It’s starting to seem like you’re just looking for somewhere to vent. Any action any one suggests to you is shut down or too hard.
So, vent away. But the problem will still be there when you’re done.
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@PeregrineHagen maybe this has been said by someone else but my totally practical nature tells me this about your situation…you are no longer in a financial situation to care for a 30 yr old horse and no vet worth a grain of salt is going to argue with your decision because this also means you aren’t in a financial position to treat him if he has a health crisis. At his age it is probably going to happen sooner rather than later and it could be something that is very painful for him. Wouldn’t you rather know that you took control and made his passing a peaceful one instead of waiting until a situation arises that the result is the same but his final hours were extremely miserable?
I am sorry if my post comes across as being harsh when you read it but at this point in time what matters most is doing right by your horse and not worrying about what everyone else (barn owner, vet etc) thinks.
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Unfortunately, it’s far more common that the need to euthanize comes up to us gradually, as our animals age and slowly accumulate things that make life harder for them. That doesn’t make that sort of euthanasia any less necessary than one after something catastrophic.
I say this with kindness, as I know this is very hard, but you’ve not seen your horse in years and you really don’t know what his day to day is like. For example, is he comfortable enough to lie down and sleep? If he does, can be rise easily? How does he tolerate the heat, or the cold, or the flies, or the rock hard ground? You don’t know if he’s having a hard time holding up his feet for the farrier, or how his teeth are doing. Has he lost any? How has his lameness progressed since you saw him last, and how well does he get around the pasture? There are SO many ways that life gets harder for them as they get older.
Thirty year old horses are OLD. They’ve had a lifetime to collect hurts, and their bodies are wearing out. By 30, many are no longer able to eat hay. By 30, many have difficulty rising. By 30, they often have a hard time standing for the farrier. By 30, they are a whole COLLECTION of health issues.
It’s an incredible kindness to let our pets go when they feel okay, before things get terrible. We have the gift of foresight, and when we know the general direction is down, why would we want to wait until they feel bad? Why would we ask them to endure that pain, and fear?
At some point in the not too terribly distant future, your horse is going to be down and unable to rise. Or he will fall and break a leg. Or he will suddenly lose an incredible amount of weight. Or something else like that. Because that’s how end of life comes for horses. The decision certainly becomes much easier on us at that point, but it also makes for a really terrible last day for your horse. Why would you want that for him?
He has lived a very long, full life. Give him this last kindness and let him go when his last days are still good.
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I agree with all the other posters that it sounds like you’re unable to make even small decisions, you’re so frustrated. I also want to stress that I don’t think the barn owner should make the final call BUT if you find it too overwhelming and scary to call the vet (and you will have to talk to the barn owner at some point because whatever happens involves her property) you need to at least put things into motion by speaking to someone. Talking to the BO will literally not change anything. The horse will still be there eating in the field as you speak with her about moving forward.
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Honestly - you do not want the guilt of waiting until something catastrophic happens.
Been there. Done that. Lived it. Regret it almost every day. Have seen others do it. Regret not being able to do more to stop it.
It’s easier to make the call when it’s colic or a broken leg. But old horses tend to just slowly go downhill. And then one day, we have to confront it. And it sucks.
You need to put eyes on your horse. You need to see if the reality matches either your memory or the photos you’ve seen. My guess is that it won’t, and that will be apparent.
You have another option - you could tell the barn owner that you will pay them for the euthanasia visit upfront, and when they determine the time is right, they can make that call. Since they see him daily, they will know and be in a position to do what they need to do.
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I have to say that maybe I am heartless, but when a horse leaves my barn my first question to myself is would the horse be better off being euthanized. This may sound terrible, but I have sold too many horses that when I found out what conditions they ended up in after they left my house, with a very honest assessment of the condition of the horse to the new “forever home”. I was appalled to find out the state of the horse a short time later. There are much worse things than a short happy life for a horse, I have seen it too many time. imho and this is so far down the op will probably never read it, but I hope they see it and take it to heart.
