Naive friend buys a SECOND horse. The saga continues

[shiloh]

I constantly run into people who buy a horse for their child when said child has no experience. And I am always amazed by how much danger these people place their children in and think nothing of.

I met a woman in Target one day who proudly announced that her neighbor had given them a 2 yr old unbroke stallion. I was told (after expressing several concerns) that the horse and 10 yr old girl could not only grow up together, that the child had read plenty pf books, and that anything could be overcome by LOOOOOvvvveee. And that they were going to keep him a stallion so they make some money off him. I vain, I begged them to give horse back and get something far more suitable only to be told that my negativity was not needed or wanted and they knew what they were doing. Um, no. I threw up my hands, then reached into my wallet and gave them a business card for CalStar - “You’re going to want to sign up for this.” See you at the ER, byeeeeeee.

[TheBigEasy]

Thank you @KBC. You’ve probably stated my feelings pretty accurately.
I would hate to see anyone hurt and that’s the last thing I want. I don’t want any off-load of her gear or the horses if she had to change strategy. I really don’t. Friesians aren’t my type, I’m not a flipper, and I have specific goals for what I want from my next horse. And I have plenty of gear and my own rig.

I’m quite confident that she can get to a point where she has two horses that she can ride and enjoy. But she’s doing it the hard way with so much more risk, time, expense and headache than was necessary. She’s already grown frustrated by not being able to “just go ride my horse”.

When she first said she wanted a horse, she was given advice on how to do so wisely, not just by me, but by other horsey friends, sellers who declined to sell her their horses, and even a BO or two who refused to board her based upon her lack of experience and buying plan. When good advice is ignored, repeatedly, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry. And when she told me she is wanting to breed mare #2? Ugh.

I’ve logged close to 1,000 miles hauling mare #1. Add in lots of hours reviewing sale ads and providing feedback, finding consigned saddles, giving referrals for vets, farriers, equine dentists, body workers, saddle fitters, I’m not sure what my total time commitment of Trying. To. Help is at.

She’s smart enough, physically capable, and has the capacity to have good horsemanship. But all I’ve seen if continually putting the cart before the horse. So yes, I’m concerned, fascinated and frustrated all at once. But not masochistic.

And COTH is the only place where I know anyone else could “get it”.

[KBC]

@TheBigEasy

And COTH is the only place where I know anyone else could “get it”.

This…the mean spirited might share on FB, here there is no “name and shame” for novice making uneducated choices, but there is a sounding board for the watcher!

[Gesaffelstein]

Honestly you sound like a hater a jealous hater. I understand the frustration of when people are over horsed, but why not just be happy for someone? How can you not be happy for a friend? And if they aren’t a friend then you are way too involved in their life.
Relax and let people be. Many people including myself and probably some others posting here have bought the incorrect horse for the time, it all works out in the end. It’s their journey.

[OverandOnward]

@Gesaffelstein

Relax and let people be.

Take your own advice.

If this thread doesn’t suit you, read something else. There must be at least a couple dozen active threads on COTH right now, plus all social media …

It’s no one’s job to tell others what to think and how to post. They can express themselves as they like within the rules of COTH. Meanwhile, readers can select what they read to their own preferences.

[Gesaffelstein]

Big difference. I’m posting to a stranger. OP in interacting in RL.

[Scribbler]

My understanding was that the OP was pulled into this saga by the horse buyer, who ignored her advice, got an unsuitable horse sight unseen, then got OP to go pick up the horse. So the OP was in the uncomfortable position of enabling a situation that was a potential shitshow and danger zone and was trying to think aloud about their responsibilities in this situation. They were pulled into the mess, they aren’t just a rail bird. The horse buyer is a friend, apparently functional in other aspects of life, but making bad horse decisions.

I find it interesting and want to know how it turns out because I see versions of this all the time though without the cushion of cash to solve and support. So many beginners buy unsuitable horses and struggle. And we always fear both for the horse and the rider.

[OverandOnward]

@Scribbler

I find it interesting and want to know how it turns out because I see versions of this all the time though without the cushion of cash to solve and support. So many beginners buy unsuitable horses and struggle. And we always fear both for the horse and the rider.

Lord yes. It is an internal struggle - what is the right thing to do?

