Well I would pack up and leave. As for other options:
Can you rent the whole facility and run it yourself?
Talk to the husband that clearly holds the $$ strings.
Ignore her passive aggressive signs and do whatever the F you want. If she complains, just tell her you didn’t see the sign or that you stopped reading them because they change so often.
Yes. Everyone is being very polite here about her personality, but IME this kind of behavior is signalling major mental health issues. I realize you have gotten slowly used to this behavior but it is getting worse over time and now is well outside any normal standards.
Doest really matter if the diagnosis is OCD or paranoia or intermittent rage. There is a disconnect with reality. There is nothing you can do to change the behavior because the barn owner cannot change her behavior.
She isn’t making a choice to do this.
It’s sad and all that, but you aren’t her friend or her family and it’s not your problem.
Move before it escalates any further and your horses care is compromised.
It sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place. I would say move if you had other options, but you seem to not have any other options. All I can say is I sympathize with you!
OP says there are no other boarding options. Question: If all of the other boarders have left over time…where did the move to?
and where do your students come from? Surely there has to be a barn somewhere…if you don’t have time to do self care then you really have NO other options?
Time to move …you two do not ‘deserve’ each other :eek:… not to mention your horse does not deserve this escalation :eek: as it will only continue to get worse as she has no one else to belittle.
Everyone has had the question where have all the boarders gone? Some were coming from way far way to board at this facility. Then poof! They would be gone. the previous boarders were primarily western/trail/natural horsemanship (as is the BO) so I assumed they went to another like minded facility. I am an eventer, so I stick out like a sore thumb.
Just a bit if an update. I reached out to a couple local contacts for teaching and boarding. I need to keep it cool until my plans are laid out and I can give my notice and leave before the 30 days is up. So mums the word.
Good Plan & Good Luck !
I hate to break it to you, but you ARE a guest at her farm. If you don’t like the way things are, leave. I don’t see why her husband, chores or employees are your concern, they are irrelevant. Maybe you could start your own barn, and have your own employees to feed once a day and you could do the other? If there is a lack of barns, it sounds like you could make a good business from this!
I just love BOs like this - not. It’s always everyone else’s fault. boo hoo They never get that they are reason no-one stays. It always because the world is against them.
I lived across the street from beautiful barn. It was well-kept, had a lovely indoor arena, plenty of trailer parking, you name it. But, no-one ever stayed there more than a month or two at most. I talked to the owner and she complained bitterly about how stupid people were, no-one knew how to take care of their horses, how dirty the boarders were etc etc. Then I met some former boarders and hoo ha was the story different. She was constantly interfering in the care of their animals, changing feeding programs and feed and the nagging about the property care was endless - no one could keep it clean enough for her and apparently she was a clean freak to the max. Plus, the unasked for riding advice and the unwanted schooling sessions. She has no boarders and simply cannot understand why. Could it be that your rep as a big ol’ wierdo has spread far and wide? Just sayin’…
I can completely see a well off husband setting up his wife who was basically unemployable and difficult in general, with a home based business in which she could be the boss. On paper running a boarding barn sounds perfect.
But in fact if you are difficult and unemployable you can’t really make a go of the horse business because it is primarily about having people as clients.
I never understood the resistance to boarding at a good place because of discipline. I will stick out all day long if I can ride as needed and care is good. Teaching might be an issue but I have found the all around casual barns to be very welcoming. Good luck OP and your best bet is to get out of dodge lesson income or not.
Ha! something scribbler and I agree on :lol:
There are several barns in my area that have exactly this issue. Husband earns the $$, wife is at home and doesn’t work, husband buys wife a farm. Wife is difficult, can’t deal with boarders, sees knowledgeable and experienced horse owners as a threat, makes life difficult for boarders, ends up with high turnover.
In one case as soon as the husband passed away, the wife couldn’t handle the farm setup and sold it, that is after losing a lot of boarders. Second case, a lot of boarders left and new people came in. Some of those people are still there, but they don’t have the big competitive group they used to. It’s seems to be more of a barn where people are relying on the resident trainer, so not the group of independent people they used to have.
The third barn I know of lost a couple of good people from being issues similar to what the OP is dealing with. The wife had major control issues and treated boarders like children. Some people are still there because of convenience to their house and having access to the trainer who goes there to teach.
Man am I glad I board at a casual barn! We are a self care facility but I take care of a lot of the boarders horses Mon to Fri AMs to help with the board bill for my own mare. I am very detail oriented, and clean. I actually end up cleaning up after a lot of the other boarders. But the owner is totally uninvolved other than socially (and she is cool!), but it is an entirely western, just pleasure riding/trail riding barn. I am the only one who even rides english at all, but it doesn’t bother me. This post is making me appreciate my current barn even more!! I really hope you can find a solution!
Move. Before you have to because you get 24 hours or your horse would be thrown off the property.
It is her property and she can do whatever she wants and charge you whatever she wants for using her horse unless her actions violate specific contract language. Would not tell DH anything, either he’ll tell her what you said or he does not give a flip about his wife’s hobby business or you. Either way it won’t solve your problem. Talking to her in a rational way might really backfire badly and, again, she does own the property and despite the histrionics, probably well funded. She doesn’t have to change.
There must be somewhere you could move your horse to…or is it that you want to be allowed to teach on their property that’s reducing the possibilities? I’d move anyway, maybe can’t teach but you can ride your own horse as you please and protect your reputation from associating with a known whack job.
^^^ this
I experienced the exact same situation. Plus BO’s BFF sidekick ran the show because BO didn’t want to. And this chick was nasty. They would snicker and sneer as you walked by like middle school lunch. I could deal with all the moodiness and bs but when nasty sidekick, chick tied my 5 yr old until 1030 at night and another boarder had to text me to ask if I still wanted him tied, I left.
Luckily, I had a good soft landing at a place that works much better for me. I gave up the huge outdoor and wooded trails and two horses on stall board for a smaller indoor, one horse each on stall and field board, but I gained a great BO who I can talk to and ask questions about without defensiveness, I gained wonderful fellow boarders who became friends, I learned to ride solo outside and I gained Wine Wednesdays. At first glance, I am not sure I would have chosen this place, but it was recommended and I needed a place in short order and I liked the BO so I did it.
So, you may need to give up a few things- drive farther, etc in order to make training and teaching more enjoyable! Otherwise what’s the point really? We do this because we love it and it’s too hard when the barn is a stressful and tense place.
This x1000.
My mother is exactly like your BO, as a BO and as a person. I would think you were her lone boarder if it wasn’t for the fact that her boarder is far from the level of being able to teach.
Take it from me: the only thing that can fix people like this is lots of therapy. And these sorts aren’t the type to willingly go to therapy.
I agree with Ruth on this one. I think you probably shot yourself in the foot when you said you would behave like a guest on the property. You aren’t an invited guest on the property, you pay very well for rental and certain use of that property, and have a right to be there unmolested, frankly.
I would probably start ignorning the signs. If she complained I would say that she originally told me to use this very spot, and I don’t have time for mind games. I pay money for a stall, turnout, cross ties, bath area, and riding ring or rings, and I intend to use them, take good care of them, leave them looking clean when I leave, or move out and wait to see what she says. If she says she wants me to go, I would give her a three month notice, and do my best to get out in that amount of time.
I also would see what I could do to just rent the whole facility, since you are the only one there to start with.
Why on earth would you give 3 months notice?
Also, I would not recommend trying to rent the whole facility for 2 reasons:
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