Nope

[stargzng386]

Right now your horse and your barn owner are a hostage to you. You refuse to call or make any effort to go see your horse. You say that your barn owner yelled at you years ago about the dentist and it was very triggering because she was yelling at you because you were disabled and couldn’t afford it?? Seems to me she was trying to get through to someone about a horse she has to see and care for every single day. Dentistry isn’t a nice to have horse care item it’s necessary. So my question is was your horse in pain? If their teeth aren’t done they can cause open bleeding ulcers in their mouths. Is every single bite of grass/hay/grain he’s taking painful and has been for years? Or did your barn owner bite the bullet and pay for the dentist herself so she doesn’t have to watch your horse struggle.

If you were so horrified about her trying to get through about the dentist how do you think she feels about approaching you about a conversation about euthanasia? I’ve stood next to a dozen barn owners looking at an old retired horse in their field and had them say if he/she were mine I’d put them down but the owner isn’t ready. You have no idea what she’s thinking. You have NO IDEA how your horse is doing. Go see your horse, talk to the barn owner or go to therapy to talk about why you can’t do either of those things. Forget euthanasia at this point you can’t take any action. Did you think the suggestion would be a magikal money tree that all of a sudden pays your horse’s bills? You may even actually find that if your barn owner will take over care but you have to talk to her. Right now your horse is more a figment of your imagination that costs you a grand a month.

[FjordBCRF]

I just skimmed this whole thing and I find it beyond wacky. OP, if you have been so involved in the horse world for so long, I just don’t believe that euthing an older horse that is not sound is news to you. Sorry.

I don’t recall the time it’s been since you have last physically seen your horse, years? You truly have no clue how it’s doing if you are afraid to talk to the barn owner and are relying on random photos from honestly, who knows when. This horse is more yours in your mind than in reality. Your inaction in all of this is far worse to me than euthing him in the situation he has found himself in at his age.

I am truly sorry for the physical disabilities you have and the situation you are in, I have a couple chronic conditions myself that are expected to get worse over time. I still can’t fathom not going to see my horse for that long or at least having another horse person that you trust go and check on him with some routine.

You have all but abandoned him and he is at the mercy of someone you won’t contact. Unless you are getting WHEN and WHAT updates on ALL things he is needing care wise; vet/dentist/farrier/diet etc you have no clue how he’s doing.

Honestly, it wouldn’t surprise me if you do hand over the horse to the BO, she very well may euth him for all the reasons posted here so he isn’t on her dime anymore. She may come to a breaking point having been as gracious as she has, and say come get your horse off my property. Something to think about.

[steelerino]

Sounds like you need to find a new venue who will tell you what you want to hear. All of us a speaking from experience and giving you good advice but it’s not the fairytale ending you want.

[Impractical_Horsewoman]

OP, I think you have lots of sympathy here for your terrible personal situation, but where you’re really losing me is refusing to even talk to the barn owner who has been caring for the horse all of these years because she was mean to you. I too have trouble believing you were in horses for years and never encountered an older horse being euthanized.

I cannot, however, believe you were in horses for years and never had to interact with a mean old crusty horse lady.

(Note: I am saying “mean” ironically, given this lady has been caring for the horse at reduced board and I’m wondering if some of the “meanness” came from being frustrated with communicating.)

[rockymouse]

Y’all, I don’t think anything we say is going to change OP’s mind or this situation. I’m not sure how much of this story is true.

[LuvMyTB]

In the end, you would likely be doing the barn owner a favor, who’s been subsidizing this horse for YEARS. If you can’t bring yourself to make any of these decisions, then you need to speak to the BO (or have your husband do it) and sign over legal ownership to the barn owner, so she can gauge if/when the horse is ready to be euthanized and have the authority to do it.

You are taking advantage of the BO and as someone above said, holding her hostage. After she has done an incredible kindness for you and this horse. Time for you to repay that.

[candyappy]

@PeregrineHagen

But again, right now, I can’t do it. And please don’t kick me when I’m down by calling me offensive because I said I can’t kill my horse. I can’t right now.

