Physical Injury --> Mental Issues

[Burgie]

Hi all,

I was regularly schooling 4ft+ prior to becoming pregnant. I stopped riding as soon as I found out. A few months after DD was born I started back on some lesson horses (my mare is with a GP friend). I took an incredibly stupid fall over a teeny vertical. Fall wasn’t bad at all, but I hit the ground at the exact wrong angle and broke the top of my humerus. I had surgery, am going to PT (though I had a set back when I slipped on ice and broke my fall with my arms - ugh).

It will be months before I can get on a horse again. The bone isn’t healing properly and I will have to start a bone stimulator to assist in healing.

I feel like the further this goes on the more I am developing ‘mental issues’ about the concept of riding again. Maybe it is the injury, or the fact that I’m slow to heal, or the fact I’m a Mom now, and though I want to ride again, I also feel like maybe it is a sign I should walk away?

Anyhow, I thought this would be the best place to get some words of wisdom or suggestions on how to proceed.

[Halt_Near_X]

What you’re feeling is totally normal, on all fronts.

If there’s one in your area, maybe have a few sessions with a sports psychologist. They will understand exactly what you are going through and will probably be able to offer the most effective (because personal) help.

There are also a lot of sports psychology books out there. I don’t know of any offhand, but I know some specific titles have been recommended in various threads–maybe try searching the Eventing or Dressage forum archives.

If you are mobile enough, perhaps also try getting out to the barn regularly – watch your horse being ridden, watch other people riding, just stay connected to the “riding is fun” atmosphere. If you can’t get out, at least try streaming video of the big jumping events (via COTH or FEI TV) and staying in close touch with your barn buddies so you still feel connected to riding and not isolated and detached.

[Donkaloosa]

Totally, totally normal. I agree with what Halt Near X said. And when you are able to start riding again, take it step by step — and don’t let anyone make you feel like a wimp or chicken because you aren’t out there doing 4’ fences. Take your time, do what you are able to, and don’t worry about anyone else. It took me a long time to start jumping again after I had a couple of accidents back to back — your brain is screaming one thing, your heart another! They do compromise, though, with time!

[drawstraws]

I’m right there with you. Came off my greenie at the end April 2013 when he spun out from underneath me and snapped my tibia and fibula. Took three surgeries to plate and screw it all back together and didn’t get off the crutches completely until the beginning of October. By that point, winter was coming (I’m in your area, Burgie) so I didn’t bother trying to ride again at that point. Now I’ve had all winter (which seems to be never-ending anyway) to sit and stew about what I’m going to do. The plan originally was to send him to a trainer for March and April and have them ride the piss out of him but the weather hasn’t been helpful in getting him moved. Now I’m being cheap and don’t want to spend the money and am finding it difficult to justify sending him somewhere for only one month. I do have my “old reliable” 10 year old who I completely trust that I’ll be able to get on first to get my feel back, but I just don’t know what to do with the youngster. I don’t know that scared is the right word, but I’m pretty sure that if he does anything silly my first instinct is going to be to clinch and grab, which won’t help him out at all. May just see if I can get some friends to get on him the initial few rides (my accident was probably only his second ride of last spring after he sat all winter, so he was fresh) and then maybe have someone lunge me a few times until I’m comfortable on him again.

So, not much advice (other than maybe getting on something that’s been there/done that until you feel comfortable again?) but I certainly understand and have sympathy!

[walktrot]

I’ve always like trainer John Lyons, and he has specifically dealt with issues of fear, nervousness, etc. His advice is only do what you are comfortable with, and don’t worry about what other people think you should do. So, if you are just comfortable getting on your greenie at the mounting block, but arent’ comfortable walking off, just get off. Maybe do it a few times. If all you are comfortable doing is walking 10 feet, and then need to get off, get off. I’ve come off my guy too many times to count, for a variety of reasons (he is spooky), and have some permanent nerve damage in my right arm to deal with. I was also out for 4 weeks about 10 years ago after I broke my arm and now have 9 screws and 2 plates in there. I was nervous when I got back on, but decided not to push myself too hard. There is a book out by Laura Daley called Riding Fear Free, and it has a lot of good ideas for handling these types of issues.

[Cindyg]

What’s your horse like? In your head (not your emotions) do you know you’re safe on her? If she’s a bit of a wild hare, you might consider a horse who can “desensitize” you.

