old horses and end-of-life choices

[Critter]

I’m getting really emotionally exhausted with having to make euthanasia decisions…so thanks in advance for letting me have a place to express my thoughts. Two years ago I said goodbye to my heart dog…14 years and kidney failure (3rd time)…hers was more of an emergency and sudden decision. A year and 10 days ago I said goodbye to my heart horse, who had foundered (likely cushings related) and after several weeks of trying to stabilize him, I did not want to see him suffer…I’m still not over making that decision, even though he was 27 and I knew our time was limited. This spring I made the decision to say goodbye to another dog, she was only 8 but had a bad case of diabetes and we struggled to keep her blood sugar levels in check, she had gone almost blind. I had a hard time making the decision…but with her there was a bit of relief instead of guilt…pics I took that day made me realize how much she had gone downhill over a few months.

My current issue is facing this decision with my almost 29 yo mare…I have had her since she was a yearling. She has been retired for a long time, due to navicular and ringbone issues. Last winter was a bit tough on her…she hates the cold and gets very stiff. This summer she dropped a lot of weight, despite good grazing. This is a mare that was fat on air…her entire life 1qt of sweet feed twice a day and she needed to lose 100s of pounds. Over the lat 6 months I switched her to senior and she is know eating 5-6 qts a day split over 3 feedings…plus she has stopped eating hay, so we’ve replaced hay intake with soaked hay cubes (which she does enjoy). Teeth are good (recent check). Just less interest in hay. She’s been on bute daily for nearly 3 years…previcox didn’t help…and at her age we went for pain control as the more important option. Her one hind fetlock is contracted…stays in a flexed position at all times…the other hind leg is starting to contract a little (had vet xray when it first started…but nothing we could fix/treat). She gets up and down…not pretty, but I don’t want her to get to the point where she can’t get up. The last two weeks she has been hesitant going in and out of the stall…not sure if vision related. But she still nickers and searches for cookies…still grooms the other mare she goes out with. But she looks tired…less pep. Vet looked her over end of summer and there are no issues…beyond old age and chronic pain that is being managed as best we can. I’ve been telling myself I will make an appointment the end of the month…but it is so very hard to make that call. And the end of the month is approaching faster than I care to face.

I don’t want to wait to the point of her suffering more than she needs…like going down and not getting up. But this sucks…and I am getting tired of making these decisions.

[OverandOnward]

These can be agonizing decisions when we don’t want to be unfair to the animal either by delay and allowing too much suffering, or by depriving them of some good moments too early.

If it helps at all, I don’t think you need to over-judge your decisions (or yourself) as to when is the ‘perfect’ moment to let one go. There isn’t one. There isn’t a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ moment.

Don’t worry about letting go ‘too early’, as far as I’m concerned that doesn’t exist. When we give them the easy ticket out, they don’t even know it. Their next step is ultimate peace.

Hopefully you can be at peace as well, knowing that they had a good life with you. And did not have to suffer through the final, painful stages of the dying process.

“But she still nickers and searches for cookies…still grooms the other mare she goes out with.”
Personally I would rather let her go now and not wait until she has no joy at all. Others may feel differently, though, and I understand not wanting to give up those good moments. There just comes a time when the balance isn’t justified any longer, for me. Especially during a season of weather change.

"She gets up and down…not pretty, but I don’t want her to get to the point where she can’t get up. "
This would be the time when I was ready to call the game. Horses instinctively fear being unable to get up easily. When they are weary they need to be able to go down comfortably, and not fear they can’t get up again. I would not want to wait for her to be more miserable than that.

And for what it is worth, many doctors and vets don’t know much about the final stages of life. No disrespect to them, but I’ve been disappointed and sometimes alarmed at how little information they gave the relatives and owners who needed it. Most are focused on managing the living and that is why they chose the field of medicine. Vet & med school seem to spend very little time on either aging or dying for those who do not specialize in those areas.

I’ve learned something about aging, and about dying and death in the last few years, from relatives and horses. Warning that this is a little bit graphic (just a little).

Natural death by aging happens slowly. That is why the gradual loss of appetite and weight, gradual loss of mobility, and perhaps other things - this is the body slowly shutting down. This is not an easy or comfortable process. They don’t die “peacefully in their sleep”, rather it can be slow, painful, frightening and filled with dread. The animal may fight it and feel it. Much of the body is already dead by the time the heart itself finally stops.

If the animal already has heart problems then there is a chance of sudden death by abrupt heart attack that skips the gradual and painful death process. There are a few other aneurysm-type scenarios that can do the same. But these are unlikely, and not the way most natural death occurs.

