Nervous Re-Rider

[AdultEmmy]

Thank you, I"ll check the book out.

I don’t mean any disrespect by this, but I guess in my mind I’m not understanding how it’s coming off in this thread that I’m pushing myself to jump? I’ll try to give a little more context:

Returned to riding August 2020. Didn’t jump anything for a few months. Tried a few different trainers, some had me jumping, and I was totally fine. No fear, and I set my boundaries that I wasn’t going to be doing huge courses, anything over like 2’3 anytime in the near future. Heck, If I’m being honest it was probably under 2ft the whole time.

It wasn’t until maybe November or so of 2020 that I started with a trainer who I liked at first but who sat me on a total greenbean OTTB that threw me and was so panic stricken. Then I had the QH who burrowed to the center of the earth after fences, and my confidence was shot. I remember feeling horrible speaking up during a group lesson that I wasn’t comfortable jumping right now, and I needed to just focus on building myself back up and doing flat work. I got a lot of crap for that which ultimately led to me leaving.

The next barn I went to in maybe August of 21 or so, I worked on that confidence. Started doing small courses. Got a little nervous about run outs due to a horse I’d sometimes ride, but for the most part, I felt okay. I was doing much better. Then I got my horse, who knocked me down many, many pegs as she reminded me of my childhood horse who took off…because she’s the only other horse to ever do that and I got tossed into a wall and had a concussion.

After that, I spent 10 gruelling months just working on standing at a mounting block, walking, walking on a loose rein, walking and building enough trust to walk with no stirrups, going on trail, trot, sit trot, stretchy trot, a little bit of canter (circles and maybe 6 mo into our time together) and ground poles.

After she sold in November I started dressage on school masters. I’ve done only a handful of crossrails and cavaletti’s since Summer of 2021. Probably under 10 total. I feel like that is slow, and taking my time. Maybe it’s that I’m pressuring myself to jump, but it’s only because I know that deep down I love it, I just have a mental block.

But based on everyone’s responses here, it seems like I’m trending in the right direction, as I’m working on my fitness, taking dressage lessons, riding schoolmaster/btdt types, and honestly not jumping.

I’m sorry for the novel, and I hope it didn’t come off as defensive. I appreciate your opinion, I’m just confused as to how it seems like I’m pushing myself when I feel like I’m moving at a snails pace.

[paw]

If there’s residual fear, spend some time off the horse thinking “what’s the worst that could happen” and then imagining yourself riding through that towards a positive outcome.

[Rackonteur]

Thank you for posting this.

[RhythmNCruise]

I guess my thinking is that if jumping is so stressful for you mentally that you are seeking therapy to get past that mental block, maybe it’s worth considering that it’s totally fine if you never jump a fence again. Yes, you once loved it, but you have good reason to be apprehensive about it given your past experiences. There’s no law that says you have to jump.

I remember when I stopped showing, it was hard to convince myself there was a reason to ride at all. What was the point if I wasn’t getting the horse ready to compete at a show? I had shown all of my riding life and it was always the goal. But the truth was, I was getting less and less enjoyment out of showing. It was a lot of work, expense, and truthfully nerves and anxiety for…what? Yes, I had loved it at one time, but eventually other things became more important than going to horse shows. And the relief I feel now when I ride and don’t have to “work the horse” to get him ready for some show is so nice.

I guess my point is to take the pressure off yourself. Jumping schmumping. If you really want to get back into it, you will. If you don’t, so what? Tell the trainer that was frustrated with you to go pound sand and stick with the dressage lessons for now. Or try another discipline completely. Or don’t take lessons at all and just ride your horse for you. Think about horses that don’t enjoy jumping and get anxious about it. What’s the best solution for them? Find them a new job that they enjoy.

