In coastal California. Cost of hay, cost of grain, cost of land, taxes, etc…all incredibly high. No, the barn owner isn’t making enough profit on this horse to make a difference in her quality of life. Pretty good odds she’s actually losing money here and supporting him out of kindness. After…how many years? of no owner involvement, she probably feels a good deal of ownership herself.
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Oh I meant in the horse owners quality of life!!! 
The horse owner has been skipping her own dental and meds to pay almost $1000 a month for the horse. Now she has no income at all. That “almost $1000” could go a long way in her life.
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Oh, yes, TOTALLY 110% agree there!!! Absolutely!
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I agree with everything you wrote, @Scribbler and I agree that reluctance to make a decision is often a symptom of depression. It can be frustrating enough with something simple but inconsequential like choosing what to make for dinner, but here there is pressure and a need to make a decision soon.
Very gently–the stubborn insistence that the horse is fine, while still refusing to see him or even have a conversation with the barn owner is why all of us are so frustrated. Your barn owner may not what to bring up euthanasia for fear of being blamed if you decide to put the horse down and then have regrets. She is not going to send an accurate photo of a horse that might not look at his best, for fear of an enraged owner posting it on social media. (Even if you say you’d never do such a thing, that might be her fear, for how it reflects on her facility. I know many barn owners with retirees who are very thin who don’t like them to be be photographed and posted on social media for that reason).
At a few of the barns I started taking lessons at as an adult, the barn owners had elderly horses that had been ridden by their now grown children. They kept the horses going, truthfully, longer than they should, for sentimental reasons, but since they were the BO, they were not paying board. All of the boarders kind of averted their eyes, but no one had the courage to say that it was long, long past time–the horses were not keeping weight and couldn’t be trusted to be out in a field without going down and needing to be helped up again, for fear of angering the BO.
People are being more honest here because of the anonymous nature of the forum. In real life, it’s very hard to say to someone, “hey, you need to check in on your elderly horse,” or “maybe it’s time,” when the old horse is the person’s last horse.
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Nope.
This horse is going to die. He’s lived a long life. He is very old. Nothing you can do will prevent his death.
You can control his death. You can make it gentle and easy. You can make his last day a happy one.
Or you can continue to ignore the fact that his death is approaching. One day, fairly soon, something absolutely terrible will happen. He’ll be in immense pain. He’ll be terrified.
That will be easier on YOU. It will be hell for him.
You HAVE been offered alternatives. Sell him to the barn owner for a dollar. Call her and discuss his actual condition. Have your husband call the vet.
You owe this horse–and yourself–a hell of a lot more than doing nothing. Doing nothing is the worst possible choice here, for everyone.
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Since you don’t like the advice you’ve gotten here, why not call your barn owner (the person who sees this horse every day and knows the area where you’re located, and has more connections than you do), explain your situation, and ask for feedback?
Even for a much younger unrideable horse without the temperament suitable for a therapeutic situation, there are not many options. Plus, lots of rescues and therapeutic places can be really sketchy unless the owner is pretty hands-on about checking up on the horse, or knows someone not associated with the facility in the area who will keep an eye on things. It’s not like they’re rainbow, magical unicorn places where the horses get everything they need.
I ride an older horse. But he’s been carefully managed and in great shape (I am not the owner, btw). He’s very lucky. No one here is anti-old horse. But the reason no one is giving you happy options that will allow him to live in a field for free, perfectly cared for, until he passes away painlessly of natural causes in the night, is that is very uncommon for most horses.
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Is there anyone in your life that can help you with your chair? A friend to help you navigate the barn?
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Is there a reason that you can’t have someone drive you out there and have the barn/house owner bring the horse out so you can see him? You don’t even have to get out of the car. You could make an appointment to meet with the vet at the same time just for a check up to see how he’s doing.
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Nope.
What does having an old horse humanely euthanized have to do with how much money you have? You’ve mentioned this more than once now and I don’t get it. Are you saying wealthy people don’t own old horses or that wealthy people never euthanize? It makes no sense and is very insulting.
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I really do feel for you OP. It’s not an enviable or easy place to be in, and I can empathize with not being ‘ready’ to do it now.
I would suggest you sit back, take a deeeeeeep breath, and write out the different scenarios for you to see.
1 - Do nothing, at some point will get phone call from barn owner that Dobbins went down, broke a leg (insert awful situation here) and they had to have the emergency vet out to put him down.
2 - Call/email barn owner and ask how Dobbins is doing. Just open a conversation and see where it goes.
3 - Call the vet and ask for their recommendations, which may lead to a vet visit and additional costly measures to keep him comfortable
4 - Call the vet and let them know you have made the decision and schedule the appointment.
5 - Organize a visit to lay eyes on him yourself. There are no barriers against this other than in your head. You don’t need to get out of the vehicle.
I feel like what is likeliest to happen here is that you will wait for the phone call from the barn owner to let you know something horrific happened to your horse. If you are ok with that… then that’s a decision.
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Some people are just living to be victims of some type.
Exhibit A, this thread.
Suck it up, OP, and call the darn BO. That is free to you, you’re just whining about being spoken sternly to about a horse dentist several YEARS ago. get over it, the BO has shouldered the lion’s share of caring for your horse for years, you owe her an explanation and a thank you.
