Need advice - so overwhelmed

[173north]

I think as horse people we can really compartmentalize our “horse life” from the rest of our life, and don’t see how stress or anxiety in one part of life bleeds over into the rest. I have definitely found that when I’m particularly stressed about work or relationships, it shows up in weird ways in my horse life — often anxiety about horse welfare or nerves in the saddle.

One exercise that helped me in the past when I got a nice horse and was feeling overwhelmed was to remind myself that it wasn’t all on me — the horse and I had a whole team supporting us, and I could ‘delegate’ some of my worry to other folks. For example, if there’s been a big change in the weather and you find yourself at home worried your horse is going to colic, you can remind yourself that your trainer, your barn manager, and the barn staff are all worried about the same thing, are there at the barn with eyes on the horses, and they will call you and the vet immediately if anything seems not right. You are not the only one who cares about your horse - trust and lean on your support team!

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

You are dealing with and unpacking a lot, and others have hit some great points (especially that this horse might not be a good fit for you).

If you can, find a therapist who specializes in sports psychology; they might have a little more insight into these issues than others. Perhaps grief counseling is also in order; you may not think you need it, but grief over your other two horses may very well be influencing how you feel about this one.

You also might benefit from anti-anxiety medications. Several of us here are on them, including me. Talk to your doctor, or find a therapist who can prescribe. It might take some trial and error to find the right drug and the right dosage, but I can tell you that it is worth it. I still have some anxiety, but it doesn’t dictate my life the way it used to.

@Bgoemans1984

I thought this would make it better take pressure off me and still allow me to love a horse cause if I am honest I just like horses riding was never my first passion

Please re-read this (bolded is my emphasis).

Is it time to re-evaluate the role of horses in your life? Is it time, maybe, to take a break from them for a while to deal with other things in your life, like your stressful job? Could you lease out this mare for six months or a year while you work through some other things, then decide what you want to do?

Life is too short to do things we aren’t passionate about, and you deserve to do things that bring you happiness.

[peedin]

Two therapy sessions is nothing. I did weekly sessions for 3 years with an EMDR therapist. Anxiety (and depression which often co exists with anxiety) takes time to identify, process, and develop coping strategies.

[fordtraktor]

Not downplaying therapy at all, but you sound like you could really benefit from anti-anxiety meds.

[anon55755751]

Anxious person speaking here. Pick an interaction with your horse that makes you anxious and visualize every second of that interaction in as much detail as you can. For me, this is the last 3 strides approaching a jump, where i tend to grab/hold and second guess my distances.

Notice in particular what parts of the visualization you tend to dismiss or rush through and ask yourself honestly to really focus on those specific details. This gives you an opportunity to process what is happening in your head independent of physically interacting with your horse, and can be done anywhere and in as small increments as you need/want. It is meditative.

In person, if you get anxious, try to replay the visualizations where things work out to your ideal. It won’t manifest those things necessarily, but will trigger a calmer, slower, state of mind, and that is the point. Slow down your mental process to get feedback from what is actually happening vs. what the anxious mind anticipates.

Therapy has its place for long term objectives, but you also need management tools and this one is, ime, effective when done right. I never had a positive experience with structured meditation in practice, but this approach to managing anxiety with horses clicked for me pretty quickly. Hope it helps you too.