Anyway, I wish you the best in whatever you do, and I hope that whether you’re jumping or not, you still enjoy many more years of riding.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

I may admittedly be projecting a lot onto your experiences, but when I started riding as an adult I remember having the image (still) in my mind of the ideal rider being someone in rust breeches jumping a fence on an OTTB. I still think that’s a beautiful thing to behold, but over time I realized that my personality (cautious, detail-driven) is better suited to dressage. Even my body, which tends to hypermobility versus being very strong with fast-twitch muscles.

I spent a couple of years first at some crappy barns, then at a pretty decent hunter barn being the absolute worst person in the barn and treated with contempt by a lot of people because I didn’t have courage jumping. Then I switched to dressage, and I suddenly was able to sit deep in the saddle, get a real feel for the horse, and fill in lots of the puzzle pieces that had been missing when I was rigid and perched in the saddle, first because of bad instruction, and then because of fear.

When I mentioned this to a friend, she said, “why aren’t you jumping”? Her words stung me–she didn’t think someone really was riding if they didn’t jump. But the another person pointed out to me that some of the best horse people in the world are in non-jumping disciplines.

So yes, if you love it, I do think it’s worth keeping at it and working with a sports psychology coach. But I’d been thinking of the same thing before myself, but just switching disciplines suddenly meant that I didn’t have to psych myself up before every lesson. I think if I did get the urge to start jumping again, the greater confidence I’ve built up over the years as a rider, as well as my skill set on the flat, would also be a huge help, as well as the awareness that just because someone jumps higher than another doesn’t mean she’s a better rider.

[TWH_Girl]

Of you’re a rerider and not committed to a discipline, why not start off with some nice quiet QH and do western? You can learn a good seat and hopefully gain confidence and relax. I guess I’m not sure why you’re jumping if that makes you nervous. You don’t have to jump or even do dressage to enjoy horses. A sports psychologist is fine, but maybe it’s also an indication what you’re doing isn’t right for you.
Keep looking for lessons, a lease and a different program that better suits your comfort level.

[red_mares]

You don’t have to jump. Lots of people don’t jump.

We’ve got a woman in the barn who is a nervous Nellie. I made a comment about my horse have an exciting drive, and she commented “At least you’re OK” Took me a few minutes to figure out what she was talking about. The horse was a jerk, but I was never in any sort of danger, at all. Her biggest fear is getting hurt. I’m not sure why she has a horse if she’s terrified of getting hurt.

This is supposed to be fun. If you need a psychologist to get through your hobby, you need a different hobby.

[Scribbler]

I see how the recent falls and bad actor horses have spooked you away from jumping. But the thing is, falls are inevitable in jumping in a way they are not in dressage, back country trail riding, or cattle penning, etc. If a few falls have spooked you this much, which I totally empathize with, then jumping may no longer be your sport.

[atr]

I’m a cautious dressage rider with many years in the saddle. My confidence ebbs and flows depending on the season. To be honest, I’d probably happily not ride at this point in January and February but I’ve always felt that I needed to just suck it up and do it.

I hadn’t fallen off for 15 years until a couple of weeks ago. As a member of the over 60’s club, it does give you pause for thought. But, to some degree, coming off and not seriously injuring myself wasn’t altogether a bad thing.

Trainer is of the opinion that adult amateurs should not be hitting the dirt in her barn, so she has been working my horse through some stuff for the past couple of weeks. I think she wants him for another couple of weeks, but now I’m getting to the dying to get back on stage… (which may be part of her strategy, as she wants me there watching, and he’s been going so well :))

I’m sure the first few rides will have me being a bit of a Clingon but we will work it out, I’ve also determined that I have nothing to prove and if all I do is ride in circles at the non-spooky end of the arena for a month, its a win, and someone younger and sharper than me can deal with the problems. And spring will come and we will be able to get out of the hated (by him) indoor and into the fresh air and sunshine.

But, having said that, I’m also taking steps to make myself fitter and stronger and more capable of dealing physically and mentally with any shenanigans that are thrown at me. So now I’d better go work out and do a yoga session!

