Have you been out to see the horse recently? Perhaps some of your reluctance is because you’re hoping he’s really not that bad.
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I agree. I think you need some closure, both with your horse and to a lesser extent the barn.
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100% me for the calls I’ve had to make in the past few years.
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Your horse is 30+ years old. You don’t need to explain anything to the vet beyond the fact that he is 30+ years old, uncomfortable, and we are heading in to the winter which is always more difficult on our elderly animals. You don’t need to explain your physical or financial situation, ANYTHING. Age and discomfort are perfectly justified. The longer you roll this around in your head, the more the narrative you’re creating will snowball and grow legs.
You say in your area people go above and beyond, I say you have too. You’ve continued to financially support this horse to the point it’s a factor that has driven you to struggle. You have gone above and beyond. And to be honest…I have seen plenty of people go above and beyond for horses and dogs that truly should have been given peace much sooner. Keeping an animal alive just to keep it alive isn’t fair or compassionate. Make the call. Keep BOTH of yourselves peace. I promise the vet won’t have judgment.
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Nope
Nope.
Nope
Nope.
Since it appears that the barn owner determines what you can and can not do with your own horse and you let her, sell the horse to her for one dollar and she can look after him until he dies. You are then financially free and have no need to make the hardest decision in animal care.
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But–saying this very gently, given your terrible situation–you haven’t seen your horse in so long. You can’t use your memory of when you last saw him, perhaps on one of his “good days” to influence you.
Switching my advice for a bit–I think you need to see your horse. I think you need to have a conversation with the barn owner. It may be conflict-ridden and scary, but this is something you need to do. It’s become such a big thing in your mind, perhaps because you’re dealing with so much chronic pain, I can completely understand. But I think you need to do this BEFORE you call the vet, because it sounds like you’re harboring so much guilt about this decision, I don’t think you’ll be in a good place if you make the final call now.
But talking to your barn owner is not a “final” thing. If you don’t get up the courage to call her, speak with her, and then find a way to see your horse, I don’t see how you can move forward making any decisions about your horse’s care.
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It’s really hard to gauge a horse’s pain level and health from a photo. Even if what you say about your barn owner is true, regardless of what you decide, she needs to understand your decision. I mean, if you do decide to give your horse a peaceful end, she will have to let the vet onto the premises and hopefully you as well.
I don’t want to get your hopes up about her agreeing to care for him and “selling” him to her for a dollar, but again…I can’t urge to to make such an important decision about your beloved partner (your horse) right know when you are so conflicted. But I can urge that you need to have a conversation with his primary caregiver, hopefully to make arrangements to see him in your wheelchair, and, if not, then at least to explain to her your situation.
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I would expect that if the BO is as great as you say she is – and wrt your horse, she sounds pretty phenomenal – you would want to get her thoughts/input on this, since she knows your horse so well. I would not be surprised if she agreed with you. If she doesn’t, absolutely, offer to sell her the horse for $1. It’s not being a jerk to do that. I have done this myself on one occasion. My horse’s former owner still adored him. When I made the decision to euthanize due to arthritis pain, she questioned my decision. I understood it was because she cared so much for him. I shared the xrays, and also told her I’d sell him back to her for $1, and then she could make all the decisions (and pay all the vet bills). She did not take me up on it.
On the flip side, I over the years I’ve had a couple of horses where I’ve thought if I disagreed with the owner’s treatment course enough, I would offer to buy the horse, which would mean assuming all costs, including vet bills. (These were people with literally millions in the bank, but who were tired of paying board). Luckily it actually has never come to this. And let me be clear in 99% of cases I’m in complete agreement with owners.
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No. Call first.
If you turn up when she’s overseeing hay delivery or doing a lesson or trying to load a horse, she won’t have time for you and feelings will be hurt all around.
Call ahead.
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Yup. Definitely call or text first. Tell her you would like to visit with horse and pick up your stuff, and talk to her about the future. Ask if there’s an accessible way for you to get into the barn, or if not, if she can bring him out to the parking lot or whatever. Make it an appointment at a day/time that is reasonably convenient for her.
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I think you are very lucky not to have witnessed much loss of any horse. I took a long break from horses and in 8ish years I’ve been back into it (a relatively short time frame), I’ve seen (horses in my barn), experienced (my own young horse) or had close friends here experience loss including the following-
Stomach rupture overnight in the barn (the only one that died “naturally” after tearing the barn apart); esophagus rupture following a poorly treated choke; stomach rupture at the hospital; severe colic/twisted gut/displacement and other nonsurgical cases or unsuccessful surgery and recovery; neuro issues including Wobblers, complete paralysis of hind end, and progressive arthritis causing spinal cord compression; old age induced chronic colic; founder; arthritic horse losing ability to get up; arthritic horse becoming stall bound due to lameness; fractured leg; catastrophic soft tissue reinjury following years of painstaking stall rest and rehab; DSLD; unresolvable significant lameness confirmed on necropsy; and that’s all just off the top of my head. I don’t think any of these horses were as old as yours. One was close I think and his end was not so terrible despite that he was dealing with some chronic issues. Several were young.
You might have a pretty healthy 30+ year old, but I can’t imagine any vet being horrified by a request to put down a lame, retired, very senior horse whose owner has had a significant and limiting life change. They will have seen a lot. It could be so much worse. And no one wants that for their horse either.
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Ok so I completely understand that this is hard for you. It would be hard for me to. But your vet will not be horrified. In your small animal practice, you probably saw mostly animals brought in by owners who could afford their care and there weren’t good options left for the animal. You didn’t see the ones surrendered to shelters. It’s also generally easier to rehome a pet than a horse in situations like yours where a friend or family member might step up only because they are relatively easier to house and care for. But some don’t and owner health issues cause pets to be surrendered all the time. Elderly pets don’t get adopted by the general public very much.
If this were a dog that you can no longer take out for exercise or afford his needs, would you euth or would you surrender, with the latter likely having the same end result after the dog sits in a cage for a while? Or gets adopted to be used for bait?
As others mentioned, you could try fully transferring him to the BO if they’ll go for that. If not, well, as I listed above, there are a lot of worse ends for the horse to have. Most of those examples were emergency or perhaps a day too late situations. The ones that were arguably “early” (like the permanent severe lameness in the 6yo supposed to be sales project) had very peaceful ends and did not know much suffering. Would your BO be someone that would wait until “too late” if you gave them all control? At this point, the timing of it will not negate the fact that this horse has had a good life.
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