Needing advice, to sell or not

[KLRobbins]

I own 4 horses, I love them dearly, but I also suffer from anxiety. Last year I lost my first horse (got him when I was 16 and had him 20 years) to colic. It was horrible. I have since developed a SEVER anxiety about colic. My husband horse will get mildly colicy once in a while, and it sends me into a spiral. Right now I’m writing this while sitting on the floor of my kitchen because my almost 30 year old Arabian gelding was laying down yesterday and that’s out of the ordinary for him. Yet he is fine, but I have been obsessing since yesterday. I can feel my heart racing, I look out the window every 5 minutes etc.
I constantly toy with idea of selling out. I love my horses with all my heart. But I just don’t know if I can handle the anxiety anymore. It’s gotten to the point where going down the hill to feed them gives me anxiety. The only time I’m not worried is when it’s dark outside because I can’t see them. I feel like my anxiety is robbing of something I love, but I don’t know how to make it stop. I am on medication, have tried CBD, herbs, I even tried medical marijuana, non of it works.

So my question is, has anyone or know of anyone that has gotten out of horses and NOT regretted it? Just looking to hear from anyone who has done it and been happier for it?

[Scribbler]

You are talking about very old horses. You can’t sell them. No one wants them. A 30 year old horse is like a 91 year old grannie. Living on borrowed time. I say this not to be harsh but to help you get your head around the fact that animals just have less time on this earth than humans do, and we will see a lot of animals pass on during our own lives. This is not a tragedy and it is nothing to feel guilty about or beat yourself up over. A 14 year old dog, a 20 year old cat, a 30 year old horse: enjoy the time you have, cherish the memories, and prepare to say goodbye.

It sounds to me like you have a general anxiety disorder and horses are the current target of your anxiety. But you won’t stop being anxious because you give up horses. You will just be anxious about something you else.

Horses can be very helpful in overcoming anxiety and depression (these are often related issues) but you need to figure out how to make them positive not negative to you. If you get into a rut where the horses are just all work no fun that’s not good. How often do you ride and what’s that like for you? I need to ride every possible day, personally. And I always feel better afterwards.

[KLRobbins]

You are absolutely right about my old man, I could never sell him, that would be horrible. My other 3 are around 15. I very rarely ride. I am trying to get better about it now that my kids are finally back in school. This 1.5 years of schools being closed hasn’t left me much time to ride. So I fell out the habit of doing it.

It’s a horrible cycle, I get stressed about them, so I don’t want to be near them, and then that in itself makes it worse because I don’t get any enjoyment from them because I won’t spend the time.
It did feel a little better to just talk about it. Thank you Scribbler.

[Lusoluv]

@Scribbler gave you some very excellent advice/insight. Perhaps you can talk to a therapist about your anxiety before you sell or give away anything? COVID has raised everyone’s stress levels in some ways or another, so your anxiety is understandable. I agree you can’t sell a 30 year old horse, and if you could, I’d be very wary of the reason…unless it was a personal friend who needed a pasture pal, etc. If the horses are too much responsibility and work in an already stressful time, consider selling off your younger riding horses so you have less to do. But I’d still pursue help about your general mental health. It’s nothing to hide from and can do a world of good! Best to you

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

This sounds more like PTSD than general anxiety.

Understandably, losing your first horse to colic was a horrible experience - any of us who’ve lost a horse to anything understand the helplessness and horror of it. But to not be able to move past it indicates that you probably would benefit from some therapy, in addition to whatever medication you’re currently on. You may also need to talk to whoever prescribed your medication about changing it, as it may not be working, or not working at its current dose.

I’m not completely out of horses yet, but the three I have are all retired, and I am at the “it is what it is” stage with them all. I will keep them healthy, safe, and sound for as long as I can. I don’t feel sad about not being in horses anymore, honestly. I think I would be happy without horses, at least for a while.

Good luck and hugs. Anxiety is awful and those who don’t live with it, don’t understand how totally it can overtake your life. If you’re already seeing a therapist, and it’s not helping, find another. Horses should be a joy, not a panic attack.