Without knowing your horse in person, just based on your description, there is no way that I would try to take her through winter or even colder weather. I would give her the greatest gift I have to give, the easy ticket out, right now. And celebrate her life in memories.

All the best to you and your animals, whatever you decide to do.

[Groom_amp_Taxi]

We went through this with our dog in the spring of this year. She was over fifteen years old and had a bad vestibular spell in July of 2017 that turned her into an old dog almost instantly After that spell, she declined steadily - but slowly - and she was a generally stoic type. Our vet was actually quite helpful in giving us some “quality of life” rating scales - encouraged all the family members to fill them out separately and then discuss. The first time we did it, we were generally in agreement that our girl’s quality of life was acceptable. A couple of months later, we talked about filling out the rating scales again, but then realized that we didn’t need to - it was time. And as with your diabetic dog, there was some relief in her passing from the full realization of how hard it had gotten to be for all of us to keep her going.

I just now did a quick search for similar rating scales for horses, and there doesn’t seem to be as much out there though I did find a generally acknowledged need for such as well as this from the British Horse Society:
file:///home/chronos/u-365713bce2b71b9126cc560e40f12f3e1391e9e7/Downloads/Quality%20of%20Life%20Final%20V21117.pdf

In our description of your mare, the things that stuck out to me was her dropping weight over the summer. Seems like winter would be even more challenging in terms of keeping her weight up. Plus you know she has chronic pain/stiffness that affects her more in winter. I can understand why it’s hard to make the call, but I think you might regret not making it more.

[Bluey]

Maybe this will help?

We are in the field of “better too early than too late”, when a horse has to just endure and/or is in a terminal crisis we may have avoided:

https://aaep.org/horsehealth/euthana…icult-decision

One of the qualifications for considering euthanasia:

• A horse should not have to receive continuous analgesic medication for the relief of pain for the rest of its life.

Maybe pointing that out to your veterinarian will help start the discussion.

[kande04]

@Critter

I don’t want to wait to the point of her suffering more than she needs…like going down and not getting up. But this sucks…and I am getting tired of making these decisions.

All I can offer is to try not to make it so difficult. Just wait for any little crisis (trouble getting up is good enough) and put her down. We can’t know how much they are or aren’t suffering, so it makes no sense to me to drag it out. The more times I go through this, the better I feel about the possibility that I may have put them down too soon rather than too late–and the worse I feel about the possibility that I may have waited too long. A few more days or weeks or months likely makes no difference to them, unless they’re suffering, in which case it needs to end as soon as possible.

[quietann]

@Bluey

Maybe this will help?

We are in the field of “better too early than too late”, when a horse has to just endure and/or is in a terminal crisis we may have avoided:

A horse should not have to receive continuous analgesic medication for the relief of pain for the rest of its life. [/LIST]

I think this has changed in many places … There are a lot of horses getting daily previcox/Equioxx who are still in use. My mare has been on daily previcox/Equioxx for about 4 years, and while she isn’t perfectly sound, she’s active and happy, I ride her, trailer her, etc. There are 4 other horses (seen by 3 different vets) in the barn who are on daily Equioxx – as with my mare they are all in their late teens to early twenties, and all still in work. Just as an example.

[findeight]

Early 20s still active and in good health/weight is one thing, pushing 30, fading, losing interest and weight and unable to get around without pain killers is another.

I don’t think better too early then too late has become any less acceptable today as before. Maybe it goes later in years but it’s still preferable to waiting until they are down and terrified they can’t get up for hours with nobody there. Once you see a horse going through that, it makes the decision easier. Nothing wrong with admitting a financial component to keeping them alive either. It’s easy for some to preach about keeping them alive not realizing others are struggling financially with meds and vet costs.

Speak from recent experience, Struggled with the obvious evidence my old horse was failing, listened to friends and BO gently pointing out the time was near and another winter would be difficult. Finally picked a day when it was still warm, spoiled the crap out of it the last week and let it go, Was never so relived as when I realized the burden of worrying about the old horse being able to get up or “that” phone call was gone. It takes a toll. Looked at a recent photo of horse…with some distance from saying goodbye, realized the horse looked like crap and was failing faster then I wanted to face. Not ashamed to admit as I near the end of my career days and look at easing into retirement within the next decade, that horse upkeep money has better uses.

You always hear they will tell you when they are ready to go. They do. But you need to listen.

[ChocoMare]

I always ask the questions of myself:

IF I give them XYZ pill or ABC shot, will the outcome truly change or is it delaying his/her pain?

