I’m sure this has been said, but you should be riding on your seat bones (in your butt) not on your crotch and that may well be the cause of your problem. For example, when you are riding aside, you are sitting back on your seat bones, not on your crotch. A good dressage instructor can teach you to ride correctly. From everything I have read, you are riding on your crotch. Your crotch should not ever be coming into contact with the saddle, and it seems you are right up on it. However this has happened, probably a combination of seat position and saddle, no one seems to have corrected you. Hopefully you will find some good instructors in your future. Meanwhile, enjoy the aside! But do realize you are most likely doing it wrong, not wrongfully conformed. Good luck!
Hi Kate!
“…when you are riding aside, you are sitting back on your seat bones, not on your crotch.”
You know, that’s what I thought I was supposed to be doing, but whenever I try, I get told I’m too far back and need to be more “centered.” Maybe I’m misinterpreting my trainer’s instructions and getting there the wrong way?
I don’t know…I’m just SO frustrated. I honestly WANT to ride correctly, and I don’t mind going over the basics again and again and AGAIN if that’s what it takes. I swear I’m not one of those stubborn students who “won’t be told,” and I have a dance background, so I don’t know why it’s not “clicking” for me. 
Gidget, I am so sorry you are in pain while doing something you love! Like others have said I’m willing to bet 95% of your problem was the saddle(s) you were using. I had problems in that area with my old one, and while a sheepskin seat saver helped a lot it didn’t totally solve them. It was so discouraging and embarrassing, too. Nothing like your instructor hollering, “Whattsamatter with you, sit up!” when you’re slumping in pain. 
If you really love sidesaddle then by all means, have fun pursuing it (I’ve always wanted to try it). However, I really feel your problem can be greatly helped by finding the right, comfortable regular saddle. And for heaven’s sake, you most certainly do NOT need to buy a brand-new CWD!!! There are tons of lovely, comfortable saddles out there for under $1500 and not a DARN thing wrong with them. Even if you’re planning to show on the AA circuit don’t feel you “need” the latest trendy saddle, unless it’s the perfect thing for you and you feel like throwing down a bunch of cash.
In fact, you might be better off worth a nice, used, pre-broken in saddle. So comfy. Whatever kind you get, look for something with a flatter seat, lower pommel and NOT a super-narrow twist. That was the advice someone gave me and they were absolutely correct. I have never had crotch problems again in my saddle (which was under $1,000 10 years ago, has lasted great and receives compliments all the time).
Hi RiderWriter!
Thank you SO much for your post. It’s nice to hear from someone who experienced the exact same thing and managed to find a solution. :applause:
You’re right, paying over $4k for a new saddle is LUDICROUS for someone in my position. The CWD dealer did say he could get me a used one for considerably less, but I’m still on the fence. I felt so great in that sidesaddle I tried down in SoCal, it’s hard to imagine riding any other way now.
Even my current instructor thinks it may be my “thing.” She was blown away by the video I showed her. The first thing out of her mouth was “Wow! I’ve never seen you ride so well! You had great posture, you had rhythm, etc. etc.”
Unfortunately, she’s not interested in learning something new right now and does NOT want to short change me in the learning department. So, if I want to pursue it, it will most likely mean changing schools.
On a happier note, thanks to another member here, I’ve been talking with a very nice woman who has a sidesaddle horse and a sidesaddle that’s just my size! (What are the odds of THAT?) She looking to board in my area and wants to do a part-time lease. I told her I’m more insterested in a horse I can take lessons on, but I believe we can work out a compromise of some sort. She’s even lined up a couple of possible instructors for me! 
Anywho, thanks again for your input AND for understanding how awful this problem is. As funny as it sounds, it’s no laughing matter when you’re the one going through it.
You might want to check out Jochen Schleese’s youtube channel. He has videos that explain the difference in male and female anatomy and why some women have problems riding in saddles made predominately for men. He makes a saddle for women but they are quite expensive. Still, watching the videos is enlightening. I was once measured for one of his saddles but didn’t buy it because of the expense. It seems that I am built in such a way that I can ride either a male’s or female’s saddle. I have a friend who could not ride in my english saddle. Anyway, it might give you some insight. Happy saddle shopping.
Hi Imaginique!
That sounds REALLY interesting. I’ll be you anything I fall into the category of “those who can’t.”’ I’ll check it out right now.