[KLRobbins]

After reading all of your replies, I do feel better.
It’s funny, I would never think to talk to someone about possible trying a different med, or that I NEED to do things with my horses to make positive experiences without hearing it from y’all.
Funny how sometimes just hearing simple things like from someone else can really help.

I lost my boy in July of last year, so OVER a year ago, and I still think about every detail of that weekend.
I may start looking for a councilor. My sister had mentioned PTSD.
Thank you guys for taking to the time to answer, it has honestly helped me today

[GraceLikeRain]

I would look into counseling and put the word out and see if there are any good teenage riders looking for a little more saddle time.

Vet them carefully but it could be a win win. If you decide to move along your three horses who are in their mid teens, they should be fit, impeccably behaved on the ground, and in good flesh. Having them thoughtfully brought back into work increased their likelihood of a good outcome. Hopefully, you’ll get your horse bug back and be eager to take over more of the rides.

[Gesaffelstein]

You need talk therapy and possibly medication. I am doing both and it has been a life saver. My anxiety reached an all time high in 2020, a low dose of Prozac has made me a new woman, and the talk therapy has helped me become happy again.

Please try it.

[TheJenners]

@Scribbler

You are talking about very old horses. You can’t sell them. No one wants them.

Please read this about a million times.

Also, your med may not be working, it’s ok to try something else.

[Scribbler]

Yes. No one really wants to buy your pasture pet teenage horses either. A free on property lease could get them legged up. But honestly I think just getting back in the saddle and going for a nice swinging walk somewhere safe on a regular basis can be an important part of a functionsl mental health plan, along with getting meds and therapy sorted out. Rediscover why you love horses. Make it a thing of joy agsin.

[SMK]

@KLRobbins

The only time I’m not worried is when it’s dark outside because I can’t see them. I feel like my anxiety is robbing of something I love,

Have you considered boarding one of the younger ones? I agree with what others have said about finding homes for older horses, but maybe that could allow you to keep riding but potentially lowering your anxiety.

Overall, I’m just sorry. Anxiety is awful and the worst part is that it doesn’t make logical sense, so it’s hard for those who have not experienced it to relate. There’s just such a big difference between “I’m anxious about an upcoming horse show” and clinical anxiety. I hope a therapist/doctor/professional can help you get back towards feeling less like this.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

Of course, (most) of us here are not professional therapists. But even a professional therapist not in horses might not fully understand that rationally you’re giving your horses an awesome life. You kept one horse alive for 30 years, lost another older horse to colic (which can happen to any horse) and gave him a good life, and also (rationally) older teenage horses who haven’t been ridden are better off with you than being immediately put on the market.

Getting the teenagers legged up is probably a good idea for your own mental sanity, if you can find someone to do it. But I would try to sit down and rationally write down what you’re afraid of if you keep the horses. That you’re not taking good enough care of them? That you can’t watch them every minute of the day? No one who knows anything about horses would blame someone giving good care to elderly horses if the horses got sick or injured themselves in a paddock. Try to write down your irrational beliefs, and then replace them with rational beliefs if you can, and when you do find a therapist try to explain the discrepancy, and what you need to work on to manage those thoughts.

[Scribbler]

@Impractical_Horsewoman

That’s excellent advice. And you can also try to interpret it to the therapist like it’s like having a 15 year old dog that objectively is going to fail in the next year.

[B_and_B]

A lot of good replies here. You don’t mention, but are you also working from home or mostly at home? I’ve struggled with that this last year and a half, my primary job has me working from home 30 plus hours a week. The nature of it gives me a lot of time to stare out the window and worry about the horses, or what the neighbors are doing, or what… I find that the ‘trapped’ feeling of working from home has definitely increased my anxiety: I have to be working in my office, but I can SEE something that needs fixing. I’ve really had to work to get past that. In part by time management, deliberately taking a ‘coffee break’ and walking around the yard, or looking at the horses, and only noting what is positive. 5 minutes of noting the good has gradually managed to extend to 10 minutes and so forth.
Not saying that will help, everyone is different, but that has helped me.

[StormyDay]

As others have said I think you need someone to help you out here. Meds or talk therapy.