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The reason people are saying euth is that you state you don’t even have food for groceries, you have gone without meds and dental care to pay almost $1000 a month to keep a retired horse, and the horse is not part of your life. You don’t see him, interact with him, and have fought with the caretaker so you can’t even ask about him. He is a memory and a fantasy now.
Obviously if you can in fact afford to keep on paying for the next several years and if you are too conflicted to open lines of communication with the caretaker, there is no reason not to keep writing cheques until he dies of old age or goes down in a snowstorm.
Our responses were to you stating you were in urgent financial crisis. If there is in fact accessible money around other than monthly income, as I have to guess by being able to spend hundreds of thousands on dogs in the past, then the picture obviously changes.
There are only 3 things to do with a horse. You pay for his care, or you create a situation where you pay much less, or you transfer ownership. An aged horse is a net expense with no use value to most people so no one will buy him. It doesn’t sound like you can just toss him on a pasture for $200 a month like I retired my pony decades ago.
No person should be compromising their own health or well-being to pay excess money for animal care. I have to say, think what the hundreds of thousands spent on sick dogs would do for you now when you are in poor health and unemployed.
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The fact remains that you can no longer afford this horse. Truly, you haven’t been able to afford him for a long time. What do you think will happen when you stop sending the checks?
Are you just planning on that to trigger the conversion with the barn owner? I guess that’s an option, although pretty shitty to do that to her, instead of just having that conversation NOW.
When you do stop paying, the barn owner can request that you sign ownership over. Or she can lien the horse. In a lien, he’ll be sold at a livestock sale. Have you been to one? He’ll be run through like cattle. He’ll be exposed to pathogens and other horses. He’ll be at high risk of injury. He’s got no value, it will not be a soft landing. He will be scared, and confused, and very likely hurt. There’s a good chance he’ll wind up on a truck to Mexico.
With your ability to continue paying board being finite, you have a finite period of time where you can still decide what happens to this horse. You can choose to end his life on a happy note, or give him away to someone who will preserve his quality of life.
Given that you say you’ve assisted in numerous euthanasias, and have had to put down your own animals due to age, your refusal to consider how purposefully ending a 30 year old horse’s life is anything other than “killing” is just willful ignorance of what challenges come in keeping a horse that old, or what his life might actually look like. This goes along with your absolute refusal to actually speak with the barn owner to find out what his day to day actually looks like.
I get that these are hard choices. I get that you would prefer not to make them. But time stops for no one. And your ability to ensure this horse has a nice life, which INCLUDES a good death, is rapidly coming to an end.
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Sometimes going above and beyond means not being selfish, and making the call for them.
Above and beyond means, if you can, giving them wonderful days and and dignified death, before something catastrophic happens.
Above and beyond means making calls that are right for that animal, and that isn’t always the preservation of life.
Above and beyond in this case is doing something, rather than nothing, starting with seeing the horse, at the moment you are living on memories, and maybe that is what you are scared of losing.
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Amen, amen, amen. You are not a better person having spent thousands upon thousands on an animal, without considering their feelings on the endless vet visits, the constant surgeries, etc. Their quality of life matters, too.
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OP, I’m sorry, but eventually, everything dies, including our beloved pets and horses. The question is not if they will, but how they will.
I was like you - a bit sheltered, but also extremely fortunate, that I had never had to have an animal put to sleep, until the last 10 years or so. When I was little, my mom was there for the pets we had to have put to sleep, like my childhood dog. But it wasn’t really luck or fortune, as I know I had cats who died of FIV (we didn’t realize it then, but I do now), and others who died of ‘old age’ - they spent their last months growing more skinny, more arthritic, and one day, they simply didn’t wake up.
I take it very seriously now. I have been there, where I’ve spent money I didn’t have to keep an animal going for ME, not them - until I had no choice. And later, I regretted putting them through it for my selfishness. Having to make that choice is the hardest thing in the world. You’re playing God and you don’t feel like you have the right to do it. You’re taking away this life; in a few minutes, the animal you’ve loved so much will be gone, and it’s because of you. I really, truly, do get it.
This isn’t about wealth. No amount of wealth can cure the aging process. In many cases, no amount of wealth can cure colic, or heal a broken leg, either. Even Barbaro’s owners, with all their resources, couldn’t do it. None of us here takes euthanasia casually. We don’t do it just to get rid of a horse we no longer find useful. We do it because it’s the right choice for us, and that horse, in that moment.
I guess I don’t know what other options you were looking for. You keep saying that you’re shocked we couldn’t provide you with options other than euthanasia. We actually did offer a few others. What other options did you hope we could find?
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I’ve heard a lot of wild things in my life regarding horses, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard the wealthy do not euthanize their horses.
OP, I think you are out of touch with reality. I’m sorry to have to say that. I also think your refusal to confront the situation is going to negatively effect your horse. I don’t think this is going above and beyond for your horse at all. I think you’re checking out and he is currently suffering or will suffer in the long run from it. It’s really sad to me.
Side note - don’t you think that some people on this board giving you this advice are very wealthy themselves?
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I say, leave her alone! Different people draw the line in different places. It could be selfless to euthanize in this situation, but it also could not be selfless, if the horse is healthy and happy (yes, horses in their 30’s can be that!).
Ultimately it’s up to the OP to figure out her finances and what’s best for her.
I do want to note for the record that of all my owners over the years, the stingiest, the ones considering convenience euthanasia, were the wealthiest by far.
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