Need some advice..on the verge of giving up

This can’t be emphasized enough.
Do any activity that isn’t your norm and you will be sore afterwards.
If you do something one way forever, and then try to do it the opposite, it is unfair to expect it to be easy or the change to come about quickly (in a matter of weeks or even months).
This is true of people and horses alike.

Eta this is why, for many of us, Dressage as a foundation for any discipline is key.

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I very much agree with you, but a proportion of WBs do not do well on trails. I own one of them. Too much is “new” to him and he can get overwhelmed. I regularly leg-yield and shoulder-in on trials, but some WBs just don’t have the mental capacity to relax on trails. Trails are not relaxing for my guy because the environment is not his “normal” environment. It’s so odd that he’s afraid of nature because he lives outside 24/7 except for inclement weather. It all goes back to his fear of the unknown. That’s a real thing with him.

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Ride him like you love him and care about how he feels.

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This is so important. If you can take lessons on a horse that already is in self carriage and will come onto the bit, you can feel what it should be like. I would do this in parallel with having a dressage trainer work with your horse. It will take time for your horse to develop the muscles that will allow him to move in a new way and also a rider who can help him feel comfortable by recognizing and rewarding his efforts.

Don’t give up! You’re on the right track simply by asking the questions. What you may need to do is work with more/different trainers who can accommodate your current needs.

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I second a neck stretcher as a valuable lunging tool! For my horse, it seemed to “click” more than side reins, which, even with a rubber doughnut, are more restrictive. My horse couldn’t brace against the neck stretcher because it’s a bungee and has a lot of give (so she could still trot around with her nose to the ground if she wanted). It’s also easy to evade for the same reason. But the result was that she started to find that sweet spot on her own. I would reward it by lowering the lunge whip, and then raise the whip and send her forward anytime she dropped it. Eventually she learned to go really nicely in contact and it translated well under saddle, too, apart from the fact that I’m not as nice and consistent as a bungee.

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All of these are “fixed” and static devices. I like to introduce a horse to the lunge line by running the line THRU the bit and attached to the girth.

See the example that starts at 2:11.

By running the line thru the bit, you give the horse the hint to lower its head…then you can release pressure when it complies.

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I’ll start by saying that I’ve not read all the way thru, but:
Think about yourself- if you decide to take up a new sport or yoga or something, you know that it will take a long time for your body and muscle memory to sort things out and be sort of “correct”.
You go from one equine discipline to another, same thing.
You throw in a horse who is also being asked to make a transition and even with perfect training, its hard for him too.
If I were you: I’d find a good trainer ( ie sympathetic to the horse, AND good at rider biomechanics). Cough up the $$ for full training if you can, but with the idea that trainer rides horse maybe 1 time per week so he/she knows what you are feeling or where the horse wiggles, pushes, etc, and what he responds to… You ride the horse the rest of the that week’s training rides. do it for a couple-3 months and see where you are.
GOOD Eyes on the ground are worth every penny.

I had a trainer some years ago that had trained a double-digit # of horses to Grand Prix. But over several years in my early dressage learning curve I figured out that she was actually pretty bad at training the rider. Never told me I was crooked in the saddle, that I have a habit of looking down, that I had no real core strength, that I didn’t know how to ask with my seat, the list goes on. I moved up thru the levels because I (somewhat unknowingly) bought a well trained TB with a heart as big as a house. and a decent go button. His brain functioned like this: “well that sort of maybe feels like the aid for shoulder in so I’ll try and see what happens”; “Oh little give in the reins, must mean extension” etc. Didn’t carry over to new, younger horse…
DONT give up, yes its hard but oh the rewards…

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