Thanks! 
I went to Schleese’s shop in Ontario years ago. He was making a saddle for one of our top dressage riders and had her sit I some plaster of paris so he could make a custom saddle for her. The mold was there, and he said it was not entirely even, because that was how she rode.
My advice - keep trying different saddles, especially different twists. I had this problem last year - same saddle, same horse so I was resigned to my aging parts and pain. Then I had the saddle fitter out because it wasn’t fitting my horse correctly anymore. Instant comfort. She said she often helps with this problem and there is no need to suffer. So keep searching and trying for saddles that fit both you and the horse… Very tough in a lesson situation I’m sure.
Hi Foxtrot!
That makes perfect sense actually. We think our bodies are symetrical, but really no one’s ever is.
Hi Catch22!
Thanks for your post. I’m so glad you were finally able to find the right fit…for you AND your horse.
Not owning your own animal does add an element of difficulty, but I’m not giving up. I may be starting late in life, but I’m convinced riding is something I’m “meant” to do.
I had this problem particularly when riding bareback (even in a bareback pad!) and also in my saddle if I’m not careful what undergarments I wear…
As I love riding bareback, I splurged and bought a squishy gel pantyliner thing called Jellypantz. It has velcro on the bottom and instead of buying their expensive, pre-velcroed matching undies, I just bought some stick-on velcro and cheap panties and made my own! And to be honest, it stays in place OK even if you don’t have velcro undies.
Here’s a link: http://www.jellypantz.com/
Hi Tango91!
I actually got a pair these. They do help with the chafing, especially if you use a little KY Jelly first (it cuts down on the “drag” against your skin), but I still end up feeling bruised.
Maybe if I try them in conjunction with a better saddle it’ll finally solve the problem.
Thanks!
FINAL OUTCOME
Hi everyone!
Sorry this has been so long in coming, but it took a while to get things sorted out.
At the urging of Imaginique & others, I finally watched Mr. Schleese’s video on the differences between the male & female pelvis. Here’s what I learned:
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Men’s pelvises are narrower and SHORTER than women’s. As such, they naturally have “clearance” between their pubic bone and the saddle.
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A lot of women have “clearance.”
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A lot of women don’t.
While this might seem like a bummer, I’m SO relieved to know the problem is my conformation and not something I’m doing wrong. (Trust me, if there were a way for me to sit comfortably in a cross saddle, I would have figured it out by now.) Unfortunately, Mr. Schleese’s “treeless” saddles for women are WAY beyond my budget, so that’s not an option.
The GOOD new is, I’m now learning side saddle on a beautiful OTTB thoroughbred mare two days a week. It’s an hour’s drive each way, but it’s SO worth it. The instructor’s great, the woman I’m leasing the horse from is wonderful, and I’m no longer having issues “down there.” WHOO HOO!!!
Of course, side saddle’s not going to appeal to everyone, but luckily it really seems to be my “thing” for some reason. Who knows, if I hadn’t experienced so many problems riding the regular way, I might never have discovered it.
So happy the lease worked out!! Best luck to you on this new adventure!
You were probably leaning backward in order to sit back to your seat bones, when what should happen is keeping your shoulders upright, and lift your pubic bones upward (or, in other word, tuck your butt under). You will need to engage your core in order to do this. Men naturally sit correctly to keep their jewels out of the way. Many women must learn how to sit this way because they don’t have that particular encumbrance to remind them every step away:). Women also tend to have hollow back from lack of physical conditioning and core works. Look around. You will see a lot of women walk around with their butts sticking out behind like a duck.
[QUOTE=Gloria;7573677]
You were probably leaning backward in order to sit back to your seat bones, when what should happen is keeping your shoulders upright, and lift your pubic bones upward (or, in other word, tuck your butt under).[/QUOTE]
Hi Gloria!
That “might” have been the problem, but at this point I’m so happy riding aside I’m not going to worry about it. Thanks for the input though. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll take another stab at it.
Oh sure. I misunderstood. Thought you were still trying to solve the mystery. Good luck with your new adventure.
I’m so glad you got the lease.
Welcome to the herd.
[QUOTE=5;7573806]
I’m so glad you got the lease.
Welcome to the herd.[/QUOTE]
Thanks 5! I thought you’d be excited.
