Wait, so there was a legal settlement long before the safesport decision? But then she chose not to divorce him until after the SS investigation was active and he was suspended?
Do we know if that was what the SS investigation was related to or were there later/other issues?
Yes, there was a civil decision I believe. What happens in a marriage is none of our business, frankly. I have no idea when they divorced. But before SS-- which only deals with the “club” that is USEF/USHJA by sanctioning, suspending or removing a member there was no reason for Shelley to quit training or close her business. Yes the SS was based on the earlier abuse allegations. So SS dealt with a years old incident, Jeff is no longer involved in the business, shows, riding, etc. So SS did exactly what it was designed to do, remove a violator from contact with minors.
If Safe Sport does not set a person down, that is not some kind of official “clearance” that that person is innocent, it could mean that there is no evidence or inadequate evidence.
I have no firsthand knowledge whatsoever of the Campf situation. However, I would argue that it is indeed very possible for a spouse to not know something that is an “open secret.” Spouses who cheat or who are engage in illegal or predatory behavior often gaslight their partners. Gaslighting results in a person not trusting their perceptions of reality. A person who has been gaslit over a period of time may indeed fail to believe obvious evidence of something very wrong.
Also, spouses are typically to some degree dependent on one another and lives are intertwined, not just emotionally but practically and financially. It’s normal to fundamentally believe that your spouse is a safe and trustworthy person. It could feel deeply threatening to consider the option that your spouse might actually be a cheater, a liar, or even worse, a sexual predator. Spouses have a lot of reasons to subconsciously block out evidence that their loved one is doing something harmful.
For these reasons, I don’t think it is unusual for a spouse to be in the position of being the last person to know. It’s true, a spouse could be an enabler. A spouse could also be another victim–someone who was lied to and gaslit and betrayed by someone they trusted.
I remember when the rumours about Jeff being charged with whatever it is in Oregon for diddling a minor were ripping around one of the Thunderbird horse shows way back somewhere around 2010. The next set of rumours were that it was settled out of court with a large cash settlement, an NDA and rehab for Jeff for his addiction (weirdly specifically) to beer. Was this true - who knows. But that is how these things usually go. If true, Shelley must have noticed the cash going out of the bank. She at least must have heard the rumours about the whole thing. But Jeff may have told her that the girl made everything up and she may (possibly still) believe him rather than the poor girl. And he might have said that he settled out of court just to make it go away. This was long before SafeSport. Anyways, I came across this little article from 2018, where Shelley is interviewed. The second paragraph - wow.[https://www.sportpsychforriders.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/price-of-perfection.pdf]
But, your list of “rumors” is exactly what I’m talking about: repeating what “we” think we know,or heard, or overheard. As a society, we need to stop rumor mongering and stick to facts. But maybe that’s just me.
And having read the article you posted, how is that germane to the issue?
I agree. That’s why I objected so strongly to people claiming that she “had” to know and that USEF should not accept her offer to serve on committees.
Campf committee thing no longer an issue as Jim Hagman got the position.
Ok, so 15 years ago her husband was charged with sexual relations with a minor (which could have been fairly recent, or further back in the past, even before she married him) and he settles out of court for damages. We don’t know how he presented this to his wife. At some point consequently she divorces him. SS is created and he gets a lifetime ban from this charge, while his wife does not.
I’m not sure why this is still sticking to her. Learning that your husband with whom you are financially and emotionally enmeshed did something at the point he gets arrested and charged, and standing by him through the trial and resolution, is not the same as knowing or abetting the action at the time.
My impression is that many maybe most sexual activities/ abuse of minors is kept pretty quiet by all involved while it’s ongoing, until it blows up of course. The teen would be groomed into thinking that’s normal or desirable or necessary. Teen also generally knows parents would pitch a fit and pull her out of the sport if they knew what was happening. I can completely imagine how it would go on with teen thinking she is completely special and chosen.
I think it is very very plausible that the wife wouldn’t know what was going on until it blew up. Teens are very good at keeping secrets. Indeed most wives of men who have sex outside the marriage in any form tend not to know for a while, maybe never.
So I don’t see why this woman who has moved on should somehow be seen as ban-worthy.
Or is the issue that she didn’t divorce him fast enough? As was said already, that’s not for us to judge and it’s possible he never reoffended after this.