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Nope.
Well then go DO SOMETHING.
Call the barn owner! Arrange a visit! Arrange a friend to go visit if you can’t!
ANYTHING.
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I don’t come from money, but I was careful to pad out an emergency/vet fund. I could go above and beyond for my elderly horse and depending on the problem I would. But there are many, many reasons I wouldn’t even though I might have the funds to. What is the point of keeping an old, uncomfortable horse ticking just to say they are? Not saying that’s the situation with your horse, but I wouldn’t characterize anyone on this board as not willing to go above and beyond for their horse. Most of us have just been around long enough to know that often isn’t the KINDEST option.
You keep saying you can’t imagine “killing” your horse, but you’re not. You’d be making a responsible decision to let him go with dignity based on his age and your finances. But again, if it’s not something you’re psychologically comfortable with, something else HAS to be done. Seeing if your BO will take him, calling the vet to discuss this if only so you see they will take it as a reasonable choice. Period. You have to make a decision.
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You have no idea if there is a “good reason” because you haven’t actually laid eyes on him in years, and you don’t even speak to the person who is caring for him.
At 30, there probably ARE good reasons.
Your language around this is just incredibly offensive, by the way. Just about everyone here has had to wrestle with this decision and describing it as “killing” is disgusting. As if it’s aggressive, willful act. Shame on you.
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As well as a humane end, other suggestions have included:
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Going to see the horse to re-evaluate his condition.
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Speaking with the barn owner via phone or text and arranging a heart-to-heart in person to discuss his condition.
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Giving the barn owner the final call, selling him to her for $1, if she is open to this.
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If you are not physically able, asking the barn owner to meet you at another location that is more wheelchair accessible ASAP, to discuss the horse’s condition and a way for you to see and evaluate him ASAP (perhaps leading him to the barn parking lot or something, if it’s hard to get into the barn).
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Discussing the option with a vet, so you may reflect upon the decision, using the vet’s guidance and expertise to guide your own.
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OP, if euthanasia decisions are on a continuum (sooner vs later, convenience vs catastrophic injury) I am probably closer to you than most on this forum. I don’t think it is ok to euthanize when there are other good options. But there are very very few options for your horse.
For you to be comfortable that you’ve exhausted all possible avenues, you need to
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Have a conversation with the BO
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Have a conversation with your vet (what does she think? Recommend?)
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Have a conversation with your husband. Surely his perspective would be helpful?
Once you’ve done those 3 things, you will have more info than you have now.
One last thing: I’ve had horses in their 30’s here, and yes, some are in great shape. But they are balanced on a knife edge, and once something goes wrong it usually leads to catastrophe and death. I’ve been boarding retired horses for 15+ years, and only a handful have lived into their 30’s. None has lived longer than 32. You are not shortening this horse’s life by much at all. And you are avoiding the potentially catastrophic end.
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You guys are wasting your breath on this one…
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About to call Bingo here.
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I’m going to burst your bubble here but I do it with very kind intentions.
You are very lucky to not have much experience euthanizing horses. It is unusual that you have 35 years of experience and don’t have more experience with euthanasia. I think that is luck, and I’m happy you haven’t had to experience a lot of euthanasias, but your experience isn’t the average. At all.
I can tell you that there are MANY horses who are not good candidates for other homes who are euthanized for a plethora of reasons including lack of funds. I don’t think your vet is going to blink twice about someone calling about euthanasia for a 30 year old horse and wanting to give them a peaceful end before catastrophe happens, even if you had all the money in the world. I’ve previously worked in the vet industry myself for a respectable amount of time and can attest to this happening. I for one think it’s somewhat cruel to wait on a catastrophe to happen to your horse over a dignified end.
People here are giving you the best option. What other option would there be outside of gifting him to your barn owner? Even that I wouldn’t be comfortable with because I’d be afraid they’d wait for catastrophe to come as well. Or the horse would absolutely decline and I would have no control over that. He is 30. He is lame. He is at a huge risk to be rehomed.
