loathed my lessons - I couldn’t focus and was getting beat down (further) by the criticism. I left that instructor to work with someone better able to provide constructive instruction and keep things simple on the crappy days, but really push on good days.

I am constantly reminding myself to “ride the horse you want” When I am able to do this, and visualize the ride I want it helps me break the cycle of tension. The other thing the new trainer said once, and it really resonated, was “one of you has to relax first - and it won’t be HIM!” While I struggle to calm my mind for my own benefit, I have more success doing it for the horse’s benefit.

And if you REALLY still like riding would be counter-productive, there are a million things you can do with him from the ground. Take your horse for a long hand-walk up and down the hills. Practice for horsemanship/in-hand classes with trotting on the lead, stop square, turn on the haunches. Teach him tricks like bowing, shaking his head, Spanish walk. Learn some horse stretches and give him a good massage. Work on desensitization to umbrellas, tarps, cones, strollers, balloons, flags, noodles… I have a 3 yo gelding, so we are doing all sorts of stuff on the ground getting him ready for riding. Some days it is as much exercise as riding or more!

[demidq]

I agree with the other posts. That being said, I usually find I feel much better after a ride even if it wasn’t wonderful! If I am feeling bad physically as well, I’ll do groundwork which is a good change for us both and makes the next ride much better. Look for a book (or go on line) for ideas- trot poles, cavaletti, jumping on the lunge as well as lots of lateral work. Practising SI, HI, leg yield, TOF, TOH in hand makes them much easier when you then work on them in the saddle. We also do games like soccer with a big exercise ball, or do some ‘bomb proofing’. (oops-MissAriel beat me to it)

Working with another sentient being is the best way I have found for ‘taking me out of myself’ when my mood disorder is bad. It forces me to look outside myself and focus on something other than how awful I am feeling. The rhythmical part of so many horse related activities is also very soothing.

That being said, a lot depends on how your horse reacts when you are distressed. My mare is very in tune, she will be more affectionate and gentle, or look at me and touch me as if to say ‘hey, what is going on? You OK?’. Don’t mean to say she is ‘majikal’, but she is quite different when I am having a good day.

[ksrowan922]

As someone who’s struggled with numerous mental disorders for years, I’ve found riding to be one of the most therapeutic things in the world. The irritability and depression are real your struggle is valid. In the irritable or overenergized phases I find the best thing to do is to find a goal, something small that you know you can do but will still keep you concentrated. Ex. putting a jump up to a height you’re comfortable jumping but will still make you think about it a little. If you experience manic episodes, there lies a little more risk in your riding bc it can push you to believe you’re fully capable of something you haven’t yet tried or mastered. Meditation with your horse or in the pasture is also a powerful alternative to riding if you know you’re not in any state to ride but you still need barn time. During depressive episodes, don’t push yourself. Walk through it step by step saying things like ‘all I have to do is walk. I don’t have to trot.’ And then when you’re walking, ‘all I have to do is trot. I don’t have to canter.’ And so on until you reach a point where you actually don’t feel up to the next thing you would do. And if all you end up doing is walking, that’s still a success. Another great way to get exercise if you don’t think you can ride is barn chores. Mucking out stalls has a strangely relaxing effect, especially after you end at the other side of the barn aisle and look at all the clean stalls you’ve produced mood disorders are terrible. but you’re not alone.

[GucciJumper]

Whenever I get frustrated and mad at my horse I stop and halt. I stand there for a few seconds, then if I’m still mad I get off. IMO it’s not worth the untraining you are doing.

Cleaning tack is oddly therapeutic to me.

[Arcadien]

Oh boy been struggling with this lately too. After two tense angry rides in a row while we fed off one another’s tension, I took a week away from mare to regroup. Started doing Tai Chi from cable channel & running a couple miles a night. Thought about my goals and what was feasible, what I could let go of. First ride after break yesterday, focused on staying in the moment. Mounted, put the crop across my hands & just did a lot of loops, transitions, keeping relaxed rhythm. Soooo much better. Compared to the 1st level test moves we’do been working on a month ago it was a huge step backwards - but we regained our relaxation back & best off enjoyed being together. So I’m going to keep my expectations relaxed for us while I’m working through this latest bout of anxiety. My mare was definitely feeding off my moods, being a sensitive OTTB. I’m going to have to deal with pressure from trainer/friends to hurry up & get back to serious dressage. I’m glad you posted this thread to remind me to hold my ground, I’m not alone in dealing with this, some just don’t get it. Anyway highly recommend the Tai Chi, feel a bit silly doing it but it seems to put me right every time.

[MontysGal]

First and foremost, thank you to all of you who responded so thoroughly and kindly.
I was a bit worried that I’d get flack about ‘taking it out on my horse’ or how I shouldn’t even get near my horse if I wasn’t in the right mindset. Your support, advice and experiences really helped.

I am going to follow through on the suggestions here, especially the idea of maybe just a walk ride, then getting off and doing some ground work so that I get my horsey fix… then getting the exercise elsewhere: either cleaning tack (mine really needs it), cleaning/mucking the stable (what barn doesn’t need it), going on a long hand walk or even hitting up the treadmill when I get home.

I’m lucky enough to have a gym available all the time in my condo building, but I’m sure you all know the feeling of 'it may be available, and I know it will make me feel better, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to manage to get there."

This has been really helpful and helped to assuage my guilt around either not riding or riding and doing less than I feel like I should be.

Thank you, sincerely.

[bauhaus]

I struggle with anxiety and depression and riding does help, but there are some days that I know I can’t even try to do anything serious. I have an opinionated chestnut mare and on those days it’s likely to end in a mushroom cloud over the arena.

What helps me is to decide that I AM going to ride even though it’s far easier to go home and be sad, but I AM NOT going to ride in the arena. I’ve got a Wintec Pro dressage saddle that isn’t quite a good enough fit for me to do serious work in, but it fits my horse and it’s soooo comfortable to hack around in. Putting that saddle on is a cue for me that this is a relaxing ride or fitness ride. Looking at it as a fitness day is great anyway because a lot of dressage riders don’t spend much time conditioning - long walks and trot sets and big gallops - and then wonder why their horse struggles so hard to carry himself in the arena.

So I tell myself that not only are we not going to do anything stressful or complicated but what we are doing benefits both me and her. If you happen to have access to a ‘trail ride’ saddle and/or maybe even using a hackamore on those days that might help your brain to focus on enjoying relaxation rides rather than getting down on yourself when you aren’t up to hard arena work.