I conceptually get ALL of your, and others, arguments. I’m willing to suspend disbelief that after all of the “stuff”, that others have posted recently long before SS came into being, the wife could have theoretically ignored. Maybe she really didn’t know and all of that legal stuff, sure whatevs. Innocent party amongst others (underage girls)
However, in the recent years, the name Campf has been in the news often enough with SS affiliation, and it’s not a common name, that when I saw HER name as a candidate, I thought “how odd”.
I know that’s not entirely fair.
But if she was divorcing HIM, and all that happened, it’s as easy as all the rest of the divorce stuff to revert to a maiden name. (BTDT)
I guess it’s a moot point because USEF picked the other person. But perception does matter, in this day and age
To me, it’s one more example of the out-of-touchness of the governing body.
And did they actually divorce? I know there has been a lot of commentary saying yes. On social media photos from within the last year, show a ring on her left ring finger. Now could this be for something else? Absolutely. Could she have remarried? Of course. We know Rich & Shelley are/were because it was reported by the media, but I am curious if this is a confirmed situation or just an assumption?
The word from people at the barn was Jeff went to rehab. He disappeared from the show circuit for about 6 months. I prefer to keep my head down but it was shocking how much information was out there and being discussed at the time at the shows and in general.
I don’t know. I don’t know these people and nor do I really care about them, individually.
But don’t you, we, collectively, get sick of seeing this crap. How stupid do they think we are?
So generally speaking, you feel a woman, whose X-husband has done wrong, should be required to change her last name to be able to continue on with her career and life? I want to make sure I understand what you are saying?
I get what you’re getting at, but in my opinion…
It has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do with the connotations/implications that come with the word or name. That’s up to her if she wants to deal with it or change it. Even if it were her maiden name, there are some names that make your eyebrows raise a little.
Yeah actually, I do. But then again I never changed my name at all. On #2 and still have my maiden name. Why should the woman have to change her name in the first place?
I am fine with people not changing their name in the first place.
I am also fine with people not changing their name back.
I refuse to judge someone because they did not change their name back, or change it in the first place, or…
I know someone who is married a second time, but has the last name of their first spouse still. They just do not want to go thru the hassle of the whole name change thing again, and they have had this current last name for longer than they had any other last name, so they are just keeping it.
I know this is totally off topic but I never figured out why a woman would want to become Mrs John Doe. In researching family history it’s so hard to find even a woman’s first name let alone her family name.
I got in trouble at work once when a woman announced her new name in a meeting, she’d been married and divorced three times in ten years. I asked her to pick a name and stick with it. Later I got a spanking from my manager.
I too am from the PNW and this is all true. I am also fairly certain they are still married.
Rich and Shelly Fellers are divorced and that may be who people are thinking of. Oregon. Same/similar names. Etc.
A woman whose husband has secret extramarital affairs is a victim of his behavior. She is not an aider and abetter. This is true whether the husband is involved with minors or adults.
The decisions she makes after it becomes public, whether to stand by her man or publicly repudiate him, are deeply personal and complex, as we see with many wives of politicians and celebrities.
But I don’t see why we need to punish her a second time by holding her accountable for something her husband did that hurt and betrayed her roo.
Right…except it’s more than an extramarital affair when it’s a MINOR. Multiple times over. With essentially restitution paid to the families.
Obviously that’s going to be extremely upsetting and difficult for any spouse, let alone with children and a business together and life in the public eye. But it’s also a choice to stay with a someone who abused minors.
I don’t know any of the details, was it multiple minors and multiple settlements?
I don’t know what he told his wife.
I don’t know whether the time span was before or during his marriage.
I don’t know if he genuinely reformed after he went to rehab.
I can’t make her choice for her, and I can’t honestly say what I would do in her position.
But I disagree with penalizing a woman for things her husband did or expecting some kind of performance from her. Celebrities have PR teams to help them come up with the right performance and even then fans can turn on them.
This woman did not abuse minors, very likely did not know at the time, obviously lived through the court case, private settlement and rehab stint of her husband, then his eventual banning by SS when it was started. He’s caused massive trouble and expense in their married life. A settlement is going to impact both married partners.
She doesn’t need us re victimizing her 15 years later.
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