[QUOTE=REINRIDER;2926950]
A Chippendale he is NOT!!! :eek: puh-leeeze donât let me go there! [/QUOTE]
Thatâs ok! Refer to the bag on head method to greatly improve the appeal of your farrier. Really- itâs not what is on top that matters when it comes to trimming & shoeing- or even avidly watching the trimming & shoeingâŠ
We hope that you enjoy your farrier appointment and if you start to think about this thread too much you could alwaysâŠnevermindâŠ
Keepinâ it real & keepinâ it:
HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEYHORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY,HORSEY.
[QUOTE=DressageGeek âRibbon Hoâ;2927191]
âŠDGRH sees horse-loverz. But somehow, it is not exactly horse-loverz in the flesh, it is a stick horse art horse-loverz. Followed by stick horse art farmeress. Somehow the hunky tool belts donât look the same in stick art. They look like George Morrisâ Big PâŠ
âŠnevermind.[/QUOTE]
Pocketbook⊠âWait a minuiteâŠâ Geek says as she rubs her eyes once she reopens them she sees the handsome vet standing there with his flannel shirt open exposing his rock hard abs. âOh my!â says the Geek âAre you here to treat one of the horses?â âWell⊠not exactly⊠I am a vet by training by my passion is research⊠I do have other passions as well though⊠for example⊠I love a woman in flannel⊠just as long as she doesnât wear it for long.â Geek goes weak in the knees⊠A fellow researcher with brawn and brains all in one yummy package could it be too good to be true?? She closes her eyes and pinches herself just to make sure she is awake this time. When she reopened her eyes the hunky vet was standing right in front of her. He reached his hand to her face and brushed the side of her lip with his tanned thumbâŠâI see a little sugar left thereâ Geeks eyes opened in horror⊠does she have a peep mustache??? But before she could react the vetâŠ
nevermindâŠ
âWhy canât I live forever in the virtual world of COTH?â bemoaned DGRH. "Itâs far far better than the real world. Maybe I should skip the barn tonight, do like the Aha! video, and just be sucked into that virtual world of rock hard hunky vets with a passion forâŠ
âŠnevermind."
DGRH had been sucked into the virtual COTH world where hunky vets had a passion for horsing aroundâŠwith Dressage riders who would sell themselves for a ribbon. DGRH hoped she was worth a first place and set about showing the vet her talents to get one.
In the corner where Monty the one-eyed python was asleep, the reporter was trying to snap a picture of the stallion showing the mare his rear-end.
Mod1 and Moderator 2 were now pondering whether they were insane for allowing things to keep going, or down right entertained. Kevin Bacon joined them to ponder the unknown of this situation.
The parrot, Polly flew off looking for a pirate that enjoyed horses.
Harely the Hawk flew threw the barn giving a piercing screech that woke up Monty who promptly coiled himself around the nosey reporter and began to squeeze.
Joe and Raoul ran to help the poor reporter with the snake while the farrier began to shoe another horse, his well endowed toolbelt hanging low.
Farmeress and Ricky were comparing their megabytes in a private and cozy corner. Farmeress had the bigger set and Ricky was desperately trying to catch upâŠbut his was only stick-art compared to hers.
Meanwhile Freedom, who was just waking up from her nap in the hayloft, discovered the fourth farm worker had joined her in her sleep.
His angelic face was relaxed and handsome in slumber. She allowed her eyes to travel slowly down his magnificent body.
She suddenly caugth her breath in her throat as she viewed hisâŠ
nevermind
[QUOTE=horse-loverz;2927880]
Pocketbook⊠âWait a minuiteâŠâ Geek says as she rubs her eyes once she reopens them she sees the handsome vet standing there with his flannel shirt open exposing his rock hard abs. âOh my!â says the Geek âAre you here to treat one of the horses?â âWell⊠not exactly⊠I am a vet by training by my passion is research⊠I do have other passions as well though⊠for example⊠I love a woman in flannel⊠just as long as she doesnât wear it for long.â Geek goes weak in the knees⊠A fellow researcher with brawn and brains all in one yummy package could it be too good to be true?? She closes her eyes and pinches herself just to make sure she is awake this time. When she reopened her eyes the hunky vet was standing right in front of her. He reached his hand to her face and brushed the side of her lip with his tanned thumbâŠâI see a little sugar left thereâ Geeks eyes opened in horror⊠does she have a peep mustache??? But before she could react the vetâŠ[/QUOTE]
But before she could react she noticed that the vet dropped his gaze lower than her sugary lips, lower even than her perfect chin and dandelion stem thin neck. Lower, even, than the pink & sparkling blinged out extra USB drive dangling on a golden chain just between herâŠsigh nevermind those, now.