[outerbanks77]

@AdultEmmy

After she sold in November I started dressage on school masters. I’ve done only a handful of crossrails and cavaletti’s since Summer of 2021. Probably under 10 total. I feel like that is slow, and taking my time. Maybe it’s that I’m pressuring myself to jump, but it’s only because I know that deep down I love it, I just have a mental block.

FWIW, I am a dressage rider and a novice/chicken jumper. I was struggling with cantering my fairly steady QH to jumps (trotting to jumps no problem). I would lose my conviction a stride or two out and it would throw her off as she needs the confident support each stride to the fence. But anyway, in the meantime I was also starting my 17H warmblood, who of course has much bigger gaits. After more time spent riding a big canter, I found I’m much more comfortable cantering my QH to the fences. Our facilities don’t really allow for jumping most of the winter, and I was just magically better last spring. So with your dressage lessons, I’m wondering if you might organically improve in your jumping confidence, if you are able to ride schoolmasters who have a canter with good suspension and some adjustability? Practice forward and back in the canter; that could give you the feeling of riding forward to the jump and then maintaining control and being able to bring the horse back after the jump. Just a thought.

[AdultEmmy]

Thank you for this!

I’m open to pursuing dressage, but I’d like to at the minimum be able to cross train a bit over fences even if I did switch to dressage permanently.

Others have suggested switching to western or saddle seat. I’m not interested in those. Dressage fascinates me so if anything I’d go that route.

Love the idea of playing on the flat with lengthening, shortening, etc. I think that would help me feel better when jumps are re-introduced.

[walktrot]

@NoSuchPerson

Another thing thing that really helped was to remove all expectation from my riding. So what if I spent most of my ride walking? If I could only manage 4 laps around the ring on a cold windy day before it got to be too scary for me, then 4 laps was all I rode. Every ride, I rode up to my comfort level and one toe past it and was satisfied with that.

My trainer is great about not pushing me. The first time I showed in crossrails, she said if I wanted to trot every fence, it was perfectly OK. I did, and guess what? I didn’t die!

That’s it right there. Always stop at a good place. If you are satisfied with 4 laps at the walk today, the rest of the world can pound sand, particularly the aggravated instructors. Assume they believe you are making them look bad. Your brain stores some scary events - you can’t cover them up or make them go away. If fear is overtaking you maybe it’s a message from deep down inside to protect youself. Your fear says Don’t do that! The last time you tried it, your horse bucked you off, it knocked the wind out of you and scared you.

Instructors who work well with re-riders and adult beginners are not that easy to find. They respect your comfort level, don’t push you, and don’t set unreasonable expectations. My gelding never liked the part of “whoa” where he had to halt and stand, at X for example, so I could salute. “Nice try” was one judge’s comment. An instructor new to the barn showed me a totally different way to use the reins. She solved a long-standing problem in one lesson, and I had a lot more fun.

[Scribbler]

I tell myself that every time I get on and ride, it’s an amazing thing to be doing at my age when I thought for years there was no way back to horses. No expectations. Goals, but not expectations. And the goals are not about meeting anyone else’s expectations either

[rockymouse]

OP, you know what’s really fun? Sorting cows. The cattle have numbers on them and an announcer calls out one (or several) of these numbers. You have to get the cow away from its friends and out the gate. Done with a partner. The horses tend to really get into it and it’s generally an easy going, friendly crowd.

My point is, there are possibly other ways to ride that involve just plain fun. You’ll become a better rider because you’re spending more time in the saddle. And the more relaxed and fun you’re having, the better you’ll become. Maybe think about one of those sorts of activities for awhile and then reconsider how much (or whether) you want to jump.

[TWH_Girl]

I’m including cow and ranch horses in my current search! There are some great horses out there. I’m really enjoying not showing! Sorting cows sounds like a helluva lot more fun that 20 meter circles!