IF we do this therapy, will it truly improve his/her quality of life to where they are happy/comfortable/content?

When they’re 29, have lost weight and are not interested in their #1 food need (hay) and are on daily bute (which, as we know is so hard on the liver), would giving them another day, another pill, another shot, another whatever truly change her outcome for the best?

For this one, from what you’ve described, no. You’ve seen a lot of loss in a short period of time, so it makes it that much harder. So from this COTH familymember, I will say it: Before it gets too cold, pick a nice day, give her whatever goody and as many of said goodies as she wants and let her have that final peace she deserves.

(((( Understanding hugs ))))

[BrownMareDon_tCare]

Nothing to add @Critter, I’m just really feeling for you having to go through this. Big hugs from afar.

[Bluey]

@quietann

I think this has changed in many places … There are a lot of horses getting daily previcox/Equioxx who are still in use. My mare has been on daily previcox/Equioxx for about 4 years, and while she isn’t perfectly sound, she’s active and happy, I ride her, trailer her, etc. There are 4 other horses (seen by 3 different vets) in the barn who are on daily Equioxx – as with my mare they are all in their late teens to early twenties, and all still in work. Just as an example.

Those are guidelines won’t apply to every horse.

While some horses can be fine with daily pain medication, it is one more reason to euthanize others that may not fare well under that management.

We had a horse long ago with ringbone that we kept on daily bute for two years, until it was not doing much for him and causing other problems.

Sorry that the OP is there now, having to make those very hard decisions.

[Critter]

Thanks all…my vet is completely on board with saying goodbye (which I know she would tell me if she disagreed)…when she looked at my girl in September she was surprised at how downhill she had gone over the summer and attributed it to the chronic pain/arthritis/age. We had talked about letting her enjoy the nice fall with good grass and no bugs and then making the decision before the winter hit hard. It’s just easier to have the discussion when you know you have weeks left. Not so easy now that those weeks have come and gone. She’s a stoic girl…never the type to fuss…but her eyes look tired to me. I know it’s time…but the burden of making these decisions is starting to get to me.

[Foxtrot_s]

Like others have said - I’ve had to decide and often the decision is based on their ability to get down, and then get up again. The large organs of a horse are not meant to have that much weight on them, and the hocks cannot do it.
You are the responsible, caring horse owner… it’s not easy, but sounds like the right thing to do.

[findeight]

@Critter

…l She’s a stoic girl…never the type to fuss…but her eyes look tired to me. I know it’s time…but the burden of making these decisions is starting to get to me.

You mare is trying to have a discussion with you, listen to what she’s telling you. Imagine yourself in her place, what would you want?

Advance weather predictions are are colder then usual in many areas, that is a concern . I spoiled mine terribly the last few days, bucket of Stud Muffins and a quart of molasses was involved. Horse was still able to enjoy that but the cold mornings made it hard to go out of the stall to the late clover. And the eyes were dull and tired. I listened when I saw that. The last few days, horse never laid down or rolled so think we timed it perfectly.

[Cat_Tap]

Don’t wait, do it now while you are in control. Only last week I spent hours with a horse that was down and obviously in a lot of pain. It was night time, the vet was stuck in a snow storm, it is not something I want to go through again.

[lorilu]

I am there myself. My 30 yr old gal will cross over this winter probably after Christmas. She cannot take another summer - and I don’t want to make her. Heartbreaking because she too still nickers for a treat and has a bright eye.

[OverandOnward]

I understand your absolute weariness, as you have had to deal with so many rounds of this recently. Many big hugs to lift you up! <3

One of the hardest decisions I ever made was letting my last horse go - both the hardest and the easiest, in many ways, because he was so definite that he wanted to go, but he had been part of my life and my identity for over 10 years. It was agonizing. That morning my first instinct was to just hide somewhere and try to stop time from moving forward. But, later that day, as his spirit left his body, I literally and physically felt the greatest lift of weight from my own shoulders. I was sad and joyful at the same time. But I can’t imagine going through this repeatedly, as you have done recently.

I chose to focus on the lift and the relief that my horse felt. It gave me relief and peace as well. Would something like this help you?

Try to find something that will help you find some relief of your own from these decisions and these losses - a trip; a visit with a great friend; some days off; something. You deserve peace and comfort of your own, you have been through a lot. <3

[findeight]

I had owned mine for 17 years and was surprised at the relief I felt when I no longer had to fear the phone ringing or dread horse going down in the night. Hope you can find some comfort in that.