Anyhow, he was looking pointedly at the pocket of her hand-made haute couture flannel PJ top, You know, the one with the silk piping and the oversized ivory and gold granny buttons right up the center. He cocked his head to the side with a rather perplexed look and DGRH looked down and to her surprise she saw 8 blue ribbon tails protruding from the bulging and obviously stuffed pocket on the left side of her chest.
Redfaced, she stammered some excuse to the handsome plaid wearing man before her which he did not even hear because his eyes continued to follow the line of those great big buttons down, and down until they came to rest on her hips. Well, not REALLY her hips exactly. Actually George could not help but notice that on either side of her pajama bottoms; that matched the exquisite, soft flannel top above, of course; was jam packed with what looked like more blue ribbons. He looked up at her face in shock and she blushed an amazing color that was nearly magenta in the sunlight when she realized that she had been found out. AGAIN!
George gasped " You, youâre nothing but a Ribbon Ho" Iâve heard about ladies like you. In fact my mother warned me about Ribbon Hoâs! Iâm outta here!
DGRH was crushed. Her little fetish didnât really hurt anyone, now did it? How could George speak to her that way? Just as her eyes began to mist over, a dark chocolate dipped Johnny Depp appeared, just like in her dream. Was it really a dream she wondered, looking down at her hands with tears in her eyes. Through the wavy watery view she noticed that there was dark brown stuff under her nails, along with some of the dust from Tedâs roll out in the field.
Realizing that not all microbes are all that bad she sampled the dark stuff. âHmm. Chocolateâ." OMG! It wasnât a dream!" Just then Johnny snarled at George " Hey you canât talk to her that way"! âShe is a scientist and possibly a dressage princessâ How dare you!", Johnny growled. George lowered his handsome head like a bull about to charge as Johnny gave the parrot on his shoulder the command to attack. The parrot began to dive bomb poor George, giving him a little tweak with his beak alternating with a little something else from the other end on his crisp plaid shirt. DGRH, clearly traumatized tried to stay out of harms way as she kept saying to herself quietly âMust get back to the lab, this kind of thing doesnât happen in the lab, gotta go to the lab nowâŠâ
George, repulsed, strips out of that green splattered plaid shirt (revealing a chest that brought DGRH out of her misery for a moment) and prepares to charge the smirking Johnny.
Right when the lusciously chocolate dipped Johnny Depp hunkers down to take the first hit the lovely Moderator Number Two steps out from under the overhang of the barn with a snapping lunge whip and and an intimidating shake to her hips as she moved toward them. She positions herself between the two men and plants one of those well moisturized hands right smack in the middle of Georgeâs brawny, rippled chest and simultaneously looks deep into Johnnyâs strangely yet pleasingly chocolate ringed eyes.
