Why I love my job:
I have a big screen monitor.
We have mega high-powered servers and can get more information, faster than YOU. Nyah, nyah.
There’s lots of free food.
We have an indoor putting green.
We go biking at lunch time or whenever the mood strikes us.
We fly to California for company parties.
We have a huge, heated indoor arena and barn with ever amenity (okay, so that’s not entirely true).
We have lots of free food.
We have dartboards.
Our only dress code is that we wear some sort of cover. Today, because of the intense heat and bright sun, I’m wearing my sunglasses and anklet.
We will soon have a covered and heated swimming pool with inflatable toys and a bar with a cute bartender (I help with hiring, so HE will be CUTE!) Phooey, my boss just informed me to cancel the pool order. We are only getting the inflatable toys! Something about achieving profitability (blah, blah, blah) before we can have the pool. Sheesh, we’re an internet company. Since when do internet companies have to be profitable, I asked her. That question didn’t fly. Still battling her on the cute bartender hire.
We can drag race our cars in the parking lot.
Did I mention that we have lots of free food.
We can entertain ourselves by seeing how quickly we can get the fire department here with the use of our Explodatron (that would be a microwave for the uninitiated).
WE can entertain ourselves by seeing how quickly we can get the police department by using our Potato Launcher. Well, no, they actually put a stop to that - slapped our wrists hard (very hard) and took the launcher with them. (Rumor has it that the potato launcher has gotten a lot of use at their firing range).
We can ride the unicycle inside the building as long as we don’t plow into our VP on a blind corner. The truth is, we can even do that and it has been done. Director of Technology smacked right into the VP big time - I just love where I sit; I don’t miss any of the good action.
We go on summer picnics where we eat and drink too much.
Our Christmas party wine budget is (cough, cough) verrrrry generous.
We have exercise equipment. Although, the most exercise we get with it is moving it from one office to another.
Building number 1 is a bunch of rabbit warrens, so it’s easy to hide from coworkers or boss.
Best of all, I get paid a 7 figure salary!!!Okay, 5, 7 – what’s the difference?