[Burgie]

Thanks, guys.
I know I’m not alone with my ‘issues,’ and it is nice to hear similar stories (though unfortunate that you all have them).

Cindyg - the fall occurred coming off a horse that is suitable for little kids. It was a bad call on my end, a reasonable stop on the horse’s end, and the end result was just a freak thing.

So…yeah.

[drawstraws]

I think I’d just plan to start slow. Get on something you trust and just take it step by step. Get on and sit there. Maybe walk around a little. If you feel like trotting, go for it. If you’re comfortable, canter a little. But if at any point you get uncomfortable, go back a step, or be willing to just stop and stand or even get off. I think you’ll be fine. I’m hoping for myself that the anticipation is going to be worse than the actual experience.

[fordtraktor]

It is not a sign you should walk away. Take all the pressure off yourself. This is an incredibly stressful time in your life, with a lot of new responsibilities, and you are probably sleep-deprived and in pain on top of it. Put off all decisions until you heal fully and have time to recover fully. Put horses on the back burner for a few months. Get better. Then when your leg is totally well and your baby is a bit older, you can try again slowly. No pressure. It is way, way too early in the game to throw in the towel!

Now is not the time to post-mortem it. Am I going to be scared? Am I not going to be scared? Not helpful. Instead, I recommend watching a lot of videos of fun horsey events on youtube, like Badminton and grand prixs and stuff, to remind you of how awesome this sport is, and try to put your emotions out of your mind for now. Tell yourself you don’t have to deal with that right now because it’s going to be a too long before you can ride for it t even matter, so why bother wasting time worrying about something you can do nothing about.

If you want something positive to think about, why not buy “pressure proof your riding” by Daniel Stewart. It’s a good book that will help you get in a better frame of mind about some of this.

[Ambitious_Kate]

I think you are easily over thinking this. There is nothing wrong with taking alot of time off and getting back on when your bones are healed, when your daughter is older, when your head has sorted its self.

When you are ready to get back on, and I mean when the time comes for you to put a foot in the stirrup again, you may want to engage a sports psychologist. This was mentioned in another current thread, so look around, forget where. That post also mentioned a really good book.

Injuries and physical achievements do require some clever psychology and it appears you don’t know how to manage this and get back into the saddle, so if you can’t’ come up with a plan which you think will get you back riding again, you might want to consider a sports psychologist. You will probably have a sports physical rehab coach, so you could also ask them about a sports psychologist.

[gdolapp]

I am not at all afraid to admit that after my accident with my horse resulting in breaking back in three places and hip in two places that I have lost confidence.
However six months after my accident I got back on my horse. I didn’t ride him a lot as my back would hurt but I did ride him.

Something that may help you is to spend as much time on the ground with horses as you can. I lost my horse in Feb 2012 my accident was in 07. When I lost my horse I lost the want to ride or do anything with them. (I have been riding for over 45 years.) I later realized that I was letting not only loosing my horse but my accident hold me back from moving forward.

In April 2013 I got my mule. I have been building trust with him for the last year. I just do simple stuff on the ground with him but that work will transfer to the saddle when I do ride him. By messing with him on the ground I have started gaining confidence back. I have also recently started riding one of my friends horses. I haven’t really ridden in almost two years so a few weeks ago my friend and I saddled up and went for a ride. I felt amazing and now can not wait to get on my mule.
Take your time. If you feel you need to go back to square one and start over then do it.

[GaMare]

OP-
I think there is a gut level of your body telling you what it is and isn’t ready for. Your body isn’t healed and it’s doing everything it can to make sure you don’t do more than it can handle right now.

I had one summer where I was nervous every time I rode. 3-4 great horses every day. No issues or reason to be edgy but it never went away. At the end of that summer, I found out the collarbone I’d broken the previous winter, hadn’t actually healed- so I’d ridden all summer with a pain free broken collarbone! I din’t ride again until it was really healed and found the chronic nerves were gone.

Let yourself off the hook as far as worrying about being worried. Let your body heal. First focus on the injury, then take the time to strengthen your whole body. Get confident and comfortable being really active again. Once you’ve made it to that point, then see how you feel about riding. You may be ready to jump back into the saddle or start plotting DD’s leadline career. For now, relax, get better and enjoy your little girl.