Horses die. It sucks. Sometimes they die when they are old and it’s time. Sometimes it’s when they are young and seem perfectly healthy. And 99% of the time there’s nothing you can do about it. I had a horse pass last year and it was horrid. And for a little bit I was panicked over everything; would dewormer cause colic? Their vaccines? The cold weather? What if something happened and I wasn’t in town?
And then I realized there’s nothing I can do to stop it, and I had to be ok with that. It’s part of owning any animal. I had to give them the best quality care I could, and be ok with myself if it wasn’t enough.

[KLRobbins]

I am a stay at home mom, so ya, I spend all day glancing out the window, I totally am that person to. Home all day and just stressing about things I can see.

My husband HAS been working out of town for the last month, thankfully will be home home in a few days.

I am planning to call my doctor on Monday and get an appointment to I guess get things rolling in seeing someone? I didn’t even think to change my meds. I’m so thankful to those that have mentioned it.
I cry when I think about them leaving, they are all awesome horses and deserve the best, and I worry about them going to the wrong home, my BLM mustang I adopted as a yearling, he nickers when ever I hug his big ole head, and he constantly makes me laugh with his antics. My husbands horse we got when he was 4 or 5. He had a bad start in life. People where NOT to kind to him. The left half of his face was crushed at some point, and he was SKINNY when the girl we bought him from got him. I call him my smoosh face, he has to dramatically turn his head to look at things because his left eye is sunk in so he dosent have the typical sight range. Always cracks me up. My only mare was bred and raised by my mother and father in law. She is my mustangs BFF. I love my horses so much, why does it have to be so hard.

My older guy just isn’t eating to well, I keep trying different things. Soaked hay pellets, soaked alfalfa cubes, I mix his senior in it to get him to eat it, his feeder is full of alfalfa hay 24/7. He nickers for his food, and cookies, and scratches. He’s always been such an intelligent guy, that I feel like he KNOWS his days are short? It’s so hard to explain, Arabians just have this self awareness about them, that I know one day soon he is just going to be done, and he will accept it and that’s that. I’m hoping it’s at home and quiet and not at the hospital the way my Cowboy went. My vet always tells me he was just so old (28) that unless he had surgery she dosent think he would have made it, and at that age I would have never put him threw surgery. But I still blame myself.

I would never sell my old guy, but it helps to talk it out with other people ya know? I go threw this so much, and I know my husband dosent want me to sell them, because I WILL miss them. Clinical anxiety sucks, it robs people from so much.

[Casey09]

The problem with anxiety is that getting rid of one trigger doesn’t necessarily rid us of anxiety. It can transfer to something else.
I worry a lot about my family, my horses, my dogs, and myself. If I didn’t have horses, I’m not sure I’d be a happy go lucky person as much as pick another worry. It’s kind of like when an addict quits one substance and then finds another.
Losing animals in certain ways changes you. I lost a horse due to colic, and I can be paranoid now, too. If the weather changes, I’m always going to be leery.
I also have a very elderly horse. Here’s how I look at it. When we see a foal, a puppy, a baby, what do we hope for? That he or she will live a long and happy life. When I look at my old horse, I know that he’s achieved that even if he dies tomorrow. He had the most we can hope for. That’s true of yours, too.
I think anxiety is really about control - we think that all of our fretting is going to help us get some control over things we don’t have control over. Sit down and write out the precautions that you can take to prevent colic. Do those things.

[stb]

I agree with StormyDay. I think we sometimes forget that everything eventually dies. No matter how good the care, eventually time runs out on every living thing. The best care in the world won’t keep your animals alive forever.

I do the best I can to take great care of all my animals. I try to give them happy and comfortable lives. That is really all anybody can do. When I lose them I remind myself that they were well cared for and loved and they had a good life. As I get older I get better at it, although it is still terribly painful to lose someone you love.

[clanter]

The best care in the world won’t keep your animals alive forever.

I keep telling the pony just that, all we know is well over forty and still here.

[Alex_and_Bodie_s_Mom]

After reading your last post, I think once you get on the right track in terms of therapy and medication, the anxiety you feel over them will lessen a great deal.

It’s clear that you love your horses and don’t wan to let them go (and as others have said, the market for teenage horses isn’t great unless they’re schoolmasters). Don’t make any choices right now. They’re happy hanging out in the backyard.