As DGRH breathes a sigh of relief and clutches her portable USB drive to her heart like some might a rosary, the Moderator #2, with a glint in her eye says to the men,âYou two are very naughty boys, for this sort of behavior I think that I will have to take you in to the round pen andâŠâ. âNevermind themâ she hears DGRH yell suddenly "look at what is going on over âŠ
in the hayloft with Freedom and the farm hand oohing and aahing over his new Antares custom saddle that had just arrived⊠âI knew you were the kind of woman that would appreciate such craftsmanshipâ the farm hand said⊠as Freedom caressed the soft supple leather of the saddle the farm hand began to lean into her⊠he whispered in her hear âI can think of some ways you can help me break it inâ Freedom was having similar thoughts as the farm hand kept caressing her back lower and lower and lower until heâŠ
nevermindâŠ
got his hand smacked by both mod 1 and mod 2. " Shame on you you naughty farm hand⊠kids visit this barn so try to keep your hands to yourself mister!" The farm hand looked indignant as he said " I was reaching for the lead rope that was laying next to Freedom so that we can get my horse to saddle up." Mod 1 and Mod 2 werenât buying it for a second, but standing there in their rust tailored sportsman breeches and tall custom Vogels with crops in each of their hands they did not look to be a force to be taken lightly⊠Freedom and the farm hand descended from the hay loft with lead rope and saddle in hand. Once they reached the aisle way they seen Mod 1 and Mod 2 again standing between the chocolaty yummy Depp and the hunky vet. They look at each other in disbelief as they had only just experienced the wrath of Mod 1 and Mod 2 themselves in the hayloft. Freedom states âItâs just like the Matrix⊠they can become anyone and they are everywhere!â All of a suddenâŠ
nevermindâŠ
They hear a crash and turning around there was Mod 2 on the floor obviously having in her haste to come down from the loft missed a step and she fell in a heap ( luckily on some hay) but still nonetheless badly bruised.
Freedom looks in bewilderment at the rush of male naked bodies that ran to Mod 2âs help. With that Mod 1 standing still at the top of the hay loft decides that she also suffered a bruise ( hmmmm how did that happen) and sits down wailing about her poor hurt leg. Taking off her boot and riding pants the boys get to see a very well sculptured leg beckoning to them.
With the boys attention drawn elsewhere Farmeress looks at Freedom and Mod 2 to hatchâŠnever mind.
Just a thoughtâŠ
is this the Capnâ Jack Johnny Depp, or is this the Willy Wonka Johnny Depp? Hence the chocolateâŠMight put a different twist on thingsâŠ:lol:
At this point the moderators feared the worst. Stick art was one thing, they agreed, but chocolate dipped Johnny Depp? And what was to happen to Farneressâ reputation? Think of what people would find if they ever googled herâŠ
There was only one solution. They were forced to call in the Big Guns.
Aunt Esther and Uncle Fester. Who when begged into service by the COTH mods, repliedâŠ
âŠnervermind.
All the pastured mares
Gaze longingly at that horse Ted.
What a stud muffin!
Theyâd drool if they could.
They want to gallop to him
And thenâŠnevermind.
Sure we will come to help⊠Aunt Ester arrives on the scene first to see the swarm of clothed and naked and chocolate covered bodies all in the maylay in the aisleway. Thinking the worst was happeing Aunt Ester national and international purse champion ran back to her car to get a bigger bag as her small Hermes clutch wasnât going to be enough to handle a job this big. When she returned to the aisleway she reared back in top purse hitting form and nailed the hunky vet first right on his noggin. âOw!â he exclaimed as he turned around staring at Aunt Ester⊠"Thatâs for taking advantage of these young ladies she yells and turns on her nice new Prada covered heel and takes aim for the naked Farrier who was bent over tending to Mod 2âs ankle. Thinking he was trying to disrobe her agaist her will Aunt Ester immediately springs into action. âBamâ the large Prada bag connects with the Farrierâs back leaving a large red whelp in itâs wake⊠Aunt Ester drops her purse in astonishment as the farrier immediately stands up exposing to Aunt Ester his largeâŠ
nevermind
Thatâs ok! Refer to the bag on head method to greatly improve the appeal of your farrier. Really- itâs not what is on top that matters when it comes to trimming & shoeing- or even avidly watching the trimming & shoeing⊠We hope that you enjoy your farrier appointment and if you start to think about this thread too much you could alwaysâŠnevermindâŠ
Sadly, the bag over the head method wonât help. Itâs what hangs out to the back of the tool belt! Call off the plumbers, pleeeaaase! my eyes!!! my eyes!!!
Just say no to crack and,
well,
nevermind
now carry on pleaseâŠwith the most hilarious thread I believe Iâve EVER read!
[QUOTE=horse-loverz;2929373]
Aunt Ester drops her purse in astonishment as the farrier immediately stands up exposing to Aunt Ester his largeâŠ[/QUOTE]
âŠand bulbous doeskin-soft sack⊠of horseshoe nails that were dangling from his toolbelt and cries out âEasy lady, donât make me use thisâ, patting the toolbelt.