I had no intention to kick you when down so If I did I apologize.

My intent was either you have the money or you don’t? You said the board alone is more than your disability and you have no income form your husband–But yet here it is 6 weeks later and you are still paying board.

I am a person who has always had enough money to get by. Never in debt but never having much surplus. When you say you can’t afford it , to me you can’t afford it period.

Obviously we have a different view of what “affording things” is and it sounds like you have money to pay board from savings or investments etc…

To me that sounds like you can take all the time you need to find other options but that isn’t what your first post read like to me. Good luck in finding the perfect answer. The decision is never easy for any of us.

[2DogsFarm]

Winner!
The repeated reference to euth as “Killing” finally summed it up for me.
The horse described (if you sift through OP’s rambling) is a real candidate for euthanasia.
Which is so NOT killing your horse, let alone her not at all healthy horse.
That she hasn’t laid eyes on in ???
Smells like a real case of All About Me, nevermind the animal.
I’m not doubting this person’s personal backstory, just saying the repeated resistance to making a call to the vet belies any real concern for the horse’s welfare.

Off to find my Bingo card & break open a box of Cardbordeaux…

[hybriseris]

@stargzng386

You say that your barn owner yelled at you years ago about the dentist and it was very triggering because she was yelling at you because you were disabled and couldn’t afford it?? Seems to me she was trying to get through to someone about a horse she has to see and care for every single day.

This. The more I read, the more I feel like I’m getting a picture of a BO who was probably feeling like most of us on this thread. I am deeply compassionate towards your situation and the hard decisions you have to make, I feel that keenly. But I think the tone of this thread has changed not because we all are telling you to euthanize your horse if you can’t bring yourself to, but because it seems you simply won’t do ANYTHING.

Even in your last post you say “maybe the barn owner will offer to take him, maybe she won’t and that’s the alternative I’m left with”. For the sake of your animal, you cannot allow life to just keep happening to you. For HIS sake, you have to tackle this. You’ve gotten our opinions and what we would do, but if that isn’t what you can bring yourself to do, you have to suck it up and speak to the BO, to the vet, to a friend who can help you navigate the barn, ANYTHING but putting your hands up and waiting for something to happen that means you didn’t have to make a choice. That would be easier for you, but for him it will be painful and terrifying.

[2DogsFarm]

@hybriseris

easier for you, but for him it will be painful and terrifying.

THIS! X1,000,000
Horse might peacefully die in pasture.
That’s what we all hope for.
Or he might go down in a stall & not be able to get up, go down in a field & not be able to get up.
And spend his last hours in fear, with or without accompanying pain.
Nothing is more terrifying to a prey animal than being helpless.
But, if that’s kinder to OP than a sedated & painless death, nothing we can say will change her mind.

Guac, anyone?

[EADoug]

I was at a barn once where we had the old almost retired campaigner - had seen his owner BN to Prelim, and then seen many family members and beginners learn to ride. He was a well loved, well cared for horse. LOTs of pep in his step and love left to give.

But every once and a while when out in the field while running and playing, his hock caught up / locked, and he took a misstep.

After seeing this a few times, owner sat down and said to us - One day he’s going to do that, and he will fall and tear some ligaments, or break a leg, or or or… He was put down the next week with a belly full of treats and a familiar hand on his head.

That was a huge lesson for me. He had so much life in him, so much left to give… but it was better a day early, when happy, while sound… than going out in the morning to a terrified and hurt horse who’s last moments would be a painful disaster.

[2DogsFarm]

COTHism re: euth, from a longtime poster:
Better a day too soon than a minute too late

[AllTheCarrots]

@PeregrineHagen, I’ve been following this thread with sympathy for everyone involved. I think you have received a lot of good advice from many thoughtful people, and I hope you will sit with it and reflect on how to take the next step. It is hard, but caring for our animals means caring for them all the way through to the end. They put an enormous amount of trust in us; it’s our job as horsepeople to be worthy of that trust.