I have seen so many minor and serious injuries in these situations. ER’s, hospital stays, missing work and school. Helicopter’ed to ER. Completely avoidable injuries.

Meanwhile there is a much better choice horse that could make that person happy, and the person make the horse happy - but they are stuck on the bad choice and too emotional for perspective.

I saw one parent lead a horse into the barn, didn’t know the family well but had seen the girl ride a number of times, took one look at the horse and thought “they must hate their kid and want her to die”. Really felt unpleasantly toward what I assumed must be over-ambitious parents. Turned out they were nothing of the kind, they just didn’t know. They started figuring it out after the second set of broken bones.

Saw a pro trainer selling a highly-energized advanced-rider horse to a family with young children who wanted to learn to ride. A horse whose older teenage former owner would let him gallop to the barn just for fun. The parents didn’t ride well enough to even try the horse. But they bought him.

And so on. There really is an acute safety issue in these situations.

[KBC]

@Gesaffelstein

Honestly you sound like a hater a jealous hater.

What is it that makes you think the op is jealous? I have never got that vibe, so wondering about that…and actually that she ‘hates’

Concerned, frustrated, amazed, all these things, but jealous hater is a stretch.

[BrownDerby]

@OverandOnward

And so on. There really is an acute safety issue in these situations.

This. But I am concerned that the Buyer might show up on these boards and oops. So perhaps some editing might be a good idea. It actually would be a good thing if Buyer showed up here with questions.

[Gesaffelstein]

Quit involving yourself. Keep it real w the person you have an issue with, let them know how you feel then walk away. It really is that easy.

[KBC]

Oh the irony

[Angela_Freda]

@KBC

What is it that makes you think the op is jealous?

Projection?

[KBC]

@Angela_Freda

@KBC

What is it that makes you think the op is jealous?

Projection?

My favourite theory

[peedin]

She needs saddle pads to match the fly bonnets. That’s what the teens at my barn are into.

Nothing bad will come of it. Here, and in real life, we expect train wrecks and injuries yet the newbies go unscathed. At least 3 beginner riders at my barn have bought off the track TBs and I mean off the track. Nothing bad has happened. I hope nothing bad does.

[moonlitoaksranch]

Well, I hope it works out. Who is their trainer? Why didn’t they have the guts to steer them away from greenies? I hope it turns out well for all, but that’s scary.

[OverandOnward]

@peedin

At least 3 beginner riders at my barn have bought off the track TBs and I mean off the track. Nothing bad has happened. I hope nothing bad does.

Does that mean nothing bad will ever happen in other such situations?

And that isn’t my experience at all. As mentioned above, I’ve seen a long series of bad accidents happen to over-horsed riders. Some worked out ok. But many did not.

Not to mention that parent after parent who has been down this path counsels others not to over-horse their child as they did.

Whenever someone talks about “give the horse a chance”, “give the rider a chance”, “give the situation a chance” – they seem to be ignoring the downside, that “a chance” is a chance to fail, as well as to succeed.

Can they handle the downside if that is the way it turns out? That answer is very different from rider to rider. But for beginners and uninformed, inexperienced parents, the odds are less favorable than for perhaps anyone else.

Rather than giving a chance for an accident, even a tragedy, it is much more sensible and wise to make a choice that sets everyone up for success and diminishes the potential for failure – especially when life & limb are involved. Even more especially when minors are involved.

[Scribbler]

I’ve seen injuries, I’ve seen horses get injured, but I’ve also seen riders end up with horses they never get to ride or enjoy. Our barn has no overall training program and people muddle through. I’ve also seen bystanders get hurt for instance when someone’s rescue horse gets loose during a lesson and causes another horse to dump its rider.

[Warmblood1]

@TheBigEasy

I’ve logged close to 1,000 miles hauling mare #1. Add in lots of hours reviewing sale ads and providing feedback, finding consigned saddles, giving referrals for vets, farriers, equine dentists, body workers, saddle fitters, I’m not sure what my total time commitment of Trying. To. Help is at.

Sounds like OP is doing a GREAT deal for her friend. OP sounds like a great friend, not someone malicious or jealous.

[Night_Flight]

@moonlitoaksranch

Who is their trainer? Why didn’t they have the guts to steer them away from greenies?

If I remember correctly, the friend was going about the situation backwards and got the horse first, and was only willing to involve a trainer after the first ride went badly.