Aunt Esther, a bit miffed that this young (naked and handsome) whipper-snapper would dare to challenge her, especially considering the reputation of not only herself but of her prowess with her oversized weapon of choice.
As her perfectly plucked eyebrows rose with disdain, surprisingly she noticed that there were other things rising in the room as well. Like the temperature, for example. As she stood there trying to come up with something dreadful to say that would reinstate the fear of the handbag into the good-looking farrier, she watched him reach down again and lightly fondle his toolbelt. She realized that when he did this that he got a sort of soft soppy look on his face. âHmmâ, Aunt Esther thought to herself," We may just be birds of a feather, this naked farrier & I, when it comes to the appreciation of a finely made bag for which to carry around the necessities of daily life".
With this realization Aunt Esther knew that pummeling the farrier was no longer an option. She was so stricken by his obvious toolbelt lust that when the raucous green parrot swooped down from the rafters toward her face- all she saw in her quirky mindâs eye was a fluffy pink lovebird, trailing tiny floating golden hearts instead of guacamole colored bird doo-doo that actually dropped like a stone into water with an audible splatâŠdirectly onto the very tip of her artsy-fartsy & severely pointed Jimmy Choo.
Ted, peeping (get it?) out of the side of his stall was so shocked that he eyes bulged out for a second looking kind of like this::eek:,poor old guy, but with big ears and a tail, of course.
Aunt Estherâs mouth opened into an âOâ of complete horror as she saw what had become of her shoe and then two things happened. Two things that would change the course of this bizarre day for all in the barn, for the people, the horses, who were back into their stalls, noses into the freshly filled buckets that the Billy-Bob (one of the farmhands, and also and aquaintance of Uncle Festerâs) had just topped off and even the pig, the parrot and of course Monty, too. Dear,dear MontyâŠsigh
First Aunt Esther pitched forward in a dead faint directly into the farriers arms while shrieking at pitch that made every one of the horses jerk their dripping muzzles from their buckets, wild eyed with fear and the second thing⊠remember that stallion and mare? Well the Farmeress and HL were quite surprised when they saw the stallion with the python,who happened to have a mini-bandaid over his one eye for some reason(you know the little round ones ?), draped around his withers begin to snort and blow andâŠ
nevermindâŠ
Ode to Ted
All the pastured mares
Gaze longingly at that horse Ted.
What a stud muffin!
Theyâd drool if they could.
They want to gallop to him
Along that fence made of wood
Topped with a strand of hotwire so thin
The risk of a shock though, is nothinâ
To the mares with Ted filled gazes
As he stretches his long neck down
And he grazes and grazes
He is so debonaire
This gentleman gelding, with a flair
Ted, Ted,
ted, tedâŠ
softly nickers each mare
With stars in their eyes
Scarcely noticing the flies
That land on a soft nose
As the mares stare in repose
At Ted.
Ted.
TED.
ted, (whispered with a sigh)
Nevermind the alfalfa & peppermints
We want TED
Aunt Esther is mortified
Aunt Esther, national and international Purse Champion, would not be caught dead with a Coach purse of any kind. It is below her. And she wears Louboutins and Manolos. Jimmy Choos were fine when Jimmy Choo worked there. Aunt Esther does not do leftovers.
Nevermind. We obviously need tutelage in appropriate accessory wear.
And by the way, I do leftovers, but not of the Jimmy Choo kind, whoever Jimmy Choo is, and yes, sometimes of the restaurant kind, but what I really meant was I do left overs of theâŠ
Nevermind.
Dear Aunt Esther,
These small mishaps are what the edit button is for. Would you prefer Louboutins or Manolos, and what color, please?
Nevermind the silly mistake.
S.
âOh dear Lord,â thinks Farmeress who views the scene around her.
âMy reputation is now as trashy as a Harlequin Romance novel in a farm setting,â she musses.
Staring at the naked farrier and naked farmhelp, Farmeress shakes her head while thinking, âMan, what have I startedâŠall I wanted was to get me some nice, well endowedâŠâ
NEVERMIND