[Trot_On]

OP, you are on the right track. Think of your confidence as a torn ligament that you have to rehab. It might have some scar tissue and it might not be as strong as when you were that fearless kid, but you can still rebuild it to being strong and useful again. Like any rehab for human or horse, it takes time and patience. Sometimes it feels like you are going nowhere, but those small steps repeated build strength and fitness. Doctors and Vets tell us to not cut corners, give yourself the same good patient care you would give a horse.

In training young horses, you carefully layer on and build confidence, do the same for yourself. While you are focusing on flatwork you are building better courses on the future. It is the ride to the fence and after that makes the whole course successful. Don’t feel that your flatwork is taking a step back, it will pay off in the end. Don’t let your instructor or barn mates push you into their agenda.

Finally, I will echo others’ advice to do things that make you smile and laugh on a horse. Find ways to have fun and stretch ideas and boundaries. BREATHE!! when we become tense and hyper focused, we often forget to breathe. Just the simple act of taking deep breaths can restore calmness and confidence. The fear bird often hops on our shoulders and chatters away. Laugh, breathe, and tell it to go sit on the fence.

[erinmeri]

I just wanted to jump in to say that as a re-rider who got back into horses (jumpers, specifically) after 17 years off, and who has anxiety issues (in and out of the saddle), I can relate.

Things that have helped me:

1. Learning “circle” or “box” breathing. Breathing out stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system and physiologically calms you. I do this before I start my courses or exercises if I feel nervous.

2. Remembering to breathe on course (I choose to remind myself in the corners - sports psychologist/mental skills coach taught me to pick landmarks to remind myself of key things).

3. Using positive affirmations to change my outlook and build confidence. “I’ve got this”, “I know how to do this”, “I can do this”, “I am a strong rider”, etc. It sounds silly but replacing negative thoughts and self-doubts with positive ones has really transformed me in the saddle and made me confident. This is probably the biggest one.

4. Trusting. Trusting that ny trainer wouldn’t ask me to do anything I wasn’t capable of. Trusting that my horse is capable of doing the job asked. Trusting I have the skills to get the job done - however imperfectly.

5. Riding other horses - getting the feel for a forward canter on a speedier horse helped me be comfortable with a forward center on my own, for example.

6. Accepting mistakes happen - to everyone, including pros - and learning not to dwell on them (this one is a work-in-progress!).

7. Realizing that my physical fitness and ability to keep myself centered and balanced, and to use aids properly is key to my being able to ride without anxiety, or with less anxiety. Once I got fitter and more balanced, I realized a lot of my fear was stemming from not physically being able to do what was being asked of me (eg stay centered in the tack, sit up before fences, etc).

8. Working with a sports psychologist/mental skills coach.

9. Meditation. Helped me to be more present, to learn to acknowledge thoughts but not fixate on them, to be more body and breath aware, etc.

10. Visualization.

You don’t have to jump if you don’t want to. But if it’s something that you do want to do, I believe that nervousness or anxiety can be worked through… if you really work at it.

Good luck! Hope one of these things might help.

[fivestrideline]

Just jumping in here with the ONE tip that changed my life:

Anxious and excited are the exact. same. feeling. Like chemically.

Whenever I feel anxious about something that I legitimately enjoy, I reframe it as “I’m excited for xyz”. Obviously if you’ve (g) got some true, deep seated FEAR that’s different, but for things that I am are sure I want to do, can do, and are safe to do, a little reframing of mindset has changed everything for me. It’s worth trying, IMO, for the little things like poles or a few steps of canter on a safe horse.

[SillyHorse]

I am a dressage rider now, but spent my youth, from early teens to late 40s riding hunters and the occasional jumper. I’m now a member of the over 70’s club, and have a very ambitious dressage horse. I thought cross-training would be great for him, so I started working with a hunter trainer in our barn. Horse was enthusiastic, but a lousy, sloppy jumper. It had been many years since I had jumped and I was a bit anxious, so didn’t feel safe riding him over fences.