I think you are being a bit unrealistic by expecting the horse to be doing well because you’ve seen pictures and have been told so by someone else without actually having seen him. 30 year old horses come with many issues due to just age. His quality of life may be something entirely different than what you think and I think you owe it to him to find out what his quality of life is versus assuming he is just fine.
Also, why would you feel more comfortable if he were sick or injured? Why would you want his last day to be bad? I don’t understand that.
As for the insinuation that you have been sheltered because you are around a bunch of people with money? That’s offensive. Money doesn’t stop time. I’ve been around GP trainers and GP horses, some of the best facilities in the United States. Trust me, your lack of experience with euthanasia isn’t because you have been around a bunch of rich people who can somehow make horses live forever. That is so unrealistic.
You owe it to your horse to at least see what condition he is and to actually gauge his quality of life so you know he isn’t living a bad one. I think you also owe it to your horse to be more realistic and give him a peaceful ending - however that may be.
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I’d go one step further to say - footing a bill is NOT ENOUGH to say you are giving a horse good care. If it weren’t for the good graces and kindness of your BO, where would this horse be? Instead of villifying them, how about a “THANK YOU” for 100% handling your horse’s care while you’ve been absent for YEARS. Farriers, vets, everything. There are untold amounts of things your BO has done for your horse since you will not/can not/haven’t been out there. Who do you think picks his feet? Who do you think trims his mane and tail? Fairies?
That would be an excellent way to start a conversation, by the way. “Hi BO. Long time no talk. I am calling because I just wanted to thank you for taking over my horse’s care when I could not.”
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I think we need to go back to why you came here in the first place ( about 6 weeks ago). I know you love your horse, I know you have sacrificed greatly so you could keep him.
Horse ownership ( or any animals in our lives) are meant to bring joy, pleasure and improve our life through living with them and doing things with them and yes, loving them ( i certainly love mine).
BUT they are not people and you have crossed over the threshold where now you are denying yourself the meds you need so you can pay board on a horse who is old, lame and has a host of other issues that make placing him somewhere next to impossible.
If it is as much of a financial hardship as you say, are you willing for both you and your husband to lose everything so you can keep paying the BO? She is the only one who is benefiting from this relationship as the absentee owner keeps sending in the money she can’t afford to send.
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Doubtful that she’s benefiting either, tbh. She’s steeply discounting board. 30 year old horses are rarely easy or cheap to feed. And she’s providing a much higher level of day to day care than she would with a more involved owner.
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You might be right. I guess it depends on what she is getting each month. If she was losing money I doubt she would be against euthanasia? It would free up a spot for a full price boarder.
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I believe OP indicated above that the “reduced” board was still IMHO shockingly high, far more than I could see spending on my fully functional riding horse even with my fairly nice salary. Ok, I scrolled back and found it. “Almost a grand.” Enough to make a difference in the owner’s quality of life.
OP, looking back at your posts it seems like you are mired in depression to the extent of almost being passively suicidal. And obviously you really identify with the horse and giving up on him seems like almost giving up on yourself.
However the paradox is that continuing to support a horse you can’t afford when you have no money for your own necessities is also destroying you.
Horse owners have to make hard choices when they can’t afford the upkeep.
Why can’t you get your husband to initiate things? He’s only telling you there are solutions because he doesn’t want to upset you. Have him contact the barn owner. Arrange a nice day to go together. Have the horse brought out to where you can view him from the car.
You really have two options. Euthanize or sell him to BO for $1 if she protests.
I guess you were in a show barn where riders sold on their horses when they became less competitive. I’m at a self board recreational barn where each horse is a beloved pet and people really do keep them functional to 28 or 30. And even so, most deaths are euth. Natural death in a horse is often painful drawn out and ugly. They are more likely to just go down and not be able to stay up, in the wild they’d be a fresh meal for wolves or starve.
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