OP, I have to agree with everything that @endlessclimb said above. When you started this thread, everyone was 1,000% sympathetic with your decision. But whether it is the depression triggered by the terrible fate that you were dealt as a result of your accident, or something else, I think all of us are incredibly frustrated with you by now.
You say this horse is everything to you, you are absolutely certain he isn’t in much pain, but he is a half hour away and you haven’t seen him in years and years.
You say that the barn owner is a terrible person and is cruel to you, but she’s charging you half board and if you haven’t been able to afford a dentist in years for an old horse or see your horse, I’m guessing she’s doing lots of little things for the horse she’s not charging you for.
Although people in this thread have shared heartfelt stories of putting their beloved equine partners down, you stubbornly refer to this as “killing.” You seem to equate being a good horse owner with writing a check, versus making informed decisions and reaching out for information to make those decisions.
A number of people in this thread have dealt with chronic health conditions, or know people who have, and many of the suggestions given to you (taking to the barn owner and making amends, making arrangements to see the horse in a wheelchair-accessible area, talking to a vet, talking to a disability or healthcare advocate) involve only picking up a phone, not any change to your horse’s status.
If you can’t do this, find a friend who can, and who can be objective, who knows horses.
I will have to step out of this thread as well, because it’s making me frustrated, too. I understand depression and the emotional paralysis it can cause. But if you can post here and talk to all of us, you can make a phone call. Heck, even text the barn owner.
I don’t understand the purpose of starting this thread. You don’t want to put the horse down. He is too old, expensive to maintain, and can’t be turned out with other horses, so he is not suitable for a rescue or therapeutic facility (and you couldn’t monitor his care closely at a “rougher” board situation). It doesn’t sound like you have horse friends willing and able to take him on and provide all the care your barn owner has been providing for years.
I admit, like another poster, I was starting to wonder if there was going to be an appeal for money, but even as expensive as board as getting, I truthfully think it would be very hard to get people to help you subsidize the care of a 30 year old horse at $1,000 a month, when most people who do retire their horses pay far less and would struggle even to maintain a healthy horse, paying that per month.
Okay, now I will peace out as well. I hope you can find some therapy and pain relief to deal with all you have been through.
- but mostly your absolute refusal to do anything to resolve your issues with regard to keeping this horse alive or giving him a painless, & dignified end.