The solution? We do canter poles! It’s almost as technical a ride between poles as it would be if there were actual fences, but not as much opportunity for screw-ups. And, coming back to a trot a stride or two before the pole is always an option. My horse is loves doing the poles, and it has been a great exercise for getting rid of some of my tightness.

Try putting one pole down, and trot over it randomly until you and your horse feel like it’s no big deal. That might take three days, or it might take 10 minutes. It doesn’t matter. Then when you feel ready, canter. Canter around the ring, do some circles, just everyday stuff, and when you have a nice, relaxed canter canter over a pole. Once you’re confident, you can put another pole down, maybe on the other side of the ring.

We eventually worked up to a “course” of poles. It was technical and hard to do correctly, I still had the rush that comes when you jump a course, and my horse absolutely loved it. Because my horse is forward and enthusiastic, I never worried about him stopping or running out. He always “carried me” to the “jumps.” I’m lucky in that regard. Trainer has since left the barn, but I still lay a pole down now and then and canter over it for fun.

It’s something you might try. It gave me the same challenges and tests as jumping, with much less anxiety.

ETA There are three books I would recommend: “That winning Feeling” by Jane Savoie, and “Heads Up” and “The Rider’s Edge,” both by Janet Edgette. Edgette is a sports psychologist and more importantly, a rider. She gets it (as does Jane Savoie).

[Alterration]

I had PTSD from a few really really bad falls that I had…oh approximately 15 years ago now. It took me 15 years to truly get over them, and I still struggle at times.

Before that I was a brave brave rider. I rode anything, problem horses, young horses, zingy “we’re terrified of him” horses…not a problem. I had above average stickability, and apparently I calm most horses down (almost too much).

Then I had my accidents, two in a row (in two weeks), both bad enough that either one of them could have left me paralyzed. Thankfully I wasn’t and the physical trauma healed pretty quickly, but it messed me up big time mentally. I was so bad at one point that I couldn’t even walk into the pasture with multiple horses without hyperventilating and my heart racing.

I did wrestle with “maybe I should give this up”, but my passion has been riding since I could talk. Being away from them made me ache.

I did a lot of things that didn’t work, and some things that did. I did buy a “quiet” horse, but I found that I couldn’t transfer the confidence to other rides. I felt safe on HIM, but I needed to bring myself back to the point where I could ride more challenging horses if I was ever going to compete again. What I did felt REALLY slow at first and I felt silly - but I had tried hypnosis, therapy, pushing myself through it and none of it worked - but now I’m riding my very spicy horse and swinging a leg over with total confidence.

What worked was to not push myself to the point where my heart raced. So basically keeping my heart rate just below threshold. So if walking toward the mounting block caused my heart to race, I’d feel that point at which I was just starting to feel a little tense and turn away. Rinse and repeat.

Pretty soon I was capable of getting on. Then I’d get right back off again, rinse and repeat. Then I walked in a circle after getting on, got back off, rinse and repeat.

Extrapolate that out to everything I do with a horse. I don’t try to push myself through the fear, as that just cements the “fear” response. It’s flooding, and doesn’t really work. I push myself just to the point where I sort of become afraid and then I back off which tells my brain “look, I’m good, nothing bad happened there and you pushed the boundary a little”. That expanded the bubble of things that I could do without fear.

My current spicy ride was 5 when I got him (but he was a very sweet 5) and now he’s 10. Having to go through this with me hasn’t hurt him at all, in fact, he’s one of the most responsive and confident horses in the barn. I suspect that in doing what I did for myself I slowed the progression down for him. After all, flooding is bad for horses too, and expanding the “safe” bubble is useful. And he’s superb at the mounting block with all the practice!

I don’t know the degree to which you are frightened. You may not be as bad as I was. I had instructors try to push me too hard because I didn’t look as afraid as I was. But I do know that if I can come back from where I was, and I was really really bad, that this may help others whose PTSD is not as bad.

I did help another gal with this technique after a bad fall, and she’s confidently riding for the first time in 5 years as well, so though my sample size is small (2), it’s working