One more piece of advice: When your first message to the board is a tale of financial woe, and you keep circling back to how troubled your finances are, and if only there was some miracle way to get more $$$ because that would solve everything, I personally begin to steel myself for the inevitable “ask.” I hope that’s not the case. But when you are presented with — and systematically refuse — lots of suggestions for minimizing the expense side of the ledger, it might make folks think that you’re trying to persuade them to pad out the income side.

[PeregrineHagen]

Nope.

[MadTrotter]

I appreciate your sentiments here but please PLEASE stop equating spending unrealistic amounts of money on a pet as somehow automatically equating good care or love. You don’t need to spend $5k a month, or “hundreds of thousands” to be a good person to your animals, and it’s highly insulting to those who can’t…and it seems like you’re just beating yourself up as you’re not wealthy anymore, so it’s toxic to you too.

I once spent $16k+ on colic surgery and rehab on a 25 year old horse I loved. It was a long and painful recovery for him. He relapsed two years later and I told the vet no more heroics. Was the $600 euthanasia bill less love and compassion than the five figures?

[widge]

No one is pushing you OP. You’re the one who keeps logging back on to read replies.

[stryder]

@PeregrineHagen - when I have had a seemingly impossible decision to make, I may seem to dither for quite a while. Especially one, like this one, that can’t be walked back. There’s no do-over. You truly have my deepest empathy and respect.

The things I consider are: will things be better later? Can I afford (whether it’s time, hard work, talent or yes, money) the price? What is the upside if I do this? What is the downside if I do? And what is the downside if I don’t?

And then, regardless of the answer, I may sit with it for a time, to see how well it sits with me, or if any other answer has arisen.

I may also try to think through whether there’s some other internal dialogue that’s clouding the issue? I think as we age or become less “able” for whatever reason, we fear being cast aside as “less than” and not worthy of care and respect. I have to try to figure out if my concerns about my own self-worth are shadowing how I’m looking at a particular decision. I’m not saying this is your situation, but it’s something I keep an eye on in my own decision-making.

I think we remain horsewomen, regardless of whether we currently own a horse. I think of my mother as horsewoman. She’s hasn’t ridden in decades, hasn’t driven for a long time, and will be 100(!) in a couple weeks. She needs a wheelchair to get around, and is nearly blind. But I believe her indomitable spirit, her joy of life, and her empathy for others stems from being a horsewoman. That can never, ever be taken from her.

It cannot be taken from you. You’re facing a hard decision.

It could be that the forceful comments you’re reading here is because we’re concerned about you! You’re sacrificing your own health and well-being to care for a beloved horse that doesn’t know or care anything about tomorrow.

But you can take as long as you like to decide. It’s your decision to make. Best wishes to you.

[anon67413619]

@PeregrineHagen I remember you and your boy Chase when you posted under a different screen name. I remember him being a gorgeous boy, and I can see how it’s such a difficult decision to make. And it’s difficult to make that decision when you’re in the midst of it all. But posters on here have been in those difficult situations and are offering advice for the best and kindest path that they would choose if they were in your position.

[Jealoushe]

Yes, exactly. I had to euthanize a 12 yr old horse I loved more than anything because he was becoming neurological after falling badly in the field one day. He was good a lot of the time but when he wasn’t he would fall over and the thought of something awful happening in the winter or when I wasn’t home was the thing I couldn’t stop worrying about. Sometimes life isn’t fair and it’s sad but we have to do what’s best for them and us.

[IPEsq]

This is the most unnatural thing for us as humans to do, but it is a hard burden that we must bear in order to do what is the most compassionate for our animals. It becomes easier to accept in emergency, no other choice type scenarios. But there’s a ton of guilt that comes with those as well. There’s no getting around feeling awful, unfortunately. I think you should have a conversation with the BO before you get to a point where your checks start bouncing. Is your husband willing to forego food and other basic needs also for this horse? Don’t alienate your support system over this money issue. Doesn’t mean you have to go through with euth today or on the day you talk to your BO, but you need to start talking to those involved in the horse’s life, like the BO and your vet, including figuring out a way to get the physical support you need to be able to see the